Lost Until You (The Sorrentino Brothers Series Book 1) (29 page)

“Okay…Thank you.”

“That’s what I’m here for, sweetie. I’ll see you soon.”

If Dr. Floral had never made me see Dr. Aimee, I would probably be dead. She saved my life. Dr. Aimee was a true godsend. Whenever I got better, I would be sure to pay her back for all she had done.

I hung up the phone then shoved it back inside my purse. I pulled the visor down to look my face over in the mirror, hoping I wasn’t a hot mess. Unfortunately, it was inevitable. With little to no sleep these last few months, it was regretfully catching up with me. The dark circles weren’t the only issue I had. My face was so sunken in, you could see the bone outline my jaw, looking as if I hadn’t eaten in weeks. God, I just wanted to smack myself for looking this way. It wasn’t me. The shell that I had become in the mirror was a scary sight.

I pushed up the visor and shut off my SUV, gathering my belongings. I opened the door then stood outside, allowing the wind to blow against my body. I hated the cold weather, but I enjoyed feeling it today. I had been so hot and clammy due to my anxiety that the coldness felt good brushing against my skin.

I armed the alarm, leaned my back against the door, and closed my eyes, chanting soundlessly to myself.

You can do this, Jazz. You’ll be fine. Go in there, take the test, and ask the questions you’ve been waiting to get answered. That’s it. That’s all you have to do.

Something brushed against my shoulder, scaring the ever living shit out of me. I jumped straight up, throwing my hand over my mouth, ready to freak out on someone.

No…

How did he…

He…he’s here…Oh my, God! He…he’s really here…

“Jazz, are you okay?”

His voice…

I haven’t heard that deep, manly voice in so long. I exhaled and took a chance, looking into his eyes. My God, he was gorgeous. I could stare at him forever. Brax was a beautiful man both inside and out.

He was wearing his black North Face jacket with a black snow hat on his head. He had light blue jeans on with black work boots, looking splendidly edible.

He placed both of his hands on the side of my cheeks.

“Talk to me, baby. Tell me you’re okay,” he begged, needing me to give him an answer.

I nodded my head, reluctantly, not trusting myself to speak. I was two seconds away from getting back in my Land Rover and taking off. I had to be strong. I couldn’t run. Not now. Running for me was over. Today was a new day. I promised myself I would get through this, and dammit, nothing, not even my gorgeous husband, was going to stop me.

I kept my eyes focused on his, surprising myself when I said, “I…I’m okay.” I whispered the words, hoping he didn’t ask me to repeat myself, because I knew I wouldn’t be able to.

“Good.” Brax smiled. “I’ve been praying for you.”

He’d been praying for me? What did I say to that? Because a thank you wouldn’t do justice in our situation.

I looked around the parking lot, trying to avoid as much as I possibly could with him. Being around Brax shouldn’t make me nervous, but I was and there was no excuse for pushing him away any longer.

Where was Dr. Aimee? She should have been out here by now
.

“Hey.” Brax grabbed my hand, bringing it to his lips.

I used to love the feeling of his mouth brushing against my skin. It might have been a small kind gesture to some, but to me it held endless meanings I couldn’t describe.

“I’m sorry if I caught you off guard. I’ve been watching the door for the last forty-five minutes. When I didn’t see anyone go in or come out, I got worried.”

He was watching the door? How did he know I was here?

“Why are you here?” I managed to ask him. I wasn’t trying to be rude. I was just curious. But the hurt look flashing across his face made me cringe. I loathed making him upset.

I never meant to hurt Brax. I needed him beside me through all that went down, but things hadn’t worked out that way. And instead of allowing in those closest to me, I ran and now I was pretty sure I had lost all of my friends along the way, including my husband.

You only did it to yourself.

“I came to be with you, Jazz, to support you,” Brax stated, and I had to do everything I could to force back the tears.

“I’ve missed you, baby. I’ve missed you so much. Please let me be here with you. Please don’t push me away. I think I’ve been patient long enough.”

He was right. I pushed him away far too long; it was time I let these harbored fears go. I wanted nothing more than to jump in his arms and beg him to take me home, but I had to get this over with first. I had to go in there, take the test, and find out who my biological father was. I couldn’t get my hopes up again. I had done enough of that my entire life. It was time I followed through and made wise choices from here on out. Then, if Brax still wanted to be with me, I would go home and rekindle the relationships with my family. If he didn’t, I didn’t know what I would do. I loved that man with every fiber of my being. I just prayed he would forgive me for being so distant and pushing him and Savanah away when they needed me. Clearly, I was a human being left with no other choice.

If Brax was anything, he was loyal. That man had loved me through all of my good times and bad, my faults and insecurities, and everything that ever came over me, Brax never left my side. Not once. This situation shouldn’t have been any different, but the mere fact that he could very well be my brother scared the hell out of me. There was no way I could stomach the thought.

Little by little, it not only destroyed my marriage and made me run from my own daughter, but it killed the person I worked so hard to become. I didn’t know where that Jazz had gone, but I hoped and prayed with all my might she could be found soon. I was tired of hiding, living a lonely life away from the ones who meant the world to me. I was ready to apologize for my actions. I never meant to hurt anyone including my husband.

“Great. I see you two have talked,” Dr. Aimee smiled as she approached Brax and me.

Brax reached out his hand and introduced himself. “Brax Sorrentino. It’s nice to finally meet you.

“Aimee Butterflied, and likewise.” Dr. Aimee turned and faced me. “Are you ready?”

I nodded my head. I was more than ready now to get this over with.

Brax placed his hand on the small of my back, following beside me. We reached the door as Dr. Aimee held it open and walked inside the building.

Dr. Aimee went straight into her office, shutting the door behind her. Brax stopped me before I went in, staring closely at my face.

“I just want to tell you I love you and I’m so proud of you for doing this.”

I gave him a weak smile and took a seat in the waiting room. Being nervous wouldn’t justify the way I was feeling. I wanted Dr. Aimee to hurry up and get this over with. Patience definitely wasn’t a stronghold of mine.

Voices could be heard from Dr. Aimee’s office, but I couldn’t make out what they were saying. Brax placed his hand on my leg and squeezed my thigh.

“It’s going to be okay. I promise.”

I didn’t say anything. I couldn’t. I hoped he understood. This wasn’t just about him and me. Hearing yes or no determined what would happen with my future. My fate was in the hands of the DNA test.

I wasn’t sure how long we sat there, waiting for my turn to go in, but when Dr. Aimee finally opened the door, I felt like I was going to be sick.

“Jazz. We’re ready for you.” She waved me inside the room.

I stood up and grabbed my purse before turning to face Brax.

“I don’t know what the future holds, but no matter how it turns out, please know I will cherish every day we spent together. You’ve been my world for five years.” I lifted my hand, wiping underneath my eyes. “I hope you believe me when I say I will always love you.”

I didn’t give him time to reply. With one foot in front of the other, I walked inside Dr. Aimee’s office.

I could do this
…

Chapter Thirty

Brax

I couldn’t believe this was it. I had been patiently waiting for this day to come. I didn’t sleep for shit last night, worrying what was going to happen. I knew no matter what, nothing could change the outcome, but I still hoped for the best. Deep down I tried to remain optimistic, keeping my thoughts in check. But after everything we had been through, I still felt a bit leery. Just merely thinking about losing Jazz forever destroyed my life.

As soon as I ran into her in the parking lot, my heart stopped beating. As always, Jazz looked as beautiful as ever. She wore a long green dress with her white coat zipped up under her neck, covering the rest of her body. Her hair flowed beautifully over the top of her breasts, reminding me how striking she was. The only thing I wasn’t able to grasp was the amount of weight she had lost.

Jazz wasn’t a tiny girl, anyway, but since the last time I’d seen her, I could tell she hadn’t been taking good care of herself. Truthfully, it pissed me off. I would be sure to feed my girl a smorgasbord once we got out of the Counseling Center. I was bound and determined to take her home with me.

I waited in the sitting area while Jazz went into Dr. Aimee’s office. I wanted to be there for her, but she acted as if I needed to let her do this alone. So I sat down and said a prayer, asking God to please let everything go our way. If the test came back that Jazz was my half-sister, my life would officially be over. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself. I wouldn’t be able to move forward. The last four months had been harder than any time in my life; I knew for certain I couldn’t do it forever.

As I sat on the edge of the chair, Dr. Aimee came out of her office, grabbing a folder off the reception desk. She went through the file then picked up the phone, telling someone she was ready. When she hung up, Dr. Aimee peeked her head through the door and came out with Uncle Teto. As he walked out of the room, I froze, unable to believe my eyes.

Uncle Teto was tall and lanky. Instead of having black hair, he was bald with a white goatee. He stood still, looking down at the ground until Dr. Aimee called his name.

“Are you ready, Mr. Sorrentino?”

Uncle Teto lifted his head, meeting my eyes for the first time in years.

“Is that you, Brax?” he asked with a grin.

I stood up and walked over, pulling him in for a hug.

“I’ll be damned, boy. You’ve grown up.”

Other than having no hair, he hadn’t changed one bit. He still sounded the same, too.

Uncle Teto let go of my back then took a step to the side, eyeing me up and down.

“So that’s your wife in there, yeah?” he asked, pointing into the office behind him.

“Yes, sir,” I said proudly.

“Well, she’s a good catch. You did good, boy.” he replied, shaking the change in his front pocket.

“You’re damn right she is.” I had no other choice but to make it known.

Jazz wasn’t just some random chick. She was potentially Uncle Teto’s daughter. He shouldn’t have acted like he just met her on the street.

“Calm yourself, B. I didn’t mean any disrespect. Just saying she’s a good girl. You did good.”

I gave him a firm nod, clearly irritated by his choice of words. When it came to Jazz, you respected her to the highest extent or you weren’t privileged enough to be in her life. Bottom line. Father or not, no one talked badly about my wife in a disrespectful way.

Dr. Aimee placed her hand on Teto’s arm. “We have to go, Mr. Sorrentino. The lab is waiting for you to pay your portion of the bill for the test.”

He stuck out his arm, allowing Dr. Aimee to lead the way. She opened the main door, exiting the office with Teto following a few steps behind her.

As the door closed, I sat back in the chair, listening to my dad and Jazz talk. She was crying, you could hear her sob out in the waiting room, while my father did the best he could to comfort her.

More than anything, I wanted to go in there and wrap her in my arms, but I was so fucking afraid of her pushing me away again. I knew I would not have been able to handle it.

Jazz had every right to freak out the way she did but her rejection toward me did nothing but kill my soul. It hurt to no end not being by her side and holding her through all the turmoil.

I allowed her ten minutes to calm down before I gave up and walked inside the room. I couldn’t take it anymore. If she pushed me away, then so be it, but at least I could say that I tried.

Fuck…what was I doing to myself?

As I stepped inside Dr. Aimee’s office, the air caught in my lungs. The last time Jazz was around my dad, it hadn’t been good. But to see her sitting in his lap while he held her in his arms, rubbing the top of her head, brought me to my knees. That was my job. I should have been the one consoling my wife, not him.

I cleared my throat, hoping to cut the tension surrounding me. Jazz jumped forward, stumbling to find her footing.

“B…Brax…” She ran, jumping into my arms, crying against my chest.

The only thing I could do was hold on to her for dear life, praying to God He never let her leave me again.

“Hey.” I moved her hair out of my face, whispering in her ear.

“I got you, baby. It’s okay.”

Jazz’s arms squeezed around me tight, not wanting to let me go.

It took everything in me not to lose control, but I had to keep it together. I waited one hundred and forty-six days to hold this girl in my arms again so I couldn’t force myself away from her.

I glanced over at my father and watched him wipe at his eyes. I needed to know what happened to make them this upset. Someone had to tell me.

I carried Jazz to the couch sitting against the wall, and then sat her down on top of my lap. She lifted her head but kept her hands over her face, unable to calm down.

I placed my hands on top of hers, slowly moving them away from her face. When I got a good glimpse at my wife, my heart shattered all over again.

Jazz was broken. This entire situation has destroyed her soul. I could see where it hurt me losing her for those months, but I was all Jazz had. Savanah and I were her world. We meant everything to her. Besides pushing us away, Jazz let go of her friendship with Kelly and Tanya, solely out of fear. I knew Jazz’s thoughts, afraid the girls would leave her, too.