"No," whimpered Luke, taking a deep, shaky breath.
"Yes, you are, Luke." Luke could hear the bed shifting again as Cooper moved on it. "Come here."
Luke choked back another sob and nodded determinedly. He summoned up all the resolve he had and turned to face Cooper. Naked. He was naked, and Cooper could see him. He resisted the urge to cover himself. He didn't care. Why should he care? Cooper was nothing. Just a means to an end. Just a necessary evil. Who cared if he saw him?
But Cooper looked upset. He had moved from his lounging position on the bed to sit up. "I'm not gonna hurt you," he said. "Just come here and sit down."
Luke nodded and walked to the bed, sitting down on the side and crossing his arms over his chest. He knew he was supposed to try and be sexy, but he just couldn't.
Cooper leaned forward and touched a hand to Luke's shoulder. It was warm and sure, and something in it calmed Luke a little, or numbed him. He wasn't sure which. "You—" began Cooper, "You really don't want to do this, do you?"
Luke turned to look at him. He couldn't help it. Was Cooper
serious
? "Of course I don't!" he snapped. "I'm only doing this because I have to, because I have no other choice! I don't have to like it. Why do you care?" He turned his face away again, to hide another sob.
Cooper took his hand off of Luke, and reached for the blanket that was folded at the end of the bed. His eyes were downcast and darting, looking anywhere but at Luke. "Here," he said, pushing the blanket at Luke. "Cover yourself."
Luke took it automatically, staring at Cooper. "Why?" he asked.
"Because I don't want to do this!" snapped Cooper, his voice suddenly angry. "What, you think I'd just be happy to have sex with a guy who doesn't want me at all?"
"Yeah," said Luke, and it came out as a dismissive scoff, harsher than he'd meant it.
Cooper's face tensed up. "You must think I'm such a great guy," he said dully.
Luke didn't know what to say. He wasn't aware that Cooper had been trying to come across as a nice guy.
"No, I know," Cooper continued. "That's my fault. Just ... fuck. Put that blanket on."
He leaned forward and grabbed a pack of cigarettes from his night table. He picked one out and lit it, propping himself up against the headboard. "We can try again another night."
"Okay." Luke hated how broken he sounded. He wrapped the blanket around himself and stared at Cooper as he finished lighting his cigarette and took a puff. Another night. He was safe for tonight. He couldn't feel any relief though; the dread was so tightly burrowed into him.
"You're really messed up about this, eh?" Cooper asked him, taking a long drag on his cigarette.
"I'm not
messed up,
" said Luke, although there wasn't much vehemence behind that lie. "I'm just not gay. It's disgusting."
Cooper chuckled, and turned his head away. "I'm not really helping that at all, am I?" he said, his voice soft.
Luke stared at him, unsure of what to say. No, Cooper wasn't helping. If anything, he'd made Luke more confused than ever.
Cooper took another drag on his cigarette and blew it out slowly, staring off into the distance. It smelled disgusting; Luke felt his nose crinkling. Cooper noticed and rolled his eyes. "Been thinking about quitting," he said.
"You should," said Luke, and it came out louder than he meant it to.
Cooper's eyes narrowed. "I know that, you little bitch," he snapped.
Luke recoiled. With a sob, he leapt from the bed and tore from the room.
"Luke!" he heard Cooper call. "That was a joke, I didn't mean to—" He broke off with a frustrated growl.
Luke threw himself onto the couch, the leather cold on his bare skin, and pulled the blanket around himself. He had tried to keep from crying, but he couldn't any longer. The sobs forced themselves from his body, loud and defiant. He pulled the blanket up and buried his face in it, trying to muffle his sobs.
"Luke ..." Cooper had emerged from the bedroom. Luke forced himself away from him as he sat down on the couch. Cooper's presence made his sobbing much worse. He could hardly breathe.
It seemed like Cooper sat there forever, letting him cry. When Luke glanced at him, he was bent over, his forearms resting on his knees, his eyes distant. Finally Luke's sobs dwindled, and Cooper spoke. "Wow, I really am an asshole, aren't I?" He laughed as he said it, but Luke didn't think he was joking. "Look, Luke, I ..." He turned to Luke, who recoiled automatically. Cooper's mouth twitched, almost as if he was in pain for a moment. "I don't ... I don't care if you have sex with me or not, okay?" He sighed. "I'm not some sadist who wants to get off on hurting you."
"Really." Luke couldn't believe that was true. Everything Cooper had done so far suggested otherwise.
"I ..." Cooper breathed out through his nose and then leaned forward, cupping his hands over his mouth. He was still looking away from Luke. "I just ... I only did it because I wanted someone here with me. Living with me."
"Why?"
"Because I'm lonely, okay?"
Luke felt his brow furrow in disbelief. "Why are you lonely? Don't you have any friends?"
"Nope. Scared them all off."
Luke secretly thought that made sense, but it felt rude to say as much. "Why?" he asked instead.
Cooper grimaced and then stood. "Listen, it's late. You can stay here, okay? And you don't have to do anything for me. Just ... you know, be here."
Luke stared at him, trying to think. He felt as if he was missing some vital part of the equation. "I don't understand why," he said finally, "but thank you."
"Yeah." Cooper shook his head. "Goodnight, Luke."
"Goodnight," replied Luke automatically, and then Cooper disappeared into the bedroom.
Luke lay back on the cold leather of the couch, trying to get comfortable. His mind was racing, his body jumpy and confused. He'd been so ready. He'd been going to go through with it. And part of him had wanted to, although he wasn't sure if it was to reassure himself that he wasn't gay, or if he'd wanted it for a completely different reason. He didn't know which one was right, either. They both felt so horribly wrong. He wished the guilt would leave him. Just for a moment. It clouded all his judgement, made him unsure of what he wanted at all. He wished Brody's face would leave his mind, wished he could stop thinking about what his aunts would think. They were like ever present demons, and he just wanted it all to go away, just for one second.
And, even more confusing than everything else was the fact that Cooper apparently wanted Luke for company. Luke definitely couldn't fathom why anyone would want his company. But he was drifting off now, his body sinking into the couch, his mind fuzzy and confused as he went into a restless sleep.
*~*~*
Luke was awoken by voices in the kitchen, and it only took him a moment to figure out that they were talking about him. He kept his eyes shut.
"So who is he?" It was a woman's voice that Luke didn't recognise.
"He's just staying here." That was Cooper. His voice sounded strange. Cold somehow, and detached.
"Right, so how much? Eight hundred?"
He heard Cooper sigh and then say in a low voice, "Make it a thousand. I'll pay you back, you know that, right?"
"Yeah, sure, man, it's no big deal. Hey, I still need some work done, you can pay me back with—"
"I'm not doing it anymore, you know that."
Luke's body stiffened. Not doing what anymore? Was Cooper into something illegal? God, he hoped not.
"Yeah, I know. But we should get together, man. You know, go out."
"Yeah, I'll think about it."
"No, you won't. But you ..." There was another long pause. "Listen, dude, I know it's rough, what happened and everything, but how long are you gonna keep this up, you know? You can't just be all by yourself like this." Luke could hear the woman walking over behind the couch. He kept his eyes screwed shut. "I mean," she continued in a slightly quieter voice, "who is he, is he a boyfriend, or—"
"I told you, he's just staying here," Cooper was still in the kitchen, his voice low as well.
The woman sighed, and her voice retreated as she headed towards the door. Luke heard Cooper's footsteps following her. "Well, that's something at least. Tell me it's a step in the right direction. He looks young."
"He is."
"Look, I know you'd never—"
"Do you?"
"Yeah, man, I know you ..." The voices retreated as they went out into the hallway, shutting the door behind them. Luke glanced at the cheque on the counter. Cooper was borrowing money. Because he wasn't doing "work" anymore. He didn't know what to think, but a bit of worry was gnawing in the pit of his stomach. He didn't want to get involved in anything bad, even if Cooper "wasn't doing it anymore." The door opened, and he lay back down quickly, pretending to still be asleep.
Cooper nudged Luke with his knee. "How's the couch?"
"Fine," Luke mumbled.
"You want coffee?"
"Yes, please."
"Yeah, what do you want in it?"
"Um, just black's fine."
Cooper wandered off, and Luke sat up blearily. The sun was streaming through the windows, and he felt strangely peaceful for a moment. He let himself breathe as his eyes adjusted. "Did you mean what you said last night?" he asked, wondering if perhaps Cooper had just been playing with him.
"Hm?" Cooper turned from where he was making coffee, and Luke realised that he was dressed differently than he had been the last two days. The faded jeans and ripped tank top were gone, replaced with expensive looking jeans and an army green T-shirt that clung to his muscles so well it looked tailored to him. He was wearing jewelry too, a thick steel chain around his neck and a matching hoop earring. Black wristbands obscured some of the tattoos on his wrists and drew attention to his muscular forearms. "What are you looking at?"
Luke forced himself to snap out of it. "Why are you dressed like that?"
"Hm?" Cooper glanced at himself and then turned, shrugging, to finish the coffee. "I just thought you might prefer it."
"Why do you care what I like?"
Cooper grinned and set the mugs down on the coffee table, planting himself heavily on the couch next to Luke. "Because I said you don't have to fuck me if you don't want to. But I never said I wouldn't make you want to."
Luke choked. So he'd just switched tactics, then. Then what was that about just being lonely last night? "You're barking up the wrong tree," he said firmly. "I'm not going to sleep with you, so if that's the only reason you're letting me stay here, I can leave." Dread immediately kicked up in his stomach at the thought, but he couldn't see any other choice. He couldn't go back to feeling like he had last night. He'd go live with his aunts, or he'd get a loan or ... something.
"Relax," said Cooper. "You can stay, I'm not gonna force you into anything. I—" he paused. "I'm not that kind of guy, even if I want to be." He turned away, sipping his coffee and squinting out the window.
Luke stared at him, curiosity overcoming his distaste. "Why would you want to be?"
A phone rang somewhere in the apartment and Cooper jumped up from the couch after it, nearly spilling his coffee. "Who the fuck's calling my land-line?" He found the phone, buried under a mountain of paperwork on the table, and answered it with a thick, "Y'ello? Who—who is this?" He glanced at Luke, eyebrows raised in disbelief. "Yeah, can I ask how you got this number?" He was silent for a long while, presumably while the person on the other end chattered at him. Finally he strode over to the couch and passed the phone to Luke with a confused look. "It's for you."
"What?" Luke felt his heart jump and begin to race. His hands shook as he took the phone. "Hello?" he said, his voice trembling.
"Luke? Oh good, you are there!"
"Aunt Marabeth?" Cooper must have seen the fear in Luke's eyes, because he raised his eyebrows further. "How—"
"Luke, sweetie, you really need to get a cell phone again, how are we supposed to keep track of you?"
Cooper took the seat across from Luke, still eyeing him. He reached forward and picked up Luke's sketchbook from the coffee table.
Luke lunged forward. "Cooper!"
"What?' asked Cooper. "Can't I look?"
"Yes," said his aunt. "Who's this Cooper man you're staying with?"
"I—" Luke waved dismissively at Cooper. "Yeah, whatever. What, Auntie? How do you even know about him?"
Cooper began flipping through the sketchbook, but it was clear he was listening attentively to the conversation.
"Well," said Marabeth, "Gloria spoke to Beth yesterday, and she had said that you were having some money troubles, so I called your landlord to see if I could talk to him about it."
"You—you called Rajesh." Luke suddenly felt weary. "Auntie—"
"Yes," she went on, "and you can imagine how surprised we were to hear that someone had paid your rent for you, so I asked him for the name on the cheque and he gave it to me. He's a nice man, you know, Luke. Rajesh, I mean. So anyway, I just looked up this Cooper person in the phone book. And, well, I hope he's a very good friend, Luke, you've never even mentioned him. You know even with friends, it's not good to owe them money ..."
Cooper finished flipping through Luke's sketchbook and picked up his pencil. He leaned back and began to sketch on a fresh page. Luke glared at him, annoyed.
"Luke, sweetie, you know if you need money, you can ask us for it. Are you staying with this Cooper man now? Brody said some not nice things about him, you know." Ah, there it was. Luke put a hand to his face, wishing Brody had never messaged him.
"Why, what did he tell you?" he forced out while she paused for breath.
"Oh, you know." Aunt Marabeth actually seemed lost for words for a moment. "Just ... not nice things. And Rajesh said that he didn't seem very nice at all."
Cooper was sketching away, glancing up only when Luke spoke.
"Well, he's fine. He's a nice guy, actually." Cooper grinned, and Luke glared at him again.
"Then why have we never met him?"
"I don't introduce you to all my friends, Auntie." Luke could feel all the energy draining out of him. Aunt Marabeth was wearing him down. She was so good at that.