Meet Me Under The Mistletoe (O'Rourke Family 5) (11 page)

“I told you that stuff doesn’t matter.”

Her eyelashes swept down and she carefully measured a length of silver Christmas ribbon. “It matters to most men.”

Maybe. Once upon a time he’d even been that kind of man. Hell, he’d
enjoyed
the way Kim catered to his every whim. Unfortunately, it had also let him off the hook to be a real father and husband. He ought to have insisted Jeremy
be allowed to play with other children and have occasional treats like pizza, but he’d chosen the easy route.

It was sobering to realize that in his efforts not to repeat the mistakes of his parents, screaming and yelling and never agreeing, he’d made a different mistake. Parenting ought to be something a mother and father did
together
, balancing each other’s strengths and weaknesses.

Shannon tied the ribbon around the package and he sighed again. Someone had hurt her in the past; probably someone a lot like him.

“Who told you men were like that?”

“I didn’t have to be told.”

“We both know there’s more to it,” he said, sitting and taking the spool of ribbon from her fingers. “Talk to me.”

“Hey, if we’re trading failed romance stories, you have to go first.” She made it sound like a joke, and breath hissed through his teeth.
Damned stubborn woman
.

“There isn’t much to tell, except for the way I left my wife and child eight months out of the year to pursue work I could have done at home. Does that qualify?”

“Alex
. That isn’t…that’s not what I meant.”

“I know.” His tone gentled and he traced the line of her jaw. “But I don’t know how to make you believe me.”

She wrinkled her nose. “For heaven’s sake, it’s no big deal. It’s just that your wife was a gifted homemaker, and I obviously come up short compared to her. Even successful career women have episodes of insecurity, you know.”

“You could never come up short,” Alex said, appalled. “You made my son come alive again.”

You made
me
come alive again
.

He now understood at a gut level why his parents had gotten married despite their gross incompatibility—they’d felt
more alive together than apart. To be really alive, you had to feel deeply, and Alex had done his best to wall himself away from emotion. Shannon tried to hide her deepest emotions, but they were an integral part of her heart and soul.

What would it be like being the man she felt safe enough to turn to when she was vulnerable and upset, instead of trying to be strong for everyone else?

Alex swallowed.

He wasn’t that man.

Was he?

“Listen to me. I don’t give a hoot about the cooking or cleaning,” he insisted. “It was never about housekeeping when I said I wasn’t…well…”

“Getting married again?” she finished for him.

“Yes. The truth is, I wasn’t a great husband,” he admitted. It was a relief to say it out loud, maybe because he knew Shannon wouldn’t judge him.

Shannon shook her head. “I saw Kim’s pictures. I know you made her happy. Isn’t that the real measure of a husband?”

He hoped that was true.

Alex had never been a cuddler, but he had a sudden need to do just that. He gave Shannon a sideways glance, wondering how she’d feel about it.

“Do you have to leave right away?” he asked.

“No. Do you need to go out again?”

He shook his head. “Just checking.” Getting up, he turned off the lights except those on the Christmas tree, then he sat on the floor and pulled Shannon down with him.

“Alex?”

His “just being friendly” routine from the night before stuck in his throat, so he settled her against his chest and
inhaled the fragrance that clung to her hair and skin. He was still concerned about Jeremy and spending Christmas with Shannon’s family, but he needed a moment of peace. The curious part was seeking peace with a woman who’d turned his routine and self-control on its ear.

“Aren’t you worried about Jeremy finding us like this?” Shannon asked after a while.

“I worry about everything. It’s one of my defining characteristics.”

He sensed, more than heard, her laugh.

“Then why are we still sitting here?”

“I don’t know, but it feels good. Tell me more about No-Name,” he whispered, wanting to prolong the stolen interlude.

“His
name
is Magellan, for the explorer, because he has a tendency to find unusual routes through things. But there isn’t much to tell. He’s skittish and distrustful and hates loud noises, and he’s so anxious to be loved that it breaks my heart.”

Alex wondered if Magellan knew his good fortune.

“Then he isn’t sleeping with you?”

“Not when I first go to bed, but by morning he’s snuggled under the blankets. It just takes him awhile to get there.”

Sheesh.

He’d definitely chosen the wrong topic if he’d hoped to keep his mind from going haywire again. Visions of Shannon in bed were a sure guarantee of heat and guilt and other emotions he didn’t want to confront. Yet the guilt seemed further away now. Maybe he’d just needed to hear someone say that he’d made his wife happy. Kim’s love hadn’t been the selfish kind; she wouldn’t want him to be alone.

And Kim
had
been happy. She’d made the most of their
time together, and found things that contented her when they weren’t.

“How did the meeting go today?” Shannon murmured.

The ordinary “how was your day” question made Alex smile. “Great. It was about me being assigned grad students next term. They sound like a good bunch. And Rita—the pregnant student I told you about—came by and said she’s decided to keep her baby. She still won’t say who the father is, but at least her folks have calmed down and want to help.”

“I should think they would,” Shannon said indignantly. “That poor kid. Kane has a corporate program to keep young mothers in school, but it’s easier when the parents are supportive. I’ll give you the number for her to call.”

“Thanks.”

Rain continued to patter outside, and the swish-slosh of cars driving the wet streets came more often now that commuters were arriving home from the city. Everything was dark except for the lights twinkling on the Christmas tree, and Alex wished it was possible to freeze time.

Sitting there in the holiday warmth that Shannon had created, there wasn’t any past or future, or any bad mistakes to repair or decisions to make. He could be like Magellan, exploring his way toward love and trust, nothing more to worry about than an unkind hand and sharply spoken words.

If only it were that easy.

“P
rooomise,” pleaded Jeremy.

Shannon hesitated. Jeremy had asked her to be there when he woke up on Christmas morning, but that meant she would have to spend the night. It was one thing to sleep at the McKenzies’ accidentally; it was another to do it deliberately.

“Yes. Promise?” Alex repeated his son’s request. “You can sleep in Jeremy’s room, and he can sleep with me.”

What about Jeremy getting the wrong idea? She asked the question silently, and Alex shrugged. She would be returning to work after the New Year, so maybe he figured they would gradually see less and less of each other, that way letting Jeremy down lightly.

It was depressing, but she summoned a smile. “All right. Except I’ll stay on the couch.”

Alex frowned. The proposed sleeping arrangement probably didn’t suit his notions of gallantry.

“Oh, pleeeze sleep in my room,” Jeremy begged before his father could say something.

“Uh-uh, I want to be down here and see Santa coming down the chimney.” She ignored the choking sound that came from Alex. “I never could catch him when I was little, but this might be the year I get lucky.”

“Santa?” The youngster’s face was scrunched up, doubtful but wanting to join in the fantasy at the same time.

“That’s right. We’ll put cookies and milk by the fireplace for him to eat, and leave the Christmas lights on all night.”

“So he can find us?”

“Santa doesn’t need lights to find us. He already knows you’re a good boy.”

“Daddy, I wanna sleep with Shannon and see Santa,” Jeremy declared firmly.

Shannon clasped her hand over her mouth to keep from laughing as Alex sighed, long and hard. She now knew where Jeremy got his heartfelt sighs—from his daddy.

“Okay, you can sleep downstairs,” Alex said, conceding defeat. “But Santa is hard to catch, so don’t get your hopes up.”

He received a spontaneous hug that nearly knocked him backward. “Goody. My daddy is the bestest daddy,” Jeremy declared proudly.

That was one of the reasons parents made bad decisions, Alex decided wryly, so they could hear their kids saying they were great. Despite Shannon’s chiding, he’d intended to stand firm on the subject of Santa Claus. The jolly old guy was merely a Christmas icon; his son needed to understand that it was the spirit of giving that was important.

Then Alex thought of the gifts for his family that he’d
shipped the day he’d met Shannon and realized the spirit of giving had little to do with his efforts. It was duty—the tired habit of sending gifts to people he hardly knew any longer.

What
had
he gotten for Gail?

He remembered. A gold chain. Something light for mailing to Japan. Probably similar to what he’d gotten the year before, and the year before that. Now he wished he had chosen something with more care.

“You
are
the bestest,” Shannon said, smiling faintly. She rose and asked Jeremy to come with her into the den, so she could show him the computer games she’d brought.

How quickly she’d become a part of their daily lives. Now that it was the Christmas break and he didn’t have to fight Jeremy over day-care, he ought to have begun the painful process of limiting their time together. But he hadn’t been able to do it. The way his son’s face lit up whenever he was around Shannon was too hard to resist.

After Christmas, Alex resolved.

He would break things off after the holidays. Shannon had restored the security his son had lost, and it must not be taken away too quickly.

What about
your
security?

Alex scowled at his nagging conscience. His next-door neighbor had become far too important to him, as well. She was so beautiful, it took his breath away, but that wasn’t the problem. It was the way she made him believe in possibilities that truly disturbed him.

He’d believed Kim was the perfect woman for him, with her calm and gentle nature. Shannon was nothing like that, yet she was loving and generous and filled with the joy of living. Could she be his second chance?

“You push that button, and see what happens?”

Jeremy was all smiles as he played on Shannon’s laptop. She’d ordered several games after he’d shown so much interest in computers at her office.

“You’re spoiling him,” Alex murmured when she walked into the kitchen. He gazed at her over the edge of his coffee cup, still blinking groggily, though he’d been awake for a couple of hours.

“They’re educational games. I did my research. You can’t spoil children with educational toys.”

“Uh-huh.”

She thought of the call she’d taken for Alex the previous day while he was out shopping, and smiled with secret delight. It had been Alex’s sister, trying to reach him on his home phone. They’d introduced themselves and talked for a few minutes. Apparently Alex had called Gail a few days before, which started her thinking about coming to Seattle for Christmas. Hearing that, Shannon had instantly invited her to the O’Rourke holiday celebration. But because Gail still wasn’t sure she’d been able to get a last-minute ticket for the nine-hour flight from Japan to Seattle, she’d asked Shannon not to tell Alex in case her travel plans fell through.

Shannon hoped Gail would be able to come. Families should be together for Christmas.

“I suppose you’re grinning like a Cheshire cat because of that Santa Claus stuff,” Alex grumbled.

“He’s only four years old, not twenty-four. When did you stop believing?”

“I never believed.”

Sadness filled Shannon at his flat tone. She’d been
raised by parents utterly devoted to each other and their children, who’d taught them about Irish mysticism and endless love, gifts she’d never fully appreciated before meeting Alex.

She’d fallen in love with him, the way her mother had fallen for a wild Irish lad. But it was by no means certain that Alex felt the same. He was so closed, so determined not to be disappointed again by love and life.

She’d thought her inability to be domestic was the biggest obstacle to love and marriage, but not with Alex. Those things faded into insignificance next to the big issues.

“Come on,” she said suddenly. “Let’s go someplace.”

“Huh?”

“Jeremy?” she called. “We’re going out.” Shannon smiled at Alex. “It’s December twenty-third and it has finally stopped raining. Let’s celebrate.”

She didn’t want him to object; she wanted him to forget to frown and have fun. Grabbing his hands, she pulled.

“I’m twice your size,” he said, beginning to smile.

With a neat twist of his wrists he tumbled her into his lap and laughed.

“The wrong idea,” she reminded, but wanting very much to be kissed.

“Right.” Alex’s gaze lingered on her lips. “Little pitchers have big ears—and eyes.”

Shannon pursed her mouth. “There’s always the utility room,” she suggested.

Apparently it was a suggestion he liked, because he swept her into the small dark room, slammed the door shut and cupped the back of her head. “I thought you’d hate being in here.”

“I’m a woman. I change my mind easily.”

That was all she got out, because Alex was kissing her so hungrily it was all she could do not to fall down. She felt him from her head to her toes and everywhere else between.

“J-just a friendly kiss,” she managed to say when his hands travelled up her rib cage.

“You don’t think this is friendly?” Alex’s thumbs rotated over her nipples and she moaned.

“Daddy?” came a plaintive voice on the other side of the door. “Where are you an’ Shannon?”

Alex uttered a single curse and Shannon grinned. “You bet it’s friendly,” she whispered. “But being
that
friendly is the way little pitchers get started in the first place.”

Didn’t he know it, Alex thought ruefully as Shannon eased free and opened the door.

“My goodness, Jeremy, you’re all ready to go,” he heard her exclaim. “You are growing up so fast. Let’s go get my coat, too. I …um, think your daddy needs a couple of minutes to himself.”

Alex took deep breaths and wished he was wearing loose sweatpants instead of jeans. When he could walk without cutting off his circulation, he followed Jeremy and Shannon into the living room. She looked at him with a merry expression.

“Feeling better?”

The little witch.

She knew exactly how aroused he’d been.

“Yes, I’m better. Where are we going?”

“I don’t know. Malls. Toy stores. Chocolate shops.”

“Yum,” Jeremy crowed. “I like chocolate.”

“So do I. Bet we can get your daddy to buy us a big chocolate Santa.”

Alex was resigned as he followed Shannon and Jeremy
to the Jeep. A man could only fight the tide so long before getting pulled under, and Shannon was like the tide. An inexorable force sweeping through his life.

An ancient memory came to him of his father at the beach, solemnly explaining it was best not to fight a wave. If you got knocked over, go with it and then find your footing. A rare family vacation, beset by the usual arguments and recriminations, but in the middle was the remembrance of something good.

“Did you see him, Shannon?” Jeremy asked on Christmas morning as he danced around the living room in uncontained excitement. “Did you see Santa?”

Shannon shook her head. “Nope, I fell asleep like always.”

“Me, too. But he came, didn’t he?”

She looked at the packages around the tree. She’d put some of them there after Jeremy had drifted into slumber, but more had appeared. Alex must have sneaked down after they were
both
asleep.

“Yes, he came,” Shannon said, a silly grin on her face. The last two days had been glorious, a wonderland of time spent with the man she loved to distraction, and a little boy who was as dear to her as if she’d given birth to him. She wouldn’t let herself think about what would happen once the holidays were over. Not now, not until she had to.

“I gotta get Daddy.” Jeremy went racing across the room, only to find his father on the staircase. “Santa came!
He came!
See, Daddy? An’ he ate the cookies and drank all the milk.”

“I see.”

Alex sat on the steps, dressed in jeans and a sweatshirt—he was everything she’d ever wanted for Christmas.

The scent of coffee came from the kitchen, the machine’s timer set by Alex the night before, but it was the empty plate of cookies that Shannon looked at. She’d forgotten to make it appear as if Santa had enjoyed his midnight treat. Alex had handled that little detail, and her heart swelled. Christmas was truly a miraculous time of year.

“Can we open presents now, Daddy?” Jeremy begged.

“Uh…okay.” He still didn’t look fully awake.

“Let your daddy have some coffee first.” She went to the kitchen and poured a large cup. Alex accepted it with a smile and tugged her down next to him. She did wonder if he was thinking about Kim and wishing she was there, but Shannon couldn’t resent the other woman’s memory. Kim had loved her family, and was surely watching over them the way Shannon knew her father was watching over her, comforting her in dark times, and rejoicing in the good ones.

“Do you want cookies with that?” she asked softly, to keep Jeremy from hearing.

“Cookies?”

Her gaze flicked to the empty plate by the fireplace and back again. “Yes. Thanks for remembering. I was so sleepy, I wasn’t thinking.”

“I didn’t eat anything. It must have been Santa.”

“You…” Shannon laughed and leaned into the arm Alex put around her.

After a while he shook himself. “I think it’s time to open presents,” he said, and Jeremy clapped his hands.

Soon the living room was a sea of paper and ribbon, something that Magellan—who’d also been a McKenzie houseguest—enjoyed immensely, along with the cat toys Santa had left him. Shannon held her breath when Alex opened her gift, an old ship’s sextant. He’d confessed a fascination
with early sailing ships, but she couldn’t be sure it was something he’d like.

“Shannon…it’s extraordinary.” He lifted the instrument from its velvet-lined case and checked the settings, peering through the eyepiece. “But you shouldn’t have.”

“I wanted to. And you should talk,” she said, her fingers stroking the antique copper teakettle Alex had gotten to put by her fireplace. It was perfect. A little bit of Ireland, like her grandparents’ home.

“This is from me, Shannon.” Jeremy gave her a package and crawled into her lap. She had given him a telescope and books and other toys, but it was the picture of his mother that she’d sealed in a plastic key chain that he wouldn’t put down.

“Thank you, Jeremy. It’s darling—just like Magellan.” It was a silver pin of a skittish cat, dancing on his toes.

He kissed her and sat looking at the picture of his mother. They had talked the night before, Shannon guessing that one of his wishes to Santa was that his mommy come home from heaven. Another was that he get a new mommy—Shannon.

The conflicting desires weren’t troubling to a child Jeremy’s age. She’d simply told him that Santa couldn’t bring those kinds of gifts, but to remember that his mother wasn’t any farther than his heart, and that grown-ups had to work things out for themselves.

“I’d better get ready to go,” Shannon said after they’d bagged the paper and ribbons.

“We’ll get ready, too,” Alex promised.

He looked tense, she realized as she crossed to her condo carrying Magellan; she’d probably blown everything, asking him to have Christmas with the rest of the
O’Rourkes. She should have remembered he didn’t have the best experiences with families. Yet surely it would be better once his sister arrived.

If
she arrived, Shannon reminded herself. Gail McKenzie had sounded uncertain about her plans, saying only that she hoped to arrive on Christmas day from Japan and would prefer to rent a car rather than have anyone meet her. But it would be a great surprise gift if she did get there.

Alex bathed Jeremy and tried not to think about the way Shannon had looked when he’d gone downstairs to put Santa’s packages beneath the tree. Angelic, her fiery nature muted by sleep. If Jeremy hadn’t been dozing by the tree, he might have kissed her again.