Find You in the Dark (18 page)

  “
I don't care if you're 102.  When you are living at home, you follow your mom's and my rules. It's just how it is.  Now, this has never been a problem before, so what's the issue now?”  My father asked me pointedly, making it clear he
knew
what, or
who
the problem was and his name started with a 'C' and ended in a 'Y.'

 
I felt like crying.  I had never really fought with my dad and it felt awful.  But I felt something inside me changing.  I was sick of being treated like their little girl.  I was finally becoming a woman; with the wants of a woman and the needs of a woman, and my parents were starting to cramp my style.

 
But I didn't argue anymore.  I just left the kitchen, went up to my room, and closed the door.  I was proud of myself for not slamming it the way I wanted to.  I threw myself on my bed, gathering the pillow to my chest and pushing my face into the fabric. 

 
I could still smell Clay's cologne and I felt a new wave of excitement.  Those moments lying with him had been amazing.  And it made me re-think so many of the caveats to our relationship.  Because I wanted him, desperately, and I think I was pretty sure I was done with waiting.

 
Sure the issues were still there, but maybe loving him would be the best way to help him.  Yep, my mind was made up.  I wanted Clayton Reed as my boyfriend.  I loved him and I wouldn't stay a part from him any longer.  My parents and my own fears be damned.

 
And if he went into the dark again, this time I would be there to find him – to follow him.  Because I thought, perhaps quite immaturely, that my love could help him.  Maybe
our
love could do even more than just help – maybe it could heal him.  Fix him.  Fix everything.

  “
You look so amazingly awful!” Rachel squealed, having me turn around for the millionth time in my hideous formal dress.  I had teased my hair into an eighties do, complete with the poufy bangs and frizzy curls.  I did look pretty funny.  Though, I was pleased to note that the dress was actually very form fitting and gave me the illusion of some amazing curves.  So despite the nasty puffed sleeves and horrible color, I didn't look too bad.

 
Which was good, because I was ready to make my feelings for Clay known tonight.  This was it, I was taking the plunge.  Clay hadn't been back to my house in the week and a half leading up to the dance.  He made a million excuses when I would suggest him coming inside after school.  I knew my dad had freaked him out and Clay was trying to be respectful of his wishes.  But that unfortunately meant we hadn't been alone since falling asleep in my bed and that sucked.  Ruby had started taking the afternoons off at the shop so we would end up hanging out in Clay's living room, watching TV and doing our homework while Ruby plied us with new herbal tea concoctions she was trying out.

 
I really loved his aunt and her girlfriend.  They immediately made me feel welcome- (unlike my father did to Clay -) and were very clear as to how happy they were that Clay and I were spending time together.  I could see the worry in Ruby's eyes when she looked at her nephew.  It was the same worry I felt underneath the budding anticipation that was building inside of me when he and I were together.

 
The sexual tension was threatening to choke me, it had become so thick.  Clay and I made every excuse to touch each other, in a seemingly platonic way.  Clay would brush the hair off my face.  I would pick a piece of imaginary lint from his arm.  It was a beautiful dance we were engaged in and the build up was almost as delicious as what I imagined the real deal to be like.

  “
I can't wait to see what the boys are wearing.”  Rachel squealed.  She looked fantastic in her bright pink dress.  She had pulled her dark brown hair into a messy up do, with curls framing her face.  If the way she looked tonight didn't have Daniel tripping over his tongue, I didn't know what would. 

  “
Yeah, Clay was pretty cagey about his getup, it should be interesting.”  I said, touching up my makeup.  I was wearing more than I normally did, but I was pleased with the result.  My blue eyes were rimmed in eye kohl with a smudged, smoky look.  My lips were painted an almost garish red, but I liked the way it made my normally thin lips look fuller.  All in all, I didn't look too bad.

  “
You look so pretty, Mags.  Even in that eye-searing color.”  Rachel said, putting her arm around my shoulders so we could stand together in front of my full length mirror.  “Let's do this.  Daniel and Clay should be here any minute.”  Rachel grabbed her beaded purse and I picked up my messenger bag.  Rachel stopped me before leaving the room. “You
are not
taking that thing.  It ruins the look.”  She went back to my closet and unearthed a black satin handbag that my mom had gotten me for prom last year.  Rachel took my wallet, brush and mints out of my bag and placed them in the much smaller purse. 

  “
There, much better.”  She said after I slung it over my shoulder.  I just shook my head, not wanting to argue with her about it.  We had just reached the bottom of the stairs when the doorbell rang. 

 
My mother was there instantly.  She must have been lying in wait for the guys to get there - armed with her heavy duty Nokia camera.  I rolled my eyes at the thought of the next ten minutes of picture taking hell.

  “
Well hello, Daniel.  Clay.”  My mother said.  She moved aside so they could come into the foyer.  I covered my mouth with my hand trying not to crack up.  They looked ridiculous.  They had unknowingly worn similar suits.  They each wore a very dated formal wear.  Daniel's was maroon and Clay's a  horrendous plum.  Each had a white tie and a robin's egg blue shirt.  It was a horrible combination.  But they somehow made it work.

 
I took a moment to muse on how different they were, yet equally good looking.  Daniel had started to let his blond hair grow out and it looked almost unkempt around his face.  His toned arms barely fitting into the tight sleeves of the jacket.  I heard Rachel's barely there sigh as she saw Daniel. 

 
Now Clay was truly gorgeous.  Even in the horrible suit, he looked handsome.  His hair too was growing out into those curls I loved and they hung down just above his eyes.  He seemed excited, buoyant even.  His energy was apparent as he took my arm and placed my hand in the crook of his elbow.  “My lady.  You are a vision.” He said, looking me up and down.  I elbowed him and laughed.  “And you, sir, look dazzling in your prune suit.”  He smoothed the jacket's front.  “This is not
prune,
it is a very lovely shade of puce, I believe.” 

  “
Well, whatever it is you look pretty awesome.”  I said breathlessly.  Clay smiled at me, catching the way my voice shook as he took my hand. 

  “
Look at you guys!  Aren't you a sight!”  My mom said, pulling the four of us into the living room so she could take pictures.  My dad looked up from the newspaper he was reading on the couch.  His eyes darkened slightly at the sight of Clay holding my arm and I glared at him.  Catching my look, my dad smoothed his expression and gave me a smile.  “You all look great.”  He said politely.  “Thank you, Mr. Young.”  Clay said judiciously, clearly trying to make this as painless as possible.  Considering he hadn't seen my dad since their run in weeks ago, I thought it was pretty minimal in the awkwardness department.

 
After fifteen minutes of pictures, we finally got out the door.  “One o' clock curfew.”  My dad yelled as we walked down the sidewalk.  I knew what my curfew was, but was very aware that he was saying it more for Clay's benefit than mine.  “Yes sir, not a minute later. I promise.”  Clay assured, giving his best parent pleasing smile.

 
Finally, we were in Clay's BMW and heading toward Red Lobster, where we'd be meeting Daniel's friend Raymond and his date, my friend Clare.  “You guys look awesome!  Even in that horrible color!”  Rachel stated enthusiastically.  Daniel chuckled.  “Yeah, you don't know how hard it is to find an
ugly
get up.”  I laughed.  “I'm just not sure if this color suits my complexion.”  Clay commented.  The four of us laughed together.  I felt on top of the world.  Tonight was going to be wonderful.  I just knew it.

 
Clay looked at me sideways and grinned.  He was in a great mood tonight.  Laughing and joking with everyone.  He didn't seem tired or out of it.  It was nice to see.  Maybe the meds were finally working the way they were supposed to.  Whatever it was, I wasn't going to focus too much on it.  I was going to have a good time with my friends and my maybe boyfriend.

 
Our dinner at Red Lobster was a blast.  Daniel, Clay, and Ray insisted on wearing those silly plastic bibs and we all ordered piles of crab legs, trying not to get melted butter on our tacky formal wear.  It was good to hang out with Clare.  I hadn't seen much of her since school had started. 

 
By the time we got to the high school, the dance was in full swing.  The gym was decorated in fall colors and fake leaves.  Twinkling lights hung from the rafters and a picture booth had been set near the door to the boys' locker room. 

 
Our group made its way to a table set up in the back of the gym.  The DJ was playing some current pop hits and a bunch of kids were dancing in front of the stage.  Clay took my jacket and went to check it in with the chaperons out in the hallway. 

 
Daniel and Ray had gone to get something to drink and Clare had spotted a group of her friends and had gone to join them.  Rachel leaned over toward me.  “So, I'm thinking you need to get your act together girlfriend and claim good ol' Clay before he's whisked out from under your nose.”  I blinked in mock surprise.  Though I was more than a little surprised by her sudden approval of a relationship with Clay. “Whatever do you mean?” 

 
Rachel rolled her eyes.  “You guys have been circling around each other for months.  Come on, put us all out our misery and get together already.  Because if you don't jump at it, you may find that you're too late.”  Her eyes shot over to the entrance of the gym where Clay had been stopped by Kylie's friend Dana. 

 
Dana just wouldn't give up.  She stalked Clay almost as much as I did.  Always putting herself in his way, making excuses to talk to him.  I had to suppress the urge to body check her.  But I had to admit that Dana looked hot tonight.  She wore a tight fitting red dress with a plunging neckline and her puppies looked about ready to spill out.  Her blond hair was a mass of curls down her back and most guys would have been drooling at the sight she made.

 
My face flushed red as I saw the way she moved in close to Clay, laughing at something he said.  He was smiling down at her and I could see he was having a hard time keeping his eyes on her face.  I suddenly felt very foolish in my stupid teal dress and teased hair. 

 
I turned away from them, trying to keep my voice even.  “Well, if that's what he's interested in, then why should I bother?”  I wasn't fooling Rachel in the slightest.  She smacked my hand.  “Don't be an idiot.  Clay likes you.  A lot.  And even though I'm not entirely sold on him, I see how you guys feel about each other.  And I'm not one to get in the way of young love.  So, I think you should stop being a moron and go for it.” 

 
I looked back toward Clay and Dana.  She was pulling him out onto the dance floor.  He was following her, laughing.  He looked over at me suddenly and I cast my eyes down to my lap.  The evil jealousy monster, rearing its ugly head.  I blinked back the tears that had suddenly formed in my eyes.

 
Daniel had returned to the table and was trying to talk Rachel into dancing with him.  “Come on, Rach.  Let's get our groove on.”  He danced in front of her.  Rachel's eyes lit up and she got to her feet.  “You okay?”  She asked me, but not waiting for an answer before she followed Daniel onto the dance floor.

 
I looked over at Clay, who was dancing entirely too close to Dana for my taste.  I wanted to have a good time and I would not mope over that stupid boy who I naively thought would be spending time with me.

 
But there I was left, sitting alone like a pathetic wall flower.  The song ended and another started and still Clay hadn't come back to the table.  Once again, he was the life of the party.  He was dancing with a group of kids in the middle of the dance floor; Dana beside him.  I was relieved to see that he didn't make any move to touch her, not that she didn't touch him.  Because her hands were all over him. 

 
Yuck.  I pretended to be looking for something in my bag so I didn't feel like such a loser as I sat there alone.  “Nobody puts Baby in a corner.”  A voice said beside me.  I looked up at Daniel who was standing there grinning.  I smiled back.  “God, you are such a dork.”  I told him.  Daniel laughed and pulled me to my feet.  “Come on, lets go do some dirty dancing.”  Thank god for my friends, or I would be running from the room sobbing right now.

 
We were soon dancing with Rachel, Ray, and Clare.  I had lost sight of Clay and that hurt.  I really thought he'd be hanging out with us.  I thought that was the point of us all coming as a group.  Maybe I
had
waited too long.  Maybe we had played friends to the point that that's all he thought that I was.  Mixed signals be damned.  So I danced and tried to put my misery over him out of my mind.