Entangled (39 page)

I cut a sliver of brownie still in the pan to taste test. It’s still good. Moist, I think. It’s not burned which is a relief, so I didn’t really ruin them. I lick the chocolate from my lips and find the cellophane wrap in the drawer, rip some off and begin covering the plate.

I leave the kitchen a mess for later since I have unfinished business. I walk through the short hall, retrieving a towel from the closet and stop outside the bathroom.

Her voice reaches under the door, into my ears and I listen. I close my eyes, soaking in the voice that captivated me many times. She’s singing, Don’t Stop Believing by Journey. She sings off-key but I know it’s on purpose and don’t even care because on-key or not, her voice never ceases to make my heart stop. Careful to make my appearance known, I open the door quietly and shut it like so. I remove my clothes, feeling the desire burn within me. It’s been long enough and I need her touch, skin on skin contact, her body to align with mine.

I pull the curtains aside and step in the shower, she’s facing away from me but I know she knows I’m there now. “I was wondering when you’d join me.” Smiling, I wrap my arms around her from behind and she sinks against my chest.

“I was fixing your brownies.” My hands glide up her stomach as the water pelts us from head to toe. My ears fill with water but I don’t care to move away. I massage her skin, starting at her ribcage and work my way to her breasts. I kiss the back of her neck tenderly and stop at her shoulder. “They’re good by the way.” She sighs, covering my hands with hers, squeezing them over her breasts.

“Thank you.” Her voice is quiet compared to the loud running shower. Finally, I turn her around to face me and grab the sides of her face, kissing her lips urgently. My mouth automatically claims hers and my tongue slips inside. I feel her hands right above my ass, slowly moving downward. I take control and grab hers, lifting her up as she wraps her legs around my waist. My body backs her up against the shower wall. Her breasts press against my chest, spurring me on. We mesh together, moaning and grabbing each other as if our lives depended on it. Our legs, hands, mouths, tongues are tangled, lost in our desires, our needs so desperate and tight, you can’t tell where we begin or end. This girl unravels me, breaks down my walls until it’s a pile of ash on the ground.

“Noah.” She breathes against my cheek. The water hits us but it feels good.

“God, you’re beautiful.” My heart accelerates and I’m so turned on with the need to be inside of her, every inch of her. I hold her hands above her head, lacing them with mine. My lips explore her body, down to her belly and lower. A moan escapes her throat as she threads her fingers through my hair. I lick and suck on her nipple, flicking it with my tongue. She cries out loudly.

“God, fuck, shit…” I find her reaction sexy as hell. I suck on her other breast, watching her face change a million different expressions. Her hands pull on my hair, hard as each thrust and lick becomes more intense. Our bodies press against each other again and my mouth covers hers. I want to kiss this girl everywhere. I want to claim her and love her like no one has ever done before. “Please, Noah. Take me to your bed.” I do without question or a second thought. Passion, desire, love…I’ve gone without these feelings my whole life and now I can’t imagine being without. I’m just glad I found it with Maddy.

I gently lay her down and hover over her for a minute, lean down and kiss her lips lightly before I lie down beside her, facing her. Touching each other, exploring each other, enjoying this moment together. I lean in and kiss her again. She moans, closing her eyes. “How was that? Am I forgiven for wasting your brownies?” I run my fingers through her hair, away from her face. She smiles up at me, adoringly. “Oh I forgive you.” She stops smiling, gazing into my eyes sadly.

I nuzzle her nose. “Hey.” I touch her cheek, she reaches up and grabs my hand, kissing my knuckles and palm. “What’s wrong?” I want to take her pain away so badly. No amount of love-making will ever heal her completely. But I’ll be damned if I don’t at least try to make her smile. I know she’s worried about Andi and her dad. I lift her chin so we’re eye level. I rub mu thumb across her cheekbone. My gaze drops to her lips and I run my tongue across the bottom one. “Talk to me, baby. What can I do to make you smile again?” I pull her closer to me, our legs tangle with each other.

“I’m okay. Being here with you makes me smile. It’s more than I can ask for.”

“I’m here, always.” I kiss her all over, tasting her. I can’t get enough.

“Tell me you love me.”

I kiss her eye brows, her cheeks, forehead, chin, nose, mouth and I finally lift up and move so she’s under me. “I fucking love you, Maddy. I love you so god damn much.” I whisper, hoarsely. I kiss her, devour her mouth and roll us over and over which eventually leads us onto the floor, but we stay connected, tangled in each other, laughing. And then I tickle her, watching her squirm under me giggling and screaming, trying to get out of my grip but I’m too strong. I eventually stop and pick her up, throw her on my bed and we make love.

Maddy sleeps, wrapped in my sheets. I slip out of bed and pace the room. I drink a cup of coffee and grip my phone in my hands. I know what I want to do but I’m trying to figure out how. I sit at the edge of my bed, watching my sleeping beauty. The rise and fall of her chest as she’s breathing steadily.

I dial the number and wait. On the third ring, it’s picked up. “Noah?”

“Hey, it’s me.”

“Oh my god, it’s so good to hear your voice.” I shake my head, in agreement. It’s been too long and it’s my fault.

“I got your letter. I just didn’t know what to do with it. I needed time to think.” I talk quietly, my eyes fixed on the girl that changed my life.

“I’m glad you got it. I wasn’t expecting to hear from you, but I’m so happy you called.” I can hear the tears in my mother’s voice and for the first time, I believe her. I want to end her pain and sadness. We were both betrayed by my father, we just handled it differently. I shouldn’t hold it against her anymore.

“I’m coming to visit the first week of December.” I don’t mention having a visitor with me. Maddy will be her surprise.

“Oh Noah, I’m so anxious to see you. Thank you for such great news.”

“Mom, I want to believe you’re doing better for yourself. I want you getting help and staying clean. You need to be on the right track, and maybe you can be happy again. I’m just not getting my hopes up.” I hear her sniffling as if she’s crying. I want to cry too. I always needed my mother but I’m afraid of being let down again. I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt, but I won’t put all my hopes into something that could change in an instant.

“I understand, my son. I can’t expect you to trust me after everything. But I’ll show you that things have changed.” I notice Maddy stir for a minute.

“Okay, well I’ll be in touch and I hope you have a great Thanksgiving.” It’s about two weeks away and then we’ll be on our way to New York.

“Okay, it was nice talking to you.”

“You too. Have a good night.” I almost hang up but then she says, “Noah?”

“Yes?”

“Thanks for the call. It really made my night.” I nod in agreement. I feel a small weight lift from my worries, but it floats above, waiting…just in case.

“Goodnight mom.” I hang up and stare at the wall, feeling hopeful.

“Was that your mom?” I feel Maddy’s arms wrap around my shoulders and I lean back, letting her comfort me.

“Yeah, I told her I was coming next month. But I didn’t mention you coming. We’ll surprise her.”

She kisses my neck, her hands covering my chest. “I’m so proud of you, Noah. She’ll be so happy to see you.”

“I’m not keeping my hopes up, but she sounded okay. Good, even. It was nice to talk to her.” I clasp my hand with one of hers, thankful for her support. I’m anxious to go but what is helping with my nerves is to know Maddy will be by my side. I kiss her once more before leaving the room.

We spend the evening on the couch watching movies. I learn she’s not a fan of horror flicks. But I finally convince her to watch the first Saw movie with me. I promise to protect her from the Jigsaw creep. We cuddle under a blanket with a bowl of popcorn. I hold her against my chest; squeeze her tight during the scary or suspenseful scenes. She buries her face into my shoulder and I feel like the hero rescuing the Damsel in Distress. But this girl’s no Damsel, my girl is tough as nails. I feel like she saves me more which makes me feel weak. Not that a woman saving a man is ridiculous or anything. It just shows how differently we handled our pasts or problems.

“Well…that was fucked up. I want to watch the second one now.” She gapes at the TV and I grin at her, surprised the movie didn’t turn her off, but pleased.

“Really?”

So we watch it followed by the next 2 and I finally decide to put in a lighter movie before we go to bed. I don’t want her to have nightmares. It’s the perfect weekend but ending all too soon. I’m just grateful for the time we get with each other.

Maddy

It’s the week before Thanksgiving and two weeks before our New York trip. I have so much to do so while I’m all excited; I’m also overwhelmed and nervous. It’s hard hiding my excitement around Andi. It’s also Derrick’s birthday this weekend. Saturday we’ll be at Midnight. I told Noah I wouldn’t drink so he wouldn’t worry but he insisted on me having fun and he won’t bother me about it. He even said he would loosen up and have a couple drinks too.  But after the Halloween party, I only plan to have one or two drinks. I won’t put him through that shit again. I have a habit of going over my limit. I won’t, not again.

I can’t imagine losing Andi or Derrick…or even Landon. The thought makes me sick. But it also put a lot into perspective and it makes sense why I only ever saw Noah with one or two beers at the most when we went out. My heart aches for him after all he’s been through. But letting me in has been the best gift he could give me. I understand and sympathize with him so much more now.

I finish entering a few records for our clients. I make a few calls to our patients, reminding them of their appointments. When a man bursts through the door, frantic and holding a beat up looking pup in his arms.

“I found her on the side of the road. She almost got hit by a car because she was limping, slowly.” I approach him and survey the pup’s injuries. She’s wet and her tattered body is limp. My heart drops. I swallow my emotions and take her from him carefully, not to hurt her more than she already is. “I didn’t know where else to bring her.” He looks defeated.

“No, it’s okay. Thank you. I’ll get my vet to look at her.” I walk away, she whines from discomfort. I soothe her, gently caressing her nappy fur. “It’s okay baby. You’re safe, we’re gonna get you all fixed up.” I find Amanda. She takes her to the room and examines her.

“Thanks Maddy. I’ll fix her up.” I try to smile and walk back to my desk. She had dried blood on her feet and her fur was rough, battered and bruised.

I try to concentrate on my task but my mind drifts back to the helpless little dog. I hope she can be saved, helped. I’d take her and adopt her myself but the last thing we need right now is a pet when so much is going on. I don’t want to burden Andi with anything. As much as I want a companion, it’ll have to wait.

“I’m keeping her here overnight for observation. Steve will be here in the morning. Poor thing was beaten pretty badly.” She leans in the doorway and sighs. “Why do people do such things?” I hold back the tears as I stare at my computer screen, blankly. I’m trying to comprehend it myself. Animals don’t deserve such treatment. They’re so innocent and it pisses me off when such cases arrive, sometimes too late. It breaks my heart to learn there are such cruel people in this world.

“Ugh, I’m so sick of animals being beaten and abused.” My hands tremble so I stop typing and look back at Amanda.

“I know, I saw on the news last week of a dog that was beaten to death with its’ owner’s hammer. I almost threw up.” My mouth gapes at that and I taste bile in the back of my throat. I’m sickened, imagining the dog watching it’s life flash before it’s eyes as the hammer breaks it’s bones and I shudder with disgust.

“Jesus, that was too much Amanda.”

She frowns sadly, “I know. I’m sorry. I cried when I heard about it. People are so fucking cruel.” The problem is, it’s everywhere. You can’t stop it, only pray the animals end up in a happier place than this existence. I blink back more tears threatening to spill over and walk to the back to clock out.

“It’ll be okay, Maddy. Have a good evening. Just pray the dog survives this massacre.” I hug her and leave work to have dinner at Andi’s parent’s house. It’s one heartache to the next.

Jim looks pale these days, very sickly, which is expected but it still doesn’t ease the pain of seeing him like this. He’s weak and his hair is thinning. Chemo seems to be taking its toll on his body.

“So Maddy, are you excited about visiting the Big Apple soon?”

I look up from my plate of Chinese take-out we ordered and strain a smile. “Oh yes, it’s always been a dream to go there. I’m trying not to show too much excitement in light of what’s going on though.”

She smiles sadly. “Don’t be silly. You can’t stop living because of our situation. We’ll be fine. This is exciting for you, you’ll love it there.”

Andi watches Jim attempt to eat. The medicine makes him sick so he doesn’t eat very much. I look away before I make it worse on myself. Melanie may be right about living and not dwelling on what’s going on but it’s difficult to watch a man you’ve known your whole life become this shell of a person he once was, so energetic and happy, now something completely different. I know it’s gotta be worse for Andi.