My Chance (Chance #2) (9 page)

I looked at my mom and smirked.

Brett chimed in, “You know, Alex, when you go to the doctor’s tomorrow, you should ask if what we were told as young boys really does cause blindness.”

Alex threw a roll at him. “Really, dude? We’re eating here.”

We all laughed. I looked around the table at the faces I hadn’t seen in months. Then I panicked that it would go away, and everyone’s faces faded. I looked at Alex. He was absolutely stunning and perfect. His hair was messy but sexy. He was mine and no one else’s. I got nervous at the thought of someone else with him and not me. He looked in my eyes. I didn’t want to lose sight of him.

“It’s fading, isn’t it?” Alex sounded as sad as he looked.

I nodded, and the blackness returned. “Yeah, that’s the part I don’t understand.” I slumped back in my chair and felt my ring. It was a perfectly cut circular diamond nestled in a platinum band. Alex really knew my tastes.

“I have an idea.” Alex sounded determined. I heard his chair move. “We’re going to write all this down: when your vision came back, what you were doing, what you were thinking of when it went away, and anything else we can think of. Then when we go to the doctor, we’ll be really prepared.”

My dad chimed in, “That’s a fantastic idea.”

Alex and I sat on the couch together after dinner. My mom, Julie, and Val cleaned up the kitchen, and the guys sat at the table playing cards. I heard my dad say “gin.” I loved that everyone was together and getting along so well. Alex and I went through each time my vision returned. Alex asked me to tell him all the times I could remember.

“Well, tonight, I had a dream about our family. When I woke up, I could see.”

“You dreamt of our family? We had our own family?” He sounded happy.

“Yeah, I was pushing our daughter on a swing, and you were playing catch with our son.” I felt my face redden.

His lips touched mine. “I hope that comes true and our daughter looks like her beautiful mother.”

I smiled, and he kissed me again.

“Okay, when else?” he asked. “But so far, that’s my favorite moment.”

I grinned and placed my hand on his leg. I needed to touch him. I thought about it for a while. “Well, there were the flashes I had at the park with Chance, uh, you.” I shook my head. I still couldn’t believe it. How did I not know?

“I’m going to write down Chance because we need to see if there’s a pattern.”

“Okay. I also had flashes of light with Chance in the car, and I saw shadows when I was at lunch with Chance.” I tried to remember more. “Oh! When I was on the phone with you, I saw my bedspread. And then the morning of the day I went to Chance’s apartment for dinner, and then when I was with you that night.” Alex was silent. “Alex, is everything okay?”

“Yeah… I forgot that you regained your sight when you were talking to me on the phone. You didn’t tell me.” He sounded defeated.

“But I did call and tell you.”

“No, you didn’t. You called Chance. You didn’t want to share that with me. I wish you would have. Maybe I’m the problem here. Julie could be dead-on.”

“No, you’re not the problem. I don’t know why I didn’t tell you.” I rubbed my temples. “Can we go lie down? I’m getting a headache.” Silence. “Alex… did you hear me? Will you lie down with me?” I hoped he wasn’t upset with me.

“Yeah, of course. Come on.” He sounded so crushed. He held my hand while we said good night to everyone.

My mom asked what time we would be going to the doctor’s tomorrow. I told her my appointment was at two p.m., but I asked if she’d mind if I just went in with Alex.

“If that is what you want, dear.” She sounded hurt. “Your father and I are here for you too. I know we aren’t Alex, but we’re your parents and we do love you.” She had perfected that tone over the years.

“I know, Mom. I’m sorry. If you and Daddy want to come, then I want you there. I didn’t think you would want to just wait in the waiting room.” I hope she understood that I didn’t want her or my father in the doctor’s office with me.

“Of course we want to be there.” My mom guided me away from everyone. “I understand that you love Alex. He’s clearly head over heels in love with you, and I couldn’t be happier that the two of you will be married someday. He’s a good man. But I just want to help you. Your father and I both do. I didn’t mean to make you feel obligated to have us there, though.”

I nodded. “I do want you and Daddy there. I just don’t know what’s going to happen. I feel as if every time I think everything will be okay, something else happens. I’m just nervous.”

My mom hugged me. “I know, honey. We will meet you there.”

Alex and I walked into Dr. Russo’s office at one forty-five p.m. My parents arrived shortly after. We sat in the waiting room, and no one said a word. The waiting and silence made me more anxious than I already was. Alex held my left hand, shifting the diamond back and forth. He had to be nervous too.

“Are you okay?” I asked.

He lifted my left hand and kissed it. “Yeah, I’m fine. Just losing my patience sitting here. It’s been over thirty minutes.”

I was going to say something when I heard the nurse call my name. I told my parents to wish me luck. Alex let go of my hand as I stood.

“What are you doing? Aren’t you coming in with me?”

“Do you still want me to?”

I smirked and turned toward his voice. “Don’t ask dumb questions, Mr. Logan.”

“Okay, future Mrs. Logan. Lead the way.”

“Really, you want me to lead the way? You’re funny.”

“Okay, I’ll lead this time, but next time you’re doing it. I can’t do everything all the time.”

“Haha, you’re a funny guy.” I loved that he was normal with me. He was a treasure.

The nurse opened a door and said that Dr. Russo would be with us in a few minutes. Alex and I said thank you at the same time, and we laughed. I wasn’t as nervous as I should be.

He led me into the room. “We’re standing at the door which I will call six o’clock. There’s a desk in front of us at twelve o’clock, a black leather couch at three, and there are a few chairs and a book case at nine o’clock.”

“Thank you.” I kissed his hand, and he kissed the top of my head.

I heard the door close. “That is a good way to explain things to her.”

Oh my God, I knew that voice. I spun around.

“Aubrey, I can’t believe it’s really you! What happened?”

“Garrett? What are you doing here? Why are you in here?” I felt my heart race, and Alex squeezed my hand.

“So, you’re Garrett.” Alex’s voice was curt. He sounded pissed.

I moved my opposite hand to Alex’s forearm. I didn’t want him lunging at Garrett. Alex blamed him for a lot of my issues.

I heard the door open again, then an unfamiliar female voice. “I’m Dr. Russo. You must be Aubrey. I see you’ve met Dr. Reed.”

Dr. Reed? When had he become a doctor? I stood there and didn’t say a word.

“Alex Logan. It’s a pleasure to meet you, Dr. Russo.”

I felt Alex shift. He must have shaken her hand.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you both. Mr. Logan, are you related to Aubrey? Generally, these sessions are limited to the patient and, if requested, immediate family.”

I didn’t know why that mattered. If I wanted him there, he’d be there. End of story. “He’s my fiancé.”

“Congratulations, Aubrey.” Garrett sounded sincere.

I felt as though I would be sick.

Dr. Russo asked, “Do you two know each other?”

Alex answered for me. “They were friends once, until he screwed her over.”

Oh my God!
I can’t believe Alex said that. “Yes, I know Garrett—I mean, Dr. Reed.” I’d have shot Alex a dirty look, but I didn’t want to make him feel bad.

“I don’t think he should be in here.” Alex sounded even more pissed. “What do you think, baby? Whatever you want to do is fine, but I think he needs to get the hell out of here.”

Dr. Russo said, “The study Dr. Reed completed could be helpful to you, Aubrey, but I think it would be best if he left.”

So far, that session was not helping my anxiety. “I just want to get better.”

“I hope you do get better. Dr. Russo has my thesis. If she has any questions, she knows how to contact me. I wish you the best, Aubrey.” I heard the door close.

“Are you okay, Aubrey? Again, my sincerest apology for Dr. Reed’s presence.”

Alex guided me to the couch.

“Aubrey, I want to go over a few things with you,” Dr. Russo said. “It says in your file that you sustained a head injury that caused your blindness, but you have intermittently regained partial or full vision. It also says that you experience panic or anxiety attacks. That’s what I want to focus on. Can you tell me how long you have been having anxiety issues?”

“Since I was in middle school. So about ten or so years, I guess.”

“Mmm hmm, and do certain things trigger these episodes?”

I didn’t know what to say. “Well, they usually happen when someone hurts me… emotionally. Or when I’m nervous or feel uncomfortable.” I hoped Alex didn’t hear me, although I knew he did.

Dr. Russo asked, “Nervous about what? Friends? School? Work? Relationships?”

I tried to remain calm and confident. “I wasn’t nervous in school because of the work. I excelled in my classes. In middle school, I was teased and it stuck with me.” I shrugged. I squeezed Alex’s hand. “As far as relationships… let’s say mine have never been easy.” I shifted in my chair.

“Have you had many relationships?” Dr. Russo sounded so matter-of-fact.

I didn’t say anything. I sat there, probably looking stupid.

After I stayed silent for too long, Dr. Russo said, “I’m sorry, Mr. Logan, but it might be better if you weren’t here. If Aubrey’s not comfortable opening up around you, then your presence will impede our progress.”

“I’m comfortable, and I want Alex here,” I said. “He knows everything about me; we don’t have secrets. He knows my past, and he’s my future.” I wanted to not only reassure Alex but to get through to everyone in the room, including myself.

“Fine, then let’s return to my question. Have you had many relationships?”

“What do you mean?” I was embarrassed.

“With men, how many intimate relationships have you had?”

“Two.”

“I see. Let’s talk about them,” Dr. Russo said.

Holy hell! Seriously? Let’s not.

“Was your other relationship healthy?” Dr. Russo asked. “Did he make you feel anxious or nervous? Was he emotionally or physically abusive?”

“No, Dr. Reed wasn’t abusive. I felt anxious at times, but nothing that I care to remember.”

Silence.

“Dr. Reed?” Dr. Russo said. “Dr. Reed was your other relationship?”

I didn’t think it could get any worse. “Yes, he was. We were… we did…” Yup, it just got worse. I couldn’t form a coherent sentence. Panic.

“Are you sure you’re okay to continue?”

“Yes, I’m fine. I’m sorry, I wasn’t expecting these questions.” I sat up straighter, trying to regain some form of composure. “Garrett and I were close friends—at least I thought we were. I thought we loved each other, but when we slept together, that was the end of us. We weren’t friends anymore, or anything else for that matter. We were over.”

“And how did that make you feel?” Dr. Russo sounded so blasé.

“Used.”

I heard Alex mutter “asshole”, and I moved his hand to my lap and tried not to smile.

“I have Alex now, and everything is wonderful, except for the obvious.” I waved my hand in front of my eyes.

Dr. Russo cleared her throat. “I want to talk about the night you lost your vision. Is that okay with you?”

No.
“Okay.”

“Can you tell me what you did that day?”

“Um… My friend Mark was moving, so I went to his new place and helped him.”
Please don’t make me say more.

“And after that?”

Shit.
“After that, I went home and…” I took a deep breath. Alex let go of my hand to rub my thigh. “I realized that I had made a big mistake. I hadn’t been truthful with Alex about something. He found out and left me.” A tear escaped my eye, which I wiped away.

“And then?”

I took a breath. “I went to his club to find him. I found him sitting at the bar doing shots. He was upset.” I lowered my head, and tears fell. I needed to just blurt it out before she asked. “He kissed his ex-girlfriend in front of me. I panicked, ran out of the club, got pushed, and hit my head on the ground. I woke up in the hospital, blind.”

Alex spoke. “Dr. Russo, this is my fault, isn’t it?”

Dr. Russo sounded so calm when she said, “Mr. Logan. We’re here only to see why this is happening. Aubrey, I think that we should meet twice a week so we can work through the issues causing your anxiety. Going forward, it may be better if we met one on one.”

I stood. “I will not leave here with you thinking that Alex is the cause of this. I’m the cause. I lied to Alex. That led to the events the night of my accident, so blaming him is wrong.”

Alex was at my side. “Baby, you don’t have to—” Alex sounded worried and protective.

“Yes, I do. I need to say this. Dr. Russo, there’s no way I’ll attend any more sessions if Alex isn’t with me.” I let out a long breath. “I love Alex, more than I’ve ever loved anyone. There will be no discussing that any further, or I’ll find another therapist.” My breathing accelerated.