Jaded (The Butterfly Memoirs) (18 page)

“I agree, but you know Ebony. She’s like me, keeps stuff inside so others don’t have to suffer.”

Mom got up, went to the refrigerator, and poured a glass of water. “How does the new guy fit in?”

The thought of Zack made me smile despite the tears. “Zack is wonderful. He’s everything I would want in a husband. He’s smart, makes me laugh, even when he’s being serious. He listens to me, Mom, I mean really listens. We’re in the same boat, relationship-wise. His fiancée broke up with him when his mother got sick. She had cancer.”

“That’s awful. How is she?”

“It’s in remission so she seems to be doing better. He keeps a close eye on her though. Anyway, when I needed a place to stay,” I avoided her eyes, “his mom offered to let me rent a room in her house. It works because I was already helping him out by checking on her a couple of days during the week. She’s a nice woman. If you ever got to meet her, I know you’d love her.”

“Well, a woman willing to step in and take care of my daughter when I was too stubborn to do it myself is worth knowing. Maybe we’ll meet sometime.”

“Maybe.”

“So, how does Zack feel about you?”

I shrugged my shoulders. “I honestly don’t know. It’s so confusing. We have this…arrangement, where we meet once a week for…,”

“I get it, sex. Don’t be afraid to use the word. I’m not a virgin and I wasn’t always with your father.”

That made me laugh. “That is an image I would rather not think about.”

“Hey, like thinking about you with Zack is any better. To me, you’re still in diapers and wearing pigtails!”

A fresh wave of tears came, but this time it was from laughter and not pain.

When we calmed down, I continued, “We spent last Saturday at the beach, no sex involved. Just talking…as friends.  Friends are what we were before we started sleeping together, and as I said, he listens. He’s the one who helped me realize I was an idiot in the way I acted and the reason why I’m here today.”

“Now him, I’d love to meet.”

I could only smile. I’d love him to meet my parents, too, but as something more than just a friend.

“Mimi, I don’t know what you have planned for the relationship portion of your life, and it’s not for me to judge. I do have a bit of advice for you, though.”

I sighed. “What?”

“If he’s all you say he is, find a way to keep him. A man like that is hard to find. I know; it took me years to find your father. Hold on to him; don’t let him slip away. That’s a regret you’ll never be able to get over.”

Chapter 21

“Can I get you gentlemen something else?”

“Yeah, bring my boy, Zack, another cold Budweiser? We’re celebrating.” My best friend Nick slapped me on the back.

The server nodded and walked away.

“Nick, what are we celebrating?”

“Your return to the land of the living."

I laughed. I guess in a way he was right. It had been our weekly Thursday night ritual to meet for beer and watch a good sports game after work. The last time we did this was…months ago.

“What have you been up to, Nick?”

“Same old thing. Cutting hair and meeting the ladies.” His gaze went to a group of women who were escorted past us to a table in the corner. He smiled at one who looked our way; she smiled in return.

“I am not surprised. How many women are you stringing along now?”

“A few. What’s going on with you? You’ve been M.I.A. lately.”

“I got another promotion.”

“What? Alright, my man,” he sat back in his chair. “What are you doing now?”

“General Manager of a new store.”

“I know where to come to when I need my new computer.” He laughed.

“No problem. I’ll get you a good deal.”

“How’s your mom?”

“She’s doing well. She’s got her good days and her bad days. But it seems she’s been having more good ones now.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah, I’ve got a friend who’s keeping an eye on her for me when I’m not there. In fact, she lives there.”

Nick paused, his beer bottle inches from his mouth, one eyebrow raised. “Really? A 'she'? What does this ‘she’ look like?”

“Perfect.” I chuckled when his eyebrows rose. Yasmine was more than perfect. With Nick’s playboy status, he wouldn’t be able to understand.

“Are you sleeping with her?”

Before I could respond, the server arrived with our beers. I thanked her and quickly gulped the cold liquid. “None of your business.” I said when she left, but couldn’t hide my smile.

“Oh that’s what I’m talking about! My man is finally back in the game! So tell me, is she good?” He jogged his eyebrows up and down.

“Nick, I’m not telling you shit.”

He laughed loudly. “So what are her stats? How did you guys meet? And how in the hell did she end up moving in with your momma?”

I stared at my bottle. “She came into my store one night. It wasn’t the first time I’d seen her. One thing lead to another, which lead her to helping my mother find her self-esteem again. I escorted her to a wedding in return. When she needed a place to stay, my mom volunteered.” I made sure to leave out the details of our sleeping arrangement. Nick was my boy, and I’m sure he’d think the idea was golden, but to me, it was personal.

“And you started sleeping with her…when?” he prompted.

“Not sharing.” I drank more beer.

At that moment my phone rang. Yasmine’s picture appeared on the screen. She had no idea I’d taken it that day we spent on the beach. After our talk, she’d taken off her shirt, revealing her bikini top, and walked to the water’s edge to think. She’d been so beautiful standing with her bare feet in the surf, her hands in the pockets of her shorts, and staring at the ocean. Even though her face was away from the camera, the image was still breathtaking.

“Hey, how are you?” I held up a finger to Nick. He nodded and focused on the woman he’d been eyeing across the room.

“Zack, are you at home? I can barely hear you,” Yasmine said.

“No, I’m at a sports bar with my boy watching the game. Is everything okay?” I put a finger in my ear as the crowd got rowdy when one of the teams scored.

“Everything is fine. I wanted to tell you I took your advice and talked to my parents. You were right, I needed it. They actually listened. In fact, they offered to finance me as long as I keep my services exclusive to our hotel.”

“That’s great.” My chest warmed with pride as I grinned. I sensed Nick’s eyes on me; a glance showed him staring with raised eyebrows. I did my best to ignore him and focus on Yasmine’s voice.

“Thanks. Okay, I’ll let you go now. Oh, by the way, we should reschedule tomorrow night.”

My chest tightened. “Why?”

She laughed lightly. “Nature has taken its course and well, we won’t be able to do anything. So—”

“So what? I want to see you. What do you say, same time?”

There was a pause. “Zack, are you sure?”

“Didn’t you learn anything about me Saturday? I like spending time with you. I meant it when I said it’s not just about sex.” I ignored the sound of Nick spitting his drink.

More silence.

“Okay, same time…except this time, I’ll cook dinner, okay?”

When the call ended, I stared at the screen until her picture faded.

“Oh shit, you are whipped.” Nick slapped the table in deep laughter.

“What are you talking about?”

“‘It’s not just about sex’? You say that to a woman you really care about.”

“So?” I glared at him.

Nick stopped laughing and sipped his beer while watching me. “You’re finally over Melissa’s selfish ass. Good for you.” He toasted me with his bottle. “If this dry spell of yours lasted any longer, I was going to stage an intervention at the barber shop.”

I shook my head and looked away.

“All jokes aside, man. I haven’t seen you this relaxed in…months, actually. I’m going out on a limb and assuming it’s because of this new woman. What’s her name?”

“Yasmine Phillips. Her family owns the chain of bed and breakfast hotels.”

“
The Phillips’ Family Inns
? Wow, so she’s got some money, huh?”

I shrugged. “It’s none of my business.”

“So, what is it about her you like?”

I glanced over at my best friend who now ignored the table full of women he’d been eyeing. Nick and I met in the fourth grade when his family moved from Virginia. He was an awkward kid, shy and lacking confidence. Other kids teased him, but I thought he was interesting. We’d been tight ever since. He knew my secrets, and I knew his.

I was at his house the night my father died.

“She’s everything, Nick. Everything Melissa should have been and more. She’s smart, outgoing, willing to help others. I swear she doesn’t have a selfish bone in her body. She’s got class and style and an attitude that …” I smiled to myself. “The day she walked into my store, I wanted her. Do you know how long it’s been since I gave a woman that kind of attention? I mean, Nick, every time I’m near her I’m ready to take her to bed. Her laugh, her smile, and oh man…that body of hers is—”

Nick dropped his head and laughed. “Damn, man, I bet if she walked in here right now and told you to lick her shoes you’d do it.”

“Uh, no. It’s not like that between us. We’ve got this…I don’t know how to explain it. We understand one another. Both of us have been hurt before so we know what to do to avoid it from happening again. That’s why we…” I realized Nick was staring at me. I waved it off. “It’s not important. The fact of the matter is, what we have works.”

“What you have? Okay, you’re sleeping together. What’s so special about that? Men and women sleep together all the time. What did you guys do, re-invent the wheel?”

I chuckled. “Not exactly. We’re friends, really good friends. I feel as though I can talk to her about anything and she’d understand. The sex is…” There was no need to explain. “I couldn’t imagine being with another woman. Neither of us wants a long term commitment, so…” My eyebrows creased in thought about the words I uttered. I lifted my bottle and drained it dry.

“Hold on a minute. You’re having hot sex with a woman you see as a great friend, she’s obviously what you need or else you wouldn’t be gushing over her like this. What’s stopping you?”

I glanced at him. “From what?”

“From marrying her. Let’s face it; between the two of us, you’re the marrying type. Me, I fool around. If you guys have no intention of walking down the aisle, it’s a waste of your time. And you my friend,” he pointed his bottle at me, “are not the type to waste time. You go for what you want. What are you waiting for?”

I didn’t have to think about it. I knew the answer. Yasmine made it clear what the parameters of our relationship would be.

Seeing this as anything more was my problem. Yeah, I was tired of putting my body on lock down every time she came near me and pretending my feelings didn’t exist. If I told her what I wanted…

“She’ll leave me, Nick. I can’t lose her. For once in my life I’ve found the perfect woman. If I lose her then…” I rubbed my eyes. “If no commitment is what it takes to keep her in my life, then I’m willing to sacrifice what I want to make it work.”

Nick shrugged. “Okay, so it works for now. What about six months from now? A year? Are you sure you’re willing to sacrifice your long-term happiness for good conversation and hot sex? What about family? Are you going to be able to walk away and find someone else willing to make that kind of commitment?” He tapped his bottle on the table. “That, my friend, will be the ultimate screw, except it won’t be her doing it. Where would you rather be in six months? Waiting to see her or going home to a woman who loves and gives you what you really want?”

Damn. He was right. I sighed and ran my hand over my head. My boy, the player, had hit the nail on the head.

There was no one else I wanted in my life besides Yasmine. I didn’t want to lose what we had. Not to another man, and not because she didn’t want the same thing as me.

Chapter 22

“Tell me what you think.” I walked over to where Zack stood at the kitchen counter preparing salad and held my hand beneath the ladle to prevent spaghetti sauce from dripping on his shirt.

“Mmm…that’s good.” He licked his lips. “Where did you learn to cook?”

“My mom.” I continued to stir the sauce. Mushrooms, onion, bell pepper, garlic, and Italian sausage mixed with sugar and butter bubbled in the pot, emitting an intoxicating aroma causing my mouth to water. Zack said he never had homemade sauce before, well, at least not the way I made it.

Since our afternoon spent at the beach, we decided cooking together should be a part of our Friday plan, regardless of whether or not the night ended with us in bed.

I couldn’t believe the way my life was changing.

Despite the fiasco of quitting my job and moving out of the Inn, living with Mrs. Belinda was the best thing that could have happened. She was my mentor; helping me to establish my business, even arranging job interviews with a few major retail stores.

Each month, Ms. Belinda refused to accept the full amount of rent, insisting the money be invested into my business. I was by no means broke. After living at the Inn for the past few months without having to pay living expenses, most of my money went into savings. Now that my parents were behind my idea for
Dreams
, I had no reason to touch it. It would come in handy for a rainy day.

During the weekday, my evenings were spent eating dinner with Zack and Ms. Belinda. It amazed me how much they felt like family. Despite trying our best to keep our arrangement a secret, I’d catch her sidelong glances at us as we made up ‘excuses’ as to why we wouldn’t be available for dinner with her on Fridays. Even my attempts to be gone by the time he stopped by to check on her were beginning to appear fake.

If she suspected anything, she never mentioned it. As enjoyable as our relationship was, the last thing either of us needed was the stress of his mother attempting to push us together. We were already toeing the line.

I glanced over my shoulder as Zack focused on his portion of tonight’s meal. We worked in comfortable silence. He wore sweat pants and a t-shirt; I wore ripped jeans and a casual shirt and was barefoot. We behaved as if we were married.