It Wasn't Love at First Shalini and I (14 page)

Pooja lived around 5 kms from where I lived. She used to live
with a roommate but girls usually don’t get along together so she
moved out and took her own place. Her parents were based out of
Chandigarh. I bought flowers on the way and rang the bell with my
arms wide open. I heard a voice from inside “They are here.”

It was an excited kind of voice. I got a little confused as to what
was happening when Pooja opened the door wide and there she was,
looking beautiful in a red salwaar suit, her hair hanging around her
face and the biggest smile I had ever seen on her.

But then the smile faded, and slowly turned into a scowl.
Behind her I could see a couple who I assumed were her parents
and another girl who could have been her friend or her sister.
“What are you doing here?”

 

“I came back. Just for you. I thought I would surprise you.”
“You should have called. You told me you were going on a trip and
your phone would be switched off.”

 

“That was because I was on a flight back to India.”

 

The lady from behind called out “Who is it beta? Is it Rannvijay’s
friend?”

 

I was shocked. When did Rannvijay, Pooja’s ex fiancé come into
the picture?

“Pooja, What is happening?”
“You should have called. Please leave now.”
“I will not leave, what is going on?”
The lady, her mother, walked up to the door.
“Beta, who is it?”
I was about to tell her my name.
“Aunty I am..”

“Oh my God, you are the one who lead to my little girl’s
engagement breaking up earlier. How dare you come to our house
and that too on such an auspicious day?”

I could not understand what was happening.
“Pooja, what is this lady saying?”

“This lady is her mother and is asking you why on earth are you
here? You tried to break my little daughter’s marriage with Rannvijay
earlier as well but were unsuccessful. Now that we have managed to
convince his parents to accept our daughter again, you have again
come to spoil everything. What kind of a filthy man are you?”

I looked at Pooja.
“Please tell me this is not true.”

Her mother started to speak but I looked at her and she shut up.
Pooja spoke.

 

“I was about to tell you.”

I wanted to shout at her, to break things in her house, to punch
that Rannvijay, but I did nothing like that. I was unwanted in her
life, just Iike I was unwanted in Shalini’s. I walked out. Pooja tried
calling for me but all was lost. I went to Hari’s place. Luckily he was
there. He saw me and he knew something was wrong and I broke
down for the second time in a week, this time in front of my best
friend. And I knew he would understand. We had a long chat that
day, Hari and I. About life, just about life. It felt good connecting
with him after a long time. I told him that I would take a week off
and goto my parents’ place and would then join office. I slept the
night at his place. In the morning, before I left, he just said one thing

“If I can do anything to make this better for you, I will.”

And I knew he meant it, and that really did make it better. There
was someone outside my parents who loved me. He would do
anything for me.

PRESENT DAY
2011
A

s the engagement was more of a family affair with no alcohol,
atleast no alcohol officially, I had to take my friends out for a
drink to celebrate the end of my freedom. It was an only guys night
out and Kriti jokingly asked me to stay away from Hari and left to
be with her parents. There were 8 of us guys and we went to a new
bar which had just opened in Gurgaon. It supposedly had great live
music and a great blend of cocktails. We settled into the bar and
ordered a round of drinks. All lights then went out and all the focus
shifted to the stage. Apparently some locally famous singer from US
was playing. She had recently started making a mark on the American
stage. The lights went out, and then all of them shone at one bright
spot on the stage.

She was in a black dress. She was fair, had a dimpled chin which
gave a something special to her smile, long eyelashes, curly at the end,
like a princess would want them, kajal around her eyes, kajal to keep
away the bad omen from her beautiful face, a small parrot nose, which
twitched when she frowned, and black flowing hair, which I would
later know, she thought were brown.

It was Shalini.

“Hello India. I have travelled the world, sung in front of people of
all countries and continents, but never have I come here and sung in
front of my own people. So this is my first time here, and I hope it
is as memorable for you guys as it is for me.”

She raised a glass, “This is for my people. Cheers.”

She downed whatever was in the glass in one neat go and started a
fusion song. The music was beautiful, her voice was beautiful, she
was beautiful.

The singing continued for two hours. It was not supposed to be a
performance, it was supposed to be a live singer at a bar where the
music is in the background and everyone is busy with their own
conversations and clap at the end. I was supposed to be drinking all the
alcohol possible as it was my party with the guys after my engagement.
But we all were completely queued into the songs which she was singing.
After around two hours, she stopped. I was not even sure if she had
seen me. I did not know what to do. Should I go upto her and talk to
her? Should I ignore her and forget that I ever saw her again?

These questions were in my head when she took the mic again
and said “Before, I leave for a little break. I will leave you with some
lines from a pretty old hindi movie which somehow have meant a
lot to me.”

“Tum aaye to aaya mujhe yaad, gali me aaj chand nikla. Jaane
kitne dino ke baad, gali me aaj chand nikla.”

 

“Thank you everyone.”

There was a huge round of applause. No matter how sophisticated
we want to project ourselves, all Indians prefer a hindi song to any
fusion. But that was besides the point.

A drunk Hari looked at me and I knew that he understood. I had
told him about the entire episode with Shalini when Pooja had
dumped me. He did not say anything. But his eyes told me to let her
go. I was now engaged and meeting Shalini could not help me in any
possible manner. I looked at him and I guess he could see it in my
eyes. I just had to go.

He nodded, I don’t know whether in agreement or in disapproval.
But whatever it was, he understood. I had to go.

I slipped my engagement ring in my pocket. I did not know why
I did that. If Shalini would ask, I would obviously tell her that I had
found someone. I would tell her that I could not wait for her when
I see her only once in 6 years, I could not wait for her when she had
so easily walked out on me, I could not wait for her if she had never
wanted me to wait.

I walked out of the bar. I was still not sure whether she had seen
me or not. There was nobody in site. Just then I heard “Let’s go.”
She had a cigarette in her hand, and a small little smile on her face.
We left the bar together.

Gurgaon has tried to develop itself as downtown New York with
huge buildings, office space, expensive homes and traffic jams. And
it has kind of succeeded. But unlike Manhattan, a lively cosmopolitan
nightlife does not exist once the office gates are closed. What exists
here is a scary uninhabited palace of glass with no one in site. And
therein lies the difference and the beauty.

The bar where Shalini was singing and I was drinking with my
friends was one of few such places in the Gurgaon corporate parks.
We kept on walking in between the huge buildings with the lit up
National Highway on one side of us. For ten minutes, there was no
conversation between us. Just serene silence. It was not that we did
not have anything to say, it was just that there was so much we did
not know how to begin. She started.

“Thanks.”
“For what?”

“I won’t say that whatever little I have achieved is because of you
and that night we spent together. But that night helped me get rid of
one very important thing. Self doubt.”

I gave a sarcastic comment “So is that why you are here again? To
let me help you solve some other problems.”

 

She smiled. A genuine one. I could tell from the eyes.
“No, I just wanted to thank you before you started off with the
questions. But surprisingly, you started off with sarcasm.”
I gave her a smile. One which started with sarcasm but as I looked
into those eyes, it transformed to a genuine one.

“Why did you just leave?”
“Because I did not want you to feel that I was a loser.”
“But I never felt you were a loser.”
“That is because I left before you could think that.”
“Wait, I am confused.”
She smiled again.

“Chicken and egg isn’t it. I was in a pretty bad condition at that
point in life. I had met you after 7 years and that meant something
to me. We could have stayed in touch and I could have told you how
sucky my life is and then instead of excitement, surprise, joy and
honestly, a little bit of lust which I see in your eyes today, I would
have seen scorn, irritation and the feeling that oh no, not her again.
Had we been in touch, I would have just seen pity. I left so that we
could meet again. And we have. And I always knew we would.”

“First of all, there is no lust in my eyes.”
“Does that mean I am not pretty?”
“When did I say that?”
“So that means I am pretty.”
“I did not say that either, but yes. You are pretty.”
“So you admit, there is a little bit of lust in your eyes.”
“Never mind that. What I was saying is that..”

“What you were saying is that I am pretty and you have lusty
eyes.”

“Shalini!!”
“Okay, sorry. Please continue.”

“No. You spoiled the moment. It was such a sweet and deep and
emotional moment. And you spoiled it.”

“No no no. Let’s try again. So you were saying.”
“I was saying that..”
“That I am pretty and you are lusty. Hahahahah”
“I am not talking to you.”
“Sorry last time. I promise.”
“No.”
“Please.”

“Well, okay. What I was saying is that you have not met me for
the last what, 6 years, so that when we meet after six years, that is
today, we have a perfect date?”

“First of all, don’t get too full of yourself- this is not a date. And
second, yes.”

“Pretty weird aren’t you?”
“Pretty, definitely yes. Weird, yeah, maybe a little.”

I touched her hand. Then I held it. She did not shove it away, and
neither did she embrace it. We walked, hand in hand, for the first
time, in between empty offices in Gurgaon. Silently, both of us taking
in the fact what this meant to us. Both of us unsure why it meant so
much.

“So after we saw each other in London, and I completely ignored
you, did you try to look for me? By the way, did you notice that I
did see you?”

“Obviously I knew you saw me. Madam, you are not as subtle as
you think. You looked back and our eyes met.”

 

“Damn, I had controlled myself all the way when you were jumping
on the other side of the glass.”

“Why did you ignore me?”
“I didn’t want to hurt you.”

“You know right that I am a human being. And human beings are
hurt on being ignored. Not on being embraced.”

“I know, but I just wanted you to believe that it was not me but
someone else you saw. I told you right, at that stage in my life, I
could not let you come close to me because I did not want you to
feel pity for me.”
“So what did you want me to feel?”

“So did you try and look for me?”

“Where could I? I mean, it’s not that I would travel all around the
world looking for you. I did not even know which country you were
in!”

“You mean nothing? You did not try locate me on Facebook, twitter
or anything like that?”

 

“I wanted to. Five years ago, these things were not that popular.
And as time went by..”

 

“As time went by, you forgot me.”

“As time went by, I tried to convince myself that I was better off
without knowing. That if we had to meet, it would not be through
twitter or Facebook. It would be like this.”

“Big believer in destiny?”
“You have made me.”
Some more silence.
“So honestly, you never looked me up?”

“Okay, I did. But I never found you. In fact, I do it every day.
What name are you registered under?”

 

“My singing name. Shaila.”

 

“Did you ever try to look me up?”

“I am a very strong person. I left you in New York when I needed
you the most. I never looked you up. I do believe in destiny. And I
knew we would meet.”

Some more silence.

 

“Not even once? I mean, I am pretty easy to find on Facebook. I
have a pretty uncommon name.”

 

“Not even once.”

I felt a little relief on this. If she had not visited my Facebook
page, she did not know I was getting engaged. It made me feel a little
relieved and in some time, a little guilty as well. We kept on walking.

“So what made you come back to India?”
“Would it make you happy if I said that you made me come back?”
“I guess it will. But I know better.”

“Work. Work made me come back to India. I am decently famous
in US now singing fusion music. My manager got me some shows
here, so I thought, why not. It had been a long time since I had been
here anyways. Not after my mother died.”

“I am sorry.”

“Don’t be. So yes, I am back here for work. Leave that. You tell
me. How is your life going? Everything according to plan is it? Good
college, good job, good car, good wife?”

“Well, almost on track. I did MBA after we met.”
“Good college?”
“Tier one.”
“As expected of you.”

“So yes, I did MBA, then took up a job. Have been working in
the same company ever since. So good college- yes, good job- yes,
good car- car can be better.”

“And.”
“And what?”
“And good wife?”
I put my hands in my pocket and felt the ring.

“I am not married yet. Maybe haven’t had the time so far, or maybe
haven’t found the right person.”

“Haha. Right person.”
“What is so wrong in ‘right person.’”