Mazel Tov: Celebrities' Bar and Bat Mitzvah Memories (12 page)

Senator Joseph Lieberman has never shied away from making commitments. From doing the best job he could as a bar mitzvah boy, to his astounding accomplishments as a United States senator, Lieberman has given our country his spirit, drive and ability to make our home a better place. His involvement in public policy is as close to endless as humanly possible.

A native of Connecticut, Senator Joseph Lieberman has dedicated his life to public service, his family, and his religion. After earning his law degree in 1967, Lieberman was elected in 1970 to the Connecticut State Senate, where he served for ten years. He went into private practice in the early 1980s and then served as Connecticut’s twenty-first attorney general until 1988. During this time, Lieberman took on polluters of his state’s environment. He also took on deadbeat dads by increasing the enforcement of child support. As a defender of consumers’ rights, his fan base grew. His election to the United States Senate in 1988 launched him into a nearly twenty-year career (to date) as a United States senator. In his most recent victory in 2006, Lieberman ran as an Independent, showing his commitment to public service, and as a supporter of Americans, regardless of party.

His stand on security issues has changed the way the United States is protected. He led the Senate into establishing the Department of Homeland Security to ensure that our nation has the best protection possible from terrorist attacks. He advances economic policies that encourage the growth of businesses and markets for American goods and services. He supports public schools and encourages students to achieve. He believes that all Americans should have the opportunity to go to college so that they have a better chance at a successful career. Senator Lieberman wants America to be a smart country, and a healthy one. A goal is to make sure that Americans have access to quality health care they can afford. His hope is that Medicare and Social Security will be available for our descendents. His belief in the strength of family is evident by his take on religion, and how it draws families together.

Senator Lieberman is chairman and former ranking member of the Homeland Security and Governmental Affairs Committee. He is a member of the Environment and Public Works Committee where he is the chairman of the Subcommittee on Private Sector and Consumer Solutions to Global Warming and Wildlife Protection; Senate Armed Services Committee, where he is chairman of the Subcommittee on AirLand Forces, and sits on the Personnel and Sea Power Subcommittees; he is also a member of the Small Business Committee.

Senator Lieberman and his wife, Hadassah, live in New Haven, Connecticut, and Washington. They have four children, Matthew, Rebecca, Ethan and Hana, and three granddaughters, Tennessee, Willie, and Eden, and a grandson, Yitzak.

JOSEPH LIEBERMAN TODAY I AM AN INDEPENDENT

As my youngest child, who is now 18, says, we are a classic 1950s Orthodox family where the rabbi has tremendous influence in one’s life. Our rabbi, Rabbi Joseph Ehrenkranz, always preached very outward-reaching Orthodox Judaism. That is, outward-reaching in the community through actions, social action included. I was bar mitzvahed in a synagogue in Stamford, Connecticut. I was born and raised in Stamford. The synagogue, called Agudath Sholom, still exists but now in a different building.

If my mother were still alive, she would remember details of my bar mitzvah. She passed away about a year and a half ago. My dad passed away quite a long time ago. But what I remember is that I’m pretty sure there was a kiddush afterward, downstairs in the social hall. It was not too extravagant. My bar mitzvah had a significant religious component. I worked hard to learn how to lead the service and then to read a part of the Torah. I remember that it was the first time ever that I got up and actually led the service and filled a kind of cantorial role. My grandmother was very proud of what I was doing. She was a very important force in my life. We lived with her in her house for the first eight years of my life. When we moved, she spent at least half of every week with us.

CONSIDERING YOU WERE RAISED ORTHODOX, TELL ME WHAT THE SERVICE AND CELEBRATION MEANT TO YOU AT THE TIME

It was very, very special to me. We had a party at the Jewish Community Center that night. My parents wanted it to be a nice event. There was a kosher caterer in town, who also cooked for the local Jewish Center day camp. Actually, she was my first employer. I think that a year before my bar mitzvah, I went to work for her. Her name was Mrs. Falk. I worked as a waiter for her in the summer before my bar mitzvah. That was the first job I ever had in my life. And the first time I saw how mashed potatoes were made led me not to want to eat mashed potatoes, other than in my own house. I can’t tell you that much about the party but there was a pretty good crowd there and we ate good, down-home kosher cooking.

I remember that we had boys and girls at the party. And there was mixed dancing. Like I said, classic 1950s Orthodox. I was pretty active. I hate to call myself popular, but I was always sociable and had a lot of friends. Most of my friends were actually not Jewish. Stamford was a very ethnically diverse, racially diverse community. I had a lot of non-Jewish kids at my bar mitzvah. They were fascinated by it, as I recall, and very respectful. I had a secret crush on a girl named Maddie but in those days, it didn’t go much further, at thirteen, than a secret crush.

About the gifts, there was a joke at that time, that “today I am a fountain pen” business, because everybody got fountain pens. I actually got a lot of cuff links. Who ever thought that a thirteen-year-old kid would wear French cuffs? I remember that I did get all the envelopes. And I gave them to my dad, and they put them in a savings account. And they gave it to me later, either when I got out of college, or even possibly when I got married so the amount had grown. It was a classic wonderful parental thing to do.

And I remember that, at least in Stamford at the time, maybe it still happens, we had the climactic candle-lighting ceremony. At the bar mitzvah party, there were, of course, thirteen candles on the cake. Different members of the family were called and honored by being asked to light a candle. So my grandmother, my uncles, my aunts, my sister all lit candles.

My mother and father asked a cousin, who was a high school teacher, to be the master of ceremonies. He claimed for years later, and he lived into his nineties, that as he called on me to light the last candle, the thirteenth candle, he predicted that I would one day be a United States senator. His name was Abe Hecht and if only he were alive, he could tell you stories.

THAT’S INCREDIBLE! HE COULD HAVE PREDICTED THAT YOU WOULD BE A DOCTOR OR A LAWYER. WHY DO YOU THINK HE SAID A SENATOR?

I don’t know. And it’s too bad. I kind of remember that he said it, but honestly, what did it mean to me, at that point? Really, what I wanted to be was center fielder for a major-league baseball team.

SO, YOU WERE HOPING HE’D SAY, “TODAY, YOU ARE A MAN, AND WHEN YOU ARE A MAN FOR REAL, YOU WILL BE A BASEBALL PLAYER.”
NOT
…“WHEN YOU GROW UP, YOU’LL BE A SENATOR.”

A senator, what the heck is that? Anyway, that’s what I remember. There were a lot of kids, my parents were very generous that way, and a lot of family and my parents’ friends. There could have been one hundred and fifty in that hall. But it wasn’t extravagant. I remember my mom joking with me some years ago about how much it cost them, because it was nothing by today’s standards. What did Mrs. Falk charge for a meal? $5, $7.50? I don’t know. And it was in the JCC auditorium, not in a big hotel or anything. And the synagogue itself, which now has a beautiful social hall, didn’t have much of a social hall, then.

DID YOU HAVE ANY SORT OF FEELING WHEN YOU WERE UP THERE THAT YOU WOULD ONE DAY BE IN THE PUBLIC EYE?

That’s really interesting. I probably was on some kind of track to try to accomplish something. But I don’t know how defined it was. I mean, I did well at school. I wanted to do well as I said, to learn the various parts of the service, to lead them all, and then to read from the Torah, and to give a speech.

I had a sort of confidence and pride about it, and needless to say, I was showered with praise from my parents. I will share this story that I love to tell. It happened later, but it’ll give you a flavor and idea of my upbringing. A very close friend came from Yale to my home in Stamford for a weekend. And on the way back, he said to me, “You know, your parents are just so supportive and proud of you.” He said, “I have this picture in my mind that when you were a kid, and you would come down for breakfast in the morning, your parents would give you a standing ovation.”

In reality, it wasn’t quite that way. But they were very supportive in a loving, demanding way. And that is an incredible gift in life. It’s probably just about the best thing that can happen to a person early in life, to have parents who believe in them and encourage them. I think that played out at the bar mitzvah because I felt that I was expected to stretch and do all the parts of the service, and to give a good speech.

GETTING BACK TO WHAT YOUR FRIEND SAID, DID YOU AT LEAST GET A STANDING OVATION FROM YOUR PARENTS AT YOUR BAR MITZVAH?

No. But I got a lot of praise. And of course, when I got called to light the thirteenth candle, and an introduction as a future senator, I got quite a round of applause.

CLEARLY, JUDAISM IS VITAL TO YOUR WHOLE FAMILY. IN FACT, YOUR SON IS A RABBI?

He’s my stepson and, yes, he is. So, I don’t want to take total genetic credit for that. My other son is a principal of a Jewish day school in Atlanta. All of the kids are involved in Jewish life. It’s fascinating. Two of my kids have gone to law school but the one who’s the principal of the Jewish day school in Atlanta just didn’t enjoy law practice, went into teaching and loved it, and then applied around the country to be a principal and ended up in Atlanta. My daughter went to law school, and has worked in human service and charitable organizations. Now she consults for Jewish foundations, so she’s mostly involved in an Israeli-based foundation.

HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT TODAY’S MORE EXTRAVAGANT BAR MITZVAH CELEBRATIONS THAT ARE MORE ABOUT THE PARTY THAN THE SERVICE?

If your family has the capacity, and they really want to throw a big party, they can do that. But then you’ve got to work a little harder to make sure that the kids understand what they’re stepping into. Because it’s a rite of passage, it’s the moment when you’re deemed to be of age, and therefore responsible to try to conduct yourself according to the principles and practices of the religion. And also, in a larger sense, to accept the torch of Jewish history and Jewish destiny, that goes back, by our count, six millennia, and to carry it forward. So it’s quite a moment. And I think it’s important for that not to get lost in the big party. There are too many jokes about the fact that the bar mitzvah becomes, too often, a graduation from Hebrew school, instead of what it’s really meant to be, which is the moment when you’re respected as an adult and you also take on responsibilities.

YOUR RELIGION HAS BEEN SUCH AN IMPORTANT PART OF YOUR LIFE. HOW DOES IT PLAY IN TO YOUR LIFE NOW, WITH THIS KEY POSITION YOU HOLD?

For a while, I stopped observing the Sabbath, but then I came back to it shortly after I got married and had children. It’s such an important part of my life, and sometimes people say to me—how can you be involved in campaigns and how can you be a senator and still keep the Sabbath? And the answer is, “How could I do it without keeping the Sabbath?” Because the Sabbath is a time to stop, a time to to be reflective. It’s a time to be with your family. It’s a time to not have the pressures of the rest of the week, to appreciate what you’ve been given, and the opportunities you have.

But there’s no question that we’re all the result of what has gone before, our life experience, our parents, our reading of history. And there’s no question to me, that part of me, who votes on matters or takes positions, has been greatly affected by the sum total of Jewish history, ethics, and social values. So it’s very much a part of me. And it continues. The more I go out in life, the more I’m grateful for, and grateful to my parents for putting me on this path. To me this is a source of great strength.