My Hope Is Found: The Cadence of Grace, Book 3 (15 page)

“Is that what it is?”

He shrugged smugly.

“I think you bring him too many treats.” Narrowing her eyes, she wiped her palm on her skirt. “
And
I think I have the messier job.”

“Someone’s gotta spoil ’im.”

“Yeah, well, that’s what Jebediah’s for. Besides”—Lonnie sniffed—“that will all change soon. You won’t be the spoiler anymore.”

Toby looked at her.

She knew it was time to apologize. “About what happened inside, when Addie said—”

He touched her arm and stepped closer. “Dinna be too hard on yerself. One day at a time. Please don’t be afraid that your past … your pain … will trample my joy.” His hand slid up her arm, squeezing it gently. “ ’Tis not possible. You’ve already made me the happiest man alive. As you take the steps you need to take, I’d be honored to be by your side.”

Speechless, Lonnie tilted her head to the side and peered up at him. She did not deserve his kindness. His patience.

“Supper’s ready!” Elsie called from the porch.

“Come on.” His hand found the small of her back, and he gently led her forward. “It’s too cold out here without gloves.”

Lonnie wiggled her bare fingers, teasingly. “And where might your gloves be, if I may ask?”

“I dinna need gloves.” Toby mimicked her motion, only with more dramatic flair. “I have a bandage the size of a dishcloth.”

She pushed against him, in no hurry to be anywhere but by his side.

Spotting one of the Bennetts’ neighbors, Gideon waved to Mrs. Krause, and a broom stilled in the old woman’s weathered hands. As if she’d just seen a ghost, her mouth hung ajar.

“Good to see ya.” Without slowing, he tucked his hands in his pockets as the snow picked up its speed.

A few more farms to pass. He’d be home within the hour.

His wet boots marched to the beat of a softly falling snow. His stomach reminded him that he hadn’t eaten since the evening before, but he was too eager to stop for it now. He tilted his face to the sky and let the icy flakes touch his skin. He blinked into the fading light of evening, but there would be no stopping to make camp this night. No, he welcomed the darkness. For it would bring him to Jebediah’s door.

Glancing around, he savored the familiarity of these woods. He’d set traps in these woods. He’d taken Jacob for walks in these woods. Held Lonnie’s hand. Kissed her smile.

This was his home. The place he longed to raise Jacob and love Lonnie for the rest of his life. Joy lifted his chest and quickened his pace.

Tugging his hands from his pockets, he pressed his warm palms together, overcome with the notion that by night’s end, he’d cradle Lonnie’s face between them. It killed him to think of not being able to kiss her. He wouldn’t.

“And what will you do?” he asked himself aloud.

He would tell her the truth.

His legs were weary and his feet cold, but he scarcely felt either. It was impossible to feel the pain. Not with knowing that Lonnie and Jacob were no doubt settling in for the evening. His arms tingled at the thought of holding them. He’d hold them and never let go. His daydreaming must have carried him farther than he realized, for suddenly he halted.

The air nearly left his lungs at the sight of the Bennetts’ house. Candlelight flickered in the windows. It took all his strength to keep from breaking into a run. Running up the stairs, bursting past the door, and kissing Lonnie the way he longed to.

But he could never do that. And his heart was pounding something fierce. Yanking off his pack, Gideon dropped it at his feet. He pressed his hands to his thighs and bent over, forcing himself to take slow breaths. His head was light. Dizzy.

Oh, God
.

He could do this. He could do this.

Closing his eyes, he prayed. Prayed that she would understand. Prayed for grace. For mercy. For the time to be the man she deserved. He prayed for all that and more. His heart thundered. At the sound of a baby’s laugh, his heart nearly tore in two, and snatching up his pack, he jogged across the farmyard.

Elsie waved everyone to the table. “Let’s all sit and eat while it’s hot.” Lonnie sat beside Toby and fingered a loose pin in her hair. She tucked it back out if sight and was lowering her hand when she heard a knock at the door.

“Wonder who that could be,” Jebediah said as he pressed his napkin beneath the collar of his shirt. He began to rise.

Lonnie waved him down. “I’ll get it.” The pin slipped free again, and popping it between her lips, she straightened her bun as she walked toward the door. Lonnie took a moment to slide the pin into place. She opened the door a smidge and peered out into the hollow night. She stepped onto the porch. Strange. Not a soul in sight.

Not wanting cold air to flood the kitchen, she cracked the door. The snow had slowed to a few silvery flecks here and there. A glance around the white yard, and she wished she hadn’t taken so long. Whoever it was had perhaps gone to try the front door. She turned to head back inside when a man walked from the side of the house, not quite into the light.

Lonnie glanced over, unable to make out his face.

“May I help you?”

“Lonnie? Who is it?” Elsie called.

The man pulled off his hat and ran a hand through his hair before stepping closer. A brilliant pain bubbled in her chest, stretching into every sleeping corner.

Gideon
.

“No—no one.” Lonnie’s voice faltered. “I’ll be right there. Just a moment.” Pulling the door closed, she stared into the dark night. Gideon stared back. Dawn broke within her at the sight of him standing before her.

He breathed her name. The sound so soft and perfect she took a single step toward him.

“Gideon.” She marveled at the sound of it. At the sight of the man she thought she’d never see again.

His eyes didn’t move from her face. His boots didn’t move from where he was standing. With slow steps, Lonnie descended the porch and stood close. Too close. For he stepped back. Guarded.

“Gideon. It’s you,” she breathed. Even as she spoke the words, every impossibility pricked her heart. A thousand reasons he couldn’t be here. But she quieted each one of them, grasping hold of this impossible moment.

One side of his mouth lifted. “It’s me.” His green eyes caught the candlelight streaming from the window.

Reaching up, Lonnie grazed her fingers against his hair, down his neck. “It’s you.” Tears stung her eyes. She brushed the side of her face against his coat, savoring his scent of smoke and cedar. Gideon captured her hand and, closing his eyes, turned his head to kiss her palm. A jolt of lightning surged through her arm, and Lonnie pulled it away, tucking it in the folds of her skirt.

He took a step back, and she was glad. Lest she forget he was not her husband.

“Where … where’s …”

“Cassie?”

She nodded fiercely, dreading his answer.

“She’s not here.”

“No?” The word came out weak. Her chest heaved.

“She’s back in Rocky Knob.”

That’s right. She wouldn’t be able to travel in her condition. Lonnie’s knees nearly buckled. Why was he doing this to her?

“Lonnie, there’s something you need to know—”

Voices murmured from within. Then a chair scraped back, and footsteps crossed the floor.

The door opened. “Everything all right, Lonnie?” Jebediah called.

“Coming.” She forced out a cheery tone. Standing in the shadows with Gideon, she wasn’t ready to leave this moment. Not yet. But Jebediah’s face was lit with worry. She couldn’t blame him. “Coming,” she said again, more softly this time. As a question—an invitation—to Gideon.

Lonnie turned and started up the steps, feeling him right behind. His fingertips brushed her arm, but before she could turn, Jebediah spotted him.

“Well, I’ll be.” He tugged his napkin from his shirt. “Gid!” He reached out, and they shook hands heartily.

“It’s good to see ya, Jeb. So good to see ya.”

The warmth of the kitchen was crushing as Lonnie ducked around Jebediah. The older man ushered Gideon in.

Elsie rose, and in an instant, she wrapped Gideon in a hug. “Oh, never thought we’d see the day!” Gripping his shoulders, she held him back and peered up. “What brings you here?”

“I, uh …” He glanced at Lonnie, then back at Elsie. “Needed to come home.”

“Home?” Elsie asked. “But … Cassie …”

“It didn’t work out.”

As if his words were footsteps in the sand, Lonnie retraced them. But they didn’t make sense.

Gideon stuffed his hands in his pockets and seemed about to say more, but as he glanced past them, his brows tugged together.

Elsie closed the door. “Come sit by the fire.”

“Thank you, Elsie.” His voice was distant because he wasn’t looking at her.

He was looking at Toby, who stood only feet away.

Toby simply stared back. The kitchen seemed to shrink. Gideon looked from Lonnie to Toby then back again. His expression changing with every breath that lifted his shoulders. Gideon studied Toby from his heavy boots to his dark eyes. As if sensing what was brewing, Elsie stepped toward the parlor and motioned for Addie to follow her out of the kitchen. Jebediah leaned back in his chair and rested a hand on his stomach, eyes keen. Alert.

Lonnie motioned toward Toby. “Gideon, this is the Reverend McKee. We call him Toby.” Her mouth suddenly felt dry. “He’s a good friend of ours.”

With a cordial nod, Toby stepped forward. “Pleased to meet ye,” he said, a storm cloud thickening his Scots.

“And you.” Gideon held out a hand, and Toby gripped it. Gideon’s coat drew taut across his back as his shoulders tensed. She could see Toby’s arm tighten through his shirt. Finally, they let go. Toby stepped back.

“Toby,” Lonnie said softly. She motioned toward Gideon, who was standing so close that her arm bumped his. Much too close. “This is Jacob’s father.”

Toby nodded once, expression stony. “Aye. I ken the resemblance.”

Neither one moved. Neither one spoke.

“Are you hungry?” Lonnie asked, needing to break their stares. “Have you eaten today?”

Gideon shook his head, gaze shifting from her to Toby and back.

“There’s food on the table. Sit down.” She hoped her voice sounded steadier than it felt. She waved them both over.

His troubled eyes on her as he passed by, Gideon turned toward the table.

Then he froze. His lips parted.

Sitting in his highchair, Jacob waved a tin cup over his head, finally lowering the cup onto his hair like a hat. He looked at Gideon with curious eyes. He set the cup on his wooden tray and, staring up at Gideon, sat more still than Lonnie had ever seen him.

Gideon didn’t move. “Jacob.” The name came out thick with yearning.

The little boy glanced around at the familiar faces he knew and did not seem to acknowledge significance in the man before him. Lonnie reached out to pull her son from his highchair. “Look who’s here.”

Jacob lunged to the side, just out of reach. Lonnie moved closer, and when she caught him beneath the arms, he let out a squeal, his features frightened. His eyes locked on the man whose face mirrored his own.

“It’s your papa,” she assured him.

Jacob shook his head and threw his spoon at the ground. He kicked his feet and squealed again when Lonnie tried to lift him.

“Jacob,” she scolded.

Gideon stepped back. “Just leave him.”

Mortified, Lonnie looked up at him.

He ran a hand over his mouth.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered.

“Don’t be.” Gideon swallowed. “He doesn’t remember me. I don’t blame him.” He rubbed his hands together and blinked quickly.

Elsie walked Addie back into the kitchen, and the girl watched with wide eyes.

Finally, Elsie drew in a loud breath. “Shall we sit and eat?” Like a calming force, she motioned them all to the table, where they crowded around the small space. Gideon and Toby reached for the same chair.

Gideon pulled his hand back. “Sorry.”

“No.” Toby motioned toward the chair. “My fault. You go ahead.”

“I’ll fetch another.” Jebediah stepped around the table, his boots loud in the silence.

“Are they still in the same spot?” Gideon asked in a strained voice, as he hurried toward the door. “I’ll get one.” His hand found the knob, and in a burst of cold air, he stepped into the night.