Jaded (The Butterfly Memoirs) (22 page)

He didn’t wait for my response. Zack parted my thighs and slipped in-between. His hands slid over my breasts as his mouth took possession of mine, taking me to a place I’d never been before; a place where nothing else mattered except the two of us.

I gasped the moment his lips touched the side of my throat. Yes! This is what I wanted. No, not wanted, needed. What we needed. Zack had as much at stake in confessing his true feelings for me as I did in accepting them.

“I love you, Zack…I love you.” My confession ripped the heart out of me. The moment the words hit the air, my eyes watered uncontrollably. I broke my rule and gave in to the one thing I swore to never give again: full control of my heart, my soul, and my body. This was my last chance, the last ounce of myself I had left. If anything went wrong between us, I would be a ruined woman.

Zack pushed back and gazed deep into my eyes. What I saw in the hazel well was hope, love, and the promise of forever. “You love me?”

“Yes…I love you.” I put my hands to the side of his face, holding his gaze so he would know what I felt was real.

Relief flooded his features. He rested his forehead against mine. “I suspected, but wasn’t sure…Yasmine, baby…”

He didn’t speak again. Instead he removed the silk bottoms he wore, slipped on a condom, and slid inside of me. Both of us cried out as our bodies melded together as one, our mouths mated, our souls joined. I wrapped myself around him and held on as if my life depended on him.

This was love, true love. I knew without a doubt my decision to give myself to him would be one I would never regret. No man who professed his love for me had ever touched me the way Zachariah Givens did.

Physically. Mentally. Spiritually.

We panted and sweated, working to fulfill our desire and needs. All the while he continued to tell me how much he wanted me, how much he needed me, how he would make me happy for the rest of my life.

“I’m yours, Zack, all of me…everything, it’s yours…,” I promised, on the verge of another mind-blowing orgasm.

He stopped in mid-stroke, panting as beads of sweat glistened on his face, shoulders, and chest in the glow of the candlelight. “Baby…make me happy for the rest of my life…marry me.”

Chapter 26

Yasmine’s earth shaking response drew me along with her. I collapsed onto her body, fought to catch my breath, and willed my limbs to function so I could stop crushing her with my weight.

I rolled onto my back, pulling her with me, not wanting our bodies to separate.

My heart hammered as I breathed deep, inhaling her scent into my heart and mind. This was the point of no return. I laid my feelings on the line and showed her what I wanted.

I told her how much I loved her.

And she loved me back.

I’d taken a huge risk, unsure if my admission would result in her leaving or wanting as much as I did.

Her declaration of love filled me to the point of proposing in the middle of making love. My original plan was to tell her how I felt and convince her to stay until morning. I’d serve her breakfast in bed, then propose.

Hearing her say she gave herself to me completely was all the catalyst I needed.

Yet, she hadn’t yelled ‘yes’ as she came.

Yasmine straddled me, and stared at me with wide eyes. She panted just as hard. “Did you just ask me to marry you?”

I caressed her cheek. “Yes.”

Her fear was unmasked. She’d been down this road before; so had I.

“I will never hurt you, baby. I want you, no, not just want, I need you in my life.”

“I want you too, Zack, and you already have me…it’s just…my previous marriage proposals ended in disaster. What we have is good enough. Acknowledging our feelings is enough. Can’t we keep it like it is?”

I shook my head, guided her to my mouth, and kissed her softly. “That’s not good enough. I want you as my wife, not just my lover. I want to give you my name and make babies with you. I want to make what we have official in every sense of the word. You deserve more than just a place in my bed. You deserve everything. We deserve that kind of happiness for the rest of our lives.”

Yasmine bit her lip, the wheels visibly spinning in her head with reasons why she should disagree.

“Are you sure, Zack? Are you absolutely sure being with me is what you want?”

“I’ve never been more sure about anything in my life.”

Yasmine stared at me. At that moment I realized I hadn’t thought this entire scenario through. What if she denied me? Could I keep our weekly arrangement if she refused? Nick’s words haunted me as visions of three years from now, I lie in this bed, physically satisfied, yet mentally and emotionally empty as she put her clothes on and walked out of the door. Pain hit my chest.

My mother’s confidence in knowing Yasmine could want more made me assume everything would work out the way I wanted.

Assumptions didn’t always have the best results. I would feel like such an ass if—

“Yes, I’ll marry you.” Yasmine kissed me, and held on as if she never intended to let go. Fine by me, because I had no plans of ever losing her.

“You are going to be the happiest woman on earth.” I whispered in her hair.

Yasmine leaned back and laughed. “I’m so happy right now I’m not even sure it’s possible.”

My cheeks felt as if they would split wide from smiling. “Oh, yeah? I’m about to make you happier. I have something that belongs to you. You’ll have to move so I can get it.”

Disappointment flashed over her face before she rolled off me and onto the bed. Missing our physical connection, I quickly made my way over to my closet and dug around until I found it. I sat on the bed next to my wife-to-be.

In the glow of the candlelight, her skin was liquid gold, her eyes a gift from the stars, and her smile a precious commodity never to be ignored. This was the woman I would go to bed with, wake up next to, make love to, and expand our family with for the rest of my life.

What more could a man possibly ask for?

I held the small red box for her inspection, then lifted the lid. “This belongs to you.”

Yasmine covered her mouth as she stared at the circle of gold and encrusted diamonds.

“Oh, Zack…you’ve got a ring?”

“Yes,” I removed the ring from the box, slipped it onto her finger, and smiled. It was a perfect fit.

“Zack, it’s beautiful…” She held it up to the candlelight and watched the gems sparkle. “How did you…when…?”

“This was my mother’s wedding ring,” I paused as her mouth dropped open and her eyes flew between the ring and me.

“Your mother’s?”

“Yes. She gave it to me when she knew I was going to ask you. I guess she figured you’d say yes.”

Yasmine’s laugh filled my heart. “That’s why she had so much to say to me this morning.”

“What?”

She waved it off. “Your mother is one smart woman. I love her to death.”

“So do I.” She continued to study the ring, until a shadow passed over her face. “No, it’s not what I gave Melissa. She wouldn’t have deserved it. You do. That’s why she offered it to me.”

“How do you do that?”

“Do what?” I kissed her ring finger.

“How do you always seem to read my mind?”

I chuckled. “I’ve spent the last few months learning everything about you. You hide behind a wall, but when we’re together, it’s like…your eyes talk to me.”

She smiled. “Yours talk to me, too. Every emotion you have is there. Like now,” she ran a finger over my face. “Right now they say how much you love me and what we’re doing is real.”

I closed my eyes and soaked in her touch. “I’ll never pretend with you. You don’t have to worry about that.”

Yasmine shrieked. “We need to tell your mom!”

I glanced at the bedside clock. “We’ll tell her in the morning. I’m sure she’s asleep by now. Besides, I want to spend the rest of this night making love to my fiancée. Once you two start talking, she’ll never get off the phone.”

Yasmine’s laugh was seductive. “Good point.” Her head cocked to the side as she studied me from head to toe.

My manhood began to swell under her inspection. I settled back and put my arms behind my head giving her full access to my body. “Like what you see?”

She nodded. “Mmm…yes…I’ve got a few things I want to do to
my man
,” her eyes flashed wickedly as she straddled me again.

“Do whatever you like…just stay in our bed all night.”

My words made her pause. “Our bed?” Recognition of what our marriage would provide her must have been the last thing on her mind. She looked around the room. “This will be our place. Wow…I’ve got a lot of work to do.”

I laughed. “Do whatever, as long as you start here first.” I indicated my mouth.

Yasmine complied, giving my body her full attention. I wrapped my arms around her and let her have her way. She was a master with hands as soft as silk, a mouth hot and demanding, and a body made for sin.

I closed my eyes and reveled in the fact I’d found my life partner. If my father were alive, I know he’d appreciate my achievements and my fiancée.

My mother would be ecstatic.

For the first time since she’d become ill, I could understand exactly what she meant. Her illness did not facilitate the break up between Melissa and me; it brought out her true character. If not for the illness, I would have married her. Where would I be right now? Would I be happy? I would have slaved to give her what she wanted, but what about me? Would she take care of my needs? Sexually, there was no doubt, but what about all the things that mattered most?

“Yasmine…,” I ground out as she traveled across my body, working me until my eyes rolled back in my head. Without a doubt, meeting Yasmine was the best thing to ever happen to me. “Inside…baby, I need to be inside…”

Yasmine gave me what I needed in every possible way.

Oh yeah, I was happy with my life.

Chapter 27

I awoke with mind numbing pain; the medication wasn’t working. For weeks now, I had doubled the dose, but to no avail. My doctor warned me this would happen.

I struggled to sit up. Another dose would temper it just enough to be bearable.

I needed to get to the bathroom.

What time was it? I checked the time on the clock on my nightstand; it was four A.M. I’d lain in bed for hours before drifting off to sleep. Though my mattress allowed me to adjust the softness, it didn’t matter. No amount of fluffiness, or pillows helped me find comfort.

I made my way to the bathroom, my hands pressed against the wall, the dresser, anything available for support. My doctor suggested the use of a cane weeks ago. I had no interest in the use of any exterior signs of what went on inside of me. No one needed to know the toll my illness was taking on my already weakened body.

In the bathroom, I lifted my arm to turn on the light; it felt as if it weighed a ton. I felt worse now than when I went to bed.

Pill bottle in hand, I struggled to get a firm grip on the cap and twist. Unable to gather enough strength, it took longer than usual. Why did the pharmacy insist on giving childproof caps on medicine prescribed for people in this stage of their illness? Didn’t they know there would not always be someone available to remove the cap?

I was losing the last of my dignity.

I’d been on my own since the age of seventeen. I never expected someone to be available to take care of life’s menial tasks. Not even when I endured chemotherapy. Having my son hold my hand day after day was hard to watch. Zachariah was too young to expect or ask to care for my physical needs.

In the end it cost him a wife.

On the other hand, I had no doubt it saved him from a marriage filled with unhappiness.

Cursing, I put every ounce of energy into removing the cap. I succeeded, but lost my balance. The cap flew in one direction, while the pill bottle slipped out of my hand. Medication flew everywhere, over the counter, down the uncapped drain, and onto the floor. Instinct made me reach out to save as much of the expensive medication as possible. The sudden move cost me.

I heard the snap before I felt the pain. I cried out and dropped to the floor. I don’t know how long it took before I stopped seeing stars, but eventually I stopped yelling. I was alone. If Yasmine were here, she would have come to my aid.

Both my home phone and cell sat beside my bed. In my stubbornness, I refused to use the Life Alert necklace Zachariah bought me; it sat in my jewelry box on my dresser.

There was no way for me to call for help.

If Yasmine was not here, she was with my son. If they were together this late, his plan must have worked. The thought alone was the only thing keeping me sane. If they were now engaged, he’d found the support he would need.

I leaned against the cabinet on the cold linoleum floor and prayed Yasmine would return in the morning.

Chapter 28

My eyes opened to a magnificent sight; Yasmine as she smiled and stretched. “Good morning.”

I memorized her true beauty. No make-up, no perfect hair.

And no clothes.

“Good morning.” I leaned in to kiss her, but she stopped me with her hand and covered her mouth.

“Oh no, morning breath.”

I laughed, my breath wasn’t fresh either. Who cared?

“After all we’ve done, do you honestly think fresh breath is an issue? I’m just glad you’re here.” I attempted to pull her close, undeterred by her playful swats as she laughed and rolled away. We wrestled before I pinned her down and kissed the hell out of her. In the end we both gagged.

“See?” she laughed and kissed my nose after I rolled onto my side. “You don’t have a spare tooth brush do you?” She tossed the sheets aside and walked towards the bathroom.

I focused on her naked backside. “No, but you can use mine.” The disgusted face she shot me made me smile from ear to ear.

“Uh…no. I’ll swish with mouthwash for now. What’s the plan for this morning?” Her voice floated from the bathroom.

I checked the time and got out of bed. “We should shower and go to my mom’s for breakfast and share the good news.”