Authors: Andrea Simonne
***
“So what’s with the hairy legs?”
Ben asks casually. “Have you turned into some kind of kooky hippie woman?”
We’re lying in bed naked, loose
limbed and relaxed, both of us draped all over each other. He’s running his
hand over the short black hairs on my calf.
I laugh, feeling embarrassed, but
not as embarrassed as I thought I would. I tell him why I didn’t shave my legs
and he laughs too.
“So much for that brilliant plan.
Did you really think I’d care whether you had hairy legs or not?”
“Well it’s more how it makes
me
feel.”
All I can say is I did a piss poor
job of keeping the promise I made to myself about not having sex with Ben. It’s
like, Note to Self: Don’t make any more solemn vows. I think about the plain
white cotton panties and bra I wore and how little it mattered. Heck, I could
have worn those granny panties and I doubt Ben would have even noticed.
“I could shave them for you if you
like,” he says with a grin, running his hand up my calf, thigh, and then
lightly over my pubic hair.
“Shave what, my legs?”
“That and other things.”
I glance down at myself. It’s not
like there’s a jungle there or anything. I keep it all trimmed pretty short and
tidy.
“Okay, if you really want to.”
“Come on,” he takes my hand and
pulls me up out of bed. We go into the bathroom together and he tells me he’ll
need shaving cream and a very sharp razor, both of which I proceed to get for
him. Clearly, he’s done this before, but I decide not to say anything. I always
hate it when the ghosts of former lovers make their way into a current
situation. I once dated a guy who described his ex-girlfriend to me in such
vivid detail—she had strawberry blonde pubic hair and dark pink labia lips—that
I felt like we were having a threesome with her.
As I’m replacing the blade on the
razor with a fresh one, I can feel Ben’s eyes on me. “You’re different. You’re
not as slender as you used to be.”
“What!” I spin towards him. “Did
you just say I’m fat?”
“No, that’s not what I meant.
Don’t take it the wrong way. I’m only commenting on how you used to be so
slender and that I always liked it.”
I look down at my naked body. Last
time I checked size six was still considered slender, though it’s true I’m not
as skinny as I once was. “The last time you saw me I was twenty-two years old
and lived on coffee, cereal, and alcohol, not exactly health food.”
“Come on Kate, don’t get offended.
You still look great. I shouldn’t have said anything.”
I stare at him, checking out his
naked body, hoping to find some sort of flaw I can point out. I know how petty
this sounds, but gee, for some reason I’m feeling petty. Unfortunately as I’m
studying him under the stark bathroom light I can’t find a single flaw. Nothing.
His body is perfect. He’s even got six pack abs. The fact is he looks like a freaking
underwear model and I feel slightly intimidated.
“How on earth did you get into
such incredible shape?” I ask, more curious than pissed now.
He shrugs. “I lift weights. It’s
become something of a hobby really. Also you know I’ve always been athletic. I’m
still into climbing and stuff.”
“I lift weights too,” I tell him.
“I go to the gym three times a week.”
Ben nods. “You’re probably doing
too many reps and not using enough weight. That’s a really common mistake women
make since they’re afraid of getting bulky. Let me see you.” He puts his hands
on my shoulders and turns me around this way and that. I feel like a used car
being examined by its former owner. “You have a really nicely proportioned
body. You should definitely increase the amount of weight you’re lifting
though. You’d get a lot more definition, also you’d be able to whittle away
some of these problem areas,” he says, pointing to my thighs and stomach.
I take a deep breath. I know he’s
not trying to be offensive, but it’s a little hard not to get offended when
he’s calling my thighs and stomach “problem areas.” Not that they aren’t
problem areas, but it’s difficult to hear this from someone I’ve just had sex
with.
“We should go work out together
sometime and I can show you a few moves that might help.”
“Uh, okay.”
“And now,” he says, pulling me in
close as he gently slips his fingers between my legs. “I’m going to shave this
gorgeous body of yours and then I’m going to lick you until you come so many
times that you’re begging for mercy. How does that sound?”
I forget whatever it was I was feeling
offended about and turn to liquid beneath his hands. “Sounds wonderful....”
It’s Saturday morning
and I’m
sitting on my bed, sipping the double mocha I made myself as I try to decide
what I’m going to wear for my afternoon shopping with Suzy and Lauren. Ben left
about a half an hour ago. My body is sore in places that haven’t been sore in ages
and my brain is totally fuzzy from lack of sleep, and yet I still can’t wipe the
big grin off my face.
There’s nothing like a night of hot
and strenuous sex to put you in a fantastic mood.
When Ben left this morning we were
barely able to break apart from each other. I honestly can’t remember how many
times we did it and how many different ways. He’s acquired what I can only
describe as an encyclopedic knowledge of the
Kama Sutra
, so it was an
educational night. Clearly we’ve both learned a few new tricks over the years
and it was fun teaching them to each other. He’s a demanding lover, but I am
too, so I guess that’s what has always made us so compatible.
Ben tried to get me to go the gym
with him this morning, but I told him that I have a rule about never working
out on the weekends. Never mind that I made that up on the spot and I’m telling
him white lies. I know over time we’ll figure things out again.
I squirm a little on the bed. My nether
region already itchy from having been shaved. I haven’t been completely
hairless down there since my mid-twenties. Once in the shower together, Ben did
my legs and then had me sit on the edge of the tub while he covered my pubic
area with shaving cream. I was a little nervous at first that he might
accidentally cut me, but he was very gentle and patient, and it became quite
the turn on for both of us, since I could see that he had an erection the whole
time.
Afterwards, true to his word, we
went back into the bedroom and he put his mouth on me and did all sorts of
delicious things. Even the memory of it is making me horny again, though when I
put my hand between my legs all I want to do is scratch. It’s so itchy! If I
remember correctly the itching lessens once the hair grows in a bit, although
I’m not sure how I’ll ever survive that long.
Oh well, whatever. It was worth
it. I think back to when we were still in bed together this morning and Ben
asked me what I was doing tonight.
“Nothing,” I said lazily. “What
are you doing?”
“Nothing.”
“Hmmm, maybe we should do nothing
together. What do you think?”
He grinned and put his hand on my
ass, pulling me in close. “I think we should do a whole
lot
of nothing
together.”
“History has shown we’re good at
that.”
He laughed. “Yes, it has.” And
then to show how true of a statement that was, we spent the next half hour
doing exactly nothing, and let me say that nothing has never felt so good.
***
Lauren, Suzy, and I meet at Northgate
mall. Suzy and I are such snobs that we prefer shopping downtown, but Lauren
enjoys the mall. The plan is to eat lunch first and then go spend money, so the
three of us meet at Road House, a burger place that also serves fun cocktails.
I’m about fifteen minutes late
getting there, so I wander through the restaurant looking for them. The whole
place smells like it’s been deep fried and beneath the loud drone of people
talking I can hear eighties pop music playing in the background (“Come On
Eileen”). The walls are covered with various Bogart style prints and movie
posters and it’s so crowded all the waitresses have harassed smiles on their
faces. Eventually I find Suzy and Lauren. They’re sitting at a table sipping
large margaritas and put their hands up to wave me over.
“Hi,” I say, pulling out a chair
to join them. “Sorry I’m late. Have I missed anything?”
Suzy smiles. “You have. Lauren was
telling me about her wild night with Justin.”
“Hardly,” Lauren groans. “I tried
to seduce him last night and he said he wasn’t ready. Can you believe that?”
I shrug. “Maybe he really isn’t
ready.”
“Oh, come on!”
“What other reason could there
be?”
“She’s worried he’s frigid,” Suzy
says dryly. “She’s going to give him one more chance and then she’s breaking up
with him.”
I take my jacket off. “Can a guy
be frigid? I’ve never heard of that. I don’t think you should break up with him
though. That’s sounds kind of harsh, Lauren.”
“I don’t care. I felt completely
rejected. I wasted a perfectly good pair of Mariners tickets on him and nothing
even happened.”
“He didn’t put out, so now you’re
going to dump him.” Suzy picks up her drink. “You sound just like a man.”
“I do, don’t I?” Lauren grins. “I
can’t help it though. I’m tired of playing games. Men have been doing it to us
for ages. I need a healthy red blooded male, not this ‘Oh, I’m so sensitive
give me time’ stuff. Besides Justin isn’t really my type anyway.” She pushes
her long blonde hair over her shoulder and peruses her menu.
“Not your type?” I ask. “What does
he look like?”
“Tall, with dark hair and eyes. I
think I’m going to get a pineapple burger. What are you two having?”
Suzy and I glance at each other
and smile.
Lauren stares at us. “Did I say
something funny?”
Just then our waitress comes over
to take our order. Even though she must be in her twenties, to me she looks
like a twelve year old kid. This is a disturbing phenomenon I’ve been noticing
more and more the older I get. Pretty soon people in their twenties are going
to look like squiggly images on an ultrasound.
“I’ll have a Long Island iced tea,”
I tell her. I scan down the burger list on the menu, while Suzy and Lauren are pointing
out what they want to eat. As I’m thinking about the nice, juicy barbeque
burger I want, I remember Ben’s comments to me last night. “One garden salad,”
I finally say.
After our orders are placed and
we’re alone again, Lauren looks at us. “Okay what was so funny about what I
said?”
“Tall with dark hair and eyes—that’s
not your type?” I ask.
“Well, it is, but Justin isn’t
quite right for some reason.”
Suzy smiles knowingly. “Let me
guess, he doesn’t look enough like a young John Cusack?”
I grin again.
“John Cusack? What are you guys
talking about?”
“Come on Lauren,” Suzy says still smiling.
“You’ve never noticed that all the men you’ve been dating look like John Cusack
circa the nineteen-nineties? We could line them up and have a John Cusack look-alike
contest.”
“Except they’d
all
win!” I joke
and Suzy and I break out laughing.
Lauren’s brows are pulled together
and she has an amused expression as she ponders this. “Wow...I haven’t really thought
about it. They do all sort of look like John Cusack, don’t they?”
“Yes, they do,” I say solemnly.
The waitress places my iced tea in front of me and I take a sip.
“I’ve always
loved
John
Cusack’s movies,” Lauren gushes. “Plus he’s so cute—don’t you think? He seems
like the perfect man. It’s so weird that I haven’t noticed that.”
“What I’ve wondered is how do you
meet them?” Suzy asks. “It can’t be easy finding men that have the same look.”
Lauren flips up her hand and
poo-poos us both. “Internet dating. You can find any type you want. Don’t you
guys meet men online? It’s the only way I date anymore.”
I nod slowly. I knew Lauren was
into meeting men on the internet, though I had no idea that she met so many of them
that way.
“It’s awesome,” she continues. “It’s
like shopping on eBay, except I’m looking for a man instead of a new bag. Not
only do you get to see what they look like, you also find out whether they’re
single or divorced, whether they have kids or not, what they do for a living.
It’s such a time saver. Seriously. Going to bars and hoping you’ll meet the
right guy by chance is totally antiquated nowadays.”
I admit I’ve done a little bit of
internet dating myself, though I’ve never met anyone I’ve really liked off the
internet. “How do you know they’re telling you the truth?”
“Sometimes they do lie,” Lauren confesses.
“I usually tell them beforehand to fess up if they’ve been dishonest about anything.
If they’ve lied about something big like having kids or an ex-wife then I don’t
bother meeting with them at all. If they’re wearing sunglasses or a hat in
their photo, I ask them to send me a photo without it, so I can see what they really
look like. Little white lies don’t bother me much though, because I figure
everyone tells those. Also, after I find out their name, I usually google them to
see what else I can come up with. It’s been quite helpful.”
“Wow, I’m impressed,” I say. “You’ve
got quite a system. Plus I had no idea you were so computer savvy.”
She shrugs, taking a sip from her
drink. “You have to be nowadays.”
“What about you Kate? How did your
date with Ben go last night?” Suzy asks.
“Oh that’s right!” Lauren turns to
me. “I almost forgot!”
I smile sweetly. “It went very
well.”
“How was Canto’s?” Suzy asks. “I
haven’t been there in ages.”
“We didn’t exactly make it to Canto’s,
but we had a great time anyway… if you know what I mean.”
Suzy and Lauren glance at each
other and then look at me. “Are you saying what I think you’re saying?” Lauren
asks.
I grin and give them the Reader’s Digest
condensed version of what happened with Ben last night, stopping partway
through when the waitress bring our food.
Lauren picks up a french fry and waves
it at me sternly. “Bad girl. Not only did you not wait for date number four,
but you had sex with him before the first date!”
“What do you mean?”
“You guys didn’t even go on a
date. He came to your house and you had sex with him.”
I stare at Lauren.
“She’s right,” Suzy agrees,
swallowing a bite of her burger. “You guys still haven’t had an official first
date, unless you count giving him a tour of your house as a date—which
obviously it isn’t. Technically, that makes you a hussy.”
“But he brought me flowers.
Daisies
for God’s sake! What could I do?”
Lauren laughs merrily. “Still a
hussy.”
“You should have seen how good he
looked. Plus he’s been calling me every day this week. Doesn’t that count for
something?”
“The hussy train is leaving and
you’re on board.” Suzy grins.
“Don’t worry.” Lauren pats me
encouragingly on the arm, “I’m just jealous. I haven’t had sex that hot in
ages.”
“I haven’t either,” I say honestly.
“It was fantastic. Well, except for one thing.” I tell them about Ben shaving
my pubic area.
They both nod knowingly.
“Been there, done that,” Suzy says.
“Me too,” Lauren agrees. “And let
me say—never again. I can’t take all that itching.”
“I know! It’s driving me nuts.
What can I do though? Are there any little tricks I should know about? It’s
been ages since I’ve shaved down there.”
“Well, if he really wants you bare
you could always consider getting a Brazilian,” Lauren says. “They hurt, but it
doesn’t itch as bad as when the hair starts to grow in.”
“Oh no,” says Suzy. “I had a Brazilian
and it was the most painful experience in my life. I was ready for an epidural.
Those waxing spas should keep an anesthesiologist on staff.”
Lauren nods sympathetically. “We
do them at the salon and have actually had women pass out.”
“Really?” I say. “I’ve only had
regular bikini waxes and I thought those hurt.”
“Then trust me, you don’t want a Brazilian.”
Suzy shakes her head. “You could always keep shaving and hopefully he’ll get
tired of it. Thank goodness, Luke isn’t into any of that.”
“The Toad liked it when I shaved
down there occasionally,” Lauren admits. “I remember it itching so bad once
that I took a hairbrush and went crazy with it.”
I nod. “I’m getting to that point already.
Hopefully it’s a passing fancy, because things between us were really good last
night. Except there’s one other thing.” I tell them how Ben said he wishes I was
skinnier and wants me to go to the gym with him.
“He thinks
you’re
fat?”
Lauren asks incredulously. “He’d think I was Keiko the whale if he saw me.”
Lauren is very shapely. She’s one of those women who look beautiful with lots
of curves. I’ve always been envious of her for that reason.
“He sounds like an asshole. You
look great and are definitely not fat by any stretch of the imagination,” Suzy says,
before taking another bite of her burger.
“Well, he didn’t actually say I
was fat. He said that he wishes I was as slender as I used to be.” Even I can
hear how ridiculous this sounds, but I’m realizing it’s hard to explain.
Suzy rolls her eyes. “Whatever. I
still think he sounds like a jerk. He’s already got you jumping through hoops
and you guys just started dating. I mean, excuse me, you haven’t even had a
first date yet!”
“I know, but it isn’t like it
sounds. Ben is a good guy. Seriously. You’ll see when you eventually meet him.
And besides, I dated Ben for almost a year and a half before, so it’s not like
we’ve never had a first date.”
“That was more than a decade ago.”
“I know, but what’s the difference?”
“The difference is that this guy once
broke your heart and now you’re already bending over backwards for him.”
“It’s not like that. You don’t
understand.”
“All right girls—play nice,”
Lauren says in a firm voice. “Don’t make me take this belt off. Neither of you
are too old for a good spanking.”
Both Suzy and I look at her and smile.
That’s what’s nice about having Lauren around. Suzy and I have been friends for
a long time and occasionally things will get heated between us, but Lauren is
the perfect middle man. She knows just what to say to bring things back under
control again.
“I’ll
never
be too old for
a good spanking,” Suzy says teasingly.
“Me either,” I grin.
“Have you heard anything about
your promotion?” Lauren asks me.
“No.” I sigh and tell them about
the head games that are being played out at work and how Greg is telling me
they don’t want to decide anything for a few more weeks. “Declan is leaving on
Friday though. It’s going to be hard not seeing him every day.” Suzy and Lauren
give each other a knowing look. “What?”
“You know what.” Suzy smiles at me.
“Do you think we’ll ever meet the elusive Declan?”
“Of course,” I say. Suzy and
Lauren think I have a secret crush on Declan and that I’m keeping him from them
on purpose. It’s silly, but no matter how many times I tell them it isn’t true
they still don’t believe me. Of course I don’t mind if they meet him, it simply
hasn’t worked out.
“Yes,” Lauren says. “It’s time for
you to stop hiding that Irishman. I promise neither of us will steal him from
you. Scout’s honor.” She holds her hand up in pledge and gives me an innocent
look with her large blue eyes.
“Don’t be ridiculous. I don’t have
any designs on Declan.” Suddenly I remember The Kiss from last week and my
stomach does an odd flip. The Kiss. That’s how I’ve come to think of it
whenever the memory pushes its way into the forefront of my mind, which is
basically every time I see him. I certainly can’t tell Suzy or Lauren about it
though. They’d have a field day.
“I’m inviting him to your birthday
party,” Lauren tells me. She and Suzy are planning a birthday dinner for me when
I turn thirty five in a few months. “Whether you like it or not, we are finally
going to meet that man of yours.”
“He’s not my man! He’s a really
good friend, but he isn’t my type.”
“Uh huh,” Suzy says.
I laugh. “All right, definitely
invite him to my birthday party. Then you guys can finally see what the
situation is between us.”
“Which reminds me, have you
decided where you want to have the party?” Lauren asks. “Are you still okay
with Pacifico?”
I nod, taking a bite of my salad.
“Yeah, the more I think about it, Pacifico will be a nice location for
everyone. Plus I like that we’ll all have to dress up. It’ll make it feel more
festive.”
We finish the rest of our lunch
and then head into the mall to go shopping. Being Saturday it’s crowded. Lots
of teenagers—all of them hanging out with their posse, dressed in the latest
teenage fashions, which as far as I can tell have come full circle with the
stuff I wore as a teenager myself. Plenty of punks and Goths, though I’m not sure
if they still call themselves that.
There are also lots of families
with young children. I keep noticing them with an odd sort of envy. Occasionally
I go through phases like this, where I see how the other half lives and wonder if
I’m missing out on something. I suspect my birthday next month has something to
do with it. I can hear my oh-so-notorious clock ticking like it’s attached to a
stick of dynamite sitting on top of a nitroglycerin tank. And of course the
irony that I’m involved with Ben again isn’t lost on me.