"Take me home," she whispered, licking at the shell of Berlin's ear. "C'mon, Bee. Take me home."
Berlin's movements were abrupt when she moved Cherry off her but before Cherry could feel the burn of rejection, Berlin took her hand and tugged her towards the door.
When they reached their room, the mood was shot dead. The door—which they swore they had locked before leaving—was wide open, and the furniture was overturned.
They immediately dug through the destruction to find their valuables, particularly to check the security of their savings. Berlin gave a sigh of relief when she found her decoy gone but the rest of her savings completely safe. Cherry's anguished cry told her that Cherry was not so fortunate.
"Everything, Bee," she cried, throwing herself into Berlin's arms. "Everything I've saved!"
"They didn't fall for your decoy?"
"
What
decoy?"
"Oh, Cherry." Berlin pulled her closer. "You have to have a decoy, a little bag of money somewhere obvious so they take it and run and leave the rest." Didn't dancers get robbed? Why didn't Cherry know better?
Cherry wailed and clutched at Berlin. "I was going to get out of here. We were going to get out!"
"We're still getting out," Berlin soothed, running a hand through Cherry's hair, all previous thoughts and actions forgotten. "I won't leave here without you. I promise."
A pity party seemed due the next day, so after they had returned order to the room, Cherry and Berlin lay side by side on Berlin's bed, drinking and moping.
Cherry stared listlessly at the ceiling, all the fight and life gone out of her. It crushed Berlin's spirit and warned her that Cherry was fragile and needed protecting. She talked about fights she'd been in and things she'd seen, hoping to engage Cherry, but it seemed that nothing would drag her from her wallowing.
Several minutes after Berlin gave up, Cherry broke the silence, asking, "Who's Kage's father?"
Berlin sighed. Her life's story wasn't something she liked to think about, much less share. Trivial stories about fights were fine, but Cherry wanted to know Berlin's secret, Berlin's shame, Berlin's soul.
"Lord Kristofer. I was a birthday present to him from his wife." The words came out before she could remember deciding to tell Cherry what she had never told anyone. Somehow, though, she couldn't—didn't want to—stop. "When I told him I was pregnant, he said I had no proof that it was his and that they'd bought me to pleasure them, not to bear them more bastard children.
"Danni took care of me. He'd always been a good friend to me, and he supported me through my pregnancy. Well, through the start of it. He died in one of those freak accidents where some psycho fucks up their toy and then kills it." Berlin's voice had gone empty and detached, like she was reporting foreign news, not the horrific death of someone close to her.
"I was four months along and all alone. I couldn't provide for the baby; I couldn't raise him here, like this. So when the MacLarens came to me, this sweet, happy, well-off family, and said they wanted to adopt my baby … It was like a blessing. They paid for everything I needed during my pregnancy because I couldn't, wouldn't, work. Not after what happened to me, not after what happened to Danni.
"When Kage was born, I could see Danni in him, just for a moment. Then they took him away from me, and I was all alone. I had to start fending for myself again. I couldn't go back to what I was doing before; I couldn't risk another baby who might not be as lucky as Kage.
"So I transferred to become a fighter. I was so bitter and guilty and angry … I was a terrifying thing back then. And then … And then all my shame and hurt and everything I was feeling went away, and I was empty. I just
existed
; I was just
there
.
"And then I met you."
Berlin ended the story there, as if it was actually the end of something and not the beginning, and didn't look over.
Cherry tried to process everything Berlin had said, everything that had happened to her, everything that made her the way she was. It was hard to imagine.
Cherry curled up against Berlin's side, wrapping an arm around her, and burying her face in Berlin's neck. She didn't know why. Maybe it was to comfort Berlin; maybe it was to comfort herself. Maybe she just wanted to know Berlin to know she was there; maybe she just wanted to know Berlin was there. It didn't matter, though, because Berlin wrapped an arm around her, too.
"You could get out of here sooner," Berlin whispered.
"What?"
"If you sold your necklace. I've seen that thing; it's worth more than everything you and I own combined."
"No." Cherry shook her head firmly. "That's the only thing I have left of my mother's. That's the only thing I have to remind me of her."
Cherry went to see Neel the next day, and he agreed to get her more fights as long as she could handle it. She assured him she could. Soon, she was doubling up on fight days, fighting someone in the morning and someone else in the afternoon. The pace was grueling, but the money she was making made it worthwhile.
*~*~*
They asked around about Cherry's money, asking all the other women in the house what they had seen or heard that night. At first everyone just assumed that it was another troublemaker from the capitol, come to mess with a few Zone girls. Berlin, for some reason, didn't believe this and continued her investigation.
It was Cherry who found the truth.
She pushed her way to the front of the breadline, a few extra coins clutched in her fist. Ever since the hanging, the food tax had gone up even higher. Ahead of her, a sandy haired man bought several shares, and when he turned to leave, he grinned at her with crooked teeth and crazy eyes. "Thanks, Cherry."
Cherry felt her stomach drop and was almost knocked to the ground as her attention wavered. She paid for her measly food and fought the crowd to get back to her room.
She slammed the door shut behind her and locked it, trying to keep the memories and the past outside.
"What happened?" Berlin was sitting on her cot reading and she watched Cherry fume.
"Nothing," Cherry muttered shortly, tossing her rations into her lockbox and laying down, turning her back to Berlin.
"Sure, I believe you." Berlin's tone said otherwise. "Did you find something out about the break in?"
"Drop it, Berlin."
"You did, didn't you?" Berlin tossed the book aside, a rarity for a valued treasure. "Do you know who did it?"
"It doesn't matter, Berlin. We're done looking. Leave it alone."
"I'm not leaving it alone." Berlin held her ground. "Tell me what you know."
"I know who did it, okay?" Cherry turned over and glared. "And we aren't going to do anything about it."
"What? Of course we are. We're going to get it back."
"
No!
"
Berlin blinked. Cherry had never spoken to her like that. "What's going on, Cherry? Tell me."
Cherry sat up and rubbed at her face. Maybe it was best just to get it over with. Berlin wouldn't stop pushing until she got what she want, and if Cherry just told her, then she could be done with it.
"I know him, okay? The guy who robbed me. He was after me, not you or anyone else in the house."
"Who is he?"
"His name's Derik. When I was a dancer, I was assaulted. The boy wasn't from the capitol; he was from The Zone. I fought back. The boy died. Later, I found out that he wasn't right in the head—he was crazy. His brother's nuts too, and his brother has always held it against me. This isn't the first time he's done something to me."
Berlin visibly pulled back. "You killed someone? A kid?"
"I was a kid too!" Berlin was holding this
against
her? Berlin was blaming her for trying to keep herself from being
raped
?
"Cherry …"
"What?" Cherry held her head high; she wasn't letting Berlin tear her down, not over this. "I did what I had to do. If the capitol boys ever come for you, you'll do the same."
Berlin's eyes widened. "I'd hang for that. People have had their way with me before. It'd be no different."
Cherry gaped. "It's
rape! It's wrong!
Why can't you see—I did what I had to do, I didn't do anything wrong."
"What did the judge say when they tried you? You didn't hang."
"I was never tried. Derik never told anyone."
Berlin stared at her for a moment, then lay down and turned away.
Cherry curled into a ball in the corner, wondering why Berlin not understanding threatened to rip her apart.
*~*~*
It didn't take her long to notice Berlin's new boundaries. Cherry could do whatever she wanted, but Berlin kept her hands and her mouth to herself. It was an understatement to say Cherry was unhappy about the change; Berlin's flirtations had become a regular—and enjoyed—part of day to day life. Berlin's newfound boundaries were a little too late coming; Cherry was already head over heels.
When Cherry threw herself into Berlin's arms after a triumphant victory, Berlin forgot herself, picking Cherry up to wrap her legs around her hips, pressing her against the tunnel wall and licking into her mouth. She came back to herself when Cherry moaned and rocked her hips, and she moved away so suddenly that Cherry fell to the ground.
Berlin tried to look away, but the image was already burned into her mind: sweat soaked Cherry sprawled on the ground, panting, gazing up at her with dark hungry eyes. "Damn it, Cherry—"
"Stop." Cherry got to her feet and put herself in Berlin's face. "It's okay for you to want me. I want you, too." She leaned in for a lingering kiss.
When Berlin didn't respond or reply, Cherry picked up her bag, slung it over her shoulder, and left Berlin to watch her walk away.
*~*~*
One day, as they were escorted back to The Zone after having Berlin's leathers altered, a little boy ran across their path and crashed into Berlin's legs before his fearful mother ushered him away from the two Zone girls. Cherry caught sight of Berlin's dark expression and kept quiet.
Berlin kept quiet as well, but her silence didn't make her blind. She saw every mother and child out and about, saw every doting expression, saw every gleeful face. She heard every laugh, every cry, every gentle reprimand. Nearby was a young woman, younger than she was, resting on a bench while she rocked her sleeping baby. Across the street was a woman holding hands with her two skipping children. Ahead was a woman laughing as she tickled her child almost to tears.
Berlin had never had—and would never have—any of that. She would never play with her son, never hold his hand, never make him laugh. She had held him one time, just once, before the MacLarens had taken him away forever.
She would never have what these women had, and it seemed that the universe had made it its mission to repeatedly shove that knowledge in her face until she choked to death on it.
By the time they reached home, longing hurt had given way to bitter rage. Berlin threw her repaired leathers into a corner, and that release felt so good that she flipped her cot and knocked her belongings off her shelf, not slowing her rampage until she had overturned all her belongings.
Cherry stood back, watching with wide eyes, as Berlin's bottled emotions broke free. "Berlin—"
"Shut up, Cherry."
Cherry actually gasped, but she pressed on, stepping closer. "Berlin. Listen to me. This isn’t helping anyone; you're only making things worse for yourself by keeping—"
"You don't get it, Cherry."
"Yes, I do. I know—"
"You don't know anything!" Berlin screamed, eyes wild. "I lost my son.
My son
. Oh, poor baby, you're not free to go where you want? Someone is always telling you what to do? So what? You're just a little girl, Cherry; you will never understand. You want to get out of here? Well, I gave away my son, and I am never going to get him back. You've had everything handed to you on a silver platter; your life has been
perfect
compared to mine! You don't understand what it feels like; you've never loved anyone the way I loved my son. You're just a silly naïve girl who's never lost—"
Burning pain spiked across Berlin's face, and it took her a moment to realize that Cherry had slapped her.
"At least your son isn't dead." Cherry's voice was low and deadly, and Berlin gaped at her. "Come with me."
When Cherry's fingers wrapped around Berlin's wrist, she resisted, until Cherry spun back to face her. "You come with me, Berlin; you come with me
now
."
Unable to fight the iron strength in Cherry's eyes and voice, Berlin did.
Cherry led her from the house, practically dragging her across their cage by her wrist. At the simple graveyard at The Zone limits, Cherry let go of her, and Berlin followed her to stand before a tombstone.
Berlin bent to make out the engraving, but Cherry knew it by heart.
Tifani Goldstein. Trevr Goldstein. Together Forever
.
Berlin huffed. "Great, Cherry. What does—?"
"No." Cherry's voice was firm. "You don't get to be angry here."
Berlin pressed her lips together, biting back a snappy retort and waited until Cherry finally explained.
"Tifani got here a year or so after me. She was even younger than I was, barely fifteen, but she looked older, more mature. They made her a prostitute when she got here. Beautiful Tifani, with the sweetest smile I'd ever seen and the prettiest laugh. They made her into a
whore
." Cherry spat out the hated word.
"She died inside a long time ago, long before her body did. What she was doing, the guilt, the shame, the pain, the loss, the meaninglessness—it killed her. Her heart died because she was feeling too much to survive but not enough to live.
"She got pregnant but she kept working. She was going to get her baby out of here. For the first time in a long time, Tifani was alive again.
"We were working so hard … and then she got sick, and all our savings went to the doctor to try to keep her alive."
Cherry paused, taking slow, even breaths. "She died in childbirth without ever getting to see her baby, holding my hand as she bled out on the floor. The doctor couldn't save her. I held her dying baby in my arms for four hours while he cried for his mother, too weak to survive. I felt him shake when he had no more tears, no more voice, no more air, and I felt him go still and cold in my arms." Cherry let the warm tears run down her face silently.