Meet Me Under The Mistletoe (O'Rourke Family 5) (6 page)

“And that would be awful, wouldn’t it? Getting involved with me?” Shannon asked, the words dripping with injured sarcasm. She busied herself lifting out the train and assembling pieces of track.

Damnation
.

It was his own fault for saying something so easily misinterpreted. Still, maybe he
did
want Shannon’s Christmas tree to be the reason Jeremy wanted to go to her home so badly. He’d spent so much of his son’s childhood in other parts of the world, then Kim had gotten sick, going so quickly, and he’d realized he had wasted three years. Three years when he could have been getting to know his own child. And now Jeremy would rather spend time with Shannon than with his own father.

“I’m not interested in getting married again, that’s all,” he murmured. “It has nothing to do with you.”

“Of course not.”

But her hurt look hadn’t faded and he groaned silently. He didn’t deal well with mixed signals and sensitive feelings. Even with his wife he’d struggled, and Kim had been exceptionally calm and good-natured. They’d rarely argued, and then only about Jeremy.

With Shannon it seemed as if all his nerve endings were exposed. He didn’t know why, except she was alive and vibrant, and so obviously off-limits.

“You’re beautiful, Shannon, you have to know that,” Alex whispered.

“Beautiful.” She tested the word as if she’d never heard it before. “What has that got to do with anything?”

“Nothing. Everything. I was just trying to be clear.”

Shannon thought Alex was as clear as mud. She didn’t even know why she was so stirred up over such an unreasonable man. At her request, Miranda had spent half the day collecting ornaments and specialty items for that darned Christmas tree, and the second half showing Shannon how to properly decorate it.

She had it so bad for Alex, she hadn’t even tried to make light of things with her sister. She’d tersely explained the decorations were for her next-door neighbor and his little boy, and to please not ask any questions. By now everyone in the O’Rourke family would know she’d gone around the bend. They would tease and tease, and she’d toss her head and give it right back to them.

Her feelings didn’t get hurt.

She was too tough for that. Her heart might have gotten broken when she was younger, but at twenty-eight she’d seen enough of the world to know better.

Right.

And Santa Claus was going to climb down her chimney on Christmas Eve.

“These are stockings for the mantel,” she said, getting up quickly.

The mantel didn’t have anything on it. For that matter, aside from Jeremy’s bedroom, the inside of the condo was generally bleak, with only toys and books adding color to the off-white walls and beige furniture. She arranged the two stockings on their hooks, then stepped back and bumped into Alex.

“Sorry,” she muttered, jerking away as every atom in her body reacted to the contact.

Leaning down, she collected a garland of silk holly leaves and berries and arranged it on the mantel, then put two battery-operated candle lights on one end. With her sister’s design, Alex McKenzie’s living room looked quite festive.

“How’s that?” she asked.

When he didn’t say anything, she dusted her hands. “Guess I’d better get out of your way. You can finish putting the train together later.”

Before she could do something stupid like cry, she headed in a beeline for the door. She had it open a few inches when Alex’s hand slapped it shut, his breath coming raggedly as he arched over her. She twisted in the small space between him and the door and looked up.

Blue eyes, dark as a midnight sky, gazed down at her, eyes filled with regret and frustration…and heat.

“You get to me,” he said harshly. “You must know that. You’re a sexy woman and I haven’t been with anyone for over a year. But I can’t get involved with my next-door neighbor, not with my son looking on. Particularly when I don’t plan to get married again. Do you understand?”

Despite Alex’s declaration, she felt the hard bulge at the top of his thighs as he leaned into her. There seemed little difference between the muscled length of his body and the unyielding door, and an answering warmth radiated out from Shannon’s breasts.

Her arms found their way around his neck and bubbles seemed to be sliding through her veins instead of blood.

“I understand,” she said, though it wasn’t true.

Alex’s hand cupped her chin, and he pressed a kiss to her mouth, his tongue thrusting boldly inside, claiming her as easily as he breathed.

Shannon’s moan was lost in the dark, hot joining. It had never been like this with another man, so out-of-control, so improper, so very good. His thumb rubbed across her nipple, then the world spun and there was a sensation of going down, of weight descending on her. She squirmed, inviting it.

He shoved her sweater and bra out of the way and his hands closed over her breasts with a hungry demand. She arched into the caress. Suddenly, Alex froze…and a second later she knew the reason. From the second floor came the faint sound of coughing.

Alex stared at her as she breathed in deep gasps, trying to clear her head. His eyes darkened, his gaze lingering on the sensitive peaks of her breasts. Her nipples tightened as if they’d been stroked and a low moan rose from her throat. She couldn’t remember the last time she had felt anything close to the way he was making her feel.

“Daddy?” Jeremy called in the silence, still sounding hoarse from his cold. “Can I have a drink of water?”

“Stay where you are
,” Alex ordered hastily. “I’ll be right up.”

Finally coming to her senses, Shannon bolted upright and yanked her clothing into place. Her first thought was escape, but Alex put a hand on her arm as she scrambled to her feet.

“You stay, too,” he said. “We have to talk.”

W
hat a mess
.

Shannon sat on the floor, blindly assembling the toy train she’d brought, and tried to understand why she’d let Alex kiss her like that.

Because you
wanted
to kiss him, that’s why, you idiot, her conscience taunted, and she rolled her eyes. Kissing Alex was a lost cause. He’d made it clear he wasn’t getting married again, and she was tired of being single and pretending to like it.

The O’Rourkes were marrying kind of people.

Even Neil had accepted the truth, and sooner or later her youngest brother and three sisters would find their soul mates, as well. The brides would toss their bouquets and they’d go on their honeymoons and start their families. She was happy for them, but it was hard feeling left behind.

She wanted to believe she had a soul mate, too, but she’d stubbed her romantic toes too many times to have
much hope of finding someone to love her as she was, domestic limitations and all.

Face grim, Alex walked down the staircase and sat on the bottom step. He didn’t say anything and Shannon tried to calm her queasiness. Was he angry, blaming her for that brief moment when the needs of his body had outweighed the caution in his mind?

Taking a deep breath, she squared her shoulders. “Aren’t you glad we got that out of our systems?” Her voice cracked a couple of times, but it was the best quip she could devise in her current state of mind.

“Did we?”

Her eyes narrowed.

If Alex said something chauvinistic or crude, she was going to kick him. “At least you could pretend.”

He sighed. “I’m not good at pretending, Shannon. I spent my childhood in a marital war zone, followed by divorced-parent hell, never knowing when the screaming was going to start. I got lucky with Kim, but I don’t expect to get lucky a second time. That’s just one of the reasons I’m not getting married again.”

“I don’t remember asking you to marry me.”

“I can’t have an affair, either. It’s nothing against you, but I have to think about Jeremy.”

Shannon glared. The male half of the human race was so arrogant, she didn’t know why women bothered with them. “That’s fine, because I
also
didn’t ask you for an affair. Have you forgotten I was leaving when you stopped me? Besides, it was just a kiss.”

“I’m not so sure.” Alex let out a low curse. “This isn’t going to work. I can’t let Jeremy start hoping for something that isn’t going to happen.”

“What isn’t going to work? We’re agreed we aren’t getting married, and we aren’t having an affair. So I wouldn’t worry about Jeremy getting his hopes up about anything.”

“You heard him that first night.” He gave her a moody look.
“If Shannon was my new mommy, we could eat pizza whenever we wanted
.”

Shannon sighed. Even
she
knew children said things they didn’t understand. “That was just wishful thinking. It surprised me, but he would have said the same thing to a ninety-five-year-old grandmother who suggested pizza for dinner.”

A faint smile pulled at Alex’s mouth. “Ninety-five?”

“Yes. You don’t actually think Jeremy knows why people get married, do you? He’s too young for that.”

“I should hope he doesn’t,” Alex said fervently. He had a sudden vision of trying to explain the birds and bees to Jeremy in a few years. It was enough to turn him gray. With his luck, his precocious little boy would start noticing girls by the time he was five.

Shannon chuckled and he looked at her. “What’s so funny?”

“You look as if you’re contemplating a snake-infested swamp.”

“Worse, I was imagining having to explain sex to my son. It’s pure luck that I’m not explaining it right now. The modified version, of course.”

“Of course.” She laughed harder, and after a moment he grinned, as well. There was nothing coy or shy about Shannon and it was surprisingly refreshing.

“Hey, someday you’ll be in my shoes and it won’t seem so funny.”

“Maybe, but it’s further away in my future.”

“Don’t you want kids?”

Her smile faltered. “One day. Maybe.” She began working on the train again and he sat next to her, fitting pieces together, as well. The town took shape, along with a small forest of trees and a mountain with a tunnel.

He sighed. “You were supposed to take this back. And here I am, helping put it together.”

“Call it a permanent loan. I don’t need two toy trains.”

He opened his mouth, then closed it again, instead snapping together the last piece of track. Jeremy would love the tree and train, but he doubted his son would talk less about Shannon just because they now had their own Christmas wonderland.

There was something about Shannon that was hard to forget. The more Alex saw of her, the less he saw the breezy sophisticate from their first meeting. He wasn’t sure if that was good or bad, because the woman beneath the surface was intelligent, charming…and ever so appealing.

It was baffling, but he just plain
liked
Shannon. She was far too emotional, something he’d always avoided in both male and female friends. And he would have expected her to act like a spoiled princess given her family’s wealth, but she was down-to-earth and generous to a fault. It made him uncomfortable in ways he hadn’t expected, raising questions about the way he’d lived, the way he’d denied the deeper workings of his own soul.

The train’s power cords were hidden from view and Shannon flipped a switch on the control board. The lights of the Victorian town twinkled merrily beneath the tree.

“How’s that?” she asked.

“It’s great. You have a gift for this sort of thing.”

She had a gift for handling public relations problems,
not decorating or cooking. But she could write a check and wield a credit card with the best homemaker on the planet.

“My sister is responsible,” she admitted. “Miranda is a professional decorator, and she had most of this stuff in stock already. Anything you want, she can take care of.”

“Can she take care of my big mouth?” Alex rubbed the back of his neck. “Please believe me, I never meant to hurt your feelings yesterday. The truth is, I was jealous. Jeremy is the most important thing in the world to me, yet you’ve been able to reach him, when I can’t.”

The pain in Alex’s face turned Shannon’s stomach into mush. “You mustn’t worry, he adores you,” she whispered.

His mouth lifted in a brief smile. “I appreciate that, but I still can’t reach him. Why, Shannon? Why can’t I get through to my own son?”

She thought about her day with Jeremy, and the quick, almost guilty look he’d given his father when he had said he couldn’t remember his mother’s face.

“Maybe he’s trying to protect you,” she said gently.

“Protect
me?
What are you talking about?”

Shannon let out a breath and wondered if she was mistaken. Her instincts told her she was right, but her instincts might be wrong. Still…

“The thing is… I don’t see any pictures or keepsakes of your wife around, and you seem reluctant to talk about her in front of Jeremy. Maybe he’s decided it hurts you too much, and he’s trying not to upset you.” She lifted her shoulders in a shrug. “Problem is, those feelings don’t go away.”

“He’s a child. I’m supposed to take care of him.”

“Yes, but when someone dies, people say odd things. Things like ‘smile.’ ‘Don’t be so sad.’ ‘Be strong for your family. For your mommy. For your daddy.’”

“Damn.” Alex rubbed his face, his mind working furiously.

Could that be it?

Jeremy thinking he had to grieve in silence…the way Shannon had grieved? He gazed at her and wondered what other secrets were hidden behind her green eyes and bright smiles.

“Somebody said that to you, didn’t they?” he murmured.

She shrugged noncommittally. “Isn’t it strange that people tell you not to be sad when you’ve lost someone? Why shouldn’t you be sad when that happens?”

A long sigh came from Alex’s diaphragm.

Shannon scared the hell out of him, but he was also starting to understand how seductive powerful emotions could be. Time after time, his parents had torn each other to pieces. They should have called it quits after their first knock-down-drag-out fight, but neither one of them had been able to leave, not for fourteen years.

And he’d bet that a man, once hooked, wouldn’t be able to leave Shannon any longer than it took to turn off the lights and pull her close.

“What are you thinking?” she whispered, and Alex fought the appeal of her sweet concern.

He inhaled sharply…a mistake.

His senses were filled with the subtle perfume of her skin, a scent that teased and tempted. He’d prided himself on his control, determined to be different from his parents, but now that control was vanishing.

Alex closed his eyes and tried to summon Kim’s image, but all that came was a twinge of guilt and the warmth of a cherished memory.

No
. He clenched his fists in denial. He didn’t relish the
role of grieving widower, but Kim had deserved better than a husband who spent most of his nights in a foreign clime. At the very least she deserved a man who grieved for her properly.

“Shannon…we changed the subject, but nothing has actually changed,” he forced himself to say. “Seeing you isn’t good for me. Truly, it’s my problem. You’re terrific, but I don’t want to be involved with anyone. Jeremy has to come first.”

Shannon looked down, her heart aching for a thousand different reasons. She’d been drawn to Alex from the beginning, and it hurt to have him push her away. But some things were more important than her feelings.

“I agree that Jeremy comes first,” she said quietly. “But you said yourself that I’ve been able to reach him. Are you willing to throw that away? We can make it clear that we’re just friends. And we can make sure it stays that way when we’re alone,” she added.

Alex was silent for so long she wondered if he’d heard, or was thinking some dark thoughts of his own. Then his eyebrows lifted. “Friends? After what just happened?”

“Men and women can be friends without sex and romance coming into it,” she said, exasperated. She had good male friends. And while she’d never tried to be friends with a man she found as attractive as Alex, it had to be possible. Her brother, Dylan, had been buddies with Kate Douglas since they were kids before he’d finally woken up and married her.

Swell.

Shannon shook her head in disgust.

Dylan and Kate were
not
a good example. But she was still certain it could be done.

“We’ll just have to work at it,” she said.

“All right,” Alex agreed slowly, though he didn’t seem a hundred-percent convinced.

“Good. I’m still off work, so if you need someone to sit with Jeremy, I’m available.”

“That would be great.”

She stuck her hand out and they shook, a silly formality that should have made her laugh. But it was hard to laugh around the lump in her throat, or the tears trying to find their way to the surface once again.

“How’s that, Jeremy?”

Jeremy solemnly regarded the cup of flour Shannon held up. “It’s s’posed to be at the line.”

“Oh. Right.” She scooped some flour from the measuring cup and shook it a little. “Is that better?”

“Okay.”

She dumped the flour into the bowl with the other dry ingredients and gave the mixture a dubious look. The cookbook she’d bought claimed this was a foolproof recipe for gingerbread cookies, but she had her doubts. Nobody had Shannon-O’Rourke-proofed a recipe yet.

At least her agreement to be “just friends” with Alex meant she didn’t have to worry about him discovering she was the domestic equivalent of a shipwreck. On the other hand, she still hadn’t rushed to tell him the truth, either, particularly when he’d asked if she’d make cookies with Jeremy.

The words had stuck in her throat.

Instead of saying, “Sorry, but I couldn’t bake a cookie to save my life,” she’d agreed to his request. Worst of all, she and Jeremy were making those cookies in the McKenzie kitchen, rather than her house, so anything she broke,
spindled or mutilated would belong to Alex. Fortunately, he was upstairs, looking for something, instead of sitting in the kitchen watching her make a fool of herself. But sooner or later he’d come down and see her mess up the place.

At least Jeremy looked content. He had smudges of flour on his cheeks and a smile on his mouth; it was worth a little humiliation if it made him happy. And he was so smart. He could already read words like
flour
and
sugar
and
ginger
, and he understood measurements.

He was
also
smart enough to understand the difference between really being sick, and pretending because he didn’t like the changes in his life.

“Jeremy, have you ever heard the story about the boy who cried wolf?” she asked casually.

He shook his head. “Uh-uh.”

“It’s about a little boy who was given the job of watching the sheep for his village. A village is a small town,” she explained. “It was an important job, making sure a wolf didn’t come and scare the animals.”

“What was the boy’s name?”

Shannon blinked and thought furiously. She didn’t know the story that well, just the highlights and the message behind it. “I think… I think his name was… Bob.” She cringed the moment the name came from her mouth, but she was new to this storytelling thing.

“Bob?”

“Y-yes. Bobby. Bobby liked watching the sheep, but sometimes it was boring, and he wanted to get the villagers’ attention. So he’d cry ‘Wolf!’ and everyone would drop what they were doing and come to help chase it away. But when they got there, he’d laugh because they were out of breath and worried, and
he
knew it was just a joke.”

Jeremy darted a look at her. “That wasn’t nice.”

“You’re right, it wasn’t nice. Unfortunately, he kept doing it and the villagers stopped believing him. Then one day a wolf
did
come.”

“What did he do?”

She swallowed, suddenly unsure of herself. A sheep-eating wolf was a grim tale for a four year old; it might have been better if she’d asked Alex before starting the story.