Lost Until You (The Sorrentino Brothers Series Book 1) (30 page)

She didn’t have to tell me that was why. I understood my girl better than anyone did. I think that was what Jazz failed to remember when she left me. I knew in my heart we would eventually have our time again, but it didn’t hurt any less.

I died a little more each day, from the time I woke up until I went to bed. If I was able to sleep, so be it. But most of the time, I ran off pure adrenaline, hoping every day I would come face to face with my wife. However, the hurt Jazz had been experiencing was ten times worse than anything I could have ever imagined.

“I’m…I’m sorry,” Jazz whispered, as she tried to contain her sobs. Then she lifted her finger to her neck, checking her pulse.

I knew that was a sign of a panic attack coming on so I did the only thing I knew how to do. I grabbed her hand, keeping it enclosed with mine, hoping she would relax.

She just needed to calm down and let me love her. It wrecked me to watch her fall apart. Her panic attacks had been under control for so long, I couldn’t imagine how bad they were when she was alone.

I kept my left arm around her back, refusing to let go. “Stop apologizing. I’m here. I’m not going anywhere, baby. I promise.”

She shut her eyes and took a couple deep breaths, then laid down against my chest.

I didn’t know I drifted off to sleep, until someone tapped my leg and woke me up. I opened one eye and then the other before glancing around the room. My dad, Uncle Teto, and Dr. Amiee were seated together around the table directly in front of us.

I tipped my chin and looked down, finding Ma squatting in front of me. I pulled back, glancing over at Jazz asleep then nodded my head that she was okay. Ma wiped her hand across her forehead as if she was relieved. I knew she had been worried sick over the outcome just like the rest of us.

“Is she okay?” Ma asked in a whisper.

“I think so, but apparently we were tired.”

Ma chuckled quietly. “I bet you both are. Neither one of you have slept comfortably for months.”

Jazz went still in my arms. She heard Ma’s voice. I grabbed her by the arm, shifting her around in my lap, making her face me. She sat up straight, looking almost jumbled.

“What time is it?” She pinned back her hair then glanced around the room.

“Two nineteen,” Ma replied, startling Jazz.

She moved to the side, trying to slide off my legs. I wasn’t ready for her to go yet. So I threw my arm around her, refusing to let up, needing her to let me have my way.

“Not yet,” I said against her back. “I’m not ready to let you go.”

Jazz relaxed, but you could tell by the look on her face that she was unsure what to do.

“Jazz, you can sit there if you’d like. Otherwise, we’re ready to go over the results with you.”

I let go, pushing Jazz forward, then stood beside her. It was time. No matter how much I needed to hold onto my wife, I was forced to let her go.

I moved around the side until we were making eye contact, needing her to look at me when I spoke.

I grabbed her hands and said, “I’ll be right here. You can sit with them and I’ll come with you, or you can sit with me and we’ll listen from across the room.” I took a chance and kissed her cheek, needing to feel her skin against my lips. “You decide, but either way, I’m not leaving your side.”

“I, ummm…can we sit here?” she asked surprising me by her decision. I expected her to fight me on this one, but I was glad she didn’t.

We sat down at the table directly across from Dr. Aimee. I placed my left arm around Jazz’s back and my other hand on her thigh gripping her fingers.

Before Dr. Aimee got started, Ma walked over and asked Jazz, “Can I sit, too, honey?”

Jazz looked at me and then back at Ma before replying, “Of course.”

Ma clapped her hands and then took a seat grabbing Jazz’s other hand. Together the three of us waited to hear out our fate.

A few minutes passed when Dr. Amiee read the results, and immediately, I stopped breathing.

Chapter Thirty-One

Jazz

“Come on, baby, push. A few more times, you’ve got it.” Brax stood to my right, urging me on, but the pain was too intense. I couldn’t deal with it anymore. I felt like I was dying.

“I can’t…” I cried. “It hurts. Please…please…take it away… just take it away.”

Dr. Martin came in the room with a clipboard in her hands, smiling from ear to ear. There was nothing funny about this shit. Did she really enjoy seeing someone in a great deal of pain? God, I swear, if she said something stupid, I would punch her in the throat. There was no doubt about it. The woman was on my shit list right now.

“How far along are we?” she asked the nurse that was holding my legs through the stirrups.

“
Fully effaced, the head’s crowning. She’s ready to go.”

“Very well.” Dr. Martin smiled again. “Megan, grab a mirror. Let’s show Mrs. Sorrentino her daughter’s head full of hair.”

I grabbed Brax by the shirt, jerking the tray out of his hand, and threw up all over the floor, completely missing the blue container he was holding.

“Fudddggeeee…” he yelped jumping back.

Dry heaves trickled up my chest, burning the back of my throat. When I was done, a cold rag touched the back of my neck, forcing me to jolt forward. I shifted my overly pregnant body around, allowing the nurse, Megan, to place a rag on my forehead.

“Try and relax, honey. You’re doing great.” 

I wasn’t doing shit. I had to push the size of a watermelon out of my vagina. What was so exciting about that?

Brax helped another woman who I hadn’t met, clean up the floor. When he was done, he washed his hands and came right back to where he had been sitting.

“I’m sorry,” I apologized. I didn’t mean to throw up on his feet. I felt like an idiot.

Brax kissed my head and held onto my hand, not leaving my side again. He was going to be a great dad. I couldn’t wait to see him hold our daughter in his arms. I hoped I could love her like she deserved. It would mean the world to me.

Megan came back in the room with a large mirror in her hand. She sat down at the foot of the bed, positioning it right in front of me. With my legs wide open and every part of Uranus showing, Dr. Martin instructed everyone in the room to look at my daughter’s head hanging halfway out of my vagina.

Lovely. My husband was never going to let me live this down. Brax was a jokester. Big time. The man made sure he messed with me at least once a day. I could see him now telling our daughter about her head coming out of me. Literally. Ugh…Just get her out already, geesh…

The baby started kicking me causing more added pain in my stomach. I went to yell, but then the machine went off, beeping uncontrollably and freaking me out.

“What’s wrong?” I looked down at the doctor concerned.

“Get the forceps. Stat.” she told the nurse, completely ignoring my question.

Dr. Martin pulled on a pair of blue rubber gloves. She tied a blue plastic jacket closed around her, placed the hat on her head, then positioned back down in front of me.

Megan went down, assisting Dr. Martin with whatever they were doing. I looked at my husband, scared to death, praying my baby girl was okay.

Brax pushed my hair out of my face and then kissed my lips. “She’s going to be fine, babe. Just relax. Breathe in and out. I’ve got you.”

Why in the hell does everyone keep telling me to relax? First, the pain with the contractions, and then the monitor going off, scaring me half to death.

“On the count of three, we’re going to move from right to left to right. Ready? One…two…three…”

Brax rubbed the side of my head, forcing my eyes on him. I couldn’t look anywhere else even if I tried. I was starting to panic.

The doctor and nurses scrambled around the room and before I knew it, everything went black…

**

“Look who’s up, baby. Mommy’s here.” I heard Brax speak, but I didn’t know where he was. My vision was blurry. I couldn’t focus on anything near me.

I closed my eyes, giving myself a few more minutes before trying to reopen them again. When I gave it a go, I lifted my head and came face to face with an angel.

My daughter.

Savanah Summer Sorrentino. I couldn’t believe she was finally here.

Tears of happiness trickled down my cheek as I took in the sight before me. Savanah had blue eyes and a head full of dark brown curly hair. Her fingers, toes, nose, and mouth were the tiniest things I’d ever seen. She was the most beautiful girl in the world and she looked just like her daddy.

There were no words to express how much I loved this little girl, even though we first met.

“Wh—…What happened?” I asked Brax, unsure of what went on.

He shifted Savanah to the side of his chest, adjusting the little pink hat on her head.

“The umbilical cord wrapped around her neck, causing her distress.”

“But, she’s okay, right? I mean, she looks good.”

Brax kissed the top of the baby’s head and smiled from ear to ear.

“She’s perfect, baby. Perfect as she’ll ever be.”

“What happened to me, though? The last I recall, the monitors were beeping and then it went black.”

“You hyperventilated as soon as they pulled her out with the forceps. The doctor panicked, rushing to get the placenta out, then had a CT scan STAT.

I couldn’t believe what he was saying. “Did they find anything?”

“No, thank God. They ran labs, had an internal medicine doctor come in, and then asked me a shit load of questions. Once I mentioned you had GAD, they understood why your body pulled you out.”

Brax reached for my hand and brought it to his lips, kissing the tips of my fingers.

“You scared me half to death, baby. Don’t ever do that shit again.”

A sob escaped my throat. I couldn’t hold it in. Albeit I felt bad for pushing myself into a deep panic attack, this was the happiest day of my life.

My family.

For the first time in my life, I finally had everything I had ever dreamed.

**

“Did you hear me, baby?”

I heard Brax’s voice then felt something touch my leg. I turned my head toward the right and came face to face with my husband, and immediately noticed how defeated he looked. His eyes were red and tears were streaming down his cheeks. Something was wrong. It took a lot to make Brax cry.

He turned over the palm of his hand and squeezed my leg. “Did you hear what Dr. Aimee said?”

What was he talking about? I didn’t hear anything.

I glanced around the room, spotting Dr. Aimee sitting directly across the table from me with Teto on one side and Anthony on the other. Amelia sat next to Anthony on the left, then me and then Brax.

“Jazz, we’re ready to read the results of the test. Are you sure you’re okay to hear them? Do you need to step out for a moment?” Dr. Aimee asked concerned.

I had to quit zoning out. Taking Xanax helped as a fast cure for when a panic attack came on, however the long term effects when I didn’t take one every four hours, forced me into daydreams at random times of the day. I needed to get control of my mind, and hopefully soon, I could finally go back off the medicine. I loathed taking it, anyway.

 “No.” I met Dr. Aimee’s eyes. “I’m ready to get this over with.”

“Will do,” she replied and then held up a brown envelope.

Dr. Aimee opened the seal, pulling out one sheet of paper.

 Amelia reached for my right hand while Brax still had a hold of my left. I squeezed both of their hands, as my legs bounced under the table uncontrollably.

Oh, my God! This was it. My fate lied on that piece of paper.

“The first one states: According to the lab and a guaranteed result of 99.9998% accuracy, Teto James Sorrentino is not your biological father.”

My heart dropped in my chest. My pulse quickened to an erratic speed. I couldn’t believe my ears. What the fuck was happening?

Amelia pulled her hand from mine then pushed her chair back. She stood to her feet, wrapping her arms around her stomach, doubling her chest over, releasing a loud, painful sob. I rushed to her side, not knowing what I should do. I couldn’t just let her go through this alone. Even though we knew the outcome now and it gutted me, I wasn’t that cruel of a person. I might have been a lot of things in my life, but I loved that woman dearly. She had been the only mother figure to ever take me in and care for me.

The mood in the room shifted from straight nervousness to complete chaos. Everyone was crying except for Teto and Dr. Aimee.

Once Amelia was able to calm down, I made my way over to the couch, needing space from everyone.

I laid my head on the armrest, covering my face with my hair, completely breaking down. That was not how I expected things to go. All those days, all alone. God, what was I going to do? 

I left those I loved for a logically good reason. But that didn’t stop me from having high hopes of things turning out differently. And now…my life was officially over. This was my fate.

Today, I didn’t just lose my husband—I lost my entire family.

I lost everything.

“Can I have everyone’s attention, please?” Dr. Aimee’s voice broke through the barrier of chaos.

She held up another brown envelope, waving it in the air. “I still have to read Anthony’s test results.”

I couldn’t listen to anymore. I needed to get out of there. My mind couldn’t handle hearing those words spoken aloud. There was just no way.