Forever Red (9 page)

My relief was short-lived, though. When we walked into Mr. Matthews’ room hand-in-hand, Missy’s glare was the first thing I noticed. Feeling self-conscious, I tried to pull my hand away, but Neil wouldn’t let go. Instead, he turned toward me, and before I could react, yanked me into him, kissing me in a way that had me wanting to cut class and make him come home with me for the rest of the day. My body reacted, remembering the previous morning I went up onto my tiptoes and moved my hand to his hair, trying to get a better grip.

Mr. Matthews cleared his throat, loudly, and Neil straightened. I could feel my face burning as I stumbled to my chair, but Neil only grinned at me as he leaned down. “I think that was enough proof, don’t you?” he breathed in my ear so no one else could hear. Then he said a bit louder, “We’ll finish this later.” With a quick peck to my temple, he moved toward his seat at the front of the room.

I felt eyes on me, but didn’t dare to look to see if it was my teacher or my friends, so I opened my bag, put my history book on the table in front of me, and stared at it until it blurred. When the bell finally rang and Mr. M. started talking about the homework assignment that was due, I glanced up. Jules didn’t look angry. In fact, she looked like she was trying not to laugh. I finally caught her eye and gave her a questioning look.

She shook her head and smiled before mouthing, “Nice.” I wanted to ask what she found so amusing, but Mr. Matthews was watching me like a hawk and I could feel the hostility coming off Missy in waves.

Even though American Studies was one class, it was broken into two parts: English and American history, and we got a break between the periods when everyone else was changing classes. Most of our class, including Neil, got up to stretch, talk with friends, or grab a drink from the vending machine. I grabbed Julie’s hand before she could move.

“I’m sorry.” The words surprised us both. Not only did I never apologize, I hadn’t appreciated how bad I actually felt until that second.

It only made my friend smile even bigger. “Wow. A peep show and an apology! Either I’m dreaming or you were abducted by aliens and are actually a clone.”

“Whatever.” I sighed, trying not to laugh at her ridiculousness. “I’m serious. I’m sorry about Neil.”

Missy chose that moment to lean onto my desk. “You should be! What happened to the ‘we’re just friends’ act you were perfecting? Decide you really couldn’t handle the idea of one of us winning?”

I turned to her, pissed. “Really?”

Jules interrupted before I could say more. “Don’t be such a bitch, Miss.” Giving our friend a nasty look, she continued, “It’s not like it’s a surprise, Lia. We all knew it was coming.”

I shook my head, quieting my voice as some of our classmates came back in. “It isn’t like it was planned. It just happened. Neither Neil or I meant to…”

“Yeah. Okay,” Missy interrupted. “You may be ahead in points right now, but we have all year to make it up. After he tosses you to the side, he’ll see there are other options.” She turned her entire body away from me, obviously done with the conversation. And me. I glared at her profile, my mind racing for a comeback.

“Ignore her. She’s on the rag.”

Neil walked back into the room, talking with one of his friends but winked when I looked up. I smiled back, suddenly not caring how upset Missy was. Jules chuckled next to me, leaning in to whisper, “
Just because you can’t see something doesn’t mean it isn’t there.”

“Are you quoting
Stepmom
to me?” It was her favorite movie, but she only watched it when she was crushing on a new guy and wanted to believe that love could really conquer all. And if she wasn’t upset about seeing Neil and me, then that crush was someone else entirely.

She just shrugged and turned back to the front of the room. “I’m gonna guess that you actually have more than twenty-five hundred points from that kiss we all just witnessed. I’m betting you’ve got closer to twenty-thousand.” She knew. I don’t know why I thought I could keep it a secret from her, but she knew I’d slept with him. She turned back, giving me a knowing smile. “It’s so obvious to everyone but the two of you.”

*****

I don’t remember much more of the next two weeks or even half of what we learned in our classes. The football team won both their games, making it to state finals, and even though the games were a blur, I sat next to Jules and stared as my boy kicked ass on the field. I may not be able to recall much, but I do remember that whenever Neil was close to me, he was touching me. Sometimes he was holding my hand, other times he had his arm slung over my shoulders, pulling me close to him and stealing kisses. While we were at lunch, his hand never left my thigh. I’d never understood the need for public displays of affection before Neil. But now? I wanted the world to know that he was mine.

In some families, being grounded meant that your parents took your favorite privileges away and made you stay home. In mine, it had always been a joke. My friends had always been able to come over as long as I didn’t leave the property, and I’d been able to talk to April whenever I wanted. This time, grounded meant spending two weeks separated from the things I loved most in the world: my truck, my freedom, and Lia.

Not letting my misery get to them, my parents went about their lives, pretending like everything was normal. My mom would drop me off at school in the mornings and pick me up every afternoon. I’d eat dinner at home with them and sometimes the Jacksons; then she or my dad would bring me back to the field for practice, sitting on the bleachers, making small talk with other parents. They acted like they were interested, but they were really just making sure that Lia was nowhere to be seen.

I played along. I didn’t talk about her; when they asked, I’d say she was fine. But as far as they knew, I was keeping my distance.

In actuality, I was doing anything but. There was no such thing as distance – or personal space – whenever I could sneak in some alone time with her. We were careful and were only almost caught once. It was right after our last regular season game. Lia had come with Jules to see me play, and when we won, I had grabbed her and pulled her into the walkway next to the locker room. I had her backed up against the wall, legs wrapped around my waist, when I heard someone coming. Thankfully, it was just Coach, and he didn’t see anything, but it was enough to scare Lia away from the idea. She was terrified I’d get additional time.

She was right; mom would have added a month or two if she’d known. I couldn’t handle more time. I was counting down the days until I could be alone with her as it was. I needed to be with her without the constant watchful eyes of her friends, the football team, and Mr. Matthews.

School was the one place we could be us, or at least the PG version of us. The fact that I could kiss her whenever I wanted to, or pull her down on my lap and hold her close to me, made the wait a little more bearable. But I was desperate to close the door, shut the world out, and spend a few hours with just her.

The week before I was scheduled to get out for good behavior, I realized that I’d be free just in time for Halloween. A perfect way to end my punishment. I figured we’d grab a scary movie and takeout, and spend the entire night at Lia’s, sure we could find some way to pass the time.

Lia, though, wasn’t having any of it. “It’s Halloween,” she told me, appalled, when I suggested it. “I always go out for Halloween.”

“Go out? Where?” Mike asked between mouthfuls. He was trying to cram in the carbs, sure it would give him an energy burst at practice.

“Trick-or-treating.” She gave me a shy look before starting to pick at the wrapper on her sandwich.

I laughed, thinking she was kidding, causing her to snap her head up and glare. “Really? You still do that?”

“I do! It’s my favorite holiday. The one day a year I get to pretend to be someone else.”

I stared at her for a few seconds, shocked. This girl hated anything that could be even slightly described as a normal high school experience, but she loved dressing in a costume and going from door to door with little kids? I hadn’t seen that one coming.

“You two can come to the party with me. It’s at Ally’s…”

“No way,” I cut him off before he could finish. Allyson and her family had come over for dinner two nights last week and were supposed to come again tomorrow. I hated the fact that our moms were friends, but I hated that they tried to push her and me together even more. I wouldn’t spend a second longer with that pitiful excuse for a human than I had to. Plus, Ally had never hidden how she felt about Lia. I nodded to Red. “I’ll go with you.”

Lia laughed at that. “No one will think you’re a kid!”

She had a point. She was just a little bitty thing, but I was too big to fool anyone. “Okay. What if we dress up and then hand out candy at your house?”

Her eyes lit up. “I love it!” Scooting closer to me, she got all serious. “What are we going to be?”

It took all of lunch and most of the afternoon to agree on a couple’s costume. I hadn’t even known there was such a thing, but Lia was so excited and animated about the idea that I played along. In the end, we agreed on a Roman goddess and a gladiator – a nod to Russell Crowe’s movie. I’d been pulling for a Coyote Ugly costume, but since there was no male version, Lia said it was out. She wanted to do a Pitch Black theme, but I hated how obsessed she was with that Vin Diesel guy. He could barely act – he’d never be anything major. In the end, we were both pretty happy with our choice.

My parents were both in great moods when I got up on that Monday morning. The football team had won our game two days before, so we were headed to playoffs and they’d both been pretty impressed by the way I had played. Or maybe they were happy that they didn’t have to haul my ass around anymore and that they’d get a little privacy back. Mom handed me my keys and reminded me I had to be home by ten, and then I grabbed my bag and was out the door before they could even say goodbye.

I headed straight to Lia’s after practice on Halloween. Her mom had gone away for a couple of days so I knew she’d be ecstatic to see me. When she opened the door, I didn’t even give her a chance to say anything. No; instead, I scooped her up into my arms and hurried into her room, laying her carefully on the bed. We had two weeks to make up for, and I didn’t plan to leave her room until we’d done just that.

She watched me as I kicked off my sneakers and pulled my shirt over my head before slowly crawling in next to her. Leaning over her, I propped myself up on an elbow and used the other hand to brush a few strands of dark hair from her face. “Hi.”

The answering smile was happy. “Hi.”

I lowered my head to hers, running the tip of my nose up one cheek, over to her nose to give Eskimo kisses, and then down the other side of her face. When I reached her jaw, I trailed kisses down her throat and then slowly back up before capturing her lips.

Her fingers slid across my ribs, up onto my back, and as she leaned her head back to deepen the kiss, she dug her fingernails in. I stopped thinking, letting my body react to hers and losing myself in our kiss. When she shoved at my shoulders a few minutes later, it took a second for the message to filter through. Pushing up onto my elbows, I looked down into her worried face. “What’s wrong?”

Lia twisted out from under me and sat up. “We can’t.” She was flushed, out of breath, and looked so fucking hot that all I wanted to do was pull her back down and slowly peel off her clothes. With my teeth.

“What’s wrong, babe?” I repeated.

She shook her head as if she was embarrassed and drew her legs up to her chest, circling her arms around her knees. “I don’t…” She looked away, refusing to meet my eyes, “I don’t have any protection. I’ve never done that here.”

I laughed, part of me relieved, part surprised and sat up next to her. I had stopped at the store to grab a box of condoms on the way over, and while I had shoved the majority of them into my glove compartment, there were two in my pocket. Just in case. She was alone here most of the time, so I’d just assumed that I wasn’t the first guy in her room. I nudged her shoulder with mine, trying to get the worry off her face. “There are other things we can do, you know.”

She laughed, hearing her words from a few weeks ago, and shoved me away from her. Her eyes sparkled mischievously. “Oh, really? Like what exactly?”

I shrugged like it was no big deal. “I can show you a thing or two… if you want.”

“Think so?” Moving onto her knees and scooting closer to me, she arched an eyebrow. “Or maybe I’ll teach you.” She moved quickly, forcing me backward as she straddled me and ground herself against me.

My hands found her hips, trying to get her to stop or this was going to be over before it began. When she picked up her pace, instead of slowing, I flipped her onto her back and rolled on top of her, lodging my hips between her legs.

She giggled as I captured her hands and held them above her pillow. “Something funny?” I asked, nipping at her ear, making her laugh harder. She shook her head and bit her lip, looking up at me with the nothing but love and trust on her face, a feeling that I shared completely.

That’s when I knew. That exact second, everything from the last few months made sense. I was in love with Cecelia Marie Merrill.

I’d been in love with April forever. Or at least I thought I had been. But the feelings for Lia I had running through me right then were more powerful than any I ever had for my ex. Those old feelings couldn’t hold a candle to these.

I’d always planned to marry April because that’s what you did in my hometown – you stayed with your high school girlfriend forever. I’d never pictured it, though, and never wondered about our future, or even if we’d be as happy at thirty-five as we were at fifteen.

I didn’t have to wonder with Lia. I knew we would be. Looking down at the freckled-nosed girl beneath me, I knew, without a doubt, that this was the one person I wanted to grow old with. If I loved her enough to know that, it meant she had the power to destroy me. The thought fucking terrified me.

Her laughter died. “Neil? What’s wrong?” The panic in her voice brought me away from my thoughts.

I tried to offer reassurance with a smile, but I knew it looked forced. It would be so easy to tell her, to explain so that she didn’t worry. But I thought,
“Hey, I know this is crazy because we haven’t known each other that long, but I’m in love with you and want to marry you,”
would come across as a little much. So I said the closest thing I could. “You make me really happy.”

In true Lia style, she didn’t react the way I thought she would. A look I didn’t recognize filtered across her face before she started laughing. Loudly. When she finally had her giggles under control and had wiped the tears from her eyes, she grinned up at me. “You make me really happy, too.”

I spent the next few hours wrapped up in her, amazed at how much I felt for her. I laughed easier than I had in years, and when I was near her, I didn’t feel like an important piece of me was missing. Watching her interact with all the trick-or-treaters made me realize I’d been wrong. I did want to be a dad; not any time soon – God no – but one day, I wanted to take my kids door-to-door and all the other silly things parents did for their kids. And I wanted to share all of it with Lia. The realization was both scary and calming because, suddenly, my future was clear.

Gramps had told me once that when I met the girl I was meant for, I’d know. He said it was as simple as realizing you’d rather be miserable with her than happy without her. I wished he was still here because I wanted him to meet Lia, to see her smile, and to tell him how I wasn’t alone anymore.

*****

We settled into our old routine over the next few weeks. If I wasn’t at school or football practice, I was with Lia or Carson, and most of the time, I was with them both. We kept winning football games, moving up the rankings until we’d made it to the Class A Championship game. First time the school had ever made it that far. Everyone in town seemed to know my name and would stop what they were doing to talk about strategy when they came in contact with me. No pressure there.

The big game against the Class A Western Champions, Scarborough High School, was the Saturday before Thanksgiving. My parents had originally planned to take us back to Alabama that weekend and spend an entire week with Nikki, but when the team made it to the championships, she surprised us and decided to come up to Maine to see her little brother kick ass.

I couldn’t wait for her to meet Lia. I told Nik everything.
Everything
. So she already knew more about my girl than Red knew about my sister. But she was excited to meet the girl that had taken over my life. A little voice in the back of my mind told me I should be nervous, but I pushed it away; there were too many other important things to worry about first.

My parents went to the airport to pick her up on Friday afternoon, but because it was such an important game, the entire team was on lockdown and I couldn’t go – we were to go right home after practice and stay there until we got on the bus the next morning. By the time they got back to the house, I was asleep. Thankfully, I had talked Lia into coming to dinner with just Nikki and me after the game; it would give me plenty of time to catch up with my sister as well as let them get to know each other.

I was given four tickets for my family and offered one to Lia, but she refused to take it. My mom, even though I’d explained more than once that Lia and I were together, wouldn’t accept the idea and instead kept trying to set me up with Allyson. And she hadn’t been very welcoming to Red. Saying she didn’t want it to be awkward and that she’d ride with Jules, Lia just smiled and gave me a good luck kiss.

It was a tough game. We had our asses handed to us during the first half, and the second half was only better because Carson was a football god. We made it to overtime, but just couldn’t pull out a win. The two-hour ride home that afternoon was depressing as shit until Mike reminded me that I was on the way to dinner with my two favorite girls.

I barely listened to Coach’s “Great Game, We’ll Get ‘em Next Year” speech. Instead, I let that voice in my head start talking. What if Nik was as much of a jerk as my mom had been? Or what if Lia didn’t like Nikki?