Find You in the Dark (22 page)

  “
Oh god.  What am I going to do with you?”  He said with amusement as I became frenzied under his mouth.  I frantically began pulling at his clothes, trying to get him naked.  “Well, you could help me you know.”  I pouted as I tried once again to get his shirt over his head.  Clay only laughed and pulled away, placing a loud kiss on my mouth.  “Slow down, tiger.  Not here, especially since the last time I was in your room, your father almost had me lynched.  And we were just sleeping that time.” 

 
I wasn't going to let him go that easily.  I deftly undid the button on his jeans, sliding my  hand just inside the waist band.  “Are you sure about that, Clayton?  You really want me to stop?”  My hand drifted lower and I used my other hand to tug the zipper down. 

 
Clay moaned deep in his throat, his head falling back as I found what I was looking for.  My fingers touched him tentatively and he jerked against me.  I couldn't help but smile at my victory.  Then he grabbed my hand and pulled it out of his pants.  “You are an evil, evil woman, Maggie Young.  Trying to tempt me like that.”  He said lightly as he gently lifted me off his lap and buttoned up his jeans. 

 
I rolled over on my bed and grabbed a pillow, tossing it at him.  “You suck.”  I joked.  Clay caught the pillow and threw it back at me.  “No, I just don't want to be
that
guy.”  He explained.  I frowned in confusion.  “What guy?”  I asked. 

 
Clay sighed and sat up.  “You know, the guy who waits for your parents to not be at home before deflowering their daughter in the bed she's had since childhood.  You know,
that guy,
the one that looks for any and every opportunity to get you naked.  I
was
that guy and I don't want to be him ever again.” 

 
Okay.  So logically I appreciated what he was saying.  I knew that he was telling me that he cared about me enough to not disrespect my parents and their house by having sex with me in it.  But right then, all I heard was that he had done this very thing with girls before me.  And he wasn't gonna do it with me.  And it pissed me off.  What was wrong with me?  Was I not good enough to share that sort of intimacy with?  I mean, it was obvious he had been less than discriminating in the past. 

 
I turned my back to him and straightened my clothes, putting my bra back in place and putting my hair in a ponytail.  “Mags.”  Clay said quietly from behind me.  I leaned over and picked my Spanish book up off the floor and started to open it.  Clay sat beside me.  “Maggie.  Don't be upset.  Come on.”  He pulled the book off of my lap and I just sat there, staring at my hands. 

 
I was embarrassed and, worst of all, I felt rejected. 

  “
Look at me.” I lifted my eyes to his very concerned ones.  “What did I say to make you look like that?”  He asked.  Stupid, oblivious boy.  My face flushed red.  “So, you've had sex a bunch before.  You know, done stuff with girls.  But you won't do that stuff with me -your girlfriend.  Am I getting this right?”  I asked tightly.  Clay brushed the hair from my face.  “You silly, silly girl.  Where does all this insecurity come from?”  I started to pull away, annoyed that he could throw my insecurities in my face when he was the king of them!  But he held me fast, holding onto my upper arms, forcing me to look at him.

  “
What I did before, that was another life.  I was another person.  I wasn't someone you would have ever wanted to be around, let alone be your boyfriend.”  I started to protest what he was saying.  To argue that I would have loved him no matter what he was like, but he silenced me.

  “
No, listen, Maggie.  I wasn't a good person.  I was sick and addicted to the worst possible things.  So yes.  I had sex.  I fooled around with a lot of different girls.  But none of it meant anything.  Those girls, they used me.  I used them, to try and feel
something. 
But it was all a lie.  Because I hated them. Hated myself.  Nothing mattered until I met you.”  His eyes were intense as they looked into mine.  I was holding my breath. 

  “
Maggie.  When we make love, I want it to be special.  Not some quickie in your bedroom before your parents come home.  I want more than that for us.  I want to be able to hold you all night and feel you against me as I fall asleep.  I want us to be perfect together.”  God, his words set me on fire.  Had there
ever
been two people who loved each other as much as we did?  I couldn't put into words the way we felt about each other.

  “
I love you.”  I breathed.  Since saying it that first time, I found that I just couldn't stop.  I wanted him to know every second of every day how much he meant to me.  “God, Maggie.”  He whispered, leaning forward, capturing my mouth with his.  “I love you more than anything.  With everything that I am.”  He answered me.  Okay, I was done for.  I crashed into him again.  Our mouths molded together, our breath coming fast.  “Just a little bit.  Please, just give me something.”  I begged into his mouth.  Clay's heart beat erratically beneath my hand as I pressed into him. 

 
Helpless against my feminine wiles, Clay slipped his hands up my shirt and pressed his hands against my breasts.  He rubbed my nipples with his fingers, sending shocks of electricity to that sensitive spot between my thighs.  I groaned into his mouth and that seemed to be his undoing.  He reached around my back and unclasped my bra.  Then with an ease I didn't want to focus too much on, he peeled off my shirt, taking my bra with it.  I felt a little uneasy being so quickly exposed.  I tried to cover myself, not sure how to behave.

 
Clay stopped me and pulled my arms away from my chest.  His eyes were bright.  “You are so beautiful.”  He rasped, lowering his mouth to my breast, licking and kissing it slowly until I thought I would die with the pleasure of his touch. 

 
With shaky fingers, I undid the buttons of his shirt and pulled it off of him.  Clay's mouth returned to mine as we pressed our naked flesh against each other.  “I want you so much, Clay.  Please.  I need this.”  I whispered hoarsely as his mouth trailed back down to my aching nipples. 

 
For a moment I thought I had won.  Clay slowly unbuttoned my jeans and I raised my hips to give him easier access.  He slid his hand inside, over top my underwear and pressed his palm against my wet warmth.  I had never been touched so intimately before.  I was breathing in rapid pants and I worried I would hyperventilate. 

 
His fingers began to move underneath the edge of my panties.  So close to where I desperately needed him to be.  His mouth was hard and wet against my lips as he seemed to fight with himself for control. 

 
I then I heard the worst possible sound.  The front door slamming shut.  Shit!  My parents were home.  I looked over at the clock, shocked to see that two hours had already passed.  “Christ!  You've got to get out of here!  My parents will spit roast you if they find you in here.”  I hastily put my bra back on, inside out I'm pretty sure, and I pulled my shirt over my head.  Clay quickly buttoned up his shirt and slid his shoes on his feet.

  “
How am I going to get out of here?”  He asked in a near panic.  I looked out my window.  The only way would be to climb out onto the roof and down the old oak tree.  I pointed outside.  “You have to go out that way!”  I hissed, trying to shoo him in that direction. 

 
Clay seemed frozen to the spot.  I could hear my parents rummaging around in the kitchen, my mom's laughter at something my dad had said.  It would only be minutes before they come up here looking for me.

  “
Hurry!”  I whispered frantically.  Clay's eyes had gone as big as saucers.  “What is it?” I asked him hurriedly.  What was the hold up here?  “I'm deathly afraid of heights.”  He whispered back to me.  I closed my eyes and tried not to groan in frustration.  He was just telling me this now?

 
I walked back over to my desk and dropped into my chair.  Clay looked at me as if I had gone certifiably insane.  “What are you doing?  I have to get out of here!  Your dad is going to kill me!”  He was close to freaking out.  I raised my hands in defeat.  “If you can't go out the window, there's no way I can sneak you past them to the front door.  So we might as well look like we're doing something innocent up here and I'll take whatever they dish out.”  I pulled my Spanish book back out and flipped open to the page I had for homework. 

 
Catching a glimpse of my flushed face and too bright eyes in the full length mirror over my shoulder there would be no doubt as to what we had been doing.  But what else could I do?

 
Clay sat down heavily on the floor.  “You're dad already hates me.  Let's just give him another reason.”  He sounded so resigned and sad that I wanted to smack my father for making him feel that way.  I gave him a reassuring smile.  “He doesn't hate you.”  I lied.  Clay arched his eyebrow, letting me know he called bullshit.  “Well, he might dislike you a bit.  Hate is a strong word.”  I conceded.  I wish I could say something else to make him feel better.

 
At that moment I heard footsteps coming up the stairs.  “Maggie May?  You up here?”  I sighed in relief.  At least it was my mom and not dad.  “In here.”  I called back, throwing a look at Clay that told him to play it cool.  He discretely pulled a pillow over his lap and put his American History book on top of it.  I had to hide my smile at how pleased I was that I had affected him like that. 

  “
We've got Chinese food, if you want some...” My mom trailed off as she looked in my room and caught sight of Clay on the floor.  He looked up and gave her a sheepish smile and a small wave.  “Hey, Mrs. Young.”

  “
Hi there, Clayton.”  Her tone was icy and she shot me a look that would kill a lesser person. She had been cool with Clay so far.  But I knew from the expression on her face, that her fuzzy feelings where my boyfriend was concerned, were at an end. “I believe the two of you know the rules about being alone in here when we're not at home.”  She said, making it clear that a serious grounding was in my future. 

 
There was a moment of silence that screamed BUSTED!  “Sorry mom.  I know.  I had to use my computer for my Spanish assignment.  We have only been up here for a few minutes.  No harm, no foul.”  I said lackadaisically.  It kind of bothered me at how easily I lied to my parents now.  I had never been dishonest with them about anything.  The guilt lying low in my gut threatened to burn a hole straight through me.

 
But I looked my mother right in the eye and internally willed her to believe me.  Clay was quiet on the floor, only piping up with an apology after I had finished my explanation. 

 
My mom seemed torn.  I could tell she wanted to believe what I had told her, but needed to stick with her rules.  “Well.  I'm not happy about this.  Clayton, I don’t want you over here without either her father or I present.  Is that clear?”  She told him.  I could see Clay swallow and he nodded.  “Yes, ma'am.” 

 
I wished the floor would just open up and swallow me.  But my mom wasn't done yet.  “I'm not sure what the rules are at your house.  But in this one, we do not condone two young people, particularly when they are dating, being alone together in a bedroom.  I remember what it was like to be your age.  With the hormones flying and not always knowing when to put the brakes on things.”  Oh dear Lord!  “Mom!”  I yelped in mortification.

 
My mom turned her harsh gaze on me.  “And you, young lady, will have consequences for blatantly disregarding our rules.  Whatever your reason for doing so.”  She looked between Clay and I.  “Your father and I will be in the kitchen eating.  I suggest you get Clayton out of here before your father sees him.”  I sagged in my chair with relief.  My mom was bad enough, but I sure didn't want to be tag teamed by both she and dad.

  “
And then you come straight down to the kitchen.”  The guilt flared up again as I heard the angry disappointment in her voice.  With a final pointed look at Clay, she went back down stairs.  Clay got to his feet and put his books back in his bag.  “That could have been a lot worse.”  I laughed, trying to lighten the mood. 

 
Clay looked up at me through his hair.  “Well, that was bad enough.”  He said gloomily.  I hated when he got that tone.  It tore at my heart.  I went over to him and wrapped my arms around him, rubbing my nose with his.  “Don't worry about them.  They disapprove of everything.”  I murmured, trying to make this better for him. 

 
Clay hugged me back, kissing me lightly on the lips. “No, your mom hates me now.  I get it.  I keep screwing things up where they're concerned.”  He pulled back and slung his book bag over his shoulder.  I touched his arm. “Don't leave so upset, Clay.  Come on.  We were having a good time.  Don't let them ruin it.”  I sounded a little desperate.  But I hated these dark moods of his.  They worried me. 

 
Hearing the concern in my voice, he gave me a smile.  A small one, but a smile nonetheless.  “I just want to do everything right by you, Mags.  I want to be the perfect boyfriend. I want your parents to like me and not blow a gasket when we spend time together.”  I wanted to cry at the despair in his words.  “I don't want perfect, Clay. I want
you.
”  Clay rested his forehead against mine, kissing me slowly.  “I love you so much. I just want to be everything you deserve.”