She should have recognized the signs as complacency began to set in, as the fight leaked out of Cherry. The signs had been there all along, right in front of Berlin, and she'd been too love drunk to see them.
Cherry had given up double fights. Of course it was too much for her to fight twice in a row, but as long as she had spread out her fight times, she would have been fine. Instead, she had given up, taken the easy road, feeling less rush to leave. Berlin had enough money to leave and then some; she hadn't needed to fight anymore so she hadn't. She hadn't complained when Cherry pulled out of a few fights to spend more time with her, even though in the back of her mind she had known that Cherry wasn't making the money she needed to get out.
Cherry had stopped dreaming of freedom; it was finally clear to Berlin. Cherry didn't
need
to leave anymore; being with Berlin had sucked the need right out of her.
Berlin was disgusted with herself. The monster inside her had eaten the beauty out of Cherry.
Everything within her screamed for her to go back to Cherry and live with the way things had become. She and Cherry could be happy together in The Zone, fighting regularly to provide a comfortable life for themselves. Why leave? Why take the hard road and face the unknown? Cherry would be happy—a deluded happiness, but happy nonetheless.
Wasn't that all that mattered?
Berlin stumbled, feeling hot tears leak from her eyes as she realized the truth.
Cherry
was all that mattered, Cherry being beautiful, happy,
alive
. Nothing else mattered, not really, but Berlin couldn't help but feel that Cherry was making a terrible mistake—and that by letting her, Berlin was doing something even worse.
*~*~*
Things between Cherry and Berlin became tense after that. Berlin was dissatisfied and felt she was doing the wrong thing standing by and letting Cherry have her way. For her part, Cherry didn't understand Berlin's sudden discontent. Neither of them discussed it, assuming that the other would figure it out on her own or get over it until Berlin came in from the practice field one day to find Cherry painting the walls of her room. That was when she snapped.
"Just make yourself at home, why don't you?"
Cherry turned around suddenly, taken by surprise. "What do you mean?"
"Maybe you should buy furniture too and hang some paintings on the walls."
"Berlin, what are you talking about?" She pushed the hair out of her eyes and in the process, smeared white paint over her left eyebrow.
"This!" Berlin's sweeping gesture encompassed the room—and Cherry. "You've gotten
complacent
! You've given up! We're never going to leave this place—because of you!"
"I'm
happy
," Cherry retorted. "Not that you would understand that. I've been dancing my ass off for years; I'm taking a
break
."
"No. A break is skipping a fight or two. You haven't even
practiced
in weeks!"
"So what?" Cherry stepped closer, refusing to back down. "I don't
want
to fight. I've saved enough money to live on for a while. What's the point of putting our lives in danger if we don't get to enjoy the prize?"
"The prize is getting out of here! The prize is Valeria! We won't get to enjoy it because you've given up!"
Cherry glared at her, jaw clenched. "Get away from me."
Berlin glared in return, bit back a retort about never getting away, and then simply left the room.
*~*~*
They still weren't speaking the next morning, and Berlin left for the arena alone.
She was distracted, she reasoned; that was why it happened. That and the fact that Mae, the girl she was fighting, still held a grudge about Berlin humiliating her with defeat years before.
She wasn't entirely sure how it happened, but one moment Mae squeezed her powerful legs tight around Berlin's chest, and the next, her chest exploded in agony. She lay on the ground, barely able to breathe, not sure she wasn't dying, and wondered where Cherry was. Two fighters—she couldn't make out their faces—lifted her, and she cried out in pain.
"She needs a doctor," one of them said.
"No," Berlin said, barely able to hear herself over the roaring in her ears. "Take me to Cherry."
*~*~*
Cherry gasped when Amee and Mriah laid Berlin on her bed, followed quickly by a doctor. She gaped, barely comprehending as Mriah told her that Mae had tried to squeeze the life out of Berlin. And then Cherry was left alone with Berlin, the doctor, and the horror of what had happened.
Cherry held Berlin's hand as the doctor wrapped her ribs tightly to hold them in place. She was right there the entire time, but part of her was far away. Over and over she played the fight in her mind, imagining all the ways it could have gone even worse. Berlin could have died—she almost had and there was no guarantee her injuries weren't worse than they looked. Cherry could have lost her forever … and it was entirely her fault. If she hadn't grown complacent about leaving, if she hadn't given up, Berlin wouldn't have been in the arena at all; she would have been in Valeria, happy and safe.
Berlin had almost died because of Cherry's stupidity.
How could she have let herself get to that point? Only a few months before, getting out of The Zone had been the most important thing to her. When had that changed? Yes, Berlin had made her happy, had made her life about something more. But how could she have let herself believe that just because The Zone had become bearable that she was happy?
"There doesn't seem to be any internal bleeding," the doctor announced, abruptly pulling Cherry out of her thoughts. "I'll check in tomorrow to be sure. Three of her ribs are broken and there's a fair amount of bruising. No fights any time soon. I'll leave these to help manage the pain."
"Thank you," Cherry said distractedly. She took the pill bottle he offered but only had eyes for Berlin; she barely noticed when the doctor left.
Berlin looked horrible. She was paler than Cherry had ever seen her, her skin ashen and clammy. Her face was tight with pain, and just the sight of her filled Cherry with guilt.
"I'm sorry," she whispered, gently brushing a few stray red hairs out of Berlin's face. "I'm so sorry, Berlin. This is all my fault."
Berlin's eyebrows drew together, but when she spoke, her voice was tight and weak. "What are you talking about?"
"I gave up, just like you said I did. For the first time, life here was tolerable and I let myself believe I would be happy here. We would be in Valeria by now if I hadn't given up." There were tears in her eyes but she refused to give in to them. "We're going to get out of here," she vowed. "I'm going to make it happen."
She curled up alongside Berlin like a little girl, careful not to touch her injured chest. Through the pain, Berlin smiled, then finally allowed her heavy eyelids to sink closed. Her Cherry was back.
*~*~*
It felt wrong, standing alone in the arena tunnels before her first fight. Berlin was home, lying in bed, and Cherry certainly didn't begrudge her that. Waiting without Berlin, however, made her feel uneasy. Ever since she had started fighting, Berlin had always been there with her—talking her through the fight, giving her pointers on her opponent, distracting her from her nerves. This time she had no one, and try as she might, she couldn't shake the feeling of wrongness.
The fight was fast and flurried, and Cherry barely remembered any of it. Her opponent was some brutish thug, and unnerved and determined, Cherry caught her off guard and knocked her out in two and a half minutes with only some bruises and a split lip to show for it.
The second fight was a disaster. Maybe she was too self-confident; maybe she was just outmatched. Either way, the brute she was fighting threw her around like a rag doll for ten minutes before finally knocking her unconscious. Other than a severe dose of cuts and bruises, she left the fight with two bruised ribs, four broken fingers, and a fractured or severely bruised collarbone, the lot of which locked her out of the fight bracket for four weeks.
Cherry wanted to get her final fight over, busted bones or not, but Berlin told her not to. Cherry had seen firsthand what came of not listening to Berlin and held her tongue. Berlin needed the extra weeks to finish healing before they sailed for Valeria.
Berlin's recovery was slow, much slower than Cherry's; the years of wear on her body were taking their toll on her healing process. But Cherry stayed beside her through it all and never gave up. She practiced every day, even though she couldn't practice with Berlin, and slept gently curled alongside Berlin every night, dreaming of the day they would leave The Zone for good.
*~*~*
Cherry was getting out; she and Berlin were getting out. That was the only thought on her mind as she stretched for the fight. There was no loss in her plans—it was win or die, as far as she was concerned.
The woman she was fighting looked like a sorceress from the southern deserts, shiny scars tracking across the dark skin over her muscles. She was impressive, that was for sure, and Cherry allowed herself a moment to marvel before throwing herself into the fight.
The fight was
long
. It seemed like the tall woman never stayed down, and Cherry began to wonder if her opponent would even accept defeat before death. The thought made her stomach roll.
The endless barrage of attacks was exhausting, and Cherry was quickly covered in a sheen of sweat. She had to remind herself to be careful so as not to slip.
The sweat proved to be the downfall of her opponent, who kicked out and her foot slipped against Cherry's slick chest, throwing her off balance. Cherry dove as the desert woman fell to the floor, aiming a kick at the bones outside her eye socket. The woman dropped, but this time she didn't get up.
Not even noticing the crowd erupting in the arena, Cherry dropped to her knees, immediately feeling for a pulse. She was so relieved when she found one that she could have cried; the feeling only intensified when she collected her prize money.
She hurried back to Berlin. They were getting out of The Zone.
*~*~*
Berlin was half asleep when she heard the front door slam open. No screams followed; all the girls were either training or at the arena. She was alone.
Of course it was her room that the capitol boy broke into. He had a sneering grin and dark gleaming eyes when he saw her lying on her cot, still bruised and tender. He didn't even speak, just pounced like some giant cat, holding her down with one arm as he fumbled with her clothing. Instinctively, Berlin froze. He was from the capitol; he could do whatever he wanted. She closed her eyes. He ripped her shirt rather than pull it over her head; she shrunk away from the filthy touch of his fingers on his skin. Then he reached for her pants.
Years of violation rushed over her. All the men and women she had serviced since becoming a woman filled her mind, the memory of the touch, the tastes, the sounds. Memories of lying, of pretending, of pushing away the guilt and shame and loneliness that threatened to rip her apart and take away anything human inside her. She had meant nothing to them; they hadn't loved her, not like Cherry did.
Cherry. She belonged to Cherry. Her body was not for this boy to defile; she was not his for the taking. Not anymore.
"No!" She screamed and fought, and the boy laughed. As injured as she was however, she was a pro and more than a match for this rich kid. A few swift punches and a well-aimed kick, and he was scrambling from her room, calling her all sorts of dirty words.
She hesitated for a moment, her breathing shallow, and realized just what she'd done.
She'd attacked an upper class man.
When it finally set in, she lay back on her cot to wait. There was no point in doing anything else. When the officials came for her, she didn't even fight them, just let them take her away.
*~*~*
The door was broken down when Cherry returned and Berlin was gone. Fearing the worst but knowing that The Lord of The Zone kept tabs on all his place markers, she ran to find the officials. They would know where Berlin was. She was too valuable for them to lose track of.
Berlin was leaving the judge's office when Cherry found her. Cherry threw herself into Berlin's arms, ignoring Berlin's reflexive wince, and immediately asked, "What happened?"
Berlin buried her face in Cherry's shoulder, clutching her for what would probably be the last time. "You were right. When the capitol boys came for me, it was different. I couldn't let them have me. I'm yours."
Cherry pulled back, terrified. The feeling overwhelmed her, but it didn't hide the tug at her heart from Berlin's words.
I'm yours.
But this was not the time for that. "Berlin, you—but— Are you going to—to—"
Berlin nodded. "At dawn."
"No!"
Berlin held her close. If these were her last moments, she wanted to feel Cherry's body pressed against hers, to die with Cherry's warmth still in her skin. "It's going to be alright, Cherry. Take my money and get out of here."
"Berlin … no …" How could she even think of leaving?
"I didn't kill that boy, but I hurt him bad. They fined me, on top of my debt. I have until dawn to pay both or I'll be terminated. I'm more trouble than I'm worth."
"Berlin…"
"It's going to be okay, Cherry."
"We're leaving. Now."
Berlin shook her head immediately. "No. I won't try to escape. I won't let you hang too."
"No—we're going to pay our debts." Cherry reached into her pocket and took out her mother's necklace. "This will be enough to pay your fine. It probably could have paid for half your debt."
"Cherry, that was your mother's."
"It doesn't matter." Cherry met Berlin's eyes, her mind made up. "This is my past; you are my future. This doesn't matter anymore. I won't lose you."
Berlin clutched Cherry. "I love you, so much. You're it for me."
"That's good. Because you're it for me." She smiled at Berlin, a smile full of love and happiness, and Berlin felt like she was truly alive for the first time.