Now he wondered sadly what Jason thought of him. Was he as disillusioned as Eric apparently was? As horrified and disgusted as his younger brother to learn what their father really was? Would they lose the sweet easiness they’d always shared? The thought nearly broke his heart.
He and Eric had never been as close, though he’d tried to treat his sons equally. Now the rift between them might never be repaired.
Jason brought his toast to the table, along with butter and jelly. “Thanks.” Jack tried to ignore the sharp blade of pain jabbing at the back of his eyeballs. He took a bite of toast but his stomach rebelled and he set it down. He sipped his coffee, thinking how he’d like a hot shower. First he would deal with the boys. Better to get it over and done with.
“Eric.” He turned to his younger son. “I take it you’ve filled Jason in on your little visit last night.”
“Yes.” Eric’s tone was defiant. “I certainly did.”
“Eric walked in on a rather private moment. I didn’t hear him come in.”
“I know, Pop.” Jason’s expression was sympathetic. “I’ve told Eric he owes you an apology.”
“Which is
ridiculous
,” Eric shouted. “I owe him nothing. He owes me,
us
, an apology.”
I owe Will an apology
, Jack suddenly thought.
He’s the one who’s been left out of all this.
He felt in his pocket for his cell phone. When he pulled it out, he realized the battery had died.
Shit.
He’d spent the night nearly drinking himself to death, telling himself Will should be the one to call him, since Will had been the one to walk out.
Maybe he had called. Who knew when his phone battery had died? He was forever forgetting to charge the damn thing.
“Dad, you aren’t even paying attention,” Eric said sententiously. “This is a serious matter.”
The coffee had fortified Jack somewhat. “Look, Eric. I’m sorry you walked in on that. I know it must come as a shock to you both. To tell you the truth, I’m probably more shocked than either of you. What I mean is, and what I started to tell you last night, Eric, is that I hadn’t planned on this whole thing.
“If you’d asked me a month ago if I was gay or had homosexual feelings, I’d have said, ‘No way, are you kidding?’” Eric choked on his juice. Jason’s expression was enigmatic. Jack plowed on. “I was married, for God’s sake, for twenty-six years. I never looked at another woman, much less another man.”
Eric winced. Exasperated, Jack said more sharply than he intended, “Oh Jesus, grow
up
, Eric. I’m your father, not your son, and this is the twenty-first century, not the eighteenth. Last time I checked it was perfectly legal to be gay. Last time I checked I’d raised you to be tolerant of others’ differences, to accept that yours isn’t necessarily the only viewpoint or way of life.”
Eric had the grace to look embarrassed. “I know. But it’s different when it’s your own father.”
“Okay. I can accept that, I guess. But it’s not going to change things. The man you saw me with is named Will. Will Spencer. I met him while doing some work on his home. He’s not just some guy I picked up, despite your rude insinuations to the contrary. He’s my friend. Maybe the best friend I’ve ever had. We talk. We really talk, about things that matter. He makes me feel good. He makes me happy. We have an emotional connection I never experienced with anyone before.”
“What about Mom?” Eric burst out.
Jack started to lie, to answer with a knee-jerk assurance no one would ever replace Emma. He caught Jason’s eye, however, and stopped. Jason’s expression was curious. He didn’t look at all angry, or even sad or confused. He looked, well, happy. Or perhaps amused was the better word. He certainly didn’t appear flustered and upset, as Eric did. Something tugged at Jack’s subconscious, but he felt too foggy from his hangover to take much notice. Taking courage from Jason’s seeming acceptance, he shook his head.
“What your mom and I had could never be diminished by any new relationship I might have. But I’m not going to lie to you. Your mom and I married when we were babies, you know that. We didn’t have a clue about love or life at the time. We fumbled our way through and somehow managed to raise you two boys.
“Maybe we were so busy just ‘getting through’ things, we didn’t take the time to connect. Not in the way Will and I have. Maybe this sort of connection can only happen when you’re older. When you’ve got time to focus on things without life grabbing you in twenty different directions.”
“No, I don’t think that’s necessarily true.” Jason looked thoughtful.
Jack glanced at him, suddenly aware of something he’d really known for years, though he’d never had the courage or understanding until now to face it. With a kind of wonderment, he waited for what he knew Jason was going to say next.
Jason’s smile was calm. “I have that kind of connection right now. I was going to tell you both, when the time was right. His name”—Jason paused, letting the use of the masculine pronoun sink in—“is Tom.”
Jack thought they would never leave. Poor Eric—he had to feel sorry for him, getting double-whammed like that. Jack was both surprised and not surprised by his older son’s revelation. On some level, he realized he’d known for a long time.
For whatever reason, it was clear Eric was more inclined to accept his brother’s orientation more easily than his father’s. No doubt walking in on Will and him had colored Eric’s view. Jack knew it would take time to mend the rift between them, and for Eric to come to terms with things.
But right now he honestly didn’t care. Or more accurately, he cared about something—someone—else more.
His sons had stayed over an hour. They probably would have stayed longer, much longer, if Jack hadn’t pleaded a headache—which was true—and the need to lie down and rest for a while.
He had no intention of resting. What he wanted to do was leap into his truck and drive as fast as he could to Will’s house. What he did instead was plug in his cell phone to the charger and go to the landline in the kitchen to call Will’s number.
Will answered after three rings. “Hello?” He sounded somewhat out of breath. Jack had a sudden horrible sensation Will was with someone else, and had run to the phone from that man’s arms.
“Will?”
“Jack. Jack. Are you okay?” Will’s voice was fraught with relief. Jack gripped the receiver, guilt assailing him.
“Will, I’m sorry. I, uh, I got kind of drunk last night. I didn’t realize my cell phone had died. I pretty much passed out, I guess, until I was woken by my sons staring down into my face this morning. They’ve only just left.”
Will gave a small laugh, which was like water to Jack’s parched conscience. “Do you think,” Jack pressed on, “I could come over? We really need to talk and—”
“
Yes,
” Will almost shouted. He laughed again, this time self-consciously, adding in a more normal tone, “Yes, please do come over. I can’t wait to see you.”
“I’m just going to jump in the shower to try and clear my head. Then I’ll be right over.”
***
“So what did you do last night? I kept thinking of you, driving away with no shirt. I’m sorry about that, by the way, about ripping your shirt.”
Will grinned. They were lying on his bed, on top of the quilts, fully clothed except for their shoes and socks. When he had opened the door to Jack, they’d embraced, holding each other tight, neither wanting to let go.
Will had suggested they go into the kitchen for a cup of coffee. Jack had surprised him, asking instead if they could lie down on the bed. “I have a killer hangover,” he said sheepishly. “I guess I was trying to drown my sorrows. I’m really very sorry, Will, that I left you alone in the workshop like that. I wasn’t thinking clearly.”
“I understand, really I do. I was upset at the time, but in thinking it over, what else could you have done? Your son needed you at that point, more than I did. How’s he handling it, by the way? Has he ‘forgiven’ you?” Will used his fingers to make quotation marks in the air. “Or is he going to disown you?”
Jack told Will what had happened the night before and this morning. Will tried to remain serious but didn’t succeed, laughing with glee despite himself. “I’m sorry.” He put his hand to his mouth. “But I would have loved to be a fly on that wall. I guess I should feel sorry for your son and all, but you have to admit, it’s a pretty ironic twist—him lining up his brother so they could both come at you.” He dissolved into laughter again and Jack began to laugh too.
“I guess it is funny, in a way. It didn’t feel so funny though.” Jack’s smile fell away from his face. Will was at once contrite.
“I’m sorry. I should be more sensitive. You’ve really been put through the ringer over this. I hope things will be okay…” he hesitated, almost afraid to say the words, “between us.”
Jack responded by pulling Will toward him. They kissed, their lips meeting in a tender press. Jack was the first to part his lips, his tongue licking sensually over Will’s before sliding into his mouth in search of Will’s tongue.
As they kissed, Will felt something inside him ease. The something that had coiled as tight as a spring inside him the moment Eric had uttered his exclamation of horror. He wrapped his arms around Jack and clung to him as they kissed.
When they finally fell apart, Jack said, “What did you do last night?”
Will started to say, “Nothing.” Instead he said, “At first I waited for you to call me back. I sat on my sofa, feeling sorry for myself, checking my cell phone every few minutes to see if maybe I missed a call.”
“Oh, Will. I’m so sorry—”
“No. Don’t apologize. You’ve already explained and I accept it. I want to be honest though. I want us both to be as honest as we can going forward. You should know, I mean, I’ve said it before, but it bears repeating, I’ve never been in a committed relationship before. I’m not even sure I know how to do it, but I want to try. I have this feeling the first step is being honest, even about things we might like to slide over and forget.”
Jack’s face had become guarded while Will made his speech. Will realized Jack was leaping to his own conclusions. “
No
.” He touched Jack’s massive, sexy chest. “I didn’t do anything. I can see on your face that’s what you’re thinking. I didn’t go to another man, I promise.” He smiled as Jack’s face lost its closed, vacant look.
“Okay,” Jack said softly. “So what did you do after you gave up on me calling back?”
“Paul and his latest boy toy, this guy named Francois, they invited me to go along with them to this private club. It’s called Torch. It’s in Manhattan. The latest private trendy club for horny gay guys to engage in shallow, meaningless sex with strangers.”
He laughed ruefully, all too aware that until very recently he wouldn’t have hesitated to leap into the fray. “I decided what the hell—you’d abandoned me.”
“Will—”
“I’m sorry. I’m being a drama queen, ignore me.” Will grinned and continued. “The place held the usual crowd of beautiful people and wannabes. This British guy with a hyphenated name tried to pick me up. I realized I just wasn’t into it and I left.”
“You left? Alone?”
In mock exasperation, Will cuffed Jack’s head. “Yes, alone. I caught a cab and came back home. I went to bed, chaste as a lamb, dreaming of you.”
Jack raised an eyebrow. “I don’t think of you and chaste as words that go together.”
“I’m pure as the driven snow.” Will pressed his hands together beneath his chin, as if in prayer.
Jack reached out to cuff Will in turn. Will blocked his arm and swiped back at him. In a moment they were locked in a tussle, first one then the other gaining the upper hand. They rolled on the bed, trying to catch one another in wrestling holds.
Jack, though the shorter, was in fact the stronger of the two. Within a few minutes he’d pinned Will beneath him, his knees resting firmly on Will’s arms as he straddled Will’s hips.
They were both breathing hard and laughing. “You give up?” Jack panted. Will probably could have twisted his way out of it, but he found he liked the weight of Jack on him, holding him down. It made his cock hard.
“Yes,” he gasped. “You win.”
With a low, throaty chuckle, Jack leaned down. This time the kiss wasn’t gentle. Keeping Will pinned beneath him, he claimed him, his tongue darting and swirling in Will’s mouth and over his lips. When he reached back, finding and cupping Will’s stiff cock beneath his jeans, Will moaned and arched up.
Who was this new Jack, so self-assured, taking what he wanted as if he’d been doing it all his life? This was the same man who had ripped Will’s shirt in his lust. What would have happened last night if the outraged son hadn’t made his inopportune appearance? Will, used to being in control with whoever he was with, was both excited and a little nervous at the change in Jack’s personality.
When Jack finally released his mouth he sat back, Will’s arms still pinned beneath his knees. Trying to regain a modicum of control, Will said, “Open your pants. Let me suck your cock.”
Jack stared down at him, his eyes blazing with an intensity barely contained, like a flame behind glass about to shatter. Large, thick fingers moved with surprising grace, unsnapping and unzipping. Without even taking down his boxers, Jack pulled out his thick, hard cock and thrust it toward Will’s face. Will opened his mouth wide, his tongue flat against his lower lip in invitation.
Jack lifted Will’s head, the gesture curiously gentle, as he placed his erect shaft into Will’s eager mouth. Will closed his eyes and wrapped his lips around the hot, pulsing rod, licking and kissing it as he opened his throat to receive Jack more fully.
Jack groaned, his hand still cradling the back of Will’s head. “Yes, yes.” He began to move, pressing his cock deep into Will’s throat until the head lodged there, blocking Will’s ability to breathe. He didn’t care. He wanted Jack to stay as he was, claiming him in this primal, erotic way. He knew he would pass out before he struggled for breath.
Jack pulled back though, allowing Will to catch his breath before he slowly pressed deeper again. “I’ve never experienced anything like this,” Jack breathed. “It just feels so fucking good. I can’t imagine anything better.”
“I can,” Will said, when Jack pulled back enough to allow him to speak. “My ass, Jack. I want you to fuck me.”
“I don’t know.”
Sensing Jack’s shift in mood, Will tilted his body and Jack rolled away from him, falling to the bed beside him, his cock still poking invitingly from his shorts.
Will stroked Jack’s exposed penis, reveling in its girth and firmness with his fingers. “It’s okay. You don’t have to know. I’ll guide you. I want it, Jack. I want that connection between us.”
“I don’t want to hurt you—”
“It doesn’t hurt. Not when it’s done right. It feels great. It’s fantastic. Trust me on this. I know what I’m talking about.”
“I don’t know if I could let anyone do that to me,” Jack said, his voice hesitant, even anxious.
“That’s why you’ll start this way. You do
me
. I’ll teach you. Then later, if and when you want it, and only then, I can show you how good it feels in kind.” He leaned over and kissed Jack. “You trust me, don’t you?”
“Yes. I do.”
“Good. That’s all you need. Trust.” Will tugged gently at Jack’s jeans, guiding them down the powerful thighs and pulling them from his body. Gripping the waist of the boxers, he slid those off as well. Leaning back up over Jack, he unbuttoned his shirt and pushed it open.
“Jesus, you’re hot.”
Jack turned his head on the pillow, embarrassed at the praise, though Will noted his erection never flagged.
Sliding to the edge of the bed, Will stood a moment to shuck off his own clothing, discarding it in a heap on the floor before returning to the bed. His cock was bobbing toward Jack and, unable to help himself, he gripped it, stroking himself as he lay beside his lover.
“I want you, Jack. Do you want me? Do you want to take our exploration to the next step?”
“I don’t know.” Jack bit his lip. Will noted his cock was still hard as granite, despite his protests. Deciding to go off that cue rather than Jack’s words, he reached over to his nightstand and pulled a condom from the drawer. Jack made no comment as Will opened the wrapper and rolled the sheath over Jack’s erection.
He took the tube of lubricant and squeezed a dollop onto his fingers, which he daubed on the tiny hole between his ass cheeks. Jack’s eyes were wide beneath the thick brows. Will lifted himself to his hands and knees beside Jack.
“Get behind me,” he encouraged. “Just lean up against me. Get used to the feeling of our bodies touching.” Will’s cock was throbbing as he waited, silently willing Jack to obey. If he protested again, if he said he wasn’t ready, Will wouldn’t press. There was time. As eager as he was to feel Jack’s cock penetrate his tight heat, he would wait. He would be patient.
Will recalled suddenly a man he’d brought home from a bar once years before. He himself had only been about twenty-four, the other guy barely twenty-one. The guy had turned out to be bi-curious—a complete novice with no real experience with another guy beyond making out in the back of a car a few times.
The man had said all the right things, pretending he’d done way more than he had. It wasn’t until they were naked in bed together, Will with a condom on his cock ready to fuck the guy, when he’d admitted he’d never been with a man “in that way” as he’d euphemistically said. He confessed he was scared and not really into anal sex.
Though Will was ashamed to admit it now, after a few half-hearted attempts to make the guy feel more relaxed, he’d pulled on his jeans and told the guy to do the same, irritation over having been tricked outweighing any empathy or understanding.
But that was ancient history, or so it seemed. Will wasn’t the same person and Jack was hardly some guy he’d picked up in a bar. He watched Jack a moment, noting the still hard cock warring with the uncertainty in his eyes. “We don’t have to,” Will said softly. “Maybe it’s too soon…”
Jack slowly shook his head. “No. I want it. I’m just scared I’ll hurt you.” He knelt up behind Will and Will closed his eyes, eager to feel Jack’s hard cock press against him. Instead, to his surprise, he felt Jack’s fingertip circling the rim of his asshole, gliding easily against the lubricant.