Miss Me When the Sun Goes Down (14 page)

Good gravy, what was I supposed to say to that?  It had to be, hands down, the most romantic thing I’d ever heard in my life, but it wasn’t enough.  Romance didn’t bridge the oceans of inequality between us, and it was only a matter of time before it all fell apart, damaging us both in the process. 

I felt awful about it, but I pulled my hands lightly from his to give my reply.  “Jakob, I feel the connection between us, I really do, but I can’t be what you need me to be.  It’s as simple as that.” 

“This isn’t what you want, petal.  You want to sing and enjoy the arts.  You weren’t made for this life of political intrigue.”

“I’m not the girl you thought I was, not anymore.” 

In the face of that quiet declaration, Jakob rose with quiet dignity, drawing himself up to his full height.  “I won’t trouble you any longer then,” he said stiffly.  “I’ll see you again
one day.  Maybe by then you’ll have grown enough to see what I’m offering you.”

“I could say the same to you.”  Maybe in the future he
’d come to understand that loving someone didn’t mean trying to fit them into your own narrow definition of them.  If not, then we’d have to remain friends and nothing more.  “Goodbye, Jakob,” I whispered, closing my eyes as he delivered a chaste kiss to my forehead.

“Goodbye,
älskling,
” Jakob murmured against my skin, and then he was gone.  He never did tell me what that meant.

I know I should have gone up the stairs where my friends waited, but I wasn’t in the mood to see or talk to anyone.  All I wanted was some time alone to wade through the sea of emotions threatening to engulf me at any moment.  Though I was convinced of the truth behind my words to Jakob, the moment he left me alone in the foyer, I was consumed with the overwhelming desire to chase after him and call him back. 

Not that it would solve anything to beg his forgiveness and give up all my principles to try and be what he wanted me to be, but at least I wouldn’t feel so… alone.  So instead I went back out onto the street, leaving my guard detail inside, hands shoved inside my pockets as I wandered the streets of San Francisco, with no particular destination in mind. 

Would it always be like this?  It seemed like I was doomed to doubt any relationship I had for the rest of my life.  I’d either worry that what they felt was more influenced by my compulsion than honest emotion, or the reverse, that my own feelings had been compromised.  What kind of a life was that to lead? 

I found myself in front of the new club, Nightshade.  And after surrendering my coat, I
strode straight past the bar, past the greetings and smiles, to take the stage without a word to anyone.  The trio on stage stopped playing, maybe assuming I had an announcement to make, but instead I started to sing.  I don’t know where it came from, but the old school melody
But Not For Me
sprang to mind, and it seemed to capture what I was feeling.  Did I sing about Jakob or Bishop?  I couldn’t say, I only knew I wanted what I couldn’t have.  Again, I felt no nerves or fear at all, and the irony wasn’t lost on me that I had Jakob to thank for that.

The club went deadly silent, all eyes on me with rapt attention, but I didn’t care.  After the first verse, the band joined in, hesitantly at first, as if they were afraid I’d object, but I barely noticed them
. I was too caught up in the emotion pouring from the bottom of my soul.  When the last note hung in the air, I noticed I had tears streaming down my face, and I wiped them away as the crowd offered a subdued applause. 

No one approached me as I left the stage, heading for a table in the corner, and a drink appeared at my elbow scant seconds later.  I sipped the cool, fruity drink, and gradually some of the misery started to fade and I became aware of my surroundings again.  The music had cleansed me in a way that unburdening myself to a single person could never have done, and I started to think the worst of my stormy emotions had subsided.

Still, no one approached me, and I appreciated that immensely.  I started to hear chatter around me from other tables though, hushed words filled with a tang of excitement that caught my interest.  It seemed a rash of vampire killings had been committed up in the Sacramento area, and I immediately thought of Carter.  I’d compelled him to set up shop in America – could he really be so close at hand?  There was no reason to expect him to call or let me know he was in the area, so it was entirely possible.

A vampire named Melanie with dark frizzy curls and bad skin caught me listening and dared to catch my eye.  I waved her forward with a twitch of my finger and she eager
ly joined me, sharing all the juicy details riding the gossip waves.  By the time she was done, there were a half dozen others circling my table, keen to share in the conversation, but I didn’t mind.  I questioned her on the victims (who I’d never heard of before) and the more I learned, the more it sounded like Carter’s M.O.

“What should we do?  What if he ends up here?  Should we try and catch this killer or bring it to the Order’s attention?”  They all wanted to know.

I held up my hand, waiting until the uproar died down.  “I’ve seen this before.  It sounds like we have a hunter in our territory,” I declared, amid gasps of fear mingled with excitement.  “As for what we should do – only those who are the cruelest to humans have been targeted.  I can’t in good conscience step up to save those I don’t think are worth saving.  Remember, there are no laws against us killing each other for personal reasons.”

“Then the hunter is working for you?” Leander asked, having sidled up to join the conversation at some point.

“I’ll just say he’s a friend and leave it at that.  As long as you don’t commit any atrocities against humans, you should all be safe.  But please, bring any information on any new kills to me, not the Order.”

They seemed to accept that fairly well, and I was glad to see my pe
ople didn’t have a problem with treating humans with care.  Then again, maybe they were all banking on the idea that the hunter might never come that far south, it was too early to tell.  The conversation quickly turned into a counseling session, and I was presented with several problems awaiting my judgment.  I tried to be as fair and impartial as I could, going for sage wisdom while totally winging it.  Thankfully, common sense took care of most of the issues at hand. 

I was given a few petitions to take to the magistrate as well, and I promised to deliver them as soon as I could track the
weasel down.  It was going along swimmingly, and I found I enjoyed the distraction from my personal stuff.  Maybe I’d get tired of the busywork of public office in a year or ten, but at that moment, it was just what I needed. 

A nervous titter rippled through the room, and I looked up to see Mason standing near the door, waving off the coat check girl.  There was another Order member by his side, easy recognizable by the dark tactical vest he wore with a gun holster strapped to his leg.  I’d never met him before, and despite the commando look, he seemed pretty laid back as they were greeted
by the twins.  His hair was dark, and stuck up in the front in that messy, I-don’t-give-a damn-how-my-hair-looks-but-ain’t-I cool way guys wore their hair, his jaw covered in a rasp of stubble.  He was shorter than Mason by a few inches (then again, who wasn’t), but solidly muscled by the look of him. 

I was wondering if I should introduce myself or not when they made a beeline for my table and Mason struck up a conversation.  “Hey, Anja, how’s it going?”
 

My peeps faded into the woodwork at their approach, wanting to be elsewhere. 
“I can’t complain.”  I could, but he really didn’t want to hear about it.  “You?”  More than anything, I wanted to ask him about Hanna, but didn’t dare in present company.  She hadn’t called me the other night, so I had no idea how their heart to heart had gone.  For the moment I assumed they were working it out and she’d been too busy with the make up sex to give me a jingle. 

“About the same,” he gave a half shrug, giving nothing away.  “This is Frost, the guy I
told you about.”

“Ah, so that
, um… transfer is still going through then?”  That had to mean he still planned on moving in with Hanna, a good sign.

“I hope so.”  There was a trace of wistfulness
in his expression, but I didn’t press for more.

“Well, nice to meet you, Frost.  Please, join me.”  I figured I might as well be polite to the guy.  I had nothing against the Order individually, it was their slavish devotion to the outdated law that chapped my hide. 

“Nice to finally meet you,” he said, with a genial smile.  I could only guess at what he’d heard about me already, depending on who it was from. 

“Have you spent much time up here in San Francisco before?”

Frost scratched the side of his jaw absently, as if he wasn’t used to needing a shave.  “Yeah, I have, but it’s been years since I’ve been back.  It’ll be good to get back to my old stomping grounds,” he grinned, and I decided I liked his smile.  There wasn’t anything behind it.

“It’s a great place for it, we…”

Mason cut me off before I could get any deeper into the conversation.  “Listen, Anja… we wanted to talk to you about your friend.”

“My friend?” I blinked.  He couldn’t possibly mean Jake, could he?  How could he bring him up in public?

“Yeah, Bishop sorta filled me in on your connection to the hunter problem they had in London.”

“Oh, Carter,” I eased.  Why was it everyone knew about the hunter all of a sudden but it was the first I’d heard of it?  Probably because I’d been so wrapped up in my own drama
that I hadn’t taken the time to look around me.  What else had I missed? 

Mason continued, oblivious to my inner relief.  “From what I understand, you got him to agree to leave town.”

“Yep, pretty much.  Why?”

“We’d like you to do the same here.”

“What makes you think Carter’s over here?  All I told him to do was leave England and come back to the States.  It’s a big country.”

“Come off it, Anja, we know it’s him.  Can you call him off or not?” Mason scowled, his shoulders hunching in irritation, making me wonder why all the interest in Carter. 

“Okay, first of all, I haven’t talked to him since I left London.  Second, why do you care what he’s up to?  He’s not breaking any laws.”

Frost stepped up with an easygoing shrug.  “It’s the principle of the thing.  People get antsy when we start dropping like flies.  Go figure.”

“From what I understand, it’s not like any of his targets will be missed,” I countered and Frost waved a hand back and forth. 

“Were they candidates for humanitarian of the year?  No.  Will they be missed?  Yeah, some of them have some pretty heavy clout.”

“I still don’t get the Order’s involvement,” I muttered stubbornly,
my
principles not wanting to rat the guy out unless I thought he was a true danger.

“Jesus, Anja, can you help us or not?” Mason demanded, hands gripping the back of the booth in exasperation. 

My head cocked to one side.  “Tell me again why I should help you when you didn’t help me the last time we talked about Order business.”

“You know
exactly
why you should help me,” he said, his eyes flashing.

“Are you threatening me?”  The room had gotten considerably quieter as our voices rose. 

Mason let out a long breath.  “No, just reminding.  There’s a difference.”

“Not enough of one to make me feel like helping you all that much,” I grumbled.  They couldn’t really expect me to turn Carter over to them, not when I knew they’d have his head on a pike as soon as they got wind of his trail.

Frost leaned forward, hands laced together to form a gun with his thumbs and forefingers.  “Then you won’t talk to him and ask him to move on?  That’s all we’re hoping for.  Not for you to betray your friend, just for him to take it to another sector, make it someone else’s problem.”

I responded to him with a civil tongue.  If Mason had asked me more politely, I might not have dug in so stubbornly.  “I have no idea how to get a hold of him, even if I wanted to,” I replied truthfully.  “But if he contacts me, I’ll mention that you guys are on his trail.  That might be enough to make him move on.”

“Thanks, I think that’s for the best, I really do.” Frost smiled as he rose to his feet and shuffled off with a half wave.  “Thanks for your time.  It was nice meeting you.” 

“Nice to meet you too,” I acknowledged the wave with one of my own.  I decided I liked the guy.  He had a
n easygoing quality to him that didn’t seem to be common to the other Order members I’d met.  I turned back to find Mason staring at me.  “What?”

“I’m trying to decide if I can take you at your word or if you’re holding out on us,” he replied thoughtfully, and I met his stare directly.

“I have never lied to you before.”  He was one of the few who knew most of my secrets, and I started to wonder if it might prove dangerous.

“That’s not the same as coming clean.”

He had a point there.  “I think we’re done with this topic,” I said loftily.

“Yeah, whatever,” he muttered, hauling himself up to his feet, but I called him back.

“Hey, but… I’ll see you this weekend for dinner with Hanna though, right?”  We’d made the plans before the big reveal, and I wasn’t sure if it was still on.  From the irritable exchange we’d had, I wasn’t sure I wanted it to be.  What happened to him owing me one?  But his face softened, and he found a faint smile for me.

“Um, right, it should be.”  His phone chirped, and Mason frowned over the readout, his entire stance changing.  I knew what that meant.  “See you later, sis, duty calls
. I gotta bounce.”

That meant that more than likely, someone was about to die.  Just like Scotty and Marta.  Just like I would have if I hadn’t somehow convinced Bishop to let me live.

Unless I did something about it.