Read It Wasn't Love at First Shalini and I Online
Authors: Prashant Sharma
She was in a pink dress. She was fair, had a dimpled chin which
gave a something special to her smile, long eyelashes, curly at the end,
like a princess would want them, kajal around her eyes, kajal to keep
away the bad omen from her beautiful face, a small parrot nose, which
twitched when she frowned, and black flowing hair, which I would
later know, she thought were brown.
And I was sweaty from playing with the stairs, smelly by running
after, and finally catching the animals, had my cap in my hand and
my sunglasses in my pocket. I pulled out my glasses and wore my
cap. I had to make a good first impression and I somehow hoped the
oversized cap and glasses would help.
I was introduced to aunty and Shalini was introduced to my
parents. We were not introduced to each other though. As it turned
out, Shalini Sharma studied at an all girls school. She lived in a town
a couple of hundred kms from our place and was changing trains to
goto Delhi for their holiday. She was a year younger to me and was
in class six (her father thought I was in class five but that is besides
the point). I had never seen her before in my life but I was sure that
I would really want to see her many more times. The two families sat
at the bench and the elders started talking. Her father also had some
small business and her mother was also a house wife. So they had
their common interests. I on the other hand had never interacted
with a girl in my life and the girl I wanted to interact with at that
point in time did not seem very interested.
I kept the glasses on. They helped me stare at her without
being caught. There was a certain uneasiness in the Sharma family
but I did not pay much head to it. Time flew by, I did not care
about the puppies, and cows and cats around me, all I did was
stare. And then the train came and we got onto our different
coaches.
The train journey was going to be a long one as our train had
already been late and was now being pushed even further. We were
going to be in the train for the whole night. It was just a five hour
journey but had been extended.
The journey started, with Shalini in some other coach and me
practically forgetting about my trip. I sat there, idle, nothing to do
and gradually dosed off. When I woke up, around a couple of hours
later, the train was still, and sitting with us was the Sharma family.
The two families had taken an instant liking to each other. Sharma
uncle noticed that my eyes had opened and said
He smiled. I hated him more than I hated anything in the world.
I got up and put on my cap and glasses, and tried to act grown up.
Shalini was sitting right in front of me, looking out of the window,
oblivious of my presence. And I was looking at her. Oblivious of
anyone else’s presence. This continued for around an hour and then
the sun went down and it became dark so she stopped looking out of
the window. I thought I had a chance to talk to her but she closed her
eyes and lay still. I continued what I was doing.
The Sharma family had exchanged their seats on the train and
now we were on the same coach. There was a certain uneasiness in
the family, especially Sharma aunty, but I could not figure what it
was. Plus, there were better things to think about. An hour later,
Shalini was woken up and the two families shared the food they had
packed.
So far we had not said a word to each other. We finished the aaloo
poori in about half an hour and it was time to goto sleep. I wanted to
goto the top berth and sleep but Mr. Sharma again said that little
kids should not sleep on the top as they might fall. My mother tried
to defend me by saying that I was not a little kid but a ‘big boy’. A
big boy who had to be saved by his mother. And all this happened
right in front of Shalini.
I was not in a mood to fight. So I quietly slept on the bottom
turf, dad on the top turf and mom in the middle one. The same was
repeated in their family. The lights were switched off. I removed my
cap and kept it right next to me, just besides my sunglasses, just in
case I woke up at night and saw Shalini. I dozed off.
I think I had been sleeping for 3 hours, though you can never be
sure of such things, when a gentle hand covered my mouth. My eyes
opened, terrified of what was happening when I saw Shalini in front
of me. Her one finger on her lips, and the other one on my mouth.
She removed the one from my mouth and held my hand and pulled
me out of my berth. And she spoke, “Let’s go.”
I took my cap and glasses with me. And we moved out of our
little cabin and went near the open door of the train. The train was
moving at a speed I had only imagined to ride my bike at, the door
was open and the night was beautifully lit by a half moon. She went
and sat at the open door, her legs hanging outside. Her hair flowing
all over. I was a brave heart myself. I mean, I used to pick up rats,
lizards, insects and all other gross things. But never would I be sitting
at the gate of a train moving at a speed of more than 70 kmph with
my legs out. Haha, I was a daredevil, not a fool.
She had such a serene look around her. I could not say no. I had to
prove to someone in the Sharma family that I was not a boy but was
a man. I tiptoed and sat next to her. First thing, my cap flew off. I
stretched my hand but I was never going to catch it. She giggled. I
smiled the ‘embarrassed smile’. She looked into my eyes and spoke.
“You look better without it. And please do not take out those
sunglasses now. I know you were staring at me the whole day. They
are not as dark as you think they are.”
She smiled and then looked away. Her hair were now on her face
and she moved them and put them behind her ear but they struggled
their way back and she repeated the process. It was beautiful. She had
a serene smile on her face. A smile which showed achievement, a
smile which showed confidence. The train passed over a bridge and
we could see the water beneath our feet and the moon shining in it.
We sat like that for I don’t know how many minutes.
She looked at me, giggled some more and got up ready to leave. I
could not understand what had just happened and followed her back
to our respective berths. That was the first time in my life I did not
sleep at night. Something had happened. And that something kept
me up all night. And no, it was not the fact that I had lost my cap. I
had studied in a boy’s school my entire life and it being the early
nineties, there were no other places where you could meet girls. So
my interaction with them was limited to my female cousins, and
some family friend’s daughters who used to tie me a rakhi every year.
So I had never really had a ‘girl’ friend, or even a female friend. In
school, we had heard stories about some of the popular guys going
for walks with them but that was also purely hear say. No one I had
known personally had ever interacted with a girl in a non sisterly
manner. And then, this happened. And that too, to me.
Lots of thoughts crossed my head that day as I lay in my lower
berth. I admit that the thoughts started with the lost cap but then
they gradually took more substance. I tried to look at Shalini but she
had covered her face with a blanket. My eyes strained to have one
more look at her, just to see her smile once more, just to hear her talk
once more. I looked at the blanket she was in and kept smiling, at
myself, at the world for making such a beautiful creation. I don’t
know what had happened but this was the first time such a thing had
happened and it felt different. It felt a good different. The train moved
on as I kept staring into the dark and smiling. That journey had been
the best ten hours of my life so far. I felt alive, I felt grown up, I felt
something which I could not explain.
Time passed by, bringing the memory of her laughter. I had just
heard her some 4 hours ago but it already seemed an eternity, and the
sunlight started peeping its way into our little compartment. The
rays hit the adjacent lower berth and Shalini moaned and removed
the blanket from her head. Her hair were still on her face and I don’t
know how but there was a smile on her face.
I think she had been thinking the whole night as well. She looked
at me staring at her and I did not look away. We looked into each
other’s eyes and then she slowly pulled the blanket back over.
Unfortunately, the sun rays also reached the middle and upper berth
and within 10 minutes, everybody was up. Delhi was half an hour
away. Shalini was still in kind of a slumber and had her head on her
mother’s shoulder with her mother’s dupatta covering her. I sat stoutly
on my seat, trying not to look too interested. I put on the sunglasses
but remembered that they were not as dark as I thought they were.
The train groaned its way into the Delhi railway station and that was
the end of the journey. Both the families got off.
We had hotels in different parts of the city and with no mobile
phones back then, coordinating sight seeing was going to be difficult.
My parents said their good byes to the Sharma family and took their
address to write them a letter some time. Both parties knew this was
not going to happen but it was a courteous thing to do. Shalini was
going away from me and there was nothing I could do about it. I felt
so helpless and little. They called a coolie and the coolie lifted their
belongings. We did not need one. Both the families went up the
stairs and that is where it was to end. Both had to go in different
directions. Our parents shook hands, our mothers embraced and I
stood there staring at her. She was five feet away and that was probably
the last time we were to see each other.
I wanted to go and say the last goodbye and I trusted my eyes to
do the talking. I had the sunglasses on but I knew she could see right
through them. Just then she moved forward, we were a foot apart.
She put forth her hand. We shook and that was the end of it. The
rest of the holiday was fun but was incomplete. My mother was
really excited during the entire trip and she made us do all the tourist
stuff. I actually quite enjoyed it but it would have been better had
Shalini been there. We went to Qutub Minar, and even though I was
scared of heights, I went all the way upto the eighth floor and I
bought some binoculars to find her from there. We went to the red
fort and I kept looking back as I thought that I had caught a glimpse
of her in the crowd. We went to the Lotus Temple and I prayed to
see her again. We went to India Gate and I imagined her eating ice
cream with me.
The five days of holiday were finally over and we got back to the
train station. We were to now resume our duties of a bread winner, a
home maker, and a laborious student. But there was an excitement
of meeting her at the railway station again. But such things never
happen. We had an uneventful journey back home with no sitting
with strangers near the open door at night. Real life was back. We
were home
he next few years of school life after the Delhi holiday were to
be very important as I had to decide on a career. Or atleast that
is what my parents and elders said. The years came and went without
much happening as I used to be surrounded by books for most of
the duration. I was a decent student and in class twelve had put in an
extra effort and had made it to a grade A engineering college. My
parent’s wishes were now completely fulfilled and I was allowed a bit
more freedom in those days. My interaction with girls was however
still limited to that one encounter with Shalini and the more I thought
about it, the more I had an urge to go to her town looking for her.
But I let the urges be. I tried to convince myself, and partially succeeded,
that I meant nothing to her and that she would not even recognise
me.
My college was in Delhi and I felt a little alone during the first few
months I was in hostel. My mother cried when I boarded the train to
Delhi and Dad just looked down. I know he had a tear in his eye but
he was a man and could not show it. But I was still a boy. That was
the second night in my life I could not sleep at night. I thought
about the wonderful years I had as a kid with my parents. The way
my father used to tell me a story to make me sleep every night when
I was young, and my mother would play cricket with me when my
father was away. How both of them had left all worldly pleasures to
ensure that I get good education and the look on their face when the
results came out and I had finally made it. And how unfair it was of
me to leave them like this when they needed me more than I needed
them. I knew that things would never be the way they were. All we
had to show for the last 17 years- were memories. Very very pleasant
memories.
I wiped my tears with my hand and convinced myself that I had
played the part of a good son by studying hard and going where I
was. But the thoughts just came pouring in and I finally reached
Delhi. This was to be home for the next 4 years atleast, if not more.
I got off the train and looked around at the milieu of people at the
station. All having a place to go, all having work to do, and even in
all that crowd, I felt alone. Alone in a new city which I now had to
call home.
I hired a coolie and reached the prepaid auto taxi stand and started
my first journey to my college. I made small talk with the auto driver
and asked him about the city in general. How the people were, how
strict were the rules and regulations, and other such questions which
face you when you come to live in a big city from a small town. He
was a nice guy, and told me about the city. It was good to the rich
and bad to the poor. The rich had their air conditioned cards, their
big houses, the money to buy pleasure. The poor had the scorching
sky as a roof, the police running after them, and the rich ridiculing
them. He continued about the misery of the poor, which I guess
emanated from his own life. We stopped at a red light and right next
to us stopped a scooter. The father was riding with the mother in
pillion. A little boy, around five, was standing on the scooter, in
front of his father. He looked at me and smiled. A smile not only
from the lips, but from the eyes. I smiled back. My auto driver had
forgotten to talk about the people in between the rich and the poor.
The people like me, and the little boy on the scooter next to me. The
middle class. Life was going to be alright. Delhi already felt like home.