3
PURPOSE
I
t was two weeks later, and I was getting ready to head over to the Beta Gamma Pi rush event. I was hoping Sam was also going to attend. “So are we going to the Beta Gamma Pi rush together or not?” I asked Sam.
She just looked at me and rolled her eyes. It's funny what time can do. It took only a night for Al Dutch to turn me from wild, crazy, and daring to crude and boring Cassidy Cross. And it took two weeks for me and my roommate to get to the point where we couldn't stand being around each other.
“You don't have to be so mean about it,” she said, being nicer than she'd been in the last couple days.
I didn't know why she was being sweet. After all, I wasn't crazy. I knew her girls had told her if she wanted to pledge she was going to have to cut me loose. Now that she knew I was gonna make it and deal with my tragedy on my own, she had to decide. Actions clearly spoke louder than words. For her to get herself where she wanted to be in life, I was a casualty she had to distance herself from.
“I'm just going to go with my friends, Cassidy. All right?” Sam said, not wanting to hurt my feelings.
I just shrugged my shoulders and walked away. I wasn't going to beg anybody to chill with them. She had chosen the other chicks, and that was fine with me. I could stand alone.
She followed me, touched my shoulder, and said, “You know, if this is for us, God will work it out. He cares about us, Cass. Trust that His plan for our lives is the one we need to follow.”
I just looked at her. What was she talking about? See, that was my whole issue with Christian people. They were always thinking that God was going to work it out even when people didn't deserve grace.
I couldn't imagine, if there was some justified person ruling the world, that He'd be pleased with her actions. She wasn't rude to me, but she wasn't too friendly. Yeah, we could talk at home, but on campus she acted as if she didn't know me. We could be walking in the same direction toward class, but if she was with her friends, she would turn the other cheek and not acknowledge me at all. Where was the good in treating people like trash? When I had figured out what she was doing, I started giving her the ice-cold shoulder at home.
“You're straight. No need to explain or try to justify who you want to roll to the meeting with. I'll see you there. No worries,” I said to her as she smiled, thinking everything was cool between us.
Whatever! Her girls had gotten into her ear, and I knew what the deal was. We shared the same space but not the same world. She just kept on primping. I grabbed my keys and jumped into my white Honda Accord and headed to the Betas' sorority room on campus for the rush.
I got there early. I was usually a punctual person, and this was no exception. The Betas who had mentored me back home had told me the importance of being timely. No CP Time, they'd always say. I guess it had stuck with me. So I sat in my car and chilled.
I watched the girls go by, both Betas and the ones who wanted to be in the group, and I pondered whether I still wanted to be a part of snooty Alpha chapter. Alpha chapter thought they were all that. And though they were cute, had style, and were academically on point, the air they gave off was so funky that smelling a sewer had nothing on it.
It was just so funny to me since they'd been through so much over the past few years. That Western Smith was the birthplace of the sorority was being overshadowed by the recent turmoil the girls had faced. Hazing charges, stalkers, and a tragic accident had taken a toll on the chapter, but even through all that, they had still bounced back, which was beyond me.
It had been so hard for me to sleep recently, and if I went to this rush and they didn't impress me, I was going to walk out, showing them where they could stick their letters. I was not interested in joining a group of women who cared more about primping than serving their community.
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The doors were closing to their sorority room, and I'd just barely made it before Loni shut the door. She looked me up and down, and I could tell she was not happy I was almost late. I knew she thought she had what I wanted, but only I knew why I wanted to be a Beta so bad. It was the deep desire to serve with my whole heart. Loni may not have known it or believed it, but she needed me. I'd be an asset to Alpha chapter.
I was deeply impressed with the sorority room. It was the first time I'd ever been in there, so I was awestruck. I had walked by their closed front door several times all last year wondering what adorned the walls inside. Now I was in admiration looking at the gorgeous pictures of the founders. All five ladies in the black-and-white photo looked so lovely yet serious. Something in their eyes was enticing. I knew they were tired of things being the same in boring old Arkansas, and they had changed it. I'm sure they'd liked boys and loved grooving to cool sounds that were popular in their time, but on that picture before me it was clear their focus was on making the world better for their kind. Chills went up and down my back, and I thought about extending their dream.
My attention was deterred when someone from the front of the room called everyone to order. “Okay, if I can just have your attention. I'm Malloy Murray, chapter President. We're about to get started with the rush for the ladies of purple and turquoise. Could everyone take a seat, please?”
There were more than a hundred girls in the room. Clearly, this was going to be a big line. We were seated on one side of the room, and the Betas were in front of us, seated as well. I really didn't have anybody to hang out with so I sat alone with an empty seat between me and Sam's crew.
Malloy continued. “We're going to introduce ourselves to you, and then we'll have Torian come up and lead you all in an exercise so we can get to know you better. First, though, I'd like to introduce you to Dr. Garnes. She is our new chapter adviser and we're so honored to have her serve. She doesn't say much, but when she speaks it's powerful.”
The lady waved at us, and we waved back before she stood and said, “Thanks, Malloy, for those kind words. Hello, ladies. As she said, I'm Dr. Garnes. I am here for you all as an adviser, and I do want you to know that no one should be involved in prehazing activities. If any Beta asks you to do anything, and I'm not around, it's not considered legitimate, and you should not comply. Any questions?”
Torian's eyes were rolling as she hit her buddy Loni in the arm. I could tell she wasn't feeling the adviser. I was happy though that the adviser was tough. Their old adviser had obviously been too soft on them, and thus they had been able to get into so much trouble.
Two rows in front of us was a girl sitting alone. She was jittery and twirling something in her hands. Sam's crew was laughing at her like they were all that. One girl in Sam's crew had on a dress that needed ironing. Another girl was in desperate need of a perm. And the other girlâthe ringleader, named Cherylâhad horribly stained yellow teeth. I wasn't judging, but they didn't need to be laughing at nobody. They quickly hushed up when the Betas looked perturbed that they were being rude.
Because I already knew most of the Betas, when they were introducing themselves I fixed my attention back on the wall of pictures. The pictures on the purple partition illustrated how the sorority had grown over the years, and the real letters of signed past presidents throughout the room intrigued me. Of all the chapters of Beta Gamma Pi, being a member of Alpha chapter just added a little something special.
“All right, now we want to hear from you guys and find out why you want to be a part of Beta Gamma Pi,” Torian said condescendingly, as if none of us could possibly give an answer that would merit impressing any of the Betas.
The girl next to Sam stood up and spoke first. “Hi, my name is Marietta, and I'm from Orangeburg, South Carolina. I love the parties you guys throw. There is a lot of respectâ”
“Ugh, stop. Next,” Torian interjected.
Marietta was cut off quickly. The next girl got up and expressed how much she liked the colors. The girl after her talked about the Bee-goh-p call. This simply had to be a joke.
“If you don't have anything meaningful to tell us, y'all need to walk out right now,” Torian said as her adviser got on her for obviously being mean-spirited. “I'm just saying, give us an answer of substance.”
Alyx looked directly at me. She lifted her hand in an upward motion. I knew she wanted me to speak because I knew my stuff. My passion for this organization was real, and she could tell. I hadn't come here because of them. I had come here because I wanted to be a part of the ongoing history.
So I boldly stood. “Hi, my name is Cassidy Cross, and I would be honored and humbled to be a member of Beta Gamma Pi sorority. Though I come from humble beginnings, the Betas intervened, and they practically raised and shaped me. My mom was never around because she worked all the time, and I was always home with my uncle and my aunt. My aunt was more like my sister, at just a few years older than me. If it weren't for the Betas telling me I could be more, do more, and have more, I don't even know if I'd be in school right now. For me, it's not just about wanting to be a part of this dynamic group because of the colors, parties, and lettersâI want to be a Beta because I can help expand the founders' mission. I strongly believe in the principles Beta Gamma Pi stands on: leadership, education, sisterhoodâ”
“Okay, okay. You know your stuff,” Torian said. “Some of y'all need to wise up and learn a lesson from her.”
The Betas who had been so hard on me were sending positive and approving looks my way. As soon as the rush was over, Sam and her crew asked when we could chill. I didn't answer them and just kept walking. Yeah, we might be on the line together, but I wasn't fake or phony. I certainly wasn't gonna act like we were going to be best friends because I knew more about the organization they wanted to be a part of. I was not an airhead. Yeah, I might've once been wild, but I had substance. Instead of looking down their noses at other folks, those girls needed to do their own research. I was not a library, and I was not going to help them gain the knowledge they lacked.
“I'd like to get with you guys, too,” said the girl who had been sitting alone.
“Please! We didn't even ask you,” Cheryl said.
“Here. Take my number and give me a call,” I said to the girl when I saw her dramatically tear up after being dissed by Sam and her crew.
When I smiled at her, I knew I'd given the girl hope. I looked over at Sam, and she couldn't even look me in the eye. She knew she and her friends were trifling. I walked away knowing I had helped make someone's day. Being a part of the solution and not the problem made me feel good.
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It didn't take the girl any time to give me a call. We got together the very next day. She told me her name was Isha, and she was a junior as well. We met over breakfast and found we had some of the same classes. The day after that we got together for a study session for our psychology class.
A week later, I'd come to the conclusion that she was cool. The only quirk I found was that she was really, really into God. I found out the object she had been twirling when I'd first seen her was a cross she'd had for ten years. Every other conversation we had was about God this or our Savior that. She'd been bugging me since I met her to go to church with her.
Friday night while Sam was getting ready to go out with her crew to a Beta jam at a school up the way, I decided I needed something, and maybe church was it. So as Isha kept asking I finally gave in. She called it a seeker-style service.
“I don't wanna sound ignorant or anything, but what's a seeker-style service? What do they do different?” I asked on the way there.
Excitedly, she raved, “Oooo, great question. The style is not boring. It's gonna be cool. The setting is like a theater, and the service is set up like a play. You'll get the message that God loves you, and He sent His only Son to die for your sins. It's not gonna be pushy, and our youth pastor is so good you'll be ready to give your heart to God. I know you're supposed to be here tonight, Cassidy. I can feel it.”
I knew that was far-fetched. How in the world was a service or sermon going to make me think there was someone up there? My upbringing had been so hard. Some days there'd been no food, and there'd always been tons of pain seeing my mother sad most of the daysâI just knew a God who was supposed to love me could not allow us to suffer so.
An hour later as I sat in the dark theater that didn't look like a church, I saw a skit of a girl getting raped by the most popular guy in high school. It was like déjà vu all over again. The same character wanted to commit suicide, and an angel came down from the top curtain, signifying Heaven, I guess, and told her she was worthy.
Isha was right. I was supposed to be there at that moment because something came over me, and I felt so different. I felt that even though Sam and I were disconnected, if I reflected back, she had prayed for me. Maybe just like the character on stage, God had given me another chance. I tried not to get emotional, but as Isha had verbalized, a fine young pastorâin his early twenties and about six feet with a nice frameâstarted talking.