Fated (36 page)

I
was useless during the day on Thursday. Fortunately, my boss was out of the office
most of the day at meetings, so she wasn’t witness to how scatterbrained I was.
I was surprised when Macie called me in the afternoon since she knew I was at
work. I had a feeling I knew why she was calling. I had told her the gist of
what had happened between Caden and me, although I hadn’t given her the details
I know she wanted. I had also told her about our arrangement of trying to be
friends and talking on the phone once a week. I hadn’t spoken to her since I
had decided to meet up with Caden, but as his assistant, she would know that he
was in Chicago.

“Hi,
Macie,” I said when I answered the phone, hoping I wasn’t going to get the
third degree.

“Lauren,
I’m sorry to bother you at work.”

“That’s
okay. What’s up?”

Macie
paused before speaking. “I just wanted to make sure you were okay. I’m sure you
already know that Caden is in Chicago.”

“I’m
seeing him tonight.”

“I
promised myself that I wouldn’t pester you about your relationship with him, but
I just wanted you to know that he’s been like a different person since the
night of my engagement party. I’ve never seen him so upbeat and positive since
I’ve started working for him. And the past couple of days, he’s been so
cheerful that it’s been a little sickening.”

A
little thrill went through me at Macie’s words, but I forced myself to keep a
steady head. “We’re just discussing the possibility of trying to make our
relationship work.” I heard her indrawn breath of excitement, and I quickly
continued talking. “We’re just talking, Macie. That’s it. I’m not sure I’m
willing to put myself out there again.”

“I
know I’m totally biased, but I really think Caden truly cares for you. He’s
barely had a social life since you left and it’s funny the way he tries to ask
me questions about you without asking outright.”

The
last part of her statement didn’t register as I zeroed in on her comment about
his social life. I knew I shouldn’t ask, especially since Caden and I had
agreed not to talk about our dating lives, but I hadn’t actually thought he
had
one to
talk about.

“What’s
considered barely a social life?” I asked casually, although my heart was
beating faster. There was a long pause and I could practically see Macie
kicking herself through the phone.

“Let’s
pretend I never mentioned it.”

“Macie.”
Now that it had been brought up, I was rabid to know what he had been doing
while we had been apart. More accurately,
who
he had been doing. “Just tell me.”

“It’s
no big deal,” she said in a rush. “He just went out with Michelle last week. I
think he did it because she kept bugging him, and he was trying to get her off
his back.”

Michelle.
Caden had gone out with Michelle last week, although according to him he had
been pining away for me. A sick feeling went through me. I knew Caden wouldn’t
meet up with Michelle as a tactic to try and get her to stop bothering him. He
hadn’t even been willing to talk to her on the phone to discourage her. The
only reason for him to go out with her was because he wanted to.

“What
day last week?”

“On
Friday.” Macie started talking quickly, her words almost jumbling together
because she was talking so fast. “Lauren, don’t read anything into it. I
shouldn’t have mentioned it. I know Caden cares for you. I see it in the way he
talks about you. I’ve never seen this side of him before. Don’t ruin it just
because he went on some stupid date.”

Macie
had no idea that two days after Caden went out with Michelle, he had told me he
loved me. I couldn’t help wondering if they had slept together, if he had
screwed her while his heart supposedly belonged to me. I wondered if she had
left scratch marks down his back, if he had felt the sting of them brushing
against his shirt as he professed his love for me. I felt like I was going to
be physically sick, the lurid images in my mind threatening to overwhelm me.

“I
have to go.” I was amazed that my voice was as steady as it was.

“Okay,
but please don’t let one date with some meaningless woman come between you
two.”

I
took a deep breath. “Macie, I appreciate your concern, I really do, but that’s
the least of our problems.”

It
was a lie. I had been at the tipping point of giving in, of giving Caden
another chance, but now I could see that I had been right to have reservations.

I
somehow convinced Macie that I was fine and got off the phone with her. There
was a mix of burning rage and bottomless sorrow inside me, and a part of me
wanted to tell Caden that I had changed my mind about meeting up. But the more
I thought about it, the more I realized that I deserved answers face-to-face.

I
had second thoughts about him coming over to my apartment as I waited anxiously
for him that evening. I had thought a private setting would be more suitable
for the nature of our discussion, but now it was making me feel more vulnerable.
Somehow, knowing that Caden was going to be in my apartment, in my personal
space, made me feel exposed.

I
jumped when the buzzer sounded. I tried to calm myself as I pressed the button
to unlock the entrance of the building, but I had a feeling the next few
moments would determine the course of my life. It was a scary thought.

I
took my time walking to the door when the doorbell rang. The anticipation that
I had initially been feeling all day had morphed into a confusing mixture of
emotions since Macie’s revelation about Michelle. My feelings remained
conflicted when I opened the door and saw Caden standing there with a broad
smile. He looked so hopeful, I almost felt bad that I was planning to let him
down. But the thought of Michelle and him together blotted out any regret I
momentarily felt.

“Hi,
Caden.” I tried to keep my voice expressionless, but I ended up sounding
robotic. “Come on in.” I stepped back to let him enter, my heart lurching when
I finally noticed the calla lilies in his hand, as well as a large envelope.

“I’ve
missed you so much.” Caden enveloped me in a hug, and I automatically
stiffened, my mind warring with the part of me that wanted to melt into him. He
pulled back, frowning at my reaction. “What’s wrong?”

“Let’s
sit down and talk,” I replied, not answering his question. I had a hard time
looking him in the face, so I abruptly turned around and led him into the
living room.

“Obviously,
these are for you.” Caden gave me a half-smile as he offered me the flowers.

“Thanks.”
I took the flowers limply and laid them on the coffee table. They looked
forlorn and abandoned lying there, but all things considered I figured Caden
was lucky I hadn’t thrown them back in his face. I glanced at the envelope
still in his hand. “What’s that?”

“It’s
a surprise.” Despite his words, Caden was frowning as he looked at the
discarded flowers and then back at me. “This hasn’t started on the right foot.
Why do I feel like I’m missing something?”

I
sighed heavily. I was too tired to fight. I felt like I had been fighting my
whole life, and I was feeling the battle fatigue. I wasn’t even sure I had the
right to be angry since technically Caden and I were just friends and he had
gone out with Michelle before telling me he loved me. I sat down on the sofa and
indicated to Caden that he should sit down as well.

“Let’s
just try and have a civil conversation,” I said. I watched as he shrugged off
his coat and then sat down next to me.

Caden
raised an eyebrow. “I didn’t realize we were at risk of having an uncivil
conversation.”

I
shrugged, not wanting to mention Macie’s slip about his date yet. I wasn’t sure
it even mattered at this point.

Caden
sighed heavily, as if he was anticipating resistance. “Did you think about what
I said to you on Sunday?”

“I
did.” I watched his face carefully as I spoke. “Do you still feel the same
way?”

He
took my hand and squeezed it, looking at me with disappointment on his face.
“Do you think so little of me that you think I fall in and out of love within
the span of a few days?”

“I don’t
know, Caden. I don’t know anything when it comes to you. You spent our entire
time together trying to convince me that you thought love was unnecessary,
unwanted even, and now I’m supposed to believe you’ve had a change of heart.”

His
voice was rough when he spoke. “I meant what I said on Sunday. I was scared,
Lauren. But I’ve decided I’m not going to let fear control me anymore. Using
the word love to describe my feelings for you seems ridiculous. It pales in
comparison to the depth of my feelings when I think about you, when I talk to
you, when I see you. And when I touch you, I can believe that happy endings
aren’t just meant for other people. For once, I can actually believe that I
have a chance at one as well.”

His
words were so tempting, so beguiling, but I was afraid to believe him. “What
makes your feelings different for me than all the other women you’ve dated?
What makes me different from Michelle? From Lissa?”

Caden’s
expression darkened. “My feelings are different for you because you’re a different
person. I already told you that no one sees me the way you do, without all that
other crap, whether it’s my status in the art world or my violent past. But
it’s more than that. I love you, because I can’t imagine
not
loving you. I can’t imagine not
wanting to spend my life with you. I can’t even fathom that I used to live in a
world where you didn’t exist, that there was a time when I didn’t know you and
my thoughts didn’t revolve around you. I never want to go back to that.”

I
couldn’t stop the tears from spilling down my face. A part of me wished that I
had never found out about Michelle so that I could just forgive everything and
start anew. But I wasn’t about to go into denial. “If you love me so much, how
come you went out with Michelle last week?”

He
frowned severely. “Who told you that?” His lips thinned as he considered his
question. “Macie?”

I
batted away my tears angrily. “Does it matter? You didn’t answer my question.”

Caden
sighed heavily. “Lauren, that wasn’t a date. I have absolutely no interest in
Michelle, and I can assure you she has no interest in me anymore. She started
dating an art agent, a highly respected one, and is apparently head over heels
in love with him. I met up with both of them since I’m looking for a
replacement for Joseph.” The corners of his mouth turned down. “Is that why you
were so cold when you answered the door?”

I
wanted to believe him. I wanted to be relieved that he had a good excuse for
seeing Michelle. But even if it was true, it illuminated all my insecurities
and feelings of inadequacy. I wasn’t sure if I could handle a relationship with
someone like Caden Riley.

He
cupped my cheek gently when I didn’t answer. “Do you believe me when I tell you
that I didn’t go out on a date with Michelle?”

“I
do.” And I realized I did. Whatever transgressions he had committed in the
past, Caden wasn’t a liar.

His
voice gentled. “Do you believe that I love you?”

I
nodded my head, fear and hope colliding in my heart as I realized I was about
to take the biggest plunge of my life.

His
next question was whispered. “Do you love me?”

My
lips were trembling as I answered him. “I do.”

Caden
smiled gently at my shaky confession, his eyes warming as he gazed at me. “Then
that’s enough. That’s all we need.”

I
felt tears running down my face as he kissed me, his lips soft and gentle as he
caressed my mouth with his own. His mouth drifted across my face, kissing my
tears that I couldn’t seem to stop.

“Lauren,”
he whispered between raining kisses on my face. “I love you. I love you so damn
much it’s overwhelming. I’m so sorry I pushed you away before. I promise to
keep you safe, I promise to love you as long as I have a breath in my body.”

I
made a sound of need as I pulled his lips to mine, pressing hard as I tasted
the saltiness of my tears intermingled with the kiss. Caden increased the
pressure, and soon the gentle kiss turned wild, the time apart and the anxiety
of almost having lost each other making us frantic.

My
hands fisted in his hair as he lowered me onto the couch, his weight pressing
into me. His hand slipped under my shirt, cupping my breasts through my bra. He
was breathing heavily as he started trailing open-mouthed kisses down my neck.
I moaned when he pushed the cups of my bra aside and rolled my aching nipples
between his fingers. I felt the aching wetness grow between my legs when he
increased the pressure, tugging at the stiffening peak until I felt it in my
core.

“Tell
me,” he said hoarsely as he pulled my shirt up and trailed kisses down between
my breasts. “Tell me you love me.”

I
arched my back, whimpering as he closed his mouth over a hard nipple and laved
it hungrily. “I love you,” I moaned. “I love you, Caden.”

He
reached down with one hand and pressed the palm against the seam of my jeans
between my legs. I bucked up at the pressure, feeling wild with arousal.