Fear of Falling (34 page)

“You’re not like them, baby. Not even a little bit,” I said, guiding her head back up by her chin so she could see the conviction in my eyes.

A genuine grin pulled at the corners of her luscious mouth. “I know.” Another soft kiss on my pierced nipple. “But maybe, in ways, I’m worse.”

“How can you say that?”

Kami shrugged before running the very tips of her fingers up and down my stomach. “The way I am. So devastatingly afraid. It goes beyond fear, you know. It’s like my body shuts down completely. I’m not normal. I’ll never be. Which makes it impossible to have a normal relationship.”

“I don’t believe that, Kami. Not for a second.” I brushed the hair away from her face, letting my fingers trail down her spine. “And what relationship is really normal?”

She nodded, and I could almost hear the proverbial “but” on her tongue. “Still…no one deserves to be bogged down with all my baggage. Can you understand why I kept all this from you? It wasn’t just to protect myself, Blaine. It was to protect you too.”

“From what?”

“The end. What always happens when I’ve gotten involved with other guys.”

I let my hands roam the mounds of her ass and down to her thigh, pulling it over mine. “I’m not other guys. I don’t need protection from you, Kami. I want every part of you. Even the parts you think are too painful or ugly to share. I want it all. I want all of
you
.”

She nodded again as she silently contemplated my vehement declaration. Every word I said was steeped in truth. I not only wanted to possess Kami’s demons as if they were my own, I wanted to completely free her from them. I never again wanted fear to consume her, and I would do anything I could to alleviate her anxiety.

“When my mom returned home to her family with me in tow, I thought we were finally safe,” she whispered, returning to the story of her tormented past. “But I was so wrong. So very wrong…”

“Baby…” I kissed the top of her head, a piece of me breaking at the sound of her wavering voice. I knew whatever she needed to say would kill me. Just the thought of her hurting pushed me to the brink of violence. But I quelled my own emotions for her sake. Kami didn’t need my shit piled on top of hers.

“He found us six months later. We were staying with my grandparents up north. And he made it known that we would never be safe. We would never be free of him.”

I felt warm moisture slide onto my chest, heating my body with anger and sympathy. I hated that she had ever shed a tear for that piece of shit. He didn’t deserve them. But I wouldn’t stop her. She needed to let it out, and I was honored to be the one she had opened up to. I was her choice. Kami could have any man she wanted, yet she trusted me with her darkest secrets.

“As soon as he busted down the door, my aunt tried to pull me to the back bedroom to spare me. I kicked and screamed for her to let me go. I knew if someone didn’t help, he would kill her. When I finally wriggled free, I instantly regretted it.”

She took a deep breath, prompting me to stroke her hair. “My grandparents had a wall that was covered with a huge mirror. He…smashed her head into it repeatedly. Over and over again until she was a pile of blood and torn flesh on the floor. Even after he had beaten her unconscious, he just continued to kick her and call her disgusting names. And when his wild eyes flicked up to mine, he just…smiled. He smiled at me as if to say I was next; as if the thought of slicing me up until I was unrecognizable pleased him.”

“Fuck. Oh my God…” I had no words. Nothing could sum up the horror and fury I felt. I just squeezed her tighter. I never wanted to let her go.

Kami sniffled before pressing her lips to my chest. “My mother spent weeks in the hospital. Plastic surgery may have repaired her face, but she was never the same after that. He killed her. Whatever was left of my mother was murdered that day. She never smiled again. She never kissed or hugged me. She never told me she loved me. She just existed. I think a big part of her wished he really did kill her.”

“I’m so sorry, Kam. Shit, I’m…”

“Part of me wished he killed her too,” she whispered through a sob. “I could have mourned her. I would have been given the chance to grieve the loving mother that I once had. Not the empty shell that forgot I existed.”

“You don’t mean that.”

“I was alone with my memories, Blaine. I had no one to help me through them, no one to tell me it would be ok. I had nightmares every night, and no one soothed me. No one told me I had nothing to be afraid of. Fear became all I knew. It was all I had.”

I pulled Kami until she was on top of me, and we were chest to chest. I needed her to see the severity in my face. “Kami, I swear to God that you will never feel that way again. As long as you’ll let me, I will be there to comfort you through every nightmare. To hold and kiss you every day so you never feel lonely again. To dry every last tear.” My thumbs brushed away the ones trickling from her impossibly green eyes. “Fear isn’t all you have. You have me. If you want me, you have me.”

Before she could answer, I covered her mouth with mine and swallowed the last of her sobs. Her hands gripped my hair while mine palmed her ass, slowly grinding her against my hardening cock. Kami placed her knees in either side if my legs, sliding slickness against hardness. I teased her opening with my erection, the friction to her clit causing her to moan and squirm. Fresh wetness covered my stiff length.

“I want you inside me,” she mumbled against my lips. “Now.”

“Yes, ma’am,” I replied, lifting her hips and easing her onto me as I delved into the softest, sweetest place on earth.

An hour later, after a shower that nearly led to me thrusting into Kami against the tiled wall, hunger steered us to the kitchen. Kami sat cross-legged on the counter, wearing my t-shirt and boxers. Though the clothes swallowed her petite frame, she looked unbelievably sexy, and it was all I could do to keep from taking her right there.

“How do you like your eggs?” I asked, pulling out a frying pan.

“Isn’t it like 11 at night? A little late for breakfast, don’t ya think?” she asked, stealing a grape from the bowl of freshly cut fruit I had placed in front of her.

“It’s never too late for breakfast. Besides, it’s my favorite meal. And the only one I can cook successfully.”

Kami smiled around a mouthful of plump grape. “So you mean to tell me that you live off of breakfast food alone?”

“Mostly,” I shrugged. “I eat at the bar a lot. And Ms. Patty or Mavis drop by with food throughout the week. I think there’s some leftover fried chicken in the fridge.”

Kami nodded while sucking fruit juice off her fingers. I was on her before she could even blink.

“Maybe one day I could cook for you,” she said breathlessly, feeding me a small slice of peach.

I sucked the juice off her fingers slowly, twirling my barbell against the soft pads of her fingers. “You can cook?”

“Mmmm,” she moaned, as I nibbled the inside of her wrist, lapping up the juice that had dribbled down her hand. “Yeah. I’m pretty decent. I used to watch my mom in the kitchen. I think it was what she considered quality time—her cooking and me watching.”

I abandoned her wrist and fished a piece of melon from the bowl. Teasing her tongue, I glided the fruit across her lips before sucking the nectar from her mouth.

“You keep this up, and we’ll never get any food made,” she giggled once I released her lips. I rewarded her with the slice of melon.

“Would that be so bad?”

“Not at all. Especially since my hunger for food has suddenly been eclipsed by my hunger for something else,” she smirked, her eyes flicking down to the bulge in my shorts.

My cock jumped to attention, straining against the fabric. I turned back towards the stove to hide the evidence of my weakened willpower. When it came to Kami, self-control went completely to the left.

“I’d love for you to cook for me one day. But I must warn you: I may not let you go after that.”

Kami smiled and slid a wedge of tangerine between her pouty lips. “That’s what I’m counting on.”

I struggled to throw together a decent meal for Kami and me, too distracted by her presence to focus on much else. Once we had both filled up on cheese omelets and toast with Ms. Patty’s homemade boysenberry jam, we lounged on the couch with glasses of wine. Kami tucked her body under my arm and laid her head on my chest. She felt good in my arms. It felt natural, like she was made to always be there. It was presumptuous as hell, but shit… I didn’t believe in playing games. Not when it came to her.

“What does this mean?” she asked, running her fingers over the tattoo on my chest.

I grasped her hand gently and placed it over the words forever etched in my skin.
“Alis Volat Propriis
. It’s Latin for
‘she flies with her own wings.’”
I guided her fingers to the cluster of roses adorning the lettering. “These are Amelia roses. My mother’s name was Amelia Rose Jacobs.”

“It’s beautiful,” she smiled, as I brought her fingers up to my lips.

“I got it when I was 16. Even my ornery old uncle got a little choked up when I showed him.”

“I love your tattoos. I never really was into them before, but on you…it just sorta fits. Like I couldn’t imagine you without them.”

I released her fingers so she could explore further. “When did you get this?” she asked, pointing to my right sleeve.

“Different pieces from over the last few years,” I explained as she traced a finger over the mural that covered my arm. “I like to get something done whenever I travel to a different place. Sorta like the road map of my life.”

“How do you find time to travel the world and run a business?”

“I wasn’t always the owner of Dive,” I shrugged. “After shit went down with me and my ex, then with that asshole Clark… I kinda fell off the grid. As soon as my probation was up, I hit the road. No cell phone, no email, just the world mapped out in front of me. I needed to get away, just escape all the bullshit that was waiting for me here. And I really had no plans to ever return.”

I ran a hand through Kami’s hair while she continued her study of the lines and colors embedded in my skin. “I was gone for almost two years when I heard about my uncle’s situation with the bar. I knew what I needed to do. He took in his sister’s little badass kid and treated me like his own. Even moved to a better neighborhood to try to give me a new start. I owed it to him to help out. So, about a year ago, I came back.”

“Family is important to you,” she smiled up at me, her face completely devoid of sorrow. There was something else there. Admiration? Pride? The way she looked at me…I don’t know…it stirred something inside me. Like maybe she could see the man that I desperately wanted to be. Not the guy covered in ink with a reputation for being too quick with his fists. Not the guy that used to bang different chicks every night just because he could. Not the man that had tried to run from the shitty hand that life had dealt him.

Maybe Kami could see straight into my soul just as I tried to see into hers. With those green eyes penetrating flesh and bone, awakening the parts of me that I had kept hidden from the rest of the world, I silently vowed to make life beautiful for her again. To erase the ugliness that her father had left behind years ago. To restore her faith in humanity and make her believe in happily-ever-afters.

To
be
her happily-ever-after.