Learning to Stand (23 page)

Alex’s head jerked to look at him.

“
I told her you found
Charlie’s wedding ring,” Steve said. “I offered to bring it to her,
but she said she’d rather see you. She’s… better, I guess that’s
the word, better than she was when Charlie died.”

“
They’d been married
forever. Raised five kids. He was going to retire in six
months.”

“
Thirty-two years,” Steve
said.

Alex’s eyes welled with tears.

“
She’s sorry she pushed you
and the others away,” Steve said.

“
She pushed her kids away
too,” Alex said. “I see them from time to time.”

“
Some people get very angry
when the person they love dies. She could only focus on building
their dream home in Nicaragua. Now that the house is finished, she
understands that she, more than anyone else, had Charlie. In some
ways, he remains with her. She said to tell you to come for a visit
and bring her diamond too.”

Alex smiled. The team had received diamonds
for saving the Board of Directors of a diamond mining company and
had created jewelry, like the diamond Alex wore in her belly
button, for themselves and their families. Alex found the diamonds
in the vault last year. She’d tried to get in touch with Charlie’s
wife Charlene, but Charlene wouldn’t have anything to do with her.
She had Charlene’s diamond ring and Charlie’s wedding band tucked
into a safe in her secure work space.

“
Charlie never told her
about the ring?” Steve asked.

“
He wanted to surprise her.
Kind of a retirement gift. She didn’t know he’d bought the property
in Nicaragua either,” Alex said. “He loved her completely. She was
his entire world.”

“
She gave me something for
you,” Steve said. “She was very insistent. She said there are more
but you needed this one right away.”

Steve took a small journal from the inside
pocket of his overcoat.

“
Charlie’s journal.” Alex
words came as a gasp. He set the book in her outstretched
hands.

“
Charlie willed you his
journals,” Steve said. “Maria told her that you were struggling
with new leadership role. She wanted you to have this one. It’s his
first six months with your team.”

Alex held the book to her nose.

“
It smells like him,” she
said.

“
Charlie had been a leader
for almost a decade when he and Joseph formed your team,” he said.
“And still, he struggled.”

Unsure of how to respond, Alex held the book
to her heart.

“
I need to check in with my
men,” Steve said. “There’s a meeting at eight. Joseph requested our
attendance.”

Alex nodded.

“
I’ll leave you here,” Steve
said. “What should I tell your husband?”

“
Nothing,” John
said.

Steve gave something between a nod and a bow
then took the stairs to the first floor.

“
I brought you some coffee.”
John gave Alex a thermal mug of coffee. “Will you eat?”

Alex nodded. From his pocket, he pulled two
buttered pieces of soda bread toast. Alex brightened.

“
I do love this bread,” she
said. “And you.”

“
You won’t stay by yourself
all day, will you?”

She shook her head. He kissed her forehead
then as if drawn by a magnet, he kissed her lips, her chin and
nuzzled her neck. With a sigh, he stepped back.

“
Twenty-nine days.” His eyes
raked her body while he backed away from her. “I can hardly
wait.”

Smiling, she waved good-bye. She watched him
walk to his rental car through the windows in the front of the
house. Glancing at her watch, she realized their contractor and his
men would arrive any minute. She took the stairs to her
bedroom.

As promised, the heat had been installed.
Crossing the room, she sat down in one of the few things that
survived the car bomb – the overstuffed green chair. With a view of
the garden through a multi-paned French door, Alex settled in to
read.

FF

Eight o’clock came and went.

The first time through Charlie’s journal,
she re-lived and re-felt her first six months as a Green Beret. At
one point, she was crying so hard she couldn’t read his words. She
had to get a roll of toilet paper from the bathroom to hold her
tears.

The second time through Charlie’s journal,
she laughed at his descriptions of everyone, including her. Holding
the journal to her chest, she felt as if her teammates had
reappeared in all their beautiful horridness.

“
You missed the point,”
Jesse said.

“
I miss everything. These
were the best days of my life,” Alex said. “I...”

She shook her head at her best-friend’s
apparition.

“
Why isn’t today the best
day of your life?” Jesse asked.

“
You’re not
here.”

Jesse made his apparition flash.

“
You know what I mean,”
Alex said.

“
Read it again,” Jesse
said. “The person you’re missing is you. Read about yourself this
time. Go on lazy butt.”

Alex watched him fade. With a sigh, she
started Charlie’s journal a third time. In the journal, she met
herself. She met Charlie when she was twenty-one years old. She’d
been married a week. What he initially called impulsive, he later
labeled near psychic.

On the last page of the journal Charlie
O’Brien wrote:

^{‘It’s clear to me now
that we need to forge a team around Hargreaves. Fuck. I wish I’d
had her ten years ago. She’d have saved a lot of lives. God damn.
Hargreaves is going to make this crazy fantasy about saving
hostages come true. Got to hold onto her and I’ll get what I want.
I’ll save the forgotten hostages, and never again will an American
rot away in some foreign prison camp.}

The last line of Charlie’s journal said:

^{‘The question is no
longer, how do we do this thing? The question is: what does
Hargreaves need to get this job done?}

“
And what do you need?”
Jesse asked.

“
You and the
boys.”

“
Take it as an academic
question,” Jesse laughed. “If you didn’t have us, what would you
need to get the job done?”

“
Who said I wanted to do the
job?” Alex’s face was set in defiance.

“
You’re going to have to
train the next person. Gordon’s not going to let you go unless you
do. What would that person need?”

Alex curled her lip to him.

“
You don’t have to,” Jesse
said. “You’re clearly intimidated by the task. And I know how lazy
you are...”

“
Lazy? Intimidated?” Alex
scowled. “Just because I don’t want to do this doesn’t mean I’m
lazy or intimidated.”

“
Yeah, sure.” Jesse
disappeared.

Grumbling at Jesse, Alex went to the
bathroom to check for hot water. To her delight, both the shower
and the bathtub were hooked up. She stared at the bathtub. Sadly,
baths were forbidden for a month after her hysterectomy. She almost
gave up when she realized she could shower!

While in the shower, her mind drifted to the
question. What did she need? Every time she realized she was making
a list in her mind, she forced herself to think about something
else. Before she knew it, her mind returned to the question.

What did she need?

Drying off, she wandered into her closet in
the hopes of finding something to wear. To her delight, her sister
Samantha had fulfilled her oldest sister duties to Alex’s benefit.
Alex pulled on a pair of cozy fleece pants, a long sleeved T-shirt
and a wool sweater.

Starting down the stairs with Charlie’s
journal in hand, Alex felt every ache and pain. Her hip hurt, her
left arm ached, and her abdomen was too painful to consider. She
was grateful her morning training had loosened her muscles and
joints. She probably wouldn’t be able to walk down the stairs
without it.

She stopped in the kitchen for a refill of
coffee then went down to the basement. Not wanting to disturb the
meeting, she worked the security to get into her office. Letting
the door slide closed behind her, she put Charlie’s journal into
her safe.

Without another thought, she set to work. In
a half hour, she signed into Military Intelligence where she had a
quick conversation with her Sergeant. He agreed to meet her at the
house. He transferred her to Colonel Gordon. Colonel Gordon backed
her one hundred percent.

Before leaving her office, Alex took
Charlie’s wedding ring out of the safe. Tucking the ring into the
piece of blue cast which crossed the palm of her left hand, she
went to kick some ass.

F

CHAPTER TWENTY

Friday morning
March 28 — 11:35 A.M. MDT
Denver, CO

The men were working on their laptops when
she entered the room. Seeing the determined look on Alex’s face,
Joseph turned the men over to her without question. Alex stood at
the back of the room near the door.

“
I’ve done some thinking.
I’ve realized that my own lack of clarity has, in part, led to the
failure of this team. I must shoulder that responsibility, and for
my failure I apologize.”

Uncomfortable with her apology, the men
shifted restlessly in their seats.

“
If I’m to lead any team, I
need to be clear on what I expect, what the team will look like,
and what everyone’s roles will be. If I am to lead this team, this
is what’s going to happen.

“
If Major Walter determines you are appropriate
for
my
team you will do what you are told
without hesitation, question or comment. Is that clear?”

‘
Yes sir’ And ‘Yes, ma’am’
filtered back.

“
You will call me sir. You
will think of me as a man. You will speak of me as a man. You will
refer to the Fey in the male gender. If you are unable to do this,
you pose a direct threat to my life and I will take immediate
action. Is that clear?”

“
Yes sir,” the men
said.

“
You will not question my
authority, my actions or my methods.”

“
Yes sir,” the men
said.

“
You will do every single
thing in your power to support each other and our mission goals.
You will not put each other down, compete for attention or keep
track of who scores points. You will function as a team member or
you will be dismissed.”

“
Yes sir.”

“
Your conduct will be exemplary. You will be one hundred
percent faithful, loyal and dedicated in every area of your life. I
will not associate with cheaters, liars, or addicts. Cheating on
your taxes, your lover, or even at poker will end in immediate
dismissal. And don’t think I won’t find out because I
always
find out.”

“
Yes sir.”

“
You will be in top physical
condition at all times. My team can leave for the field at the drop
of a hat. I will not tolerate any team member being in less than
his or her own top physical condition.”

“
Yes sir.”

“
You will do everything in
your power to provide me, and your other team members with the
tools they need to function. You will be helpful, cheerful, and
supportive to each other as well as to me. Moreover, you will
choose or be assigned a partner. You will be as responsible for
your team partner as you are for yourself. Is that
clear?”

“
Yes sir.”

“
My team’s most effective
tool is image and intimidation based on that image. To anyone
outside the team, including command, you must look, act, talk and
think of yourself as tough, capable and smugly superior. Within the
team, you must be kind, generous, and supportive to one another.
The world sees only the façade we choose to show them. Within the
team, we see everything. We are a level team with strong
leadership. You think you are better than someone on the team? You
will be replaced. You think you’re better than everyone else in the
world excluding your teammates? You will thrive. Is that
clear?”

“
Yes sir.”

“
We work when we work. We do not work when we do not. You do
not start at nine in the morning and get off at six. You are off
work when I tell say you are off work. Saturdays, Sundays,
weeknights and vacations are for civilians or grunts. You want to
work on this team, you work when you work. And you
are
working this weekend.”

“
Yes sir.”

“
Sergeant Flagg?”

“
Yes sir.” Larry stood to
salute Alex.

“
This stack of paperwork belongs to you.” Alex pointed to a
foot tall stack of papers her Sergeant dropped off at the house. “I
am aware that paperwork is not your strength. Now is the time to
grow. You will complete this paper work by the end of the day
tomorrow. From this moment forward, your job includes making
certain that every piece of paperwork, every form, and every
document is completed to perfection and ready for your superiors to
sign. If you need assistance, ask for assistance but
only
after
you have made a legitimate, valid
attempt to complete this paperwork.”

“
Yes sir,” Larry Flagg
said.