Entangled (37 page)

“I’ve never been either.” She grins at me. “I’ve had sex, but not intimacy. I’ve never made love, Maddy. Not ever. And I never thought I would. But I would give up all the sex in the world for this one moment with you.” Her hand plays in my hair, setting my scalp on fire. “But I promise I’ll be gentle. Just say the word and I’ll stop.” She reaches around my neck and pulls me down to whisper, “I don’t want you to stop. Ever.”

She kisses me and it’s all it takes for me to lose myself in her. I quickly grab a condom from my dresser. “Are you sure? If you want to back out, do it now.” I hover above her. She rakes her nails down my chest, I squirm, pleasing her with my reaction.

After placing the condom on, I lean over her and kiss her neck, trailing downward to her belly. Holding myself up on my hands, I lift her legs up wrapping them around my waist. I gently ease into her, rocking back and forth.

She massages my back, digging her nails into my skin. I bite my bottom lip to keep from crying out in both pleasure and pain. “I love you, Maddy.” I whisper, close to her ear. I rock back and forth, slowly, enjoying the feel of being inside of her.

She smiles, cupping my face. “I love you too, Noah. You’re everything I ever wanted.” I see tears well up in her eyes before she leans down to kiss me passionately. Our teeth clank together, our tongues find each other, getting reacquainted.

Our breaths slow down our movement, as we finish our intimate connection. I feel from here on out, it’s changed. We’re changed. It’s a good change; I can feel it deepening our relationship, tying us together. And I’m not sure where we go from here, but I plan on never leaving, never giving up on us. I don’t know what I’m doing but I’m determined to learn and be the man she needs, even if I have to put my problems aside. Noah Parker is now the better version of himself, the guy he’s meant to be.

Noah

For as long as I can remember, waking up was never something I cared about. I’d go to bed most nights alone, wake up alone, unless I was with someone, but even those times were uneventful. During school, I’d moan and groan and sulk, throwing myself a pity party. I was a real downer. It’s not that I enjoyed letting my life pass me by with nothing to show for it, I just felt “what’s the point?” life sucked. But I guess that was my fault. I let my father control my life even when he didn’t live with us. Was he sulking? Or complaining that his life sucked?

Fuck no.

He was living life the way he wanted to. He didn’t want to be a husband or father anymore so he did something about it. There is that saying, “your life is what you make of it” or something along those lines. Basically if you’re unhappy with your life, you’ll go looking for that missing piece…change it to what you want it to be. I only wish I had done that years ago. I was so full of grief and misery; I didn’t realize there was something missing.

My parents. My best friend.

I had no one to turn to for comfort, support. Spencer was always there and he did what he could but he couldn’t really put my soul back together. My heart.

As I lie awake, my arms behind my head, my eyes glued to the ceiling, I realize what I’ve been missing all along, is sleeping right next to me. My head moves to me left as my gaze drifts over her sleeping form, under my sheets. As the night replays behind my eyelids, I can’t help but smile. It was a night I’ll never forget, and I hope it was worth it for her too. I know how important for her it was to give this piece of herself to me. And I’m so grateful she did.

I lean on my left side, lightly running my fingers down her arm, careful not to wake her but unable to stop the sensations coursing through my body. I want to touch her, feel my way to her soul. Touching women I was good at, pleasing them, even if it was faked-no problem. But no one, not one of them could reach into the darkness and blind me with their light. Maddy is another story. I don’t know how she did it, but she not only stole my heart, she pieced my soul back together as well. She somehow found the switch to my emotions and turned it back on.

I glance at her hands splayed out on the pillow; her nails are a beautiful shape and length. Enough to send my body into overdrive when she digs her nails into my back, so many sensations I never knew existed coursed through my veins and I never wanted her to stop.

I slowly move upward, to leave the room so she can sleep peacefully. She stirs, I freeze waiting. Her eyes move under her eyelids and I wonder if she’s dreaming, hoping it’s a good one. After Lex died, I was plagued with nightmares. I think my subconscious was playing jokes on me, making me relive that night over and over. I learned to shut them out, for the most part.

Once Maddy seems asleep and immovable, I lean down to kiss her cheek and leave the room, silently shutting the door. It’s only eight-thirty and I’m awake on a weekend.

I open up my fridge and take out eggs, bacon, butter and the ingredients to make biscuits and gravy. I hope she doesn’t wake up. It’ll be my first attempt at the whole breakfast-in-bed, hoping it doesn’t suck. I’m not the best cook, but I can make enough.

Eggs cracked.

Frying pan greased and buttered, bacon frying. The last thing is the biscuits. Luckily I wasn’t one of those guys who needed a maid or someone to cook for him. I taught myself but buying cook books and watching, yes…watching the cooking channel. I actually liked it. There were recipes I couldn’t make to save my life, I tried, I failed, I gave up. But I made enough to get by without being hungry. I’m always open for improvement.

At this point, I’m surprised the aroma in the kitchen hasn’t woken Maddy up yet, I’m also really glad. With only a little cooking left, I can wake her up myself. I make a mental note to buy a tray or a snack table at least.

Breakfast is made-eggs look good, bacon is ready to be devoured, and biscuits are calling my name. I grab a glass from the cabinet and pour her some orange juice. With a smile on my face, the plate in one hand, orange juice in the other, I walk towards the bedroom.

Forgetting I shut the door, I maneuver the glass between my arm and body, gripping the plate firmly in my other hand; I turn the knob to open the door. The air hits me in the face but it feels good, after cooking on the stove, I was feeling hot so the cool breeze was a welcome. Maddy’s still asleep.

I move slowly toward the bed. The plate is warm in my hand but the smell permeates the room, filling my nostrils. I look around for something to use as a tray when I hear, “I must be dreaming, because I smell food.” I snap my attention back to Maddy. She’s sprawled out on her back and awake. I smile, saunter to the bed and set the plate and glass down on my nightstand. I sit on the bed, leaning over her so we’re face to face. Her lips are so close, I can taste them. I stare into her sleepy eyes, wanting to get lost in their depths. “You’re not dreaming.” I whisper against her ear.

“Breakfast in bed?” She asks surprised.

With a smirk on my lips, I nod, shifting to lean over and grab the plate. “I’ve never had anyone make me breakfast in bed before.” She states. It surprises me to hear that Landon never took the time to make it for her. Then again, it’s Landon. He didn’t care about the little things, he just cared about himself. Like me.

“Well, you’re in luck. I’ve never made breakfast in bed for anyone.” She takes the plate and sets it in her lap once she’s sitting upright. She glances at the food, then back at me. “This looks really good.” Her eyes close, when she inhales the scent in the air. “Not to mention, the smell is exquisite.”

Hearing her compliment of approval makes my heart leap for joy. I’ve only made food for Spencer and he’s not the best judge, since he always ate what I prepared, even if it sucked. I smile and nod, suddenly feeling on display. “You should save all comments or compliments until you’ve eaten. Just because it smells good, doesn’t mean it tastes good.”

Maddy stretches both hands out in front of her and pops her neck both ways. “Okay, let’s see how Chef Noah rates in my book.” She challenges. I shift on the bed, crossing my legs and fold my hands in my lap. I wait to be critiqued. She starts with her eggs, taking her fork and grasp a bite, pops it into her mouth and chews. I watch her lips move and her throat bob up and down as she swallows. My eyes find hers again, waiting for a reaction, comment. But instead, she moves onto the bacon. She takes a piece between her fingers and tosses it in her mouth. She tries the biscuits and gravy too. Once she tries everything once, she sets the plate down on the bed beside her and leans forward, grabbing my shirt. “It was delicious. You get an A for effort and thought. And because it was just so damn good.” I smile.

“Any suggestions? Advice?”

“They’re minor; the bacon was perfect, just cook them a little longer because I like them crispy. The eggs need a little more pepper, less butter. And the biscuits and gravy was spot on. But most of all; wake me up so I can help. There’s nothing sexier than a man who can cook but I love to as well. I want to help, we’re a team. But thank you for a great wake-up call after the most perfect night I had with you.” And she crashes her lips to mine, making me stumble back. I kiss her back with enough force to leave us both breathless. Our tongues mingle and my hands play in her hair. It really was the perfect night for me too. I feel like I can tell her anything and not feel embarrassed or ashamed. It’s what I’ve longed for without ever really knowing it. Someone to share my deepest desires and needs with but also wanting to explore theirs and make them happy. Everyone wants to be happy, right? Both of us deserve it.

Her hands splay out on my cheeks as she cups my chin. She pulls back and looks deep into my green eyes, as I’m getting lost in her gray ones. A tiny smile cracks her lips. I know this without even looking at them as they reach her eyes. They’re bright with wonder and mischief. My arms pull her close to my chest and I kiss the top of her head. “You should finish your breakfast before it gets cold.” She pulls back, taking my hand in hers. Still looking at me, she slowly traces a line along my palm with her finger. Holy shit, that feels so good. I almost yank my hand away.

I look away from her wanting a distraction before our food goes uneaten. She notices the affect she has on me and laughs. “Are you going to eat with me?” Her voice is soft, a sound I’d never grow tired of. I make eye contact, ignoring the sensations coursing through my hand and up my arm. “Of course. But if you keep doing this,” I nod to our hands, “We’ll be doing that.” I nod to the bed, “And we’ll waste the food. I’m a guy who likes to eat.” She drops my hand and sinks back under the covers, picking her plate back up and begins eating again.

I stand up, lean over the bed and kiss her forehead before going back into the kitchen to prepare my plate. “I’ll take you home after we eat.” I call to her, “Unless you want to come with me to my aunt’s house today?” I plan on building more of the table so I can finish it before the holidays, to give her as a Christmas gift.

“No, I’d better go back home and spend some time with Andi.” She replies from the bedroom. That is a good idea. Ever since I found out about her dad, I’ve felt guilty for taking Maddy from her. She needs her best friend, I have to understand that. And I do. I grab my glass of milk, my plate and retreat to the bedroom to enjoy our first breakfast-in-bed together.

Maddy

“Maddy! Earth to Maddy!” I look up and see my boss standing beside me with her hands on her hips, a crease lining her forehead with concern. I’m not sure how long I was out of it but from the look on Amanda’s face tells me she was probably trying to get my attention for longer than needed.

“I’m sorry. What did you say?” The events from a week ago come back in a rush and I’m overwhelmed with joy and apprehension.  I still find myself wondering if all od it was a dream. Some of my dreams are so real it’s hard to decipher between the two. The Halloween party. The love-making. It’s all surreal right now. I smile at the memory of Noah and me making our love real, to each other. Yes, I love him. And I actually got to show him. And then…he made me breakfast in bed the next morning. No one has ever done that before. It was just perfect, the perfect way to wake up from an unforgettable experience.  “I’m sorry; I’m in my own head again.”

“I’m so glad to see you so happy, Maddy. I really hope it works out for you. But I do need you to be present when you’re here.” She leans against the desk and smiles.

I nod, feeling guilty. “I totally understand and agree. I apologize.”  She pats my back and walks away.

The only problem with this whole ordeal is it seems lately my relationship with Andi has gone south. I know she’s under a lot of stress. But it just seems like our friendship is straining. I hate to think that it’s because of Noah. I want them both in my life. But I try to split my time between them and then I feel like I’m letting one of them down. Noah understands and encourages me to go out with Andi and her family. I know he wants to be there for me too. I also know Andi needs me right now. She was there for me when I needed it most, so it’s my turn.

It’s been a week since our amazing night together and though Noah picks me up to and from work, we haven’t spent much time together otherwise. But he’s picking me up today and I’m spending the weekend with him. A whole weekend with Noah, I’m so excited. I just feel torn. How can I be there for them both?

“Hey, some hot guy is here for you.”  Amanda returns in the doorway. I look at my watch and realize my shift is over.

“Holy shit today went by fast. I need to clock out.” I push past her and catch her amused expression. I stroll to the back, practically skipping in excitement but also anticipation and clock out. I pass the room a few animals are kept during the day. I stop and walk in to pet the miniature dachshund, Lily. She was just groomed today so her fur smells like cherries, very fruity and delicious. “You’re looking good, especially with that bow.” I scratch behind her ears and kiss her on top of the head. She looks at me with big brown eyes. It makes me wonder what she sees. I know animals are intelligent creatures but I can’t help but wonder what they think about humans. “I gotta go, you be a good girl.” I pat her head and I receive a lick on the nose in return. I hug her gently and kiss her once more before leaving the room.