Loving Your Lies (25 page)

“Julian, is Jona all right?” My mother’s
anxious words carried to us from the garden. From the garden…where
Julian should be right now.

My heart stopped. From three feet away,
Julian stared into my eyes, his expression unreadable. My nails dug
into the backrest so hard that I feared to rip the fabric.

“What are you doing here?” Speaking
deliberately slowly, I emphasized every single word with
horror.

His expression did not change. He just
stared at me with intense blue eyes, chin low and lips tight. “I
came to your rescue when I heard you scream.”

“No. I mean,
how in the world did you get
here so fast
?”

Julian waited a second before he answered.
“I…rushed.”

Rrright.
Just that he’d never make it
upstairs in less than two seconds. So for a change, he thought he’d
jump up to the balcony.

He couldn’t be here. And we both knew
it.

18

FRIENDS, AND NOTHING
MORE

THE CHAIR SWIVELED on its casters between me
and Julian. I tried to stay steady, my shaky hands clutching the
backrest. Silence hung in the room like a heavy curtain. Julian’s
eyes mellowed, his shoulders relaxed. But he still didn’t speak.
And neither did I.

Lou-Lou barked once then retreated from the
doorway. Her large paws thumping as she trotted downstairs was the
only sound. She’d left me alone with this mysterious man. I had no
idea what to do next.

“You came in over the balcony. Not through
that door.” I moved my eyes to indicate the door where Lou-Lou was
sitting up to a second ago.

My hands slipped from the backrest when
Julian grabbed the chair and rolled it to the side. He approached
with palms up, cradled my face, and forced me to meet his gaze. The
shock of unexplainable events kept me rooted while I tried to
gather my racing thoughts.

“I climbed the façade on the twine ladder.
Then I hiked over the railing. You scared me like hell. I guess I
wasn’t paying attention to details.”

My breathing softened as I reveled in his
touch. His tender hands on my skin swarmed me with ease. Abnormal,
euphoric ease. Surreal for this world. Longing succeeded over
confusion. I finally gave in as he gently pulled me to his
chest.

His sigh brushed the top of my head. “I’m
glad you’re all right.”

“I only hope Lou-Lou restrains from bringing
me more dead animals.” I slid my arms around his waist and let his
earthy scent comfort me. The shock of the past five minutes shifted
into an amazing state of tranquility.

He let out a soft chuckle. “You know, she
brought you her prey to show that she likes you. Natural
instinct.”

“She scared the shit out of me.” With a
disbelieving frown, I glanced up at his warm eyes. “So if I ever
find a man to love me he might be bringing dead ducks to my
bedroom?”

Julian’s laugh conquered the eerily calm
room. He ruffled my hair. “Somehow, I can’t see that
happening.”

A cozy feeling spread through me as he
fondled the back of my neck with his tender fingers. I wondered if
Julian was the kind of man to give his girlfriend presents to show
his affection. Definitely not a dead duck. So what—?

A hoodie.

I closed my eyes for a moment, pressing
against him a little tighter, and reveled in his embrace. I allowed
myself to daydream of him caring for me just a little more than for
all the others. But I dismissed the notion with a snort.

After all, this particular caring and family
stuff I experienced with Aunt Marie had left me messed up and
vulnerable. For twelve plus years, I’d lived in a loveless world
and had adapted to it. I had to clear my head and return to that
place, where no one could hurt me anymore.

I jerked out of Julian’s hold. “Charlene is
waiting downstairs. You best hurry to her and go on with your
walk.” I couldn’t keep the disgust and also a hint of jealousy from
my low voice.

Gaze hardening, he nodded once. “Right.” He
kept his eyes focused on the floor as he stepped out and closed the
door behind him.

Tracing my hands over my face where he’d
touched me, I tried to recall the sensation of his soft fingers
there. What was wrong with this man? And more important, what did
he do to me?

A feeling struck. I should be scared of this
guy. Majorly so. Was I the only one to see there was something
different about him? And that
something different
was a far
cry from the average kind of queer. Like paranormal almost. But
something inside me refused to believe any of that shit. After all,
my wits were still intact, and I should be able to separate reality
from fantasy.

Pinching the bridge of my nose, I still had
difficulty accepting his explanations. True, the duck might have
not been dead after all. And he could have climbed the twine
ladder. Julian wanted me to believe it. Why would he lie?

Slouched forward, I rummaged in the drawer
to fish out the list I started a week ago, titled
Julian’s
spooky dual life.
Reviving the duck and his jump fifteen feet
up to the balcony added two more points to the data sheet. As I
stared out of the window, my teeth sank into the top of the pencil
and the taste of wood spread in my mouth.

Down in the vineyards, two small figures
wandered along the path. My mother had looped her arm around
Julian’s bent elbow, and he turned his head toward her every now
and then.

Damn, I wished I could hear what they were
talking about. He revitalized my mother every day, so she must know
about his secret. If there was one anyway, and he didn’t just serve
her stimulant drugs in a drink after all.

Flipping the pencil through my fingers and
dragging a long sigh, I watched as darkness slowly set. This
evening, I wouldn’t wait for him to visit. The French door creaked
on its hinges as I closed and locked it.

When I returned to my desk to hide the list
in the drawer again, my gaze caught on my spidery handwriting.

“What’s your secret?” My whisper ebbed in
the empty room.

Ah, bullcrap. I folded the paper and shoved
it between the pages of
The Lord of the Rings.
Maybe I had
read a bit too much last night, and the images had rubbed off on
me.

That night, sleep didn’t come fast. The
clock’s hands had only moved a few minutes each time I checked, and
I predicted this was going to be one long night.

Lying on my back, I listened to the
shuffling of footsteps on the tiles in the hallway. Julian had
returned from his stroll with the dragon. Minutes later, the wood
on the balcony floor creaked under his feet. The curtains banned
the porch’s soft light from my room, but the yearning to see him
remained.

Close to climbing out of bed and dressing
again, I tucked the blanket under my chin and turned on my side,
facing the blank wall. The danger of deepening these longings for
him loomed just around the corner. It was far too risky to fall
into this particular trap. Hurt enough for a lifetime, I couldn’t
bear to be pushed away again. If I kept people outside the secure
line of my self-protection, they wouldn’t be able to.

In the morning, Julian and I were only going
to be what I could afford the most to let happen. Friends. Nothing
more. The growing fondness of him had to stay locked away in the
depths of my heart. But those few precious moments I spent in his
embrace I would cherish forever.

Eyes squeezed shut, I willed the image of
his warm smile to stop dancing before me.

When I blinked next, daylight broke through
the slits in the curtains. A shiver gripped my entire body as cold
enveloped my skin. The covers had slipped to the floor during the
night. Dreams of a murderous Lou-Lou coming after me must have
caused me to toss and turn.

I opened the balcony door, enjoyed the warm
caress of the morning sun on my face and took a deep breath. The
smell of Marie’s hyacinths and freshly brewed coffee wafted on the
breeze.

Ah, precious Saturday. No work for the next
forty-eight hours. The muscles in my back would sure appreciate it.
With a giant yawn, I stretched my limbs.

“Jona, is that you?” my aunt’s voice drifted
from the garden.

“Good morning,” I said loud enough for her
to hear. On my tiptoes, I tried to get a glimpse down, but the best
I got was a glance at the entrance to the vineyard.

“Come down, we are having breakfast out
here.”

My stomach gave a rumble at the thought of
toast with jam and orange juice. “Be down in a sec.”

After I tucked a pair of shorts over my
bottom and pulled the black V-neck tee from Marie’s donated pile
over my head, I jogged down the stairs and strolled out into the
garden. Too warm to wear boots, the cool grass tickled my toes.

Everyone had found a seat around a large
table with glass top where a colorful breakfast was laid out.
Albert hurried to fetch another chair and placed it between him and
Marie.

I met Julian’s gaze and quickly dragged my
fingers through my bed hair. Damn, I should have taken the time to
run a comb through that mess.

“Good morning,” I said again before I
lowered into the chair. Steam rose from the pot when Marie poured
coffee into my cup.

Julian lounged deep in the wooden lawn chair
opposite me, with his fingers laced over his stomach. I raised my
hand to give him a special greeting. A set of dimples perfected his
smile.

Dear God, why did I choose to lock the door
again last night?

Next to him sat my mother, but I didn’t pay
her the tiniest hint of attention. I’d trained myself in ignoring
the dragon at mealtimes. It helped a lot that she didn’t speak to
me. She stopped that habit one week ago when I had refused to eat
her stinking cake.

An extra portion of milk and sugar toned
down the bitterness of the coffee. I nicked a slice of toast and
smeared butter and jam on it. Meanwhile, Marie scooped a spoonful
of scrambled eggs from a ceramic bowl and dropped them on my
plate.

Returning to her own cup and bun, she said,
“Tonight, we will have a handful of guests for a little
celebration,
chérie
.”

“Yeah, I know. Julian said so yesterday.”
And I was most sorry that I couldn’t attend the festivity, but a
throbbing headache would without doubt come on sometime this
afternoon. Suppressing a grin, I bit the corner of the toast.

Julian fixed me with an intruding stare that
I could hold no longer than a couple of seconds. He couldn’t know
what I what I was thinking, could he?

“Unfortunately, Albert and I are busy with
party preparations, so we will not have much time for anything
else.” Marie explained.

“Can I help you with anything?” I
offered.

“
Mais nó
, you have worked enough for
this week. You should take a look at the beautiful sides of France
while you are here.”

I got a look at the most beautiful side of
France when I glanced across the table.

Julian still held me captive with his gaze.
His eyes sparked as though he knew what would come next and just
waited patiently for my reaction.

“Luckily, Julian offered to show you around
and to—” She paused and pursed her lips. “—to entertain you.”

Having just sipped from her coffee, my
mother sputtered the entire load in a spray of drops over her plate
then coughed as if her life had met an early end.

“Good gracious, Charlene!” My aunt clapped a
hand to her chest. Then she fetched a napkin and, leaning over the
table, wiped up the mess. “Are you feeling all right?”

“And I thought you’d only get this in
films.” Washed with disgust, I rolled my eyes. Nasty sprinkles of
the dragon’s spit had landed on my glass. With two fingers, I
pushed the juice away from me.

My mother took the napkin out of Marie’s
hand. “I’m so sorry. Don’t know what got into me.” Her apology was
an embarrassed mumble, matching the flaming red of her cheeks. She
cast me a glance around the curtain of her hair, lowered into the
chair, and ducked her head from Julian’s disapproving look.

When everyone had calmed down, I glanced at
my aunt and Julian in turn. “There’s really no need to entertain
me. I’m used to spending time by myself.”

“You are our guest, Jona. As long as you
stay with us, I do not want you to feel bored, or worse, left
behind.” Marie placed her slim hand on my forearm. “And Julian
insisted.”

“Did he?” Not breaking gazes with Julian, my
mocking grin mirrored his. “How
nice
of him.”

He straightened, propped his elbows on the
table and folded his arms. The amusement vaporized from his eyes
and was replaced by a warm shine. “There’s a place I’d like to show
you. Marie said we can take her car. Today, I’ll take care of you,
if you’re up for a little fun.”

My mother’s gaze snapped to her caretaker.
The shock in her eyes was hard to miss.

Nonetheless, I ignored her. “We’ll drive?
Where is this place?”

“It’s a surprise.” The legs of his chair
scraped on the patio as he shoved back and rose to his feet. “So if
you’re done with your breakfast, get ready and meet me in the
garage. Oh, and Jona.” He shot me a glance over his shoulder as he
already headed to the house. “Bring a towel.”

I frowned, totally intrigued now, but he
said no more. A glance to my aunt and uncle in turn only got me a
tight-lipped shrug from each. I refused to search for answers in my
mother’s face.

I licked my jam-sticky fingers and rose from
the table. “I guess I better not be late then.” I could hardly bear
the anticipation.

Rushing back to the house, I came past the
twine ladder underneath our balcony where Marie’s hyacinth beans
trailed up. Two fingers placed lightly on the skeleton structure
were enough to pull it away from the wall. It confirmed my
suspicion. Tacked to the façade, the filigree construction of wood
dowels was hardly strong enough to support the growth of climbing
plants. Never the weight of a grown man.