I was crying again. I was running away from my over active imagination. I probably caused his heart attack. All because of my own hang-ups and insecurities.
"Jen, I'm such an idiot. I'm sorry. My phone died and I didn't have a charger. I should've been home. I need to be there with him now. He thinks I left him. I just want to be with him. Jenna, oh God, what have I done?"
My sister was past exhausted; she couldn't even pretend to be strong for me. "Mike has been at his side for the last three days. Everybody is praying. We have the best doctors trying to pull him through this."
I was feeling weak. I wanted to know if Eric and Rose knew about their dad. I was about to ask Jenna when someone knocked on the door. I looked up to see Will's handsome face and his knowing blue eyes. He gave me a weak melancholy smile. I couldn't even offer him that in return.
"Nice to see you're back with us," he said with that sweet British accent. "I didn't want to leave until I knew you were okay." He looked down at his feet, clearly feeling out of place.
"Thank you for catching me. You keep rescuing me from myself. I owe you."
He looked up to meet my eyes. In another place, in another time, I would've been lucky to have someone as sweet and caring—not to mention gorgeous—give me his attention. But at this place and at this time I was one thousand percent possessed and in love with my husband. Will must've seen our pictures in the news. He knew who I was married to, and what Louis and I shared. He understood how much I loved my husband. No one could compete with that. He walked over to me, knelt at my bed and lowered his head to kiss my cheek.
"Emmalay, I hope you get your family back. Louis is very lucky to have you. He'll be okay; he won't leave you. Nobody who knows you could ever let you go. He's fighting for you right now. I promise if you were mine, I'd fight for you."
A lone tear escaped and rolled down the cheek he just kissed. Will wiped my tear and continued, "It's not the right time now, but we need to talk. I have something important I need to tell you. I haven't been completely honest with you. You and I need to have words. Once all this works out promise you'll ring me. I'm staying in New York until I hear from you. I'm not leaving until we talk. Good luck, luv."
Will got up and left. I said a silent farewell to him. As much as I grew to like him as a friend I didn't think I'd ever see him again.
I'd forgotten about my sister, who was watching this whole exchange of ours play out. I looked over to her and had a silent telepathic exchange. I shook my head
No
to the question her eyes were asking me. She gave a loud sigh of relief. I knew she was proud of me for not cheating on Louis. I would never cheat on him, even if I believed he was cheating on me. He's the only man I've ever loved. He was my first everything. I needed to be there with him, holding his hand and helping him find his way back home to us.
An hour later I was sitting in the back of my chauffeured SUV with my sister holding my hand. Mount Sinai was only twenty-five blocks up from our townhouse. I was shaking from the cold chill running up and down my spine. I don't remember being this scared since driving to the hospital to give birth to Rose. But I was also excited back then. Now I was just petrified. If I closed my eyes I could feel Louis' hands on my belly that early June morning eight years ago.
Em baby, breath. Everything will be okay. By the end of today we'll have a little baby girl. You and me will be parents, Em. You're very brave. I love you so much.
I remember him by my side every minute on that long scary day. I was yelling through my contractions waiting for my epidural to kick in. Louis held my hands, rubbing my back, and whispering in my ear how he would take away all my pain if he could. I loved him so much. I would trade places with him right now in a heartbeat. I wouldn't be able to walk this earth knowing he wasn't with me. If Louis died, I would die, too.
We got to the hospital at a quarter to eleven. Visiting hours were long over. However, Louis Bruel wasn't just another patient at Mount Sinai. Besides being a benefactor of the hospital and a New York icon, he was also Dr. Adele Marcus' son-in-law. My mom, as the head of dermatology at Mount Sinai, could pull strings. We took the elevator to the sixth floor and the ICU unit. Jenna knew where Louis' private room was. I followed her like a ghost; not really alive, more like existing in an in-between state. We walked toward his room. Passing other rooms in the hallway I could hear the beeping sound of the heart monitors. I saw Mike standing up ahead. He was leaning his head back against the wall. He saw us coming and almost leaped over our way. Before he even spoke to his wife, he pulled me into a hug. He was wiping tears away. I have never seen my handsome brother-in-law cry.
Please, God, let Louis be okay.
"Emily, I'm so sorry," he cried out, half sobbing.
"No … No … No … don't be sorry, Mike. Please tell me he's alive."
Mike pulled away to look at me.
"Louis is still unconscious. The doctors are saying he needs time. His heart is better. I shouldn't have let him deal with all his shit on his own. I'm his best friend. I knew he was hurting. I should've given him better advice. He didn't want you to worry."
I nodded, still replaying my silent litany in my head.
Please God, let him survive this. Please God, let him live.
Jenna came to hug both of us. We all walked hand in hand to see my love. I took a few steps toward Louis' room. I hadn't noticed the people sitting against the wall. I looked around and realized the corridor was lined with benches and people occupying almost every available seat. They weren't just random people. They were our friends and many of Louis' close business associates. The rooms on this wing of the hospital were all empty.
I first saw Louis' mom. "Elizabeth," I said almost inaudibly as I ran into her arms. Fresh tears started falling again.
"Emily, you're here. Don't cry, honey. Louis woke up yesterday. The doctors are with him now; his prognosis is good. I'm sure he'll wake up for you soon."
I looked into her eyes. I wasn't sure if my head was playing tricks on me, or if she actually said that. She nodded at my shocked expression.
"He'll come back to us, sweetie. I was begging Eric not to take him. We need him more than he does. He needs to be here for you and raise his beautiful children."
Hearing her say that Louis was conscious yesterday was the best news I could've received. It was almost midnight on July twentieth. It was our birthdays tomorrow. I just wanted to hold my husband close. Everything else was secondary—his business, his friends, and our misunderstandings. The only thing that mattered was that he was alive.
"I want to go see him. I miss him so much, Elizabeth. I'm sorry I wasn't here for him. I've been stupid and childish." I managed to say between my loud sobs and hiccups.
Elizabeth looked at me and kissed my wet cheeks. "I wrote the book on stupid and childish. If I could turn back time, I would've let the love of my life have the family he always wanted. You're here now. I'm sure you're the only person he wants to see. Go to him."
I left her side and started walking toward his room. Eddie ran over to me before I made it very far. He pulled me into his chest.
"Emma, we have been worried about you. My sister has been visiting every hospital in New York City looking for her best friend. She thought you had an accident. She didn't believe that you just got up and left without telling someone where you were. I'm happy to see you're okay … Look at me Emma. Louis. Will. Be. Fine. Now that you're here everything will go back to normal."
"Eddie, I'm sorry. Call Sara. Tell her I love her and I'll explain everything when I can. I know she's going through a lot of shit without me making her life even crazier."
My former best friend was going through a messy divorce. Her marriage lasted for less than two years, and truthfully, I hadn't even thought it would last that long. Gavin had declared he was moving back home to London with or without her. Eddie told me that Sara refused to go live with him in London and she decided that if London was more important to him than her then they really didn't have much of a marriage to begin with. I had to agree. I was never a big fan of Gavin's from the get-go. He'd always seemed too in love with himself to truly love anybody else.
I let go of Eddie and made my way to Louis. Three men were standing ahead, blocking my way. When they saw me inch closer they all walked towards me. I recognized Phillip instantly and then Max. I'd never seen or met Andrew in person, but standing next to Phillip and Max I knew it was him. Phillip walked over to me first … God, I hate him.
"Hi Emily, I don't know if you remember me but I'm a friend of Louis."
Friend.
Yeah right, with friends like Phillip you don't need any enemies, I thought to myself.
"Yes Phillip, I remember you very well, unfortunately." He looked downright ashamed and saddened by my comment. But he deserved it and he knew it.
"What I said to you back then in my club was disgusting. I didn't want to lose my best friend to a woman. When I saw you and him walk in that night, I was furious. I knew I'd lost him the second I saw you. I was a prick … forgive me. I love Louis like a brother. I don't want to lose him again. I just want him to walk out of here and for me to get a second chance to be his friend. I'm not that same guy I was before. I grew up. Emily, I know how much he loves you. I should've been a good friend to him then. I was supposed to be happy for him. I was jealous and scared." With tears in his eyes, he extended a hand for me to shake.
He actually looked sincere. I accepted and put my shaking hand in his. I just wanted him out of the way so I could go see Louis. He pulled me into a hug, which made me cry even more.
"Don't cry, Emily, he'll be okay. He's the strongest man I know."
I moved away from his friends to finally go see my husband.
Louis, come back to me...
T
aking those last few steps were the scariest moments of my life. Louis Bruel, the most alive man I've ever known, was lying helpless beyond those closed doors. He had been fighting for his life without me by his side. He almost died thinking I left him because I thought he cheated on me. Would he ever forgive me for not trusting him? How could I think he could've done that to me? He would never do that to our kids. Louis knew exactly how hard it was not to have both parents under one roof. I took a deep breath and braced myself for the man on the other side.
My heart was beating in my throat. My right hand shook as I held the door handle. I almost didn't have enough strength to push the door open. I summoned all my power and nerve and forced the door open. The room was huge and all I could see were lots of white coats around a lone bed in the middle of the room. A nurse saw me come in and walked over to me crossly.
"You can't be here, miss. You can wait outside with the others. One of the doctors will let you know his progress."
I was trying to catch a glimpse of Louis but there were too many people around him.
"Miss, was I not clear? If I get security they will escort you out of the building, not just out of this room."
One of the doctors looked away from Louis and over at us.
"Nancy, it's okay. That's Adele's younger daughter. Can't you tell by her eyes?" the young doctor said to the livid nurse. "She's Mr. Bruel's spouse."
The nurse gave me a questioning look and walked back to where the other attendings were congregating. The doctor who'd recognized me moved over to give me a better view of his patient. I saw him lying on a propped hospital bed. My heart squeezed tight in my chest. My lungs refused to take in any air. He looked small and weak. All six foot three inches and two hundred pounds of lean muscle lay motionless. Eyes closed. He had several tubes coming out of him. Screens everywhere. I wasn't even sure he was breathing on his own.
I wanted to run to him, climb on top of him and shake him and kiss him until he woke up. I needed to see that dimple. I wanted him to know how stupid I'd been. He needed to know I loved him. My legs, however, had a mind of their own. In my head I was running but in reality I was frozen; paralyzed by fear.
"Mrs. Bruel, I'm Dr. Monroe. I was here when your husband was brought into the ER. He was real lucky he wasn't alone when he had his heart attack. He would've died if it wasn't for his brother."
I looked up at this young doctor with a blank look. Louis would've died if he hadn't been with Mike. If I'd been with him would I have been able to save him, too? What if he had been home alone? Who would have saved him then?
"Louis suffered a myocardial infarction. Your husband had a blockage in his coronary artery that deprived his heart muscle of blood and oxygen. This caused injury to the heart muscle. As soon as he collapsed, his brother started CPR on him and had someone call an ambulance. Your husband got to the hospital very quickly, which was fortunate for everybody. As soon as he arrived we did an emergency angioplasty."
I looked at the doctor like he was speaking Chinese. I wished my parents were here; at least they'd understand. He continued trying to explain to me what happened to my husband while I had been breaking down on a beach halfway across the world.
"I should explain to you what an angioplasty is. A small stent was placed inside his coronary artery, to expand the artery. This helped to prevent the artery from closing up again. The good news is Louis didn't need to have heart bypass surgery, or what's known as open-heart surgery. Do you have any questions for me?"
"Will he wake up? Will he be okay?"
"Louis is stable and has woken up a few times. I'm very confident that he will make a full recovery. You just have to give him some time. He will need to be on proper medications: beta-blockers, anticoagulants and be regularly monitored. He just needs time to recover, but I'm sure he'll live a long happy life."
From his mouth to God's ears was all I could hope for. I wanted nothing more than to have my other half back. I thanked the young doctor and started my journey toward the man I love.