Forever Black (27 page)

Cassidy
took my hand, “Come on let’s see if mom needs help in the kitchen.”

I
looked at Connor and he nodded for me to go with a big smile on his face that
made me miss him already. It surprised me to find Mrs. Black in the kitchen
cooking Thanksgiving dinner; usually the rich have their own personal chefs to
do that for them.

“So
Ellery, Connor says you’re an artist,” Jenny said as she basted the turkey.

“Yes,
I paint pictures for a small art gallery in New York.”

Cassidy
smiled, “I bought one, but I didn’t know my brother was dating the artist. You
paint beautiful pictures Ellery; you are very talented.”

I
was starting to feel more relaxed as she handed me a glass of red wine. As
Jenny pushed the turkey back in the oven, she turned to me.

“Connor
hasn’t really told us anything about you, why don’t you fill us in.”

Panic
started to set in; how could I tell these people, whom I just met less than 30
minutes ago, about my past and present life.

“You
have to excuse my mother,” Cassidy said. “It’s just you’re the first girl
Connor has ever brought home and we just want to get to know the woman who
finally managed to steal his heart.”

I
smiled as I took a sip of wine. Just as I was about to say something, an older
woman walked into the kitchen. She was in her late 60’s with black hair and
grey streaks running through it. Cassidy ran to her and hugged her tight, “Aunt
Sadie, you made it.”

“Of
course I did, I couldn’t wait to see my favorite niece.”

“I’m
your only niece Aunt Sadie,” Cassidy frowned.

“And
that’s why you’re my favorite,” Sadie smiled.

She
turned to me, “Now who might this young pretty woman be?”

“Her
name is Ellery and she’s Connors girlfriend,” Jenny spoke.

She
smiled and gently hugged me, “Nice to meet you dear.”

She
pulled away and looked at me with serious eyes, like she was looking into my
soul. “You’re sick,” she said. My eyes widened and fear started running through
my body. What did she mean by that?

Jenny
looked at her sister, “Sadie, that’s rude.” Sadie looked at me and grabbed my
hands, turning my wrists over and staring at my tattoos.

“Forgive
my sister Ellery, she has a bit of a gift and sometimes she can be very bold
with it.”

“Are
you sick Ellery, like do you have a cold or something?” Cassidy asked.

“It’s
more than a cold,” Sadie answered.

Oh
god, here we go and thank you Connor for not telling your family ahead of time
and for not telling me that Aunt Sadie has a gift. I took another sip of my
wine and looked at them.

“I
have cancer,” I blurted out. Just like that, no hesitation nothing, I just let
the words fall out. They stood there and stared at me, I couldn’t have been
placed in the most awkward position even if I tried. Sadie finally spoke up to
break the tension.

“This
isn’t your first bout with it, is it?” Holy mother of pearl, I bet she’s going
to bring up my suicide attempt; great first impression.

I
heavily sighed, “No it isn’t. I was first diagnosed with cancer when I was
sixteen.”

 At
that point Connor decided to make an appearance. He heard what I said as he
came from behind and wrapped his arms around my waist.

“It
came back recently, but she’s in a trial study program in California so everything
is good at the moment. She’s doing fine and she’s going to be fine, so there’s
nothing more to discuss.”

His
tone was commanding and everyone knew it. I smiled as I pulled him out of the kitchen
and into the hallway.

 “How
could you not tell me about Aunt Sadie?” I asked furiously as I hit him in the
chest.

“Ouch
Elle, that hurt.”

“That’s
not the only thing that’s going to hurt Connor Black.”

A
smug smirk blew across his face as he looked at me, “Promise baby?”

“Ugh
you make me so mad,” I whispered as I turned the opposite way.

He
wrapped his arms around me and whispered, “I’m sorry, I never took much stock
in what Aunt Sadie had to say, I always thought she was kind of crazy.”

“Your
family must think I’m a walking disaster of a human being and probably
wondering what the hell you’re doing with me.”

He
squeezed me tight, “They love you, I can tell and it doesn’t matter what they
think about our relationship, I love you for all that you are, nothing less,
and for the record, I think you’re a beautiful disaster.”

I
laid my head back on his chest and looked up as he leaned down to kiss me. I
bit his lip for that beautiful disaster comment.

“Ouch,
you really need to save this shit for the bedroom Ellery; you have no idea how
much you’re turning me on with all your hitting and biting.” I couldn’t help to
laugh and turn around to gently lick his bitten lip.

Dinner
was exceptional and the rest of the day went smooth. Cassidy and I talked about
our jobs while Connor sat on the floor and played with Camden. We both stared
at them as Camden was teaching Connor how to stack the blocks.

“I
have never seen my brother as happy as he is right now,” she said to me.

I
smiled and looked over at him, “He’s a very special man.”

Just
then Jenny interrupted, “Ellery how did you and my son meet?”

 A
smile spread across my face as Connor looked at me with fear in his eyes. I
decided to spare him the embarrassment and replied, “We met at a club.”

She
smiled, “Well, lucky for him you were there.” I smiled back and looked at the
relief that washed over his face.

I
was leaning over the bathroom sink washing my face as Connor was getting
undressed. “I loved watching you with Camden today; it was so special and
sweet.”

“Yeah,
well he’s a pretty special kid.”

I
folded the wash cloth and put it on the sink. “It made me think of some things.”

We
walked out of the bathroom and I opened the drawer to take out my nightshirt.

“What
things?” he asked hesitantly.

“I
don’t know; just how good you are with him and…”

Instantly
he cut me off, “I can’t have children Elle; I took care of that years ago.”

My
back was turned to him and his words shredded their way through my body. I took
in a deep breath and continued to undress and get into my night-shirt. The air
that surrounded us changed.

“Aren’t
you going to respond to that?” he asked.

I
turned around, “Ok, why didn’t you tell me that before?” I was feeling a little
betrayed that he wouldn’t have told me that sooner in our relationship. Maybe
he thought it wasn’t necessary to because I was going to die anyway.

“I
don’t know it just didn’t seem to ever be appropriate.”

Then
it came, the words only my mouth would say, “Was it because you thought I was
going to die and it didn’t matter if I never knew?”

The
look on his face broke and anguish washed over him, “How could you say that?”

I
turned to face the window, “I’m sorry I didn’t mean it, and anyway, I don’t want
kids; with my fucked up family genes the kid wouldn’t stand a chance.”

He
walked over to me and put his arms around me and pulled me into him. “Don’t say
things like that.”

“It’s
the truth. My mother dying of cancer, father an alcoholic, me having cancer
twice; think about it Connor, the child would be doomed the minute it was
conceived.” It killed me to say those words, but it was the truth and I was
being honest with him.

“You’re
wrong and I don’t want you talking like that ever again.”

I
loosened myself from his grip, “Well, it doesn’t matter anyway because neither
of us wants kids, so end of discussion.” I walked across the room over to the
dresser and grabbed the lotion bottle.

“Does
it bother you that I can’t have children?”

“No,
like I said, it’s for the best anyway.”

 I
was lying, it did bother me, and it bothered me that he didn’t tell me. I
braced myself as I asked the next question.

“Why
did you do it Conner?”

He
took in a sharp breath, “Do you really want to hear the answer to that Elle?”

I
didn’t, but I did. I needed to hear him say it. “Yes I do, since we’re being
honest and not keeping secrets, tell me.”

He
swallowed hard and didn’t say anything; I don’t think the words would come out
of his mouth, but my mouth had no problems at all.

“Since
you can’t say anything, let me say it for you. You were never going to fall in
love and that meant never having kids, so why torture yourself with only
experiencing half pleasure every time you fucked a woman when you could
experience the whole natural pleasure and not have a worry in the world, except
being ignorant about STD’s.”

His
face fell and anger grew in his eyes. He was genuinely pissed at what I said.

“I’m
not even going to respond to something as fucked up as that,” he yelled. He
continued his rant. “You are pissed that I can’t have kids.  Aren’t you the one
who said she doesn’t believe in happily ever after’s and fairytale romances?”

All
I could think about as he was yelling at me was how since meeting him he
changed all that for me, but obviously I didn’t do the same for him. I walked
over to the floor where I left my pants and pulled them on.

“What
the fuck do you think you’re doing?” he yelled.

“I’m
not staying here tonight; you’re a dick and I don’t want to be near you right
now.”

“I’m
a dick?” he laughed.

“You’re
the one being a bitch and overreacting about me not being able to have kids.”

Did
he just call me a bitch? I spun around, “I’m a bitch because you didn’t tell me
about this sooner?”

The
anger and darkness now consumed his eyes, “You really want to go there Ellery
about not telling each other things.” He was now bringing up the cancer and he
was hitting below the belt.

“I
regretted that from day one and you know it,” my voice was yelling. “How dare
you throw that in my face.”

“Then
I guess we’re even,” he yelled.

Oh
he shouldn’t have said that. My blood was boiling and my veins were pulsating
full of anger.

“Maybe
it’s best you stay in the guest room tonight, till we both cool off.”

I
spun around and pointed my finger at him, “I’m not staying in the guest room;
I’m going home to my apartment you so graciously call a box.”

“Really
Ellery, you’re going to run?” He waved his hand. “Why not, it’s what you do
best anyway.”

Tears
filled my eyes at his cold words as I stormed out of the bedroom and out of his
penthouse. He didn’t come after me which told me he was really pissed off.

The
night air was cold as I looked around the crowded streets of New York. I
realized I didn’t have my keys so going back to my apartment wasn’t an option.
I waited for a text or call or even for him to tell me was sorry and take me
back upstairs with him, but he didn’t. I hailed a cab and had him take me to
the nearest hotel. I was weak and exhausted as I laid myself on the bed. I
looked at my phone hoping if I stared at it long enough he would call me and
tell me he’s sorry.

I
fell asleep sprawled across the bed and was rudely awoken from an incoming
text.
“Where the fuck are you? I went to your apartment and you weren’t
there.”

I
rolled my eyes and quickly typed my response.
“It’s none of your business
where I am, remember I’m doing what I do best.”

Within
seconds I received another text,
“You are behaving like a child and I don’t
like it; now get your ass back to my penthouse.”

Shit,
you talk about adding fuel to the fire; he was sure doing an exceptional job at
it. I responded,
“I think we need time apart to think about what each of us
said last night.”

A
sudden reply that broke my heart came through.
“I think so to and when you
stop behaving like a selfish child, then call me and we can talk.”

I
did the only thing I normally do, I threw my phone against the wall and it
shattered. I sighed and took a hot shower, sobbing as the water ran down my
body.

I
bent down to pick up the broken pieces that was once my phone. I really need to
get that under control and stop throwing things. I walked to the cellular store
and purchased the same phone with my same number. I can say I didn’t care about
my phone, but I did because what if Peyton needed me or what if Connor needed
me.

A
few days passed and I barely left the hotel room. I read and drew pictures of
things I wanted to eventually put on a canvas. Connor didn’t attempt to make
any contact with me and it hurt. I was too stubborn to make the first move; his
words stilled burned in my heart. I sat and thought maybe I should just book a
flight and go back to California. My next treatment was next week so I needed
to get back anyway. I didn’t want to leave him and this time apart was killing
me. I hated how I grew so dependent on him. I needed to talk to him and
apologize. I was out of line and shouldn’t have gotten so angry. We could have
talked things out but instead I ran. Connor was right; it’s what I do best. I
swallowed my pride and walked to his penthouse that was right on the next
block.