Authors: Stephanie Perry Moore
Got It Going On (7 page)
7
BOUNCE
A
week later, I was back at dance practice in stride again. Although Ginger had made up the moves and thought they would be too difficult for me to learn at the eleventh hour, I was throwing down on her dance that I had to admit was pretty tight. Before practice started, however, we had a lot of drama. She had gone to the band director to get him to agree not to let me be in the homecoming festivities because I had missed so many practices.
week later, I was back at dance practice in stride again. Although Ginger had made up the moves and thought they would be too difficult for me to learn at the eleventh hour, I was throwing down on her dance that I had to admit was pretty tight. Before practice started, however, we had a lot of drama. She had gone to the band director to get him to agree not to let me be in the homecoming festivities because I had missed so many practices.
Thankfully, Director Paxton had my back and was fine with the fact that I had been incapacitated. Dr. Garnes had written me a doctor's note and had worked with me consistently over the last week. She had even put me on some meds and, thankfully, though I couldn't say I was back to my old self, I was vibrant, fun, and not taking it all so seriously.
Though it would have been nice to have had friends on the dance team, I knew that was impossible. Having buddies in this group was a waste because folks wished I wasn't the team captain. I knew a lot of the jealousy toward me spawned from Ginger and Meagan as a result of Al Dutch. They had issues with each other as well. I'm sure when I had been gone they had had their power struggle over who would rule. Though Ginger had won, and now everyone including Meagan was following her lead, I knew they wanted it to stay that way. So instead of trying to create more havoc and demand their respect, I went over to Ginger and tried to make peace.
“Can I please talk to you for a sec? I just need a bit of your time,” I said to her after practice when everyone else was dismissed.
“Yeah, what do you want?” Ginger said with severe attitude.
Ignoring her snobbish retort, I said, “I just wanted to let you know I really like your dance. Girl, it is hot. We're gonna turn a lot of heads with that smooth groove at homecoming.”
“You think so?” she said, absolutely blown away that I was giving her accolades.
I could tell I had swept her off her feet with my response. I wasn't being fake and phony about it. Making up hot dances wasn't easy, so if I saw someone who had skills, she needed to be told so. That was the drum-major side of me coming out. Director Paxton had told me that encouraging section leaders only made for a healthy, more whole, happier band.
I nodded. “Yes, I'm serious, I like it.”
She didn't know how to respond. We had been playing tit for tat all year long. She'd say something mean to me; I would say something mean back to her. We needed to cut all that out. The same day she'd tried unsuccessfully to get me kicked off the team indefinitely and created a big mess was the same day I had realized the feud had to end. It was a big move on my part, and I set myself up so she could make me eat crow or make me glad I showed class and extended an olive branch.
Thankfully, she chose the latter when she said, “I can't believe you liked it. To have your approval really is an honor. No one has hooked us up like you. The whole school likes our halftime performances. None of us tell you, but we get stopped after games by people asking us who choreographed the number. You come up with the best moves around. To have your approval is a big deal, and you inspired some of the moves. You really like it, Cassidy?”
Happy to hear her tell me that folks liked my numbers as well, I remembered this was about her and said, “I really like it. Of course I wanted to be able to come to those practices, but I had some other stuff going on. You stepped up to the plate and worked out a routine that's on point. My goal for the squad this year was to compete at the national dance competition on the collegiate level, and with this routine, we might be able to do that. I mean, if you're willing.”
“I feel so bad,” she said, hanging her head lower. “I've been jealous of you all year long. The guy I went out with wanted to be with you more than me. If he hadn't ditched me as soon as he'd laid eyes on you, it wouldn't have driven a wedge between you and me and the friendship we could have possibly had.”
“I don't want Al Dutch! He's beyond a jerk,” I quickly told her, knowing who she was referring to.
“I've learned the hard way I don't want to be with him ever again either. I don't even want to talk about him. Al Dutch, who?” she said, and we both laughed. “Now he's with Meagan and tons of other girls, too.”
“So who cares what he does? Can you and I make some type of truce?” I reached out my hand. “I'm pledging Beta, and I'll need to lean on you to help me with the dance team.”
“We're cool,” she said as she reached out her hand. “And you can count on me.”
“Ginger, this really means a lot. You're talented, and I take this band seriously. You lead well, and we need to show unity to make the squad know we're not divided.”
“I'm with you. I just feel so free now,” she said. “I came around to like you. I mean, I could really learn a lot from you. Truth be told, you gave me the inspiration for the dance I created. Thank you for being open to the idea of trying something for me when I tried to bash you. I don't deserve any kind of friendship from you. I turned the team against you. I don't know,” she said, looking away.
“I guess one thing I've learned,” I stepped up to her, “is that we make mistakes in this life while we're still young and in college for goodness' sake, but we're here to get smarter and not just academically. We've got a lot of life lessons to learn, and if we can move past our differences, to me it shows we've got an element of compassion inside us that could come only from a higher power.”
“Believe it or not, I've been praying that I wouldn't be so mean. I guess God heard me.”
“I guess God heard us both,” I said as we hugged.
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“So you know we were really worried about you, right?” Cheryl said to me later that night when I was with my line sisters at the bonding slumber tea hosted by the alumnae sorors. “This is supposed to be a bonding session. Couldn't think of nobody better to open it up than you, Cassidy. Can you tell us what's wrong with you, girl?”
“I don't really want anyone to worry about me. I'm okay now.” Everybody was looking at me like
You better be real and tell us what was wrong with you.
“I feel like I've been tough pretty much all my life. I can't explain last week.”
You better be real and tell us what was wrong with you.
“I feel like I've been tough pretty much all my life. I can't explain last week.”
I had been back studying with my sisters to get ready for the Beta Gamma Pi exam we'd all have to pass to become initiated. However, no one had been bold enough to come up to me and ask what was going on. Sam had been kind enough to keep everything she knew confidential. But as I was not being that open, and as this was the time to connect, I had to face the big question. Would I open up and be vulnerable and really cut through the layers I'd held up for years? Or would I stay closed off?
Seeing faces that cared and remembering them all around my bedside when I could not speak, I humbly uttered, “I don't want you all to be mad. The truth is I don't really know all the details about these crazy dreams I've been having. I had some kind of meltdown, and in some way it had to deal with my childhood not being the best. Some things happened, and it was traumatizing, and as much as I tried to push it aside and bury it and act like I didn't go through what I went through, it affected me. The horrible past I refused to remember has just made me crazy. Thanks to your love and your kindness, I got through this rough time. And now I want to be a Beta more than ever. I always wanted to be one to serve the community. At first, the whole sisterhood part I could sort of do without, but now the oneness I feel with all of you is heartfelt. I'm really blessed to be a part of it. Thanks for pushing me through.”
I wasn't trying to make anybody cry or be sad or anything like that, but I turned around, and a few of them were weeping.
Number five on the lineâthe shy girl who never said a wordâsaid, “I know that y'all call me Lele, but my real name is Kelly Reese, and I'm from Mississippi. Like Cassidy, I had a traumatic experience when I was a kid. I witnessed my dad kill my mom. I'm an only child. I lost both my parents in one day. My dad went to prison, and my mom was dead. I never thought I'd have any family anymore. I didn't know how to be sociable, and y'all have opened up your hearts to me, too, and it feels so good.”
Isha stood up and said, “I've been alone most of my life ever since I accepted Jesus into my heart in the fifth grade. I have always been like a minister. I felt like I was supposed to proclaim his word, and that kept a lot of people away. I guess I thought a sorority would be different. It would give me some identity and unity. I mean, not that Christ wouldn't give me identity enough, but you know what I'm saying.” We all nodded, understanding what she meant: she wanted to be cool. “I've watched this line go from being a bunch of pieces to being one complete unit in a matter of few weeks, and I knew heaven was on our side.”
“But, see, I guess that's the thing,” Cheryl chimed in. “I'm tired of you always talking about heaven and pleasing God and stuff. Maybe you just come across so preachy. It just makes people not want to relate.”
“But I guess that's the thing I love about the line now. We are all so different. Some of us are loud, some of us are quiet, some of us are preachy, and some of us are harsh,” Isha said, looking directly at Cheryl. “But just like me, you feel down and defeated sometimes. Yet despite our differences, we can come together as one unit. I think we are all making this line something dynamite. We're each contributing as we lend our own personalities to the line. Yet that crazy, weird mix is making one strong whole.”
“You're right,” Cheryl said as many of us nodded in agreement. “I'm sorry. Where would we be without your strong tie with the Lord?” She smiled, and we all smiled, too.
We ended up talking about some of the problems we had early on and some of the problems other lines had that we'd heard about. We vowed to keep the communication open so we would be free to love and continue to build on our relationship. The oneness was something special.
Later that night while we were sleeping, Dr. Garnes was in another room. There was a knock on our door, and we were startled when it opened up on its own. In came five of the Alpha chapter sisters. Torian grabbed the sheets and threw them off everybody. Another girl came in and started splashing water across our faces.
“Get up! Get up right now! Get up!”
Looking around for the Beta leaders, I huffed when I didn't see Malloy or Alyx anywhereâthose were the two who had kept their heads on straight, not wanting to give our line any form of hazing. And to see that mean look in Torian's eyes, I knew she was up to no good. But what were we to do? We were told not to participate in hazing with some other chapter because that could jeopardize things, but if our own Big Sisters asked us, demanded that we follow them out of the room and out of the hotel into the dark night into some woods nearby, who were we to resist? If we followed them and Alpha chapter got in trouble, it wasn't on us anymore. But if we didn't go, all the collegiates in the state, in the region, and in Grand Chapter would know we were paper, and deep down neither I nor my line sisters truly wanted that.
“Listen,” Torian said once we were outside in line from shortest to tallest. All thirty-seven of us were shaking in the cold night's air. “You guys need to put your hands on your sister's shoulders in front of you. Don't let anyone come between you and the person in front of you. We've got stockings we're going to put around your eyes now, and this is called a project of trust.”
Isha stood behind me and said, “Okay, I'm a little scared now.”
I took a couple deep breaths and wondered if I was being a punk for going along and not questioning this. Had Torian and her girls thought this through?
Apparently they hadn't, because Torian called out to one of them, “All right, Loni, I love you, girl, but I'm not going to bring on a group of girls and not have them be real. I'm just not down for it. I'm just not ready for it. I just have to put my hands on them and make them some group we can be proud of.”
“But do we have to do that by whooping them?” Loni said to her.
Isha shoved me. “Did you hear that? Whooping? I can't have anyone touch me, Cass, I'll break. What are we going to do?”
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