Authors: Heidi Marshall
“Oh no.”
“Oh yes. I thought I just had really bad gas, so I walked over to the corner to let one rip.”
“Gross!”
“Oh if you think that is gross, just wait. Because it turned out that what I thought was a little fart was actually a bit more substantial.”
“Meaning?”
“I pooped my pants, okay? I fully pooped my pants. I quickly excused myself and went to the bathroom down the hall. I took off my pants and my underwear in the stall, and I thought I would be able to rinse out my underwear in the sink. I really should have just thrown them away. I’m not sure what I was thinking. Oh well. Hindsight is 20/20, right? Right? Get it?
Hind
sight?”
“Gross. Please continue. Even though I’m totally frightened to know where this is going.”
“So I walked out in my t-shirt and socks to the sink. My team were the only people in the building, and I seriously didn’t think anyone would come into the bathroom. So I was at the sink, rinsing out my chonies, and all of a sudden I heard footsteps coming down the hall. I didn’t have time to run back into the stall, so I had to make a split second decision. I knew it had to be one of the guys from my team, and they know how goofy I am, so I decided to make a joke of it. The door opened and I spun around, pantless, and did a little shimmy dance.”
Kate clapped her hands. “Oh, you would! That
totally
sounds like something you would do! So did he crack up?”
Darren raised an eyebrow. “Well, if it had been one of the guys from my team, then yes, I’m sure he would have cracked up. But it was a monk. A full on, bona fide monk. He made some frightened grunting noise and ran straight out of the bathroom.”
Her mouth fell open. “A monk? What do you mean a monk?”
“A monk! Like, a monk monk! A man who wears a robe and dedicates his life to praying.”
“Why was there a monk in the bathroom?”
“Well apparently the school lets these monks use the recording studio every summer to record albums. Gregorian chants or something, I’m sure. So basically, I pooped my pants and shook my junk at a monk.”
Kate was doubled over in laughter. “That is the most ridiculous story I have ever heard in my entire life. I love it! Oh my word that is just
too good
!”
“Oh don’t I know it. So that’s it. Now you literally know everything about me.”
“You are too much.”
“So was talking about my ultimate humiliation enough to pull you out of your funk? Why were you in a bad mood, anyway?”
She pointed at the box on the table, and Darren began to rifle through its contents. Kate didn’t stop him.
“Ahh, so this is your Ian box, isn’t it?”
“Yes,” she said with a sigh. “I haven’t looked at any of this stuff since January. And it’s still kind of painful to be reminded of all of the good times we had.”
“Understandable.” After several moments of silence, Darren said, “You know, I think it’s easy to only remember the good stuff sometimes.”
“Trust me. I remember the bad stuff. All too well.”
“I’m sure you do. But don’t let the things in this box make you miss something that wasn’t there. He wasn’t the right guy for you. He wasn’t enough for you. Honestly, you’re better off alone than with someone like that.”
“Thanks for reminding me that I’m alone. You’re such a pal.”
“You know what I mean, though. Wouldn’t you rather be on your own than with someone who doesn’t truly love you?”
“I’d rather be not alone by being with something who
does
truly love me, thank you very much.”
Darren looked at his friend and could practically feel her pain and her loneliness. She was such a good person with such a big heart, and he hated to see her doubting herself. He hated to see her anything but happy, in fact.
“That’s it!” he said resolutely. “No more. No more being down in the dumps. You are better than that. What time do you work tomorrow?”
“Um…nine to six,” she said. “Why? What crazy thing do you have planned now?”
“A date,” he said.
“Excuse me?”
“I’m taking you on a date.”
“You. You’re taking me on a date.”
“Are you hard of hearing, woman? Yes, I’m taking you out on a date. We’ll get dressed up and go to a nice restaurant and I might even open the car door for you.”
Kate cocked her head and squinted her eyes as she looked at Darren, trying to figure out his angle. “But…why?”
“Thanks!” he said, indignant.
“Oh don’t get offended. I’m just asking an honest question,” she said.
“Look, you’re a wonderful person, and obviously so am I. We are two single adults who don’t want to be single, we enjoy spending time with each other, and I think maybe we should try it out.”
She opened her mouth to say something but closed it again when she realized she had no idea what she wanted to say.
“Come on, say yes,” he said. “We’ll have a good time. I promise.”
“I’m sure we will,” said Kate. “You just caught be completely off guard.” “So is that a yes?” asked Darren.
“I think it’s a yes,” she replied, sounding surprised by her own answer.
“It’s a date,” he said with a smile. “I’ll pick you up here at seven. Deal?” “Deal,” she said.
Suddenly, Darren seemed very unsure how to end the conversation. He stuck out his hand and gave Kate a quick awkward handshake, then jerked his body around towards the door and left. Second later, he opened the door and came back in.
“I think aliens momentarily took control of my body. Please excuse that incredibly awkward exit, and know that I won’t be nearly as awkward tomorrow night. I hope.”
She silently giggled at Darren, which seemed to bring him back to his normal self. “Oh, don’t worry about it. It wouldn’t be a first date if it wasn’t awkward,” she said with a wink.
Darren laughed and shook his head, then stepped forward to give Kate a quick peck on the cheek. “I’ll see you tomorrow night, Kate Henry. I’m glad you want to go out with someone who poops his pants.” And with that, he walked out the door.
She slowly sat down on the couch, replaying the last several minutes in her mind.
What in the world just happened?
she thought.
~~~~~
Jacob and Denise strolled hand in hand down a small street, trying to savor the moment and take in all the sights that Italy had to offer. There was a cool ocean breeze in the air.
“So, is this better than sitting in a classroom?” said Jacob jokingly.
Denise had just graduated from high school, and she nudged her boyfriend playfully at the mention of school. “Nah. Europe is nice and all, but there’s nothing quite like the joys of Trig class.”
“You’re right. Maybe we should cut this trip short and go back home to see if they’ll let you stay for another year.”
“That’s one thought. Or we could walk down towards the ocean and make out.”
“Sold!” They shuffled down towards the beach, laughing like the young kids in love that they were.
“Do you know where Brett and Mary are?” Denise asked. Brett was a good friend of Jacob’s and Denise’s older brother; Mary was her twin sister. The foursome was very close, and had been saving their pennies for this trip when the girls graduated.
“They said something about walking down the beach to find a place to rent some snorkel gear.”
“Perfect! I love snorkeling. Plus, I’m going to love making fun of how silly you’ll look in fins and giant goggles.”
“Wait, I’ll look silly, but somehow you won’t? How does that work?”
“Yep. You’ll look silly and I’ll look adorable. Deal with it,” said Denise.
Jacob pulled Denise close to him and kissed her tenderly.
“What was that for?” she asked.
He held her close with his arms wrapped around her waist. “Just because I love you. And I’m so happy to be here with you.”
“You’re the best thing that ever happened to me. Do you realize that?”
“Actually…I was hoping that this would be the best thing that ever happened to you.” Jacob slowly dropped to one knee and pulled a small velvet box out of his pocket. “Denise, you bring so much joy into my life. I love you more than anything. I know we’re young, and I know some people might think we’re crazy, but I literally cannot wait another day to ask you to be my wife. Will you marry me?”
Jacob opened the box and revealed a silver ring with a small solitary square-cut diamond. He looked up at Denise expectantly. Her big blue eyes were full with tears. As soon as she saw the ring, she clasped her hand over her mouth and kneeled down to be eye level with Jacob.
“It’s beautiful! I love it! And I love you!”
“Is that a yes?”
Denise threw her arms around Jacob. “It’s absolutely a yes!”
Jacob slipped the ring on her finger and let out a great sigh of relief. He hadn’t exactly been worried that she would say no; he knew how much she loved him. They had many long talks about how they pictured their futures, and it was always together. But now that the ring was on her finger he knew, without question, that she was his.
“We’re going to be so happy together,” he whispered.
“I know we are.” She looked down at her ring, turning her hand slowly so that the sun would catch the diamond and make it sparkle. “Let’s go find Brett and Mary! I can’t wait to tell them!”
Jacob and Denise took off down the beach, both the happiest they had ever been.
Kate was looking through her inventory files on the computer in her office at the bookstore when Amy came bursting in with two cups of coffee.
“Number one, good morning,” said Amy. “I brought you a caramel latte. I thought you might need a little extra caffeine and sugar today. Number two, would you like to tell me why I might think you might need a little extra caffeine and sugar today?”
“Well let’s see,” she said, accepting the cup from her friend and taking a long sip. “Mmm, it’s delicious. Thanks.”
“Katherine.”
“Right, extra caffeine and sugar. Well, perhaps it’s because you know I was up late last night finishing my spring-cleaning and you know I needed a little push to get me through the work day.”
“Try again.”
“Okay,” said Kate, purposely prolonging the inevitable answer to the question. “Oh, I know! You and I are going to jump in the car and go to some fabulous concert tonight, so you want me to be alert.”
“Kate! You can’t go anywhere tonight. Don’t you have…plans?”
“As a matter of fact I do. Did Big Mouth Darren call your husband?”
“You better believe he did. And that stinker told Rick that I had to promise not to call you and tell you that he had called. But I outsmarted him,” she said, putting her feet up on Kate’s desk. “I didn’t call you. I came to see you.”
“Your brilliance will never cease to astound me.”