Good Enough to Trust (Good Enough, Book 2 - Going Back) (12 page)

Yeah, I was being
all grown up. I’d had some fun, checked out my past and now I had to work out
what came next. I had texted Holly before I set off, to check she was still in
Bristol and going there seemed as good a place as any, a stopover on my way
back to real life.

The car gave a little
hiccup as though it agreed, then another louder one as though it had eaten
something that disagreed with it.

“Shit.” It didn’t
sound well at all. “What the hell is up with you?” I pulled in and lifted the
bonnet, though why the hell I did that I don’t know. People just do it, don’t
they? Even though they haven’t a clue what they’re looking for. There was no
fire, nothing that looked like it was about to fall off and it was a mistake
because when I gave up looking and got back in and turned the ignition key, for
the first time since I’d had my sexy little car, it didn’t respond.

Story of my life
at the moment.

I wound the window
down and groaned. Coming off the main road had been a mistake, there was
nothing down here. No passing traffic, no houses. Zilch. Not even a bloody cow
and a friendly farmer.

The thought of
Will and his green wellies jumped into my mind uninvited. He’d been fun, more
than fun, he’d been uncomplicated, giving and kind. And dirty, oh yeah, he’d
been dirty and demanding. The kind of dirty and demanding that cleared your
head briefly and made everything a bit simpler.

But I couldn’t ask
Will to come and help, and I didn’t even know where Ollie was. Not that I could
ask him, from now on Ollie was out of bounds. Which made it that bit harder to
stop thinking about him.

Shit. I picked up
my mobile and texted Holly. ‘Be later than planned. X’

‘Problem?’

‘Car broken.’ That
would give her a laugh, all the times I’d called her rust bucket and not once
in the time I’d known her had it actually broken down. It had belched out nasty
fumes, shot out arctic air from the heater and had the type of suspension a
crate on wheels would be proud of. But it had never just, well stopped.

‘Where are u?’

‘Miles off.’ I
opened up the map on the mobile and looked at the little blinking pointer that
was me. ‘I’ll share location with u. See if u can find a garage near? Can’t
call, phone needs recharging.’ It did. The last thing I wanted was my mobile to
die on me. I had an in car charger. In Cheshire, not in the car. Ha, funny how
the only time you need these car things is when you’ve taken them out.

The birds were
chirruping and the soft sun was actually shining and it all made me almost
mellow. Except I wanted to be somewhere, not sitting still.

‘On my way. Don’t
argue. See u soon x’

Which was sweet,
but… ‘U a car mechanic now?’ I added a smiley face to soften the blow, but what
was the point in two of us sitting here like lemons? Less lonely, granted, but
it wasn’t going to help with getting me out of Cornwall. And right now I wanted
to be out. Far, far away.

‘Lol, will get
someone x’

I put the phone
down and relaxed into my seat. This could be a long wait, and I didn’t really
want my own company, but what the hell.

I’d never thought
I’d see Ollie down here. One day of course I imagined I’d have to bump into
him, after all he was Dane’s cousin and chances are that we’d have crossed
paths. But here? And yet, like I’d said to Holly, I’d dreamed a million times
of walking into one of our old haunts, one of the pubs, up by the waterfall,
and seeing him there like he had been years ago. And I had. And he’d been there
and I knew that I must have loved him then, or at least thought I had. I’d come
here with him because I’d have followed him anywhere he’d asked me to.

So that was
progress, right? I’d sorted out what I’d come here for— I’d wanted to check
whether it had been worth it, check whether I’d been here for a reason, or if I
was just running away. So I should be pleased I’d got an answer. But it hurt.
It hurt because he couldn’t love me back. Maybe, just maybe, he hadn’t been
able to follow me home at first, but he could have come quicker if he’d cared.
But what did it all matter? We’d cocked up then, and now he had walked away.
Said he couldn’t do it. Maybe he had someone else, maybe he just wanted to be
on his own, no responsibilities. Sophie had been wrong, he wasn’t jealous, it
wasn’t because he’s seen Will’s car, he wasn’t like that, I knew him better
than she did, and he’d been more than happy to share me with Will that first
evening hadn’t he?

The thought sent a
little judder through me. It had been so, so different to being with Will and
his brother. That had been good, shared sex, but with Ollie and Will it had
been more like a slow torture of my senses, winding me up until it was a kind
of bliss you never wanted to end. My body got hot at the thought and it was a
good job I was stuck down a lonely lane. Not that I was doing anything, I
didn’t need to, just thinking about it was enough. I tried not to squirm and
get my thoughts back on safe ground.

Will it seemed
wasn’t enough for the grown up me, which was maybe why I hadn’t minded sharing
him, and he hadn’t minded sharing me. Maybe we’d both known from the start that
the two of us weren’t meant to get serious, maybe from that very first moment
on the hillside I’d known that he was just a diversion, harmless fun to hide
behind. No, Will wasn’t enough, but Ollie was too much. Ollie who could make me
beg before he’d even laid a finger on me.

The screech of
brakes almost made me jump out of the car but it didn’t, it did snap me out of
my rude thoughts though. And when I glanced out of the window, straight into
the eyes of a very irritated male, I didn’t know whether I felt embarrassed at
my fluster or just plain flustered. Shit.

“Dane.” He didn’t
look happy. “What the hell are you doing here?” Which made him look even less
happy.

“What the hell are
you doing here is more to the point.”

“The. Car. Has.
Broken. Down.” Spelling out the obvious could be a mistake with an angry male,
but what was I supposed to do?

“I didn’t mean in
the car.” He yanked the door open and for a moment I thought he was going to
drag me out, but he didn’t. He turned the ignition key.

“I told you, it’s
broken.”

“Just checking.”
His tone was dry. Why do some people, sorry some men, just never believe what
they’re told?

“It might have
started again now, seeing as it’s stood for a bit.” Mollifying wasn’t going to
work and I think I must have glared because he raised an eyebrow to pass on the
message that this could be as nice as he got.

“What
are
you doing here Dane?”

“Rescuing you?
Holl sent me, she seemed to think I’d have more chance of fixing it than she
would.”

“Oh, really?”

He raised an
eyebrow and grinned. Denting Dane’s manhood needed more than the odd snarky
comment. I nearly said I didn’t need rescuing, but that wouldn’t be true, I
just wasn’t sure I wanted rescuing by him. “But you were in Cheshire.”

“No, I was in
Bristol with Holl and her Mum.”

That was worthy of
a double take, things must be getting serious if she was taking him home to
meet mum. “Oh. But she came to see me—”

“And left me at
her mum’s, for some reason she didn’t think she could trust me to talk to you.”

“Really?” Sarcasm,
my father always told me, was the lowest form of wit. But, hey ho, sometimes it
seems the only appropriate thing.

“Hard to believe
isn’t it?” He’d softened a bit at the edges. I decided it was safe to get out
of the car, and stood next to him. I’d missed him, solid dependable but prickly
Dane, and I would have killed for a hug that said he’d missed me too, but he
seemed to have something he wanted to spit out.

“Why are you here,
Soph?”

“You already know
that.”

He took my hand in
his and pulled me over to the verge, and I didn’t really have much choice but
to sit down on the still slightly damp grass with him. But he draped his arm
round my shoulders so I knew it was going to be alright.

“Talk.”

“You don’t like
talking.” I looked sideways at him and he grinned, nearly the full wattage Dane
grin, nearly.

“No, but you do.”
I laughed, I couldn’t stop it breaking out and it was partly nerves, partly
disappointment and partly relief.

Dane knew lots of
things about me, he knew what I’d told him, he knew what he’d seen, he’d shared
with Ollie and I was sure that Holly would have told him word for word what
we’d spoken about. So he didn’t want the full story, he wanted the why. Which
was the tricky bit.

“I didn’t abandon
Mum you know.”

“I know.” His
voice was soft and low, low enough to make me feel warm and protected inside.
Ollie without the bit that scared me. I would have liked to have buried my head
in his chest, but I didn’t.

“How come you
already know if I only just worked it out?”

“Clever, I am.” I
could hear the grin in his voice, I didn’t have to look. “You’re not the type
of girl to abandon anyone, you never have been.” Which wasn’t exactly what he’d
said in the past, but I probably shouldn’t split hairs. “The type to run away
from herself maybe, but not to abandon someone.”

Ah, there it was,
the rub.

“Do you love
Holly?” I felt him stiffen, maybe because I’d caught him unawares, or maybe
because talking slush wasn’t his thing, but we’d always been honest with each
other, answered the questions that mattered.

“I think so. I
thought I loved Sal, but this is different. I’d never let her down and hurt
her, if that’s what you’re asking.”

“No, it isn’t
that. Why is it different?”

There was a long
pause, but that was Dane, he was thinking. So, for once, I let him and didn’t
interrupt him. I wanted to hear his answer, not mine.

“Maybe because I’m
a bit older, more mature, different expectations I guess. Why?”

“It’s different
with Ollie too.” I was half talking to myself, but it was so quiet I knew he
could hear and the warmth of his body against mine felt safe. “I was mad about
him when we were kids.” I laughed, I had been. I’d never thought about it
before, when it had all gone wrong it set a different perspective on things.
But I had been mad about him, he’d been wicked and bad with a sexy, naughty
daredevil streak that made my heart race. He’d scared me and excited me and I’d
have followed him wherever he’d led. I hadn’t wanted safe and secure, and Ollie
hadn’t been. But he had been kind and considerate too, I’d never felt like he’d
push me too far or that he’d abandon me. I’d felt like it was never going to
end.

 “I was mad about
him, but I loved him, it was a kind of uncomplicated, mad passionate, no holds
barred thing I think, because I didn’t know any better.” I picked at the grass.
“I came down here with him because I loved him, not just because it was hard at
home.”

“And?”

“And now it’s
different. It hurts. When I saw him again it scared me, it wasn’t easy anymore
because I’d made it have this importance attached to it.”

“Different
expectations?”

“Yeah, I suppose
so. He let me down and I’m scared of him doing it again. So it has to be
totally real now or I can’t do it, I wanted to know he loves me and he doesn’t.
Not enough anyway.”

“Maybe he has
different expectations too?”

“Like?”

“You don’t need me
to tell you that.”

I wasn’t sure what
Ollie expected, but it wasn’t what he’d seen when he was with me.

“Mum and Dad used
to love each other. I couldn’t remember what it used to be like, but then when
I was with Ollie I got this weird feeling, I could kind of see Dad laughing and
messing about. I remember.” I frowned and screwed my eyes up, trying to see
something that wasn’t quite there. “I remember watching him look at Mum just
like Ollie was looking at me.” It had been strange, but I could remember, and I
wanted to keep remembering.

“And then it went
wrong?”

“Yeah, but she
still kept looking back at him in the same way she always had.” However angry
he’d got, however hard he’d hit her the night before, however hurt she’d been,
she still looked at him like she loved him. And I’d only just grown up enough
to see it.

I stood up
awkwardly and wiped my bum down. The damp had leached through my jeans and my
thighs felt stiff and cold. I pulled myself upright, stretched the kinks out of
my spine and smiled at Dane.

He looked steadily
back. “Done enough of the talking stuff then?”

“Yeah, get the car
fixed, alpha male.”

“Or?” He gave a
quirky smile.

“Or I’ll tell Holl
you’re totally hopeless.”

“Open the boot
then.”

I looked at him
blankly and wondered which one of us was losing it.

“Battery.” He gave
me a pointed ‘are you stupid?’ type of look. “The battery is in the boot.”

So I opened the
boot and ignored the look on his face when he saw how crammed it was. “How long
were you there for?”