Fast Forward (23 page)

“I’m sure they’ll get it cleared up soon,” I said.

Will hopped off the car and came around to the driver’s side. “I’m going to see if I can help speed things up.”

“But Will, isn’t that dangerous? We’re on a busy road!” I leaned over Diora as she moaned again.

“We’re not in the middle lane so I’ll just walk up the side of the road and besides, my costume’s enough to stop traffic.” He winked and took off at high speed.

Jason leaned his head back on the seat and mouthed another profanity. After a deep breath, he turned to face Diora. “How’s my beautiful fairy going?”

“Don’t feed me that crap,” she replied. “I have a stomach the size of an airbag and … look, I have a streak of vomit on my dress, and as if that’s not bad enough, we’re stuck in this … Arghh! Not again! They’re coming so … close to … gether.” Diora gripped the edge of the seat with one hand and my hand with the other.

C’mon, Will, hurry up
!

“It’s okay, just breathe through it,” Jason said.

“I can’t! Oww, agh …”

“Breathe, hon, breathe. Remember, you told me if you got overwhelmed to remind you to focus on your breath, so that’s what I’m doing.”

Diora’s grip on my hand eased as the contraction subsided. “Yeah, well I didn’t know it would hurt this bad now, did I? Breathing isn’t going to do a damn thing for this pain!” As if speaking exhausted her, she leaned back on the seat and closed her eyes again.

After more contractions and half the water bottle used up by Jason to rehydrate after his anxious sweats, Will’s muscular figure emerged from the tangle of metal cars in front of us, his hands raised in a thumbs up sign.

The kid next to us snapped a photo and as Will got back in the car he fanned his face with his hands. “Phew, saving the world is sweaty work, especially in this suit. It needs air vents.”

Tell me about it
.

As the line-up of traffic began moving forwards, the kid yelled, “See, I knew Superman would fix the traffic jam!” His wide smile grew smaller as our car moved further along than his and I couldn’t help matching his expression.

“What did you do?” I asked.

“I got their butts into gear with cleaning up the mess. Apparently they were waiting for some official clean-up team because of occupational health and safety reasons, while sitting around pretending to look useful. I said that was ridiculous and together we could have the road cleared in minutes.”

“What did the truck spill that the buggers couldn’t clean up themselves, radioactive missiles or something?” Diora managed, before the next contraction claimed its hold on her.

“Cans of hair spray, would you believe? A truckload of Mystique Extra Strong Hold Power Spray. The guys said their insurance wouldn’t cover them for injury resulting from the cans bursting. Apparently there’s enough pressure in those cans to do some decent damage when punctured and some of the bottles had dents in them.”

I should have helped. Could have aimed one at my support suit to blast a hole through it.

“So, instead of holding up someone’s hair they held up the traffic, hey?” Jason turned to Diora briefly, attempting a joke, but her focus was elsewhere. “So, ah … how’d you get them to agree to cleaning up, Superman?”

“Told them Lex Luther would be after them otherwise. Nah, I asked them if their insurance covered complications from having a baby born without medical assistance on the road they were holding up.”

“Good one,” Jason replied, his hands on the steering wheel and eyes back on the road.

“What? I’m not having this baby on the side of the road!” Diora exclaimed.

“Don’t worry hon, you won’t be. We’re on our way to the hospital, traffic’s speeding up now,” replied Jason.

“Arghh, these freaking wings!” Diora turned to look behind her shoulder and she tried to wrench the wings off her costume but only managed to extract a glittery corner which she threw out the window. “Knew I should have dressed as a watermelon.”

“Here, let me see.” I grasped at the wings where they attached to the dress but they wouldn’t budge and I didn’t want to hurt my daughter by pulling too hard. “When we get to hospital you can change into a gown. It won’t be long.”

Soon, we pulled into—or more accurately, swerved violently into—a parking space at the hospital delivery suite entrance. Jason and Will fetched Diora’s designer luggage from the boot—one big suitcase and a smaller birthing equipment carry bag—while I helped her out of the car. She’d only manoeuvred part of the way out though, when another contraction hit, causing her to lose muscle strength and fall back into the car. Her strong grip on my hand made me topple forwards into the car, my body bending at the waist and bum sticking out of the door.

Split!

Was that my dress? I swivelled around to find Will and Jason’s eyes on my behind.

“Oh dear,” Will said. “I hope you’ve got a safety pin, or four, or five.”

“Damn! How big a hole did it make?” I tried to angle my body to look at the split but once again the Death Suit prevented it—and why didn’t
it
rip instead?—made worse by my hand attached permanently to Diora’s. Diora’s moaning reminded us that her situation was marginally worse than mine and the three of us helped her from the car once her contraction ended.

“Quick, inside before another one comes!” Jason urged, draping his wife’s arm around his neck and the other one around Will’s while I held onto her back as we scurried rather pathetically towards the entrance.

We entered through the automatic doors when Diora stopped suddenly in pain, the broken corner of her wing poking me in the eye.

“Ouch!” I instinctively flung my hands at my eye, but Diora lost her balance so I quickly returned my hands to her back, squinting my injured eye madly with the pain. “Holy hell!”

When Diora regained her ability to stand, I finally opened my eye to find hospital staff looking at us with a combination of shock and amusement on their faces. You’d think they’d never seen a woman in labour before. Then I realised it wasn’t every day you saw Superman, Dumbledore, a pregnant fairy with a vomit-stained dress and broken wing, and a middle-aged wannabe model with a ripped dress and deformed eye walking through the doors of a hospital.

“Here you go, love,” said a weary-looking woman as she rolled a wheelchair towards Diora. “Take a seat and let’s get you into a room and out of this costume. Why don’t you,” she glanced at the three of us, “fill in the admission forms and wait over there while I examine … what’s your name, love?”

“Diora.”

“Diora. I’ll let you know when you can come in. I take it one of you is the baby’s father?”

Dumbledore’s lengthy beard bobbed up and down as he nodded, and he went over to the reception desk while Will and I collapsed into some chairs nearby. For a brief moment I considered admitting myself so the SlimFX Magic Suit could be surgically removed but decided I’d had enough embarrassment for one day. Somehow, I’d get out of it but I didn’t want to think about it yet.

Fifteen minutes later, we walked into a delivery suite where Diora was hooked up to a monitor around her waist. “Why does she need that? Won’t it hurt?” I asked.

“That’s to monitor the contractions,” the nurse said.

“Remember, you had one when the kids were being born?” Will said.

“Oh. It’s all such a blur,” I replied.

“Here comes another one … I need something to hold onto. Where’s my fairy wand?” Diora asked.

“I think you left it back at the party. Here, take mine.”

“I don’t want yours, it looks like a stupid branch. Mine has a star. I want it, it makes me feel better, it … argh!” Diora accepted Dumbledore’s wand and promptly snapped it in half, much to her husband’s dismay. Once she finished sucking on a gas mouthpiece, Jason took the liberty of sucking some in for himself.

“Why don’t I nip out and get you a coffee, Jase?” Will asked.

“No, but thanks. I think I’ve got enough sustenance from the party food and I don’t need to be any more jittery than I already am.”

“Are … all of you staying for the birth?” the nurse asked, her eyes moving from us to Diora.

“Diora said she needs me, so—”

“Actually, Mum, I think I’ll be alright with just Jason. I was scared before, but I feel better now I’m in hospital,” Diora said.

“And she’s only a few centimetres dilated, so the baby probably won’t be here till morning,” the nurse added.

“She’s right,” Diora said. “You should go and get some sleep, you’ve had such a big day. When you wake up, you’ll have a grandchild. That is, if he or she cooperates and doesn’t decide to break a world record for the longest birth ever.” She managed a tired smile and my hand instinctively cradled her face.

I glanced at Will and he nodded. “Okay, well if you’re sure?” Diora nodded and Jason pulled up a stool next to the bed. “Alright, but call me straight away if you change your mind, or if you need anything, okay?” I eyed the nurse as well as Jason. “C’mon Superman, let’s go.”

Will took my hand and we walked down the corridor and out of the hospital doors.

“There’s a taxi stand over there.” I pointed around the corner, but Will had his eyes in the other direction. “What are you looking at?” I followed his gaze to the spectrum of city lights, flashing and merging into a colourful swirl as a Ferris wheel slowly turned.

“The fun fair is on near the harbour tonight. Fancy a detour before we head home? Like old times?” He shone a lopsided smile and held out his hand.

“Why the hell not?” I slipped my hand in his and we walked towards the lights.

“If the swing goes forward it will go backward too.”

–
Sri Lankan proverb

Will was right at home at the fun fair in his Superman costume, having already been asked for six photographs with tourists. “I’ve never had this much attention in my life,” he said.

I chuckled, then pointed at the moving clown heads. “Oh look! I haven’t had a go of them for years.” I tightened the knot in the large scarf Will had bought me to wrap around my waist and hide the rip in my dress, which was nice of him to suggest as I’d completely forgotten about it.

What had gotten into me? Normally I’d be terrified of anyone seeing such a wardrobe malfunction, but somehow seeing Diora about to bring a new human being into the world put things in perspective.

The attendant at the clown game had me swipe my e-pad and I stood with my hand at the ready, waiting for the perfect moment to drop the ball through the clown’s mouth and land in (hopefully) the number one position. Then I’d win a large fluffy teddy bear and could give it to Diora’s baby. My hand hovering, I traced the clown’s movement with my eye, before pushing the ball through its mouth. Damn! Number four instead.

“Here you go, madam,” said the attendant, handing me my prize—a multi-coloured glitter tinsel wig. It was ridiculously bright and would totally draw attention to myself, but I was beyond caring. I placed the wig over my head, messing up my chignon and shook my head side to side, the tinsel strands shimmying around my face.

“What do you think?” I asked Will.

“It suits you,” he replied, tousling my hair with his fingers.

“And here’s your prize, sir,” the attendant said after Will’s clown delivered the ball to number three.

Will slid the googly eye sunglasses onto his face and the bloodshot eyeballs sprung up and down, looking the way my eyes felt during the bungy jump this morning. A laugh spluttered out of my mouth and Will set his e-pad to the camera function and turned the holographic screen around to face us, so we could see ourselves. “Ready? Smile!”

Click! A memory captured forever. Or would it be?

“Now, let’s see if we can win one of those big bears for Baby Bellows.” Will tugged on my hand and we walked over to the ring toss game.

“Step right up, win a prize, five turns for every game!” The attendant spoke in a traditional side-show voice, attracting visitors to the game. “Toss a ring onto a lily pad and win!”

It looked pretty hard, considering the lily pads were floating on a bed of water. It’d be hard enough to get the ring to land on one that was still, but maybe Will had better aim than me. We’d soon find out.

Will handed me his googly eyes and pushed up his Superman sleeves, holding onto the ring and pinning a lily pad with a laser stare.

“Look folks, this is a first. Superman attempts the ring toss! Will he succeed, or will he fail? Come and watch, folks!”

Talk about pressure! A crowd of onlookers gathered, mostly teenagers and older couples, as it was obviously too late at night for young children.

“Okay, here goes.” Will gently threw the ring towards a lily pad, but it rebounded off the edge and landed with a slight plop in the water. Will clicked his fingers in disappointment. “Damn!”

“Four more turns, anything can happen, folks. Let’s see if he can live up to his costume and be a Super Winner, huh?”

Geez. Even more pressure. Poor Will. Another toss. Another fail. Third time lucky? Nope. Plop.

“C’mon man, you can do it,” someone called from the crowd.

Yeah, maybe if everyone wasn’t standing around watching him like a hawk. I bet Will wished he’d dressed as a ghost too. This time the ring touched the little stick poking up from the lily pad and, although it landed on the pad, it didn’t capture the stick as per the rules.

“One turn left, folks. Can he do it?”

“Focus Will, focus. Think as though your life depended on hitting the target,” I urged. “Pretend that lily pad is something you really want and without it your life is not worth living. You can do it!” Okay so it was just a game, but the unblinking eyes and silence of the still crowd had created suspense to rival Hitchcock.

Will took a deep breath and I could almost hear his heart beating through his plastic muscle-clad chest. He extended his arm out and back twice, lining up his target and then tossed the ring towards the bed of unsuspecting lily pads.

“We have a hit!” The attendant raised his fist in the air and the crowd cheered as the ring hula-hooped around the stick a few times before coming to a standstill.