Cooper nodded and gave a small smile. "Yeah, it did. And I ... I don't know Luke, I know I probably don't deserve you, and like, it's fine if you just wanna stay with me until you get on your feet or whatever. But I really like you." He glanced at Luke with a worried expression, but Luke could feel his face lighting up with a smile.
"So you do want to be with me," he confirmed. "Not just for sex, or just to help me out."
"No!" said Cooper. He glanced sideways at Luke again. "I mean, I want those things too, but ... "
"Can you?" asked Luke. "I mean, I know you can help me, but what about ... you know ... sex."
Cooper nodded. "I don't know, Luke. I think it'll be a process. I really want to be able to, because I think you're really hot, and it wouldn't be fair to you otherwise—"
"Don't beat yourself up over it," said Luke, although he did feel a bit panicky at the thought of never getting to have sex with Cooper. He wanted it so badly.
Cooper drummed his fingers on the steering wheel again. "I think I'll be able to," he said. "And I think what we did today really did help. I feel better, you know? I feel lighter."
"I really do want to have sex with you," said Luke, as if it wasn't completely obvious. He could feel his face heating up, but he forced his embarrassment down.
"I know," laughed Cooper. "I want it too. We'll see, okay?"
*~*~*
Luke had a quick shower when they got home, and he found Cooper shirtless in the bedroom. He walked up to Cooper, drying off a bit self-consciously, and Cooper grinned at him. Then, suddenly, his eyes narrowed and he reached out and grabbed Luke's face, pulling him closer. "Did you pierce your ear?"
"I ..."
Shit
. "Um, yeah. I found your piercing kit, and I ..."
Cooper looked livid. "You little shit."
"I'm sorry! I—"
"You need to make sure it's sanitary!"
"I did, I made sure, I promise!"
Cooper growled. "Let me see," he ordered, and reached for Luke's ear, his touch surprisingly gentle. He examined the piercing for a few seconds. "It's fine," he said at last. "Just keep it clean. Jesus, Luke, what the fuck did you do that for?"
"Well," Luke shook his head. "I don't know, I was so worried and you were gone! If you'd been here, you could have done it!"
"I will next time!"
"Good!"
Cooper shook his head. "You ... fucking hell, come here, you little shit." He grabbed Luke and pulled him into a forceful kiss.
"Mm, you know ... I'd appreciate it if you ... stopped calling me that ..." said Luke between kisses.
Cooper grinned and rolled him over onto the bed. The towel was torn away as he did so, and Luke was naked underneath him. "All right, fine, what do you want to be called?"
"I don't know," gasped Luke, his body writhing and pressing upwards. Why was Cooper wearing pants? He wanted to feel him against his naked body. "Something nice." He moaned, pressing his hips up into Cooper's. "Cooper, please."
Cooper went abruptly still. "Luke, I—"
"What?" It was hard to think clearly. He wanted Cooper so badly. It was so good to be with him again, not to be alone. But Cooper was still frozen stiff against him. "What is it?"
"I—" Cooper grimaced and slowly began to move away. "I'm sorry, Luke, it's just not happening."
Luke sighed, trying to force down his frustration. It wasn't Cooper's fault, but he couldn't help being a little disappointed. "Is it my fault?" he asked, his heart sinking. "Because of my ear?"
"No!" Cooper turned to face Luke, his eyes fierce. "It is
not
your fault, okay? Don't you ever blame yourself, that's what Charlie did and it's ... it's like poison, okay?"
Luke still felt like his heart was in his stomach. "But it is, isn't it?"
"No, it's
not
." Cooper's hand curled around Luke's wrist, gripping him uncomfortably. After a moment, he seemed to realize what he was doing and sheepishly removed his hand. "It's just, if I feel guilty about something, or upset, and sometimes it's just random. It just ... it doesn't work." He flopped back onto the bed with a loud sigh. "It's
embarrassing.
"
"Well, it's not
your
fault either," said Luke crossly. "It's nothing to be embarrassed about."
"I feel guilty about it too, you know?" Cooper had an arm across his eyes, his other hand resting on his muscled stomach. "Like, why would you want to be with a guy who can't even fucking get hard?"
"Because I like you?" Luke rolled onto his side to face Cooper. "What, do you think your ... your
penis
is the only thing you've got going for you? I mean, it's nice, but so are you." He tentatively moved closer to Cooper and slid a hand along Cooper's tattooed stomach to intertwine his fingers with Cooper's. It felt amazing. "
You're
what I missed."
Cooper removed his arm from in front of his face and glanced at Luke. "You missed me, eh?"
"Yeah, like crazy."
"
You're
crazy, dude, I am not that great."
"Yeah, but ..." Luke sighed and leaned in, resting his head on Cooper's shoulder. He was surprisingly soft, his relaxed muscles warm and comfortable, and he smelled good. This must be almost as nice as sex. "I guess I've just never had anyone who was so nice to me. You care about me, not just about, you know, controlling me or getting something from me."
"Yeah, that's called being a decent human being." Cooper sighed, wrapping his arm around Luke and drawing him close. "I'd like to think I'm better than just a decent human being. I used to be, you know? I used to be a really
good
person. Like, I was proud of it. Now I'm just an asshole."
"I think there's a lot of good left over," mumbled Luke. The dim light and Cooper's warmth was making him sleepy. "I don't think it'd be that hard to get it back, if you really wanted to."
"I do really want to," said Cooper. His voice was wonderful when soft, like sugary caramel. "And you? You're something else, you know."
"I'm an asshole too," muttered Luke. "Way worse than you."
"I kind of saw that as a defence tactic," said Cooper. "From what I can tell, I think maybe you just need to turn your line of defence in another direction."
"I'm trying," agreed Luke. What were they even talking about? He was so sleepy. "I'm going to sleep now, though."
"Yeah, good idea." Cooper bent his head down to plant a soft kiss on Luke's damp head. "Night, tiger."
"G'night."
*~*~*
Cooper was still there when Luke woke up. It was the most wonderful feeling to slowly wake up with his arms around Cooper, safe and secure that he was still there, that he hadn't escaped in the night. Of course, the fact that Luke's arms were literally deadlocked around Cooper might have had something to do with it.
"Good morning," said Cooper with a grin as Luke slowly blinked into consciousness. "Gonna let go of me yet?"
"You're still wearing your jeans," said Luke groggily, and Cooper laughed.
"Yeah, I didn't want to wake you up."
"I'm sorry!" said Luke, blushing. "I guess I was just so afraid of you leaving."
"I promise I won't," said Cooper, laughing as Luke sleepily disentangled himself. "I just want to make coffee and breakfast."
"Mm, okay," mumbled Luke, and he stretched out on the bed and promptly went back to sleep.
Cooper woke him again when breakfast was ready, and they had a lazy morning in bed. They eventually got dressed and went for a walk to the nearest restaurant, after they went window shopping. Luke resisted Cooper's offers to buy him clothes, remembering that Cooper didn't have much money and that Luke already owed him. He was trying to ignore the nagging memory of his aunts' declaration the day before. If he didn't stop seeing Cooper, they'd cut off his money for school. That meant he'd definitely have to get another job, or at least a student loan. He didn't like thinking about that.
"What's wrong?" Cooper asked him after he was silent for a few minutes, mulling over unpleasant thoughts. They were sitting outside in the park, and Cooper had bought them both lattes to warm them up from the crisp fall air. They'd been talking easily all morning about various things, but Luke hadn't brought up his money troubles yet.
"Um," Luke shrugged, deciding there was no point in hiding it from Cooper. "Yesterday my aunts told me that if I kept seeing you they'd cut off my school money."
"What?" Cooper looked outraged. "They can't do that, can they?"
"I don't know." Luke paused and then took a deep breath. "I honestly don't care. It's worth it to be free of them. I'll get a loan or something."
"Well, I can pay for your school," grumbled Cooper. "You've got like what, one year left?"
Cooper really was too nice. "You ... I don't want you to do that. Aren't you borrowing money?"
"Yeah, well," Cooper scratched behind his ear and looked away, taking a long sip of his drink. "I was thinking of maybe ..." His voice dropped so low that Luke could barely hear him. "... You know, doing some tattooing again. S'good money, and like, I can make sure everything's sterile, so ..." He pursed his lips a little and trailed off.
Luke didn't say anything. Any response would only cheapen it. He smiled at Cooper instead, and Cooper looked away shyly.
"Anyway, Luke." Cooper turned to face him. "We can call it a loan, if you want. You can pay me back once you've finished school and start selling paintings. I call it an investment."
"You're a dork," said Luke. "My paintings won't sell for anything."
"Bullshit, I'll hang 'em in my shop. Tell everyone my sexy boyfriend painted them."
"That does sound nice," said Luke, hunching over his drink. "I just, I dunno, it's not that I don't trust you ..."
"You're just not used to people doing things for you without expecting something in return," said Cooper. "Yeah, I get it. It's not like I helped with my stupid offer."
"Yeah, but you took it back," said Luke. "You let me stay with you for free, I didn't even know what to think. I can't keep taking your money."
"I told you," said Cooper. "Loan."
"Yeah, well," said Luke. "Maybe, if I can't figure anything else out. I wish I could just get a job. It's not that I'm lazy, it's just
so
stressful for me." His hands shook a little at the thought, and Cooper noticed.
"You have like, whatsit, anxiety. Don't you?"
Luke nodded. "Yeah, they diagnosed it when I was a kid. There's medicine, but it makes me feel ... not good." He didn't want to remember the year he had tried it. He'd been twelve, starting a new school. The medicine
had
helped with his anxiety, but they'd done nothing to help with his awkwardness. People hadn't liked him any better when he wasn't nervous, and Brody had still walked all over him. And he'd had feelings late at night, hopelessness. Like there wasn't any reason for him to keep living.
He'd stopped taking the pills, and his grandparents hadn't bothered him about it. It was easier just to be shy, to not talk to people. But he wondered sometimes if maybe it was the only way for him to get a job and be normal.
"Yeah, I understand," said Cooper. "Really, I do. It's just who you are, right? But it's not bad to ask for help. 'Specially not if someone's offering because they want you to be happy."
"Why do you want me to be happy? You haven't even known me that long."
"Because I want everyone to be happy," said Cooper. "And I think you're a good artist, and I want to help you out the way people helped me out. Isn't that okay?"
Luke nodded. It was so hard, trusting Cooper. He wanted to trust him, to open up and believe that Cooper wasn't going to turn around and use it against him. It was like holding his heart out, barely stitched back together, for Cooper to do with it as he wished. "I just ... I will repay you somehow."
"Yeah, I know," said Cooper, shifting on the bench a little bit. "Matter of fact, if we head back to my place now, I think you can start right away."
"Are you serious?" Luke looked up at Cooper, wondering if he was misinterpreting him.
"No promises," said Cooper. "But we'll see. I just feel better, you know? Like the worst is behind me or whatever. You don't make me feel guilty, you make me feel ..." He tilted his head down a little, and Luke thought he might be blushing. "Good."
*~*~*
They hurried back into the apartment, and Luke had barely had time to take off his coat and shoes before Cooper was on him, pressing him against the wall next to the door and kissing him hard. Luke responded enthusiastically, kissing Cooper back and pressing their hips together. He thought he could feel the hint of a bulge in Cooper's pants.
"Oh! Oh, Cooper .... Ah! Cold hands!"
"Oops, sorry," Cooper grinned sheepishly, removing his hands from under Luke's shirt.
"No, it's okay," Luke said breathlessly, and Cooper returned his hands to Luke's sides, this time over his shirt. He could still feel the coldness through the fabric, but it felt too good for him to care.
"Bedroom?" gasped Cooper when they finally broke apart, and Luke nodded, heading quickly for the hallway. Was it actually going to happen? Or would it just be another in a long line of letdowns? He wanted to believe it was for real.
Cooper rubbed his hands together as they entered the bedroom, warming them up before reaching behind his back to pull his T-shirt over his head. Luke would never get tired of seeing his body. He was flawless. He should be a model. He stared at Cooper, amazed at the ease with which he was attracted to him. There was no disgust, or any negative feelings at all. The person who had stared at Cooper in revulsion when he'd walked into the flower shop had been a completely different person than Luke was now. But, he supposed, Cooper had been a different person then too. Neither of them had been themselves.
"Clothes off, tiger," said Cooper with a small smile, nodding at Luke.
"Oh," Luke bit his lip. He certainly wasn't going to look as good as Cooper taking his clothes off. He'd just try not to trip.
Cooper went and sat on the bed while Luke stripped, pushing himself up to rest against the headboard. His hand went to his pants, slowly stroking the growing bulge there. Luke could feel his mouth watering, his body tingling with growing lust. He pulled his clothes off as quickly as possible, shivering a little as the cool air caressed his body. Cooper was smiling at him.