Miriam rapped firmly on the Neuenschwanders’ front door. Her heart beat wildly at the prospect of being alone with Ephraim but also in dread of how he might react. She scolded herself. Ephraim would be her husband soon. She had nothing to fear from the man who loved her.
It was a bold step, to be sure, but since there had been no sign of Ephraim for over two weeks, Miriam knew she must go to him. Gossip about the baby would grow with Susie’s abdomen, and Miriam wanted Ephraim to hear the news from her first. Besides, Seth had said that Ephraim might be waiting for her to come to him. He probably felt the horror of what was happening to her family as keenly as she did.
Light from a propane lantern flooded the porch as Ephraim’s brother Freeman opened the door. “Oh Miriam, it is you,” he said.
“I have come to see Ephraim.”
“In the barn.” Freeman pointed and promptly shut the door.
Miriam stepped back instinctively as her heart slowly sank to her toes. Was Freeman being rude, or had she only imagined it? Ephraim had three older brothers and three younger brothers. None of them seemed to be gifted with exemplary manners.
She trudged across the lane, holding up her dress and picking her way around the mud puddles to the old barn built by Ephraim’s grandfather in the forties. The door creaked softly and quickly swung shut as she scooted inside. A single lantern hanging from a rafter lit the space, casting a thousand shadows in every direction.
Ephraim sat on a bench beneath the lantern, sharpening an ax. He didn’t look up as he carefully glided the ax along the whetstone.
“Ephraim.”
Someone blew out the sunshine in his eyes when he looked up at her. He frowned and then just as suddenly managed a half smile. “Hullo. Haven’t seen you for a while.”
She ventured a step closer as he laid his ax on the bench and stood up.
“I have been seeing to matters at home, as you suggested.”
“I am glad. At services Yost seemed solemn, as if he is sorry for what he has done. Are you making sure he remembers his guilt and how he has hurt your family?”
“I hope I am treating him as the good Lord would want me to.”
“How is his behavior? Do you think he will mend his ways?”
“Lord willing. The detention center was a horrible place for him. I doubt he will do anything to get himself sent back there.”
“I pray every day that he will learn his lesson and repent. It would be a shame if Yost’s wickedness kept us apart.”
Miriam took another step forward and wrung her hands to keep them from shaking. “I have bad news, and I wanted you to hear it first before anyone else is told.”
A dark cloud hovered over Ephraim’s expression. “Go ahead.”
“We have discovered…that…Susie is going to have a baby.”
Ephraim held his breath for what seemed like five minutes and began pacing in front of the bench. “Oh Miri, this is very bad.”
Miriam willed herself to stay calm even as every muscle in her body tightened up. She reminded herself that her first reaction had been similar. “We were planning for her to go to Canada in two days and deliver the baby there then place it up for adoption. To keep it a secret.”
Ephraim charged at her and grasped her upper arms. “Yes, yes, that is gute. No one has to know about this. That is a very smart plan.”
“But she has changed her mind. She doesn’t want to go, and Mamm and Dat thought it best that she stay here and be with our family.”
He scowled. “Well, Miriam, it is her sin, and it is too bad for her if she doesn’t like the consequences. Your family must not justify her bad behavior by giving in to her wishes. She has to go. Surely you can see how your whole family will suffer if the secret gets out. You must talk her out of staying.”
Miriam felt her panic rise with her pulse. How could she make him see? “I will not ask her to leave her family and place her baby in the hands of strangers if she cannot bear to do it. I would not be that cruel.”
Ephraim let go of Miriam and paced more frantically. “Cruel? Is that what you call it? The wages of sin is death. Whether you like it or not, consequences cannot be avoided. Do you know how she will be treated once people learn she is with child? Can you understand what this will do to your family’s good name, which is already tarnished? If your parents let her stay in their home, it will be seen as unspoken approval of her sin. If you thought the community’s reaction to Yost was harsh, wait until this comes out.”
Miriam shook her head. The only harsh reaction she remembered toward Yost was Ephraim’s. She wrapped her arms around her waist. Her mouth went dry, and she couldn’t speak.
He pinched the bridge of his nose. “When Yost got arrested, I decided to give things a little time. If he straightens up, most people will forgive him and not think less of your family for his mistakes.” His voice rose in volume. “But Miriam, people don’t forget a baby. It will grow up in the community and be a constant reminder of Susie’s sin and your family’s dishonor. How can anyone overcome that reputation?” He practically tore his hat off the bench and flung it to the ground.
Miriam jumped back, and they both stared at the hat. He slowly bent over, picked it up, and brushed away a few errant strands of straw. He wouldn’t look at her. “What has she told you about the father?”
“She refuses to name him.”
He laid his hat back on the bench. All his fury seemed spent. “At least she will not pull someone else down with her.”
Miriam slumped her shoulders and sighed. “I hope once he finds out about the baby, he will come forward and do his duty. Lord willing.”
Ephraim studied her face. “Miriam, if you love me, please reconsider. You must convince Susie to go away.”
The panic rose inside her like boiling water. “I do love you. With all my heart. How could you ever question that? But sending her away would do more harm to Susie than good. She needs to be with us.”
He turned away from her and picked up the whetstone. “Why are you coddling her? I thought you had more sense than to give in to Susie simply because she is unhappy. She must learn that you will not stand for such wickedness.”
Miriam didn’t understand her own feelings. She and Ephraim used to be of one mind. She never disagreed with him about anything. But this time, Miriam hoped she had judged the situation more wisely. Plain and simple, Ephraim was wrong. Sending Susie away would not be better for anybody.
Except Ephraim.
That realization clung like a cocklebur to her heart and she felt slightly dizzy. For the first time in her life, she recognized a weakness in Ephraim.
No man was immune to frailty. When they married, she would see many more of his weaknesses, and he would surely find hers. That was all a part of growing in love, learning to cherish one another in spite of the annoyances and disagreements. The quest to lift one another was the task and blessing of marriage.
Miriam didn’t think any less of Ephraim. A few short weeks ago, she would have agreed with him. But Seth had given her a wonderful gift—difficult to accept at first but precious all the same.
She motioned to the bench. “Can we sit?”
He shook his head.
She pretended his resistance didn’t sting like an angry wasp and forged ahead. “I know what a gute heart you have, Ephraim, and if you knew Susie as I do, you would understand. What people think is not as important as what is best for Susie.”
“Going away would be best for Susie. In a few short months, she could erase a mistake that otherwise will follow her the rest of her life.”
“If Susie is willing to bear the shame, then I cannot urge her to do otherwise.”
“But did she ask if you were willing to bear it? And what about me? Does she even care how I would feel about having a fornicator for a sister-in-law?”
Miriam couldn’t keep her voice from shaking with emotion. “You
will
have a sister-in-law who was a fornicator even if we send her away.”
“But everyone will know it. And they will look down on me.” He blinked rapidly and shook his head. “On us.”
“I don’t believe that, Ephraim. Our people are forgiving.”
“This will follow us forever. It will stain our good names and everything we do.”
Seth’s words came to Miriam like a gift from heaven. “Job’s friends told him to repent. They said that if he was a righteous man he would not have trials. But they were wrong. Our trials are not a curse from God for the bad things we have done. Bad things happen to everyone, and the Lord doesn’t love us less because of them. And no one in the community will love us less because of Susie’s transgression.”
“You are wrong. The Bible says the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous. ‘He delivered me, because he delighted in me.’ Righteous choices bring God’s blessings.”
“So anything bad that happens to us is because of sin?”
“Just look at Susie.” Ephraim hung his head. “There is no use discussing this. I know what I know. I thought you, of all people, would recognize the truth. But if the truth doesn’t change your mind, change your mind for me. For your love for me.”
Miriam doubted herself for the first time since she’d stepped into the barn. She loved Ephraim so dearly and had always trusted his judgment over her own. He knew the Bible better than she, and his father was a minister like hers. Miriam possessed trivial abilities with the needle and the frying pan. What did she know about sin or repentance or life?
“I…I want to do what is right.”
He saw the look in her eyes. “Of course you do.” With a smile full of pity, he came to her and gently laid a hand on her shoulder. “Carefully consider what must be done—not to make Susie happy, but to make things right. I know you will do what is best for you and me and Susie in the long run. In years to come, she will thank you.”
Miriam looked at her hands. “I will do my best.”
Ephraim nodded in satisfaction. “Go. Go talk to her. There is still time to prepare for the bus on Wednesday if you go now.”
“Okay,” she whispered, not trusting her voice with anything louder.
He gave her one last pat on the shoulder and turned to his bench, where he picked up the ax and resumed his sharpening. Miriam kept her eyes glued to him as she backed out of the barn.
She wanted to make him happy, didn’t she? In truth, he did not have the strength she did to withstand the scandal of Susie’s pregnancy. Was his claim for sympathy any less valid than Susie’s?
Miriam couldn’t feel any lower than if she had sunk to the ground and crawled out of the barn. She slowly climbed into the buggy and pointed the horse home, but she’d never felt so much reluctance to actually get there.
She would talk to Susie again. Susie had promised to go if Miriam wanted her to. It would be the work of a minute to convince her. She must consider Ephraim’s feelings in all this as well.
Yet the more distance she put between herself and Ephraim’s house, the more agitated she became.
She thought of the Lord’s treatment of the adulterous woman.
“Hath no man condemned thee?…Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more.”
“And be ye kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.”
Dat seemed to sense her arrival before she even came down the lane. He dashed out of the house as she drove up and opened the buggy door for her. He offered his hand and helped her down.
“I will unhitch. Go inside and eat some apricot pie. Mom bought ice cream.”
“You do not need to do my work for me.”
“I want to. You never rest, Miriam. Go, give your brother a hug. He will not take one from me.”
It would take some time before Yost trusted Dat again.
With heavy heart, Miriam trudged to the house. She actually heard laughter inside. Susie’s laughter. How long had it been?
When she came through the back door, Susie jumped up from the table, grinning widely, and gave Miriam a hug. “The pie is so gute, Miriam. The first apricots from our new tree.”
“I cannot believe how many apricots grew from that one little tree,” Mamm said. “I put up two dozen quarts today while you were at work.”
Even Yost sat at the table eating with the family, looking relatively cheerful as he dug into what looked like a quarter of the whole pie.
“Guess who made the pie,” said Raymond, with a dab of ice cream on his chin.
“Who?”
Raymond pointed at Susie.
Miriam threw her hands in the air in jubilation. “Susie made the pie? I must have some.”
Susie’s eyes lit up as if she had fireflies inside. “Sit down and I will bring you a piece. Do you want ice cream?”
Miriam observed Susie closely as she moved around the kitchen serving her family, giving them her gift. She was still pregnant, still guilty of a serious sin, but she acted as if all was right with the world, as if being in the place she loved made her perfectly happy.
Miriam’s heart swelled. Susie had hope again.
Did she take her sin lightly? Did she believe that what she had done wasn’t so bad? Was Ephraim right? Did she see her being allowed to stay as a sign that her parents approved of what she had done?
Nae, Susie did not excuse or justify herself in any way. How many nights had Miriam heard her weep over what she had done, wishing with all her might to be able to go back and change it? Neither did she seek to hide her sin. The whole world was about to know what she had done, while they would know nothing about the father. Susie didn’t have a heart for malice or revenge.
If only Ephraim could see.
She took a bite of pie. “This is surely the most delicious pie I have ever tasted.”
Susie blushed. “The secret is in the dough. And Hollow says I am the best pretzel maker in Apple Lake.”
Try as she might, Miriam could not justify making Susie miserable, not even to spare Ephraim’s feelings. And certainly not to satisfy Ephraim’s pride.
* * * * *
Later, Miriam lifted Ephraim’s completed Nine-Patch squares from her sewing basket and arranged them on the floor of her room. She organized the squares so the yellow-and-burgundy patches alternated diagonally from left to right and right to left. Ephraim would love the orderly pattern.