Kismet (25 page)

“Yes, you can, kiddo.” He looks into my eyes and straight into my soul. “You have to know. To hear what he had to say.”

Tears roll down my cheeks, a mixture of guilt and grief. Worn out, mentally and physically, I can do nothing more than nod. Needing no further encouragement, Parker sits next to me, placing his left hand in mine and clearing his throat as he begins to read.

“I might not know who you are, but I do know that she thinks of you everyday. She gets this look in her eyes and I know that she’s no longer there with me, she’s someplace with you. It usually happens in the morning, when the sun’s rising, when she looks at a clock, or after a bad day at work, but mostly it happens when she looks at Zoe. Okay, so it happens pretty much all the time.

I don’t know what happened between you two, but I do know that she refuses to watch Titanic, or go to a lake to swim, and even to go back to her family farm. I’m assuming that’s because of you and that’s okay, but you’ve got to know that after you broke her I was left with the task of putting her together again.

And I’m okay with all of that. Because any amount of time with Katie is better than none. I know that she may have made mistakes, but who hasn’t? Don’t we all deserve a second chance? An opportunity to right ourselves.

Just know that you are her person, but I was merely her Band-Aid. She loved me and I loved her, but without me there, she’ll need you again. I hope that she’ll find her way back to you, because you will be the key to her happiness. Katie deserves as much. It will be your turn to fix her broken heart now. I just hope that you can return the favor.”

The room is silent while I wait for more. But nothing comes.

“That’s it,” Parker says, folding the letter back up and handing it over to me. With no thought for manners, I snatch it from his hands because I don’t believe it. Needing to see it with my own eyes I quickly unfold the letter, seeing the words scrawled in Michael’s distinctive handwriting. I place my hand over my mouth, containing the sob threatening to come out.

“I’m sorry, kiddo. I miss you, I
need
you,” he pauses to kiss my hand. “Please, you’re the only thing in my life that makes sense.”

Realizing how much control he has over me and my emotions, I sit back on the bed and throw my head into my hands. “I’m tired of you hurting me. You’ve been at it my whole life, and I can’t do it anymore, Parker.” I know I don’t mean what I’m saying because I don’t know how I could go on living without him.

The room is filled with an awkward tension before he sighs and puts his arm around my shoulders. The contact is strange and I shrug him away but change my mind when I look up into his broken face. It’s not just broken with the pain of my weak attempt at pushing him away. It is literally
broken
.

There are cuts above his eye and on his lip. Tommy had obviously gone back to kick his ass the other night. “That’s what I’m trying to tell you, Katie. We’ve both made mistakes, but I’m done pushing you away. I can’t do it without you.”

“Do what?” I ask, my resolve slowly melting away.

“Live. Be successful… be sober. Getting drunk has always been about trying to forget you. The other day I couldn’t fight it any more. I hurt so much that I decided to give it another shot. I wanted to numb the pain. I knew it wouldn’t work, it never did before, but I was hurt, crushed, and ignorantly thought that maybe a few drinks would let me forget. If it didn’t, I hoped at least maybe it would numb the pain a bit. I was wasted, but I still missed you… and Zoe.” His voice cracks and he pauses, attempting to gather himself before continuing. “Then that girl threw herself at me and I thought if I had sex with her—”

“Stop,” I beg.

“No. You need to hear this. I thought maybe giving meaningless sex another chance might be the ticket. But it wasn’t. Hell, I couldn’t even… ya know. And then I was trying to imagine it was you.” He pauses, wringing his neck with his free hand. “You and I… we make sense, Katie. Yes, we’ve both fucked up, but I’m done trying to fight the inevitable. Aren’t you?”

I want to still be mad, but I’m not.

I can’t be.

Because deep down I know. Just like Michael had.

He needs me, and I know without a doubt I need him too.

Parker is the key to keeping me sane.

“I needed to grieve, Katie, just like you. Yeah, I didn’t do it in the best of ways. But in that moment, when you told me that Zoe was mine, my heart shattered into a million pieces. I still need time to mourn, but now we don’t have to do it alone. We can pick up the pieces together.”

A tear streams down my cheek. My heart hurts for him and for the relationship he never got to have with our daughter. I had been so selfish but I can’t find the words to tell him that.

Parker shifts uneasily next to me. I can tell he’s thinking, because he’s grabbing at his hair trying to kick-start his brain. “Did I ever tell you about my mother leaving?”

I shake my head, still not ready to contribute to the conversation verbally.

“She left because of her addiction. She was a drunk, pushed me and Dad out of her life. I grew up thinking that she was so noble doing that, almost like she was protecting us. So that’s what I did to you. I thought if it worked for her, it could work for me. I just wanted to protect you from my demons. But after you got in that accident, I realized that time is too precious. I had been a coward, just like my mother. But I refuse to let you slip away again.”

I know Parker’s telling the truth, and I find it hard for me to be mad at him when we’ve both made terrible mistakes. Neither of us are perfect, and I’m tired of being alone. I move closer to him and snake my arms around his waist. “No more drama,” I say into his neck. “You and I, no matter what comes at us, we work through it.”

Parker leans back and crosses his chest with his hand. “I promise.”

A slow grin works its way across his gorgeous face and the butterflies in my stomach return. He places his hand gently on my cheek. “You gotta understand, Katie, everything I ever did in life, I did it with you in mind. Some of the stuff I did I’m not proud of, but just know that I was always thinking of you.”

Once Parker sneaks back out my window, I’m left in silence again. I consider heading down stairs and letting everyone in on the fact that I’m going to be okay, but I don’t. Instead, I revel in the silence. I feel torn. My heart wanting one thing, while my brain tells me another. I’m lying on my bed questioning my decision to forgive and forget when there’s a knock on the door. Without waiting for me to answer it creaks open, and I don’t even have to look to know it’s Tommy.

“Hey, Katie, mind if I come in?”

With a flick of my head I gesture for him to come in, patting the bed indicating that I want him to sit with me. He doesn’t hesitate and plops down next to me.

“Jesus, Katie,” he starts, throwing his arm around me. I fall into his chest and sigh. Being in Tommy’s arms is one of my favorite places on earth. It always has been.

“Katie, I know that shit is tough. Hell, I don’t know if I could endure half of what you’ve gone through—”

“Tommy,” I whisper, “you don’t have to say anything.”

“Yeah, I do,” he argues. “You gotta know that I finally see that you and Parker are meant for each other. I never realized it before. Why I’m not really sure, because looking back on all we’ve been through it seems so clear to me now.” Tommy leans down and kisses me on the forehead. “You deserve to be happy and so does Parker. And as his best friend, I’m ready to see him stop self-destructing. I want you to know that he loves you.”

“How do you know?” I ask.

“I know because Parker and I rarely fight or disagree and we’ve only come to blows over a few things in our lives Katie, but every time we have, it’s been about you.”

I look at him curiously because I know that this isn’t true. I’d seen Tommy pummel Parker for taking the last of his chew one time, years ago. “I’ve seen you kick Parker’s ass over some pretty petty things in my days, Tommy.”

“And I’m telling you that it may have seemed like that, but it’s always been about me trying to protect you. Go on, try me.”

“Huh?” I ask, seriously confused.

Tommy sits back, and spins his hat on his head. “Give me a time you’ve seen me put a hurting on Parker, and I’ll explain it to you.”

“The infamous chew incident,” I lead.

Tommy smiles. “Ah, I’d caught Parker checking you out in your bikini at the creek earlier that day.”

“The time he forgot to pay you back your twenty bucks?”

“Parker always forgot to repay me, but that time? That time I’d overheard him telling one of our buddies that you were hot.”

I look at him, disbelieving.

He puts his hands up in surrender. “True story. Try me again.”

Thinking back on all the memories I have with Parker and Tommy, there were only a handful of incidents to choose from, but there was one I didn’t really know anything about. One time that had plagued me with curiosity for years. “The last summer I was here, you blacked Parker’s eye…”

“I knew you’d ask about that one.” He pauses and rubs the back of his neck with his left hand. “I told Parker the reason I did it was because he’d been a rotten drunk the night before, and that was true to a certain extent but that wasn’t the whole reason.”

Tommy shifts on the bed next to me. “Parker had gotten hellishly drunk one night, sometime in July I think, we were at camp and he passed out in the bunk room. I forgot about him until it was time to go lie down myself. Once I was in bed, I heard him murmuring, talking in his sleep like he had a million times before. I tried tuning him out but he kept saying the same thing, over and over. ‘I love her. I gotta set her free.’ I listened to him go on and on for a few minutes before I asked him who, and he replied that it was you. He started crying, saying that he knew he was going to break your heart and then he finally went to sleep.” Tommy gives me a sideways glance. “I kicked his ass as soon as he got out of bed the next morning.”

I sit there completely dumbfounded, not capable of doing anything but nodding.

“So you see, Katie, with Parker it really has always been about you. I don’t know where you two stand, but if this doesn’t make sense, I don’t know what does.”

The next day I’m just walking Onyx into the barn when I hear the familiar rumble of Parker’s Mustang. I stop walking to smile and wave at him and he steps out, tossing a cigarette onto the ground before running towards me. “Hey,” he says breathlessly. “You all done?”

“Just finishing up. Wanna help me get her settled in?”

He nods and slides his hand into mine. I smile as we lead Onyx into the barn together. Parker helps me take her saddle off and he brushes her coat while I braid her mane. “She looks so good, kiddo,” Parker says as we get her into her stall. I pour some fresh water and Parker throws in some hay.

“Yeah, she’s doing great.”

“You should ride competitively again.”

I think back to all the good times I had riding as a kid. At times, in the riding ring had been the only place I felt confident, showing off my skills along with the horses. It made sense. “I just might have to do that.”

“Well the fair is coming up…”

I consider this. I had shown my horses at the end of fall fair more times than I could count and it seemed like a great idea. “Yeah, that sounds great.” We walk together, hand in hand, out of the barn. “So what are you doing here so early?”

“Well, Tommy took my chores for me tonight.” I look up at him suspiciously. “So I thought I could take you out.”

“Like on a date?” Saying those words, it strikes me that this will technically be the first time Parker McKenzie has actually taken me out. Everything between us in the past was so secretive, and it feels weird thinking that we no longer have a reason to hide.

Parker stops me in my tracks, his hands gently on my shoulders while he looks at me with complete and utter adoration. And in that moment I have no doubt that Parker loves me.

“Exactly like a date.”

“What do you have in mind?” I ask.

He laughs and opens the ’Stang door. “Get in the car, and stop being so damn nosey.”