My Chance (Chance #2) (3 page)

12:51 a.m. Aubrey
- What time are you leaving?

My heart was breaking… literally breaking. I felt it. I didn’t even know why I was asking.

12:52 a.m. Alex – At 4:45 p.m. Why?

12:52 a.m. Aubrey -
Can you call me? I don’t want to text.

I really wanted to hear his voice. He called; I answered.

“Hey.”

“What do you need, Aubrey?” He sounded cold and distant, not like the man I’d just left.

“Um… I need more time to—”

“You can have all the time that you want to do whatever it is you want or need to do. But I can’t sit on the sidelines anymore. I can’t be around you without being with you.”

“So we can’t even be friends?” I asked. “We were friends. You’ve been here as my friend. My only friend… my best friend. I don’t want to lose you. Please… I can’t lose you. You’re my missing piece. Please, can’t you just do this for me?”

“For you? Everything I’ve done has been for you. After tonight, I don’t have a shot at being your friend or anything else. Maybe I’m the one who needs time now. I have a business to run. I don’t give a shit about it, but it’s all I have and I need to get back to it. I don’t know what more I can do here. I gave you everything I had, and you still don’t know if you can forgive me. Are you asking me to wait around for you to decide whether or not you can love me again? I told you I didn’t want to lose you. I didn’t want to lose us, but I did. We’re broken. I was hoping Chance could fix us, but he couldn’t, and I sure as hell can’t. So we’ll do this your way and stay apart.”

“Alex…” I covered my mouth with my hand to stifle my sobs. “Please, Alex, please. Don’t you care that I need a friend? That I need you?”
I love you.
Naturally, because I’m an idiot, I didn’t say that out loud.

“Are you seriously asking me if I care? I care about you, but you did a mind fuck on me tonight. I just don’t know, Aubrey. I poured out my heart to you. I made love to you and declared my love for you. I practically proposed, and you left. You don’t trust me. You don’t even know if you love me. This is different for me too, you know. I told you in the beginning that I’d fuck up, and it looks like I did and you can’t get past that. So… yeah… that’s it.” He exhaled as if he had just spent his last breath. He was done.

He was telling me he wouldn’t be my friend. He’d practically proposed? My hand rubbed my chest. I wanted the pain in my heart to leave, and it wouldn’t. I opened my mouth and could barely speak. “O-o-okay. Maybe… I guess… I’ll see you around.” See him around? That didn’t even make sense. I couldn’t
see
anything.

“Yeah, maybe. Good luck with everything. Bye, Aubrey.” He hung up.

I threw my tablet and slammed my head into the pillow. I shook. I was mad and devastated. I’d thrown away the love of my life. I did it. I hurt him. I hurt myself. I didn’t only drop the shoe; I’d demolished it. And my heart.

I woke up in my clothes. My dress smelled like Alex. I ripped it off and threw it. I didn’t want to get up. I didn’t want to face my parents. I didn’t want anything or anyone near me. I hated my life, and I hated myself. I rubbed my eyes. “Damn it! Why, God? Why?” I slammed my fist into the mattress.

I didn’t know how much time went by. I didn’t even want to know what time it was because then I’d wonder where Alex was. I felt sick. I heard a knock on my door.

My mom called, “Can I come in?”

No.
“Yes.”

“Honey, why are you still in bed? It’s almost noon.”

Great. I knew what time it was. “I was tired.”

“What’s wrong? Have you been crying?”

“I really screwed up, Mom.” Well, at least I could admit that.

“What do you mean?”

“At Chance’s last night… Don’t freak out, but Chance wasn’t real. I mean, he was real—he wasn’t an imaginary friend or anything. He was Alex.”

“You lost me.”

“Yeah, I was lost too.” I took a deep breath. “Alex wanted to be with me to prove that we could be together, that he didn’t care that I was blind. He told me he’d show me the world through his eyes. He told me how much he loved me and wanted a life with me. Then I left him.”

“Oh, Aubrey.” My mom sounded so sad.

“Yeah, I know. I’m stupid, right?”

“Honey, you aren’t stupid. I’m sure you were surprised, and to be fair, he wasn’t honest. Our hearts are tricky. They want what they want.”

“I guess so. I messed up. I love him, and I lost him.”

Obviously trying to change the subject, she said, “Well, I have good news. While you were sleeping, the doctor’s office in New York called. You’re scheduled to have tests on Monday. If all goes well, you’ll have surgery on the following Wednesday. We can be on a flight this Wednesday, so you have three days left in Paris. Is there anything you’d like to do?”

I’d arrive a couple days after Alex. What would he do during those days? Would he go to someone else? I panicked. “There’s a flight today at four forty-five. Can you get me on that flight?”

“Today? You want to leave today? Why?”

“I need to. Please, can you just check? I’ll fly with assistance, and Julie will pick me up. Please, Mom.”

“I’ll check, but your father and I can’t leave today.”

“I understand,” I said.

“I don’t like this. But if it means that much to you, I’ll have your father check. This has something to do with him, right?”

“Yeah, he’s on that flight.” I prayed there was only one flight at four forty-five. “Please, Mom, I need you to help me.”

“Okay, I’ll call our travel agent. You’d better go shower because if there’s room on that flight, we’ll have to get to the airport fast. I’ll lay out clothes for you on the bed.”

My mom kissed my cheek, and I went into the bathroom. I showered as quickly as possible. I toweled off and brushed my hair into a wet pony tail. I stepped off the tile on to the carpet of my bedroom. I felt for the clothes my mom had laid out and got dressed. I couldn’t find my tablet on my side table and then remembered I threw it. I felt the carpet with my foot until I kicked it. I picked it up to put it in my bag. I walked to the dresser and found my walking stick.

My parents were in the kitchen when I was ready to go.

“So, what’s the plan?” I asked.

“Well, the agent found a ticket,” my mom said. “You’ll be flying first class. Airport personnel will escort you to your seat. You’ll most likely board before everyone else. She knew someone at the airline, and they confirmed Alex was on the flight. Don’t tell anyone she did that because she could lose her job.”

I was so relieved. “Thank you. I know this wasn’t the plan, but I need to do this.”

“Then let’s get you there,” my dad said.

I boarded the plane before any other passengers. According to the flight attendant, I was seated in the last row in the first class cabin. He offered me juice or water, which I declined.

“I’m Steven,” he said. “If you need anything, please let me know.”

“Hi, Steven. I’m Aubrey. Thank you, but I should be all set.” I gave him my best attempt at a smile.

He told me he’d be working in coach, but he’d check on me. I heard the opening and closing of overhead compartments.

I heard a female voice that sounded vaguely familiar. “Hey there, handsome. Long time, no see. Let me see your ticket, and I’ll show you to your seat. Oh good, you’re in 2C. Right up front with me. Would you like a pillow or blanket?”

Was it Alex? My ears perked up as my body sank into my seat.

“I’m Alex.” He sounded surprised but happy. “I’ve never seen you at my club. You know, you still have VIP access for helping me and my… uh… ex out.”

Oh my God! That’s why she sounded familiar. She was the one who’d kept quiet while Alex and I cuddled on our flight to Europe. He called me his ex. My heart plummeted into my stomach. I listened and prayed he didn’t say anything more.

“How about you and I get together when we land?” he asked. “I can show you the club. We’ll have some drinks, do a little dancing, get to know each other. I can take you to dinner and… who knows. I’m up for anything. I could use the distraction. I never got your name, sweetheart.”

Get to know each other? Who knows? Needs a distraction? I held back my tears, but my heart shattered. I felt as though I was going to be sick. Getting on his flight was a bad idea. I wanted to leave.

“I’m Lauren. I’d love to get together. Sounds like a good time, and you look like a good time.”

What?
Please don’t respond,
I silently pleaded.

“Trust me, sweetheart, we’ll have a good time. If you weren’t working, I’d give you a good time right now. I don’t need a pillow or blanket, unless you plan on joining me. I’m all about the mile-high club.”

I pictured him talking to her. I bet he looked as sexy as he had when he first spoke to me all those months ago. She giggled, and I died a little. I didn’t have anyone else to blame. I broke us.

I heard more passengers board and the sounds of luggage being stowed. I felt someone sit next to me. She said hello, and I nodded. At least, I think I did. I wished I was somewhere else. He wanted to sleep with her? It hadn’t even been twenty-four hours.

I leaned my head against the window, hoping the chill from the Plexiglas would calm me. It didn’t. I wished I could get sucked out of the window like a cartoon character. My heart literally hurt. I wanted to disappear. I pulled my cardigan tightly around me and prayed it would camouflage me.

I heard the engines come to life and then the automated instructions of what to do in an emergency. We moved faster, and then we were in the air. Lauren took dinner orders in first class. As soon as she finished flirting a little more with Alex, she moved on to the rest of us.

There was a tap on my shoulder. “Miss, the flight attendant would like to know what you would like for dinner.”

I kept my head down and said, “I’m not hungry, thank you.” I didn’t have an appetite. I listened to the tray tables lower. I heard Steven talking to Lauren, Miss I’m-Gonna-Get-Some-Later-With-Your-Ex.

Steven’s voice was kind. “There’s a woman named Aubrey in 6A who’s visually impaired. Since we’re well staffed in coach, I’d be happy to help if she needs assistance.”

I put my hand on my forehead. How embarrassing. I could get around on my own. I didn’t want assistance. I hoped Alex didn’t hear them. I heard footsteps in the aisle.

“Do you need something, Alex?” Lauren’s voice was cotton-candy sweet. It was nauseating.

“What are you doing here, Aubrey?”

His voice startled me. Yup, that’s what he’d do: come and find me.

“Aubrey? Did you hear me? Excuse me, ma’am, would you mind switching seats with me? I’m sitting in 2C.”

The woman next to me tapped my arm. “Miss, is that okay with you? Do you want to sit with this man?”

I raised my head. “Yes, that’s fine.” I heard them exchange pleasantries, and then I felt him next to me.

“So what are you doing here?” he asked.

I tried to keep my voice steady. “I’m going home. I needed to talk to you. I didn’t want to lose you by waiting days for my parents’ flight, but from what I just heard, I guess I’ve already lost you. I shouldn’t have taken this flight. I’m sorry.” I put my head and hand on the window. My fingers made my nervous figure eights.

“What are you talking about?”

Great, Alex, play dumb.
I kept my head where it was. “I heard you ask that flight attendant out. Or was it more you asking her to your bed? I guess I’m easy for you to get over, just like I was for Garrett. It must be me… I’m forgettable.”

“Who the hell is Garrett?”

“My ex-boyfriend. I told you about him. I thought you were different. I thought we were different.” My heart was shattered, and I was sure he heard it in my voice, but I didn’t care. I didn’t care about anything anymore. “Garrett and I were friends. Good friends, or so I thought.” I shrugged. “Then we slept together, and he dumped me. He moved on just like you just did. Everyone moves on.”

“I’m not like that guy. I didn’t dump you. I loved you, and you left me.” He didn’t sound like he did when he’d talked to Lauren. When he spoke to her, his voice was sexy and seductive, not annoyed and irritated.

I turned toward him and kept my voice even. “You love me. You asked someone else out, or was it more of a proposition for sex?”

Did he say “loved”? I closed my eyes and didn’t move. If I moved, I’d break. I wanted off the plane. I idly wondered if I could get off. I felt for the latch for my seatbelt. At that point, I’d trade seats with someone in the back of the plane. I lifted the metal plate, and his hand was on mine, stopping me.

“Aubrey, what do you want from me? I don’t know what to do here,” he said.

Here goes…
“You. I want you, us. But I’m a day too late. Actually, hours too late. I lost you when I pushed you away. I shouldn’t have gotten on this flight. I’m sorry. I’ll stay away. I just want you to be happy.”

“Wait a minute. What do you mean you want us? Last night you… Did you change your mind? Is that what you’re telling me?”

“I’m telling you that when I heard your text and then spoke to you last night, I was devastated. I realized I can’t… I don’t want to be without you. I need you. I made a mistake walking out on you. I talked to Julie, and she told me to follow my heart. My mom said pretty much the same thing. I had to try to get you back, so I came here.”