“I’m a little curious as well,” Julia added.
“What can I say, your mother has developed a soft spot for me,” Levi said with a deadpan delivery.
Gregory laughed, apparently finding Levi’s brazenness amusing. “That all sounds too good to be true.”
Julia seemed less amused.
“You will be spending Christmas with your parents next week, of course.” Levi grinned. “I couldn’t get you out of that, but it will be Christmas minus all your
other
annoying relatives, most of whom will have gone back to wherever they came from, come Monday morning.”
Julia nodded. “It would be very uncharacteristic of Mother to give without also taking something in return.” She held up a finger to her husband. “No cracks about making deals with the devil from you, either.”
Gregory chuckled at her, his cocky grin immediately working its magic over her.
“I really should have married an ugly man,” she mused, as Levi pushed open the door slightly. “My life would’ve been so much simpler if I had.”
“And you’d be bored stupid,” Gregory pointed out.
“Fair enough, handsome,” Julia said.
“Should you decide you want to kill me for doing this even though you told me not to bother—wait until next week or you’ll miss out on the spa package I put together for you.”
Julia smirked, looking uneasy while Gregory was smiling like a little kid at Christmas—which was actually fitting considering Christmas Day was less than a week away.
“I suppose it wouldn’t hurt to be well rested and rejuvenated before strangling you to death.”
Levi chuckled. “You’ll look gorgeous during your perp-walk and mug shots if nothing else.”
She laughed at that and he gently pushed the door the rest of the way open and shoved them into the darkened ballroom, listening to Julia complain that it was too dark as he shut the door behind them. Levi placed a hand on the door for a brief moment, knowing Jake was waiting on the other side of the white-silk walled maze Darius had spent the entire day installing.
His chest ached something awful and he sighed, taking a moment to compose himself before making his way through the hotel. Finding himself a cab that would take him back home once he’d made it outside, Levi looked up toward the sky before getting inside. He knew the party was still going up on the eightieth floor.
Part of him didn’t want to get in the cab—didn’t want to be whisked back to his loft only to be left alone with nothing but his own thoughts. He could postpone that by going back upstairs, but he couldn’t avoid it forever.
That brought him back around to the thing that was currently eating away at him—the one truth that felt like it was tearing away at his soul, threatening to rip him into a million tiny pieces. Despite having prayed for the conclusion of this evening for weeks, now that the Freeman-Kingsley Anniversary party was finally over—there would no longer be any accidental run-ins with Jake. They didn’t move in the same circles or share any of the same friends, which meant that tonight would truly be the beginning of his new life—one that didn’t include Jake.
He climbed into a cab and gave the driver his address before settling into the seat, keeping all his feelings and emotions at bay. There was no other place for them to go aside from out, yet he was determined to keep everything in. It was all he had left to hold onto.
* * * *
The door to the ballroom inside the Harper Grand Regency started to swing open and Jake stood up straight, coming off the wall he’d been leaning on as he waited for Julia and Gregory to make their way through the art installation Levi had commissioned for his sister.
A lot of work for a fifteen or twenty minute walk down memory lane, Jake thought, until he spotted Julia coming out of the ballroom and into the reception area. She looked ravishing as usual, smiling while simultaneously crying—not sobbing or anything, just emotional in a happy-tears way. It suddenly felt as if any time and trouble had been worthwhile.
“I should murder you in your sleep,” Julia said, shaking her head.
She appeared to be less traumatized considering Gregory was also a little watery in the eyes as he followed her out of the ballroom.
Jake started laughing, fishing out the small travel pack of Kleenex that Levi had insisted he have ready just in case. “So not a good sign when your relationship retrospective brings you both to tears.”
“I am not crying,” Gregory insisted.
“Save the denials for someone who’ll actually think less of you, buddy,” Jake said, shaking his head at his brother-in-law. “I won’t find you less of a man over one,
maybe
two tastefully timed tears.”
“Don’t be an ass,” Julia said, defending her husband. “Not sure why you’re worried about him to begin with. You know how much I loathe crying, baby brother.” She snatched the pack of tissues Jake offered, retrieving one and dabbing at her eyes. “This simply won’t do.”
Jake held up his hands. “I refuse any responsibility for your overly emotional state. I just did as I was told.”
Julia rolled her eyes. “You still have your key to our apartment?”
Jake nodded. “I’ll likely just stay here in the hotel tonight, though I’ll want to evacuate the premises first thing in the morning, before all the family nonsense gets underway.”
“For what it’s worth, I was sorry to hear about you and Victor,” Gregory said, taking Julia’s coat from the limo driver who finally walked up to the three of them after being signaled over by Jake.
“While I did like Victor, I can’t say that I’m not relieved for you, Jake.” Julia reached over, giving Jake’s arm a squeeze. “You deserve someone who will embrace the man you are instead of trying to change you into the man they want you to be.”
“Don’t suppose you have any opinions on that topic with regard to you know who?” Jake asked.
Gregory did a double take, slipping on his own coat. “You know who?”
“Levi, dummy,” Julia said, shaking her head at him. “My brother is in love with Levi Goode, darling, do try to keep up.”
“Damn, you gay guys don’t waste any time,” Gregory muttered, buttoning up his coat.
That comment elicited a playful punch in the gut from Julia, which only served to amuse Gregory further.
“I think Levi could be the right guy, Jake,” Julia finally said, pulling on the leather gloves she’d retrieved from her coat pockets. “Not so sure about the timing, though.”
“I wasn’t planning to go to him tonight,” Jake said, a little too defensively, something both Julia and Gregory picked up on judging by the look they shared.
“I never believed for a minute that you might,” Julia said, smiling innocently.
“You used to be a much better liar,” Jake said, grinning at her.
She giggled. “Maybe you’ve just gotten better at seeing past what I want you to see?”
“What a depressing thought that is.”
“You’re telling me?” Julia added sarcastically, before reaching out to give Jake a hug. “Whatever you decide to do—regardless of when you decide to do it—I hope you know that all I want is for you to be happy.”
“Right back at ya.” Jake gave her a firm squeeze before letting go, not wanting her to know he secretly wished she wasn’t leaving. “Now go have inappropriate sex with your husband.”
Gregory nodded, decidedly in favor of that idea.
Julia smacked Jake in the chest while offering the driver, who’d no doubt overheard Jake, a sweetly innocent smile. “Don’t be crude, baby brother.”
“You love it and you know it.”
With that admonishment, Jake shoved her toward Gregory, who took Julia by the arm before following the chauffeur down the side hall toward one of the exits. When they finally disappeared through the door, Jake stood there, hovering in the reception area, listening to music and laughter coming from some other party taking place in one of the other ballrooms at the hotel.
He felt hollow—like he’d lost one part of himself and was still yearning for another which was out there somewhere, waiting for him to man-up and make a play for a new kind of happiness.
There’d been a war waging inside his brain all evening long as he fought with himself over whether or not he truly needed to let some time pass before trying to talk to Levi. It seemed impossible for him to even think about waiting, yet it felt similarly inconsiderate to go to him on the very day he split with his boyfriend of nine years.
A sense of desperation swept over him as he stood there, unsure of what to do and wishing he had someone to talk with about everything. The past few months had felt like a long series of bad decisions, followed by happy accidents that eventually turned his entire world on end. Jake felt trapped, stuck on the very spot where he now stood, terrified one wrong move might shatter the already shaky foundation he’d created after trashing Levi’s good opinion of him, combined with his ill-timed break up with Victor.
“Perhaps it’s time to stop acting on impulse and take a step or three back in an attempt to gain a little perspective?” he asked himself, deciding that seemed like the intelligent way to move forward.
He glanced at the doors leading out onto the street where several cabs were lined up, then turned toward the bay of elevators that would take him upstairs to his hotel room. Jake closed his eyes, taking several deep breaths, knowing exactly what he needed to do.
Chapter Fifteen
Punching the button on the elevator in Levi’s building, Jake tucked the bottle of champagne he’d raced back across the street and liberated from his sister’s party, under his arm. He glanced down at the set of Levi’s keys in his hand, having accidently swiped them the night Levi had gotten tanked on tequila and beer. Jake had been unable to return them because Levi had refused to see or speak to him since.
Lord knows he’d tried hard enough to get the man to see him.
He shoved the keys into his coat pocket and got into the elevator, deciding he was justified using them now as it must have been a sign from the universe that he’d been unable to return the keys before now. On some level, Jake understood he was quite literally plucking excuses out of thin air to justify his behavior, but he needed to talk to Levi. It simply could not wait and he wasn’t all that confident Levi would have buzzed him inside had he been forced to ring and plead his case out on the street.
He hesitated when the doors opened, staring at the door to Levi’s apartment, finally hopping out onto the landing only when they began to close on him. It has to be face-to-face, he thought, grabbing hold of the bottle and glancing down at Styrofoam container filled with cake in his other hand. He’d grabbed the cake on impulse, hoping the fact Jake had brought it along might make Levi smile, remembering the day Jake had sucked it from his fingers.
A little levity never hurts, right?
As he went to knock, Jake sighed, realizing his damn hands were full so he re-tucked the bottle of champagne under his arm. Knocking loudly and repeatedly, feeling like his heart was in his throat; Jake silently prayed Levi wouldn’t turn him away.
When Levi slid the door open, Jake instinctively shoved his way past the man, entering the apartment without waiting to be asked in.
Screw it, he thought, deciding he’d already blown past what might be considered socially acceptable behavior the second he used Levi’s keys to let himself in downstairs.
“Um…gee… would you like to come in, Jake?” Levi asked, his tone laced with sarcasm.
“I’m sorry,” Jake offered, even though he wasn’t. “I have to talk to you, Levi, so please don’t ask me to go.”
The second their gazes met, Jake knew this was exactly where he was meant to be.
“Did you come to party?” Levi asked, pointing at the champagne.
“Umm… let’s put a pin in that for now.” Jake handed Levi the Styrofoam container and the bottle.
“Exactly what do you think you’re doing?” Levi asked, peeking inside the container, confused by the contents. “And how the hell did you get up here?”
“Right!” Jake fished the set keys from his coat pocket and tossed them on top of the to-go container Levi was holding.
Levi smirked and Jake could tell he was pissed. “Don’t get mad at me.” Jake placed a hand onto his chest. “I’ve tried in vain to return these to you for weeks, damn it, but you refused see me.”
Levi rolled his eyes, and Jake assumed the man still intended to blame him for any and all inconveniences that had been endured.
“What do you want?” Levi asked, his voice sounding calmer after taking a few deep breaths.
“Well, if I’m being perfectly honest, my plan pretty much began and ended with me getting you to let me inside your apartment. Things get a little fuzzy beyond that. But standing here now, seeing you in that flimsy cotton T-shirt and boxers, I’m thinking that smearing that cake all over your naked body so I can spend the next hour or so licking it back off of you sounds pretty good to me?”
“Wha—why—what the hell?”
“I acutely recall how much I enjoyed sucking it from your fingers last month so licking it off other various parts of your body feels like a worthy use of our time… if you ask me.”
Levi stood there in the open doorway with his mouth hanging open.