Forever Black (22 page)

I
walked down the street to the shopping center and slipped inside the wireless
store. I glanced at the wall that said “PREPAID PHONES.” I picked the phone,
paid and headed to the little grocery store at the end of the strip. I picked
up some essentials and carried my bags back to the apartment. I was exhausted
by time I got back. I put my food away, sat on my couch and texted Peyton.

“DO
NOT store my name in your phone and delete these texts after you read them.”

“Are
you some secret agent now?”

“Very
funny, what’s going on?”

“All
is quiet on the home front so far; Connor did ask me to let him know if I hear
from you. Are you sure you know what you’re doing?”

“Yes,
I have to go, remember delete.”  

I
unpacked my bag and put everything away in the dresser and closet. The one
thing I was missing that I needed was an easel and paints. I walked downstairs
to Mason’s apartment and knocked on the door.

“Hello
fabulous,” he answered exuberantly, “Come in.” I walked into his beautifully
decorated apartment that was bigger than mine.

“Do
you know where there’s an art store close by?”

He
looked at me and cocked his head, “An art store? As in completed paintings or
artsy supply stuff?”

I
laughed, “Artsy supply stuff.”

He
turned his head and yelled, “Landon, come meet our new tenant that lives
upstairs.”

Landon,
who looked like he just stepped out of the pages of a GQ magazine, strutted
across the floor with his hand held out.

“Nice
to meet you Ellery,” he smiled as he kissed my hand.

“Miss
fabulous wants to go to the artsy supply store, so I say let’s take her.”

“Oh
no, that’s ok, if you’ll just tell me where it is I can go myself.”

Mason
and Landon laughed, “Don’t be silly, we’ll take you, someone has to show you
around L.A.”

I
got into the back seat of their 2009 Volvo as the boys drove me to the art
store. I knew exactly what I needed so I wasn’t in there very long. I picked up
an easel, paints, canvases and brushes.

“I’m
so excited to see what you’re going to paint,” Landon said as he carried my
easel up the stairs for me. There was a perfect spot in the corner between two
windows where it fit perfectly. I was exhausted, and it was already 12am
California time, and I was still on New York time. I needed sleep bad; I had an
early appointment in the morning that I couldn’t miss. I slid into my new queen
size bed and was surprised at how fast I drifted to sleep.

I
opened my eyes and had to remember I wasn’t in New York anymore. I still
couldn’t believe I was California. I took a shower and put on a cute little
beige sundress and flip-flops. I pulled my hair to a side braid and headed out
the door. One of the main reasons I took the apartment was because it was
within walking distance of the place I would be visiting frequently.

When
I reached my destination, I stood in front of the infamous Cedars Sinai Grace
Hospital. I met with Dr. Danielle Murphy who was the head of the new cancer
clinical study involving cancer treatment injections and immunotherapy.

“Nice
to meet you Ellery,” Dr. Murphy said as she motioned for me to sit down. “So,
you were first diagnosed with Leukemia at 16?” She asked as she looked at me. I
nodded.

“You
had 24 chemotherapy treatments and went into remission and now at 23 years old
the leukemia came back.”

“Yes,”
I said as I looked down at my hands.

“First
of all, let me tell you that I’m sorry you did and are going through that
again, but I was very pleased when I got your email because I think you are a
perfect candidate for our clinical trial.” I sat there listening to her with
enthusiasm in her voice.

“You’ve
had one chemo treatment and that was almost 2 weeks ago correct?” I shook my
head. She closed my file and threw it on the desk.

“Ellery,
look at me. You are in the trial and this is how it’s going to work. I am going
to send you home with some immunotherapy pills; it’s a cocktail, like chemo,
but with less side effects and you are to take them every day you are in this
trial. Then you will come here once a month for 3 injections over the span of 3
months. Once you receive your last injection, we will do all the necessary
testing to see if you’re cancer free. If the cancer is still there, but you are
getting better, then we will continue treatment for another 3 months. I see
here in your medical file that you had stem cells removed before you received
treatment when you were 16.”

I
narrowed my eyes at her, “I had forgotten about that.”

She
crossed her arms and ankles and leaned back on the desk. “Well, it’s a good
thing you had it done because my recommendation is that you undergo a stem cell
transplant once you’re better, to prevent this disease from coming back later
in life. Now sit tight while I get your pills and then you’re free to go,” she
said as she patted me on the shoulder.

I
pulled out my phone and texted Peyton.
“What’s the low down on Mr. B?

“Mr.
B isn’t talking. He says he hasn’t heard from you, but he’d let me know if he
did. Elle, he’s weird, he’s acting normal. I’m so sorry.”

There
was one piece of my heart that started to heal when he took care of me after my
chemo treatment. Now that piece shattered into even more pieces than before.
Tears started to sting my eyes as Dr. Murphy came back and handed me a bag full
of pills.

“Here
you go Ellery, you are to take these pills first thing in the morning before
you eat, and I am scheduling your first round of injections 2 weeks from today.”

I
managed a half-smile as I thanked her and walked out the door. The minute the
warm California air hit my skin, the tears started to flow. I barely made it
home before my legs started to shake. I made it up to my apartment and fell to
the floor, sobbing into my hands. A loud knock startled me.

“Elle,
its Mason, open up, I hear you crying.”

I
turned around, still on the floor, and reached up and opened the door. Mason
looked down and met me on the floor.

“What’s
wrong?” he asked as he hugged me. My shoulders moved up and down as I tried to
talk.

“I’m
pretty sure Connor gave up on me.”

“Sweetie,
you don’t know that for sure,” he pulled me closer. He sat with me on the floor
while I cried. “Maybe he just is giving the two of you some space.”

“I
don’t know. Peyton said he’s acting normal. How the fuck can he act normal when
I’m a total mess?”

“Guys
are different Elle; they don’t wear their heart on their sleeves like women do.
Give him some time; I’m sure he’s just as upset but not letting Peyton know
it.” I shook my head and got up from the floor.

“Thanks
Mason, I appreciate it.” He hugged me tight and left to go back to his
apartment.

I
spent the rest of the day painting a vision I had in my mind of a Cape Cod
style house that sat surrounded by grass. I envisioned a short stone wall that
went around the property, and an archway that led to steps going down to a
small private beach with a boat and a lighthouse. I was going to paint two
versions, one day and one night. I had nothing but time on my hands and
painting was my escape from this reality, into another with peace and
tranquility.

I
took my 15 pills every morning and every night my body shook for an hour
straight. So far, that was the only side effect I had and after what chemo did
to me, that was a piece of cake. I occupied the last couple of weeks by
absorbing myself into my artwork and spending time with Mason and Landon. They
quickly became my best friends in California. Even though I tried to keep
myself busy, I thought about Connor every day and night. Peyton kept me updated
and nothing had changed; he wasn’t doing anything to find me.

The
loneliness I felt was beyond anything I ever experienced before. When we were
apart in New York, I had the comfort of knowing he was in the same city and
that we would eventually run into each other; but he’s not here in California
and the loneliness factor is ten times worse. I checked my email every day
hoping he would send me one, but he didn’t and I didn’t because it was obvious
he was over me. I would pull his picture up online and put my wrist over my heart.
Sometimes just seeing a picture of him eased the pain, but most of the time it
made it worse.

In
two days I get my first set of injections. I was nervous not knowing what
effects it will have on me, so I decided to take the morning and run to the
store. I needed to stock up on some things in case I couldn’t leave the
apartment. I put on my khaki shorts, a black tank top and a pair of black
strappy sandals I picked up on sale when I first moved here. I stopped by Mason
and Landon’s apartment to ask if they needed me to pick up anything; they
graciously said no but appreciated the thought. I walked down the street and
around the corner to Trader Joes and picked up some things to stock my
refrigerator. I took in the warmth of the California sun as I headed back to
the apartment.

I
reached down in my bag and pulled out the Twix bar I desperately craved. I
looked up as I almost reached the building and came to a standstill when I saw him
leaning against the side of a black convertible Porsche. He looked at me and
smiled.

“You’re
a hard woman to find Miss Lane.”

It
felt like life was breathed into me again as my heart started racing. I let my
bags fall to the ground and ran to him as fast as I could. He was no longer
leaning against the car when I jumped up and wrapped my legs and arms around
him. He caught me by wrapping his arms around me and holding me tight.

“Oh
baby, I’ve missed you so much,” he whispered in my ear.

“I
missed you and I’m sorry.”

“Shh…no
apologies, the only thing that matters is that I found you and your safe.”

I
lifted my head up, cupped his face in my hands and kissed him passionately. Our
tongues met with excitement and exhilaration as our long-lost kiss left us
breathless. Tears started running down my face as he put me down and softly
wiped my cheeks with his thumb.

“Let
me look at you?” he said as he spun me around. He grabbed me and held me tight.
“You look just as beautiful as when you left.”

Mason
and Landon emerged from their apartment clapping. I turned my head and smiled,
“Guys this is…”

Mason
held up his hand, “We already met this gorgeous man Elle.” I looked at them and
then at Connor.

“What?
How?”

“Your
hot sexy boy toy came to the rental office and wanted to know if you were
renting an apartment here and we said YES! We told him you ran to the store but
you’d be right back.”

Connor
kissed the top of my head, “You have some great friends here.”

I
hugged him again as Mason and Landon walked over and picked up the bags I dropped
on the cement. Connor put his arm around me as we walked up to the building.

“See,
no private entrance,” I smiled.

“You’re
learning,” he lightly laughed.

I
took him up to my apartment. Mason and Landon stepped inside, put the bags on
the counter and quickly left as Landon gave me a wink. Connor turned and ran
his finger along my jaw line and over my lips.

“You
have a lot of explaining to do, but first I’m going to make love to you.”

I
gasped as my body quivered. He lightly brushed his lips against mine as his
tongue trailed down my neck. “You taste so good, it’s been too long Ellery; I
need you. I need to be inside you.”

His
words sounded desperate as was my body begging him to take me. He picked me up
and carried me to the bedroom, his lips never leaving mine. He set me down in
front of the bed and lifted my shirt over my head, tossing it to the side. His
hands ran up and down my sides and over my hips as he let out a light moan. He
unhooked my bra as it fell to the floor. His hands were cupping my breasts and
fingering my nipples as his tongue explored my navel. He found his way up to my
breasts, lightly biting my nipple while removing my shorts. My body was on fire
and the ache I felt for him was an ache much stronger than before. He didn’t
even need to touch me; my body was in a constant state of ache whenever he was
near me.

I
brought his face to mine and kissed him letting him know how much I needed and
wanted him. He groaned as my hands took off his shirt and my nails lightly dug
into his back. He broke from me as he kicked off his shoes and took down his
pants. I stared at his masculine body as the fire in my body raged. He put his
arms around me as he gently laid me on the bed hovering over me and staring
into my eyes.

“You
make me feel alive, like no one ever has.”

I
ran my hands through his perfectly tousled hair and brought him in for a kiss.
His hands traveled from my breasts down to the edge of my panties. He pressed
his erection into me as I arched my back begging for more. He slid his hand
down to the front of my panties and moaned, “Ellery, you’re so wet.”