Entangled (2 page)

My dead grandparents left me money…a lot. So I’m moving, using the money they left for my future. I’ll stay with my aunt for a while until I can find a place of my own. Then at some point, I’ll get a job or go to school. I haven’t figured all that out yet. One step at a time. I’m pretty much leaving everything except clothes and movies and minor things. I don’t want my furniture or anything my father paid for. He paid for my apartment, thinking he could buy my love or something. Uh, no. You can’t buy a child’s love and whoever thinks you can is fucking stupid.

“I’ll come by later tonight. I’ve got some stuff to take care of. Maybe we’ll go out for drinks or something.” I say to Spencer as we drive to his place.

“Let me guess, you’re going to Kasey’s to…?” He motions with his hands that I’m going to do the nasty. I laugh and shake my head but don’t confirm. “Have you even told her you’re leaving yet?”

“Nope, telling her tonight.” I can see how that convo will go. She seems to want more than I can give her. I don’t do relationships, not now. Not ever.

“After you
do
it. One last
rendezvous, eh?” He laughs, I’m not amused. He doesn’t understand what I’m giving up. I’ve never been in a serious relationship, but not for the lack of trying. Actually I could have had many monogamous relationships if I wanted. Every girl I was involved with wanted me to commit. I’d just laugh at them. I wasn’t the type. I didn’t mix emotions with sex. The last thing I needed was to be tied down and deal with anyone’s emotional crap. I didn’t care. They would want sex, which was great but then the moment they wanted more, out the door they went. Noah didn’t play that game. I couldn’t allow myself to get attached or for them to get attached to me. So I remained ice cold and careless. I know, it’s cruel and I was an asshole, okay I still am I’ll admit. It’s not like I had the proper role models to teach me different.

But moving will hopefully fix me or leave me damaged. I’m willing to find out. Of course I’m not looking to meet anyone. I don’t want to. I can barely take care of myself, let alone worry about someone else’s shit.

“I’m going home right now. But will go see her in a little bit.”

“Okay, well good luck. Text me later or whatever.” He’s out of the car but before he closes the door I call out, “Hey, Spence?” He catches the door before it shuts and leans down to look at me. “Thank you for going with me today, even though I didn’t actually get out of the car.” He’ll never know how much I appreciate his friendship all these years. I hate that I’m leaving him but I hope he’ll understand that I have to do this, for myself. He bumps his fist with mine in response.

“You’re my best friend, Noah. No matter what. You got my back, I got yours.” I smile as he shuts the door.

I drive home with the windows down and the music cranked up. My smile falters when I pull into my driveway. I’m on the bottom floor with a garage. The apartments are pretty nice. Mine is a one-bedroom with a living room, dining room, bedroom and bathroom. Nothing special. It’s in a nice side of town, thanks to my father. He pays for it, but I am done taking shit from him. I drive up and close the door with the remote, getting out of my jeep. I walk through the door, hearing voices, confirming my suspicions.

“Noah, so nice to see you.” My father. His voice sends shivers down my spine.

“What are you doing here?” I ask, gritting my teeth.

“What a nice way to greet someone. Is that how you treat people who pay for your shit?”

“Believe me; I don’t need your money.” I spat. He’s in black slacks and dress shirt and tie. He’s always all business with me. Fuck him; I can’t wait to get away from his controlling ass.

“When were you going to tell me you were moving?”

“When I decided it was your business.” I haven’t told him about the money I got, which I don’t ever plan on sharing with him. I head for my bedroom just as my mother comes out of hiding.

“I’m sorry, Noah. I couldn’t get him to leave. He thinks you moving is a stupid idea.” Her crinkles in her concerned eyes make my heart break. This is one of those times I see the good side of her, not the absent alcoholic mother she usually is. But the one that was once there for me, caring for me and loving me when my father was gone all the time at work. I miss that woman.

“Who died and left him in charge? He has no say in my life. Not like he ever cared before, except to make sure I knew what a fuck up I was.” I sit on my bed and run my hand through my hair. “I’m getting the hell out of here, where he can’t control me anymore.” I wish my mother would get out of here too. She still lets him control her and they’ve been divorced for years. The problem is she thinks he will magically come back to her. I wish she’d wake up and realize it’s never going to happen.

Chapter 3

Maddy

I feel better after lunch. I work my shift, with no more deaths on my hands. Amanda notices a change in my demeanor and it pleases her. I think she feels bad each time I have to endure more death and pain, but that’s life right? I exit the bathroom, clock out and retrieve my belongings from my drawer.

“So, how is everything with Landon?” Amanda asks. She’s not here very often, only when she really needs to be. So she likes to be up to date with my uninteresting life. I don’t mind filling her in. We’re more friends than boss and employee and I like confiding in her.

I shrug, causally. I care about Landon but it’s the same thing every day. He wants a piece of me I can’t give to him. Why can’t I just give it to him? I’m not a virgin but I’d decided years ago the next time I had sex; it would be with someone I loved and someone who loved me back. I was tired of being used. Things happened in high school I’m not proud of and would rather forget. It’s no big deal, really but I’ve been with Landon for years off and on and haven’t been able to cross that line with him yet. We’ve known each other since we were in sixth grade.

“I don’t know. I do care about him but,” I shake my head frowning, “I just can’t seem to step over that invisible line with him. I can’t. I don’t know, maybe I’m destined to be alone because I just don’t want to be intimate with anyone.” Not that I’ve tried.

“Listen, don’t give in just because you feel guilty or pressured. And don’t let him convince you to. When you’re ready, and your heart tells you it’s time, then give in.” I listen to her advice and appreciate her caring nature. Of course my roommate and best friend, Andi tells me I just need to get laid. But that’s how she operates, not me. I’d rather have a connection with the person, a deep emotional one. I don’t really have that with Landon, not like I thought I would or could. I guess being with him is safe and easy so I don’t really steer. I’m not really good with relationships anyway, to be honest. My parents were very affectionate and loving so it’s not like I wasn’t raised by good people, except after my mother’s death, I kind of lost that affection from my father.

“Thanks.” What if I never fall in love? What does that even feel like? At least I won’t die a virgin; I guess I can be grateful for that. I shake my head, mostly to knock the thoughts out of my brain. The last thing I need is to obsess about falling in love. I’ve got more important goals to focus on. “Well, I’m out of here.” I tell my boss as I turn to leave. She follows me out to the lobby.

“Call or text if you need anything. Have a great weekend.” I hug her goodbye and thank her. I guess it pays to be a hard worker and dependable. We are open Saturdays but for the last year, Amanda has given me the weekends completely free. She knows I’ll come in if need be. But it works out because on the weekends, I sing at Midnight bar with my friends, to let loose and have fun. Sometimes my boss will actually join us. She’s quite entertaining when she does, but it’s not often. Midnight is the only bar in our small town of Waldrip, Colorado. There’s a
long stretch of highway, trees, grass and nothing until civilization. Living thirty minutes outside of town sucks but does have its advantages. But thank God for the bar, although we do have a bank, Starbucks, and a few other shops and buildings. It’s the less interesting part of Colorado, not so much where the mountains and beautiful scenery is. The population has grown over the years; where it was at 597 a few years ago. It’s just under a thousand now. There’s a couple rivers and lakes around and a wildlife park and a museum. I’ve seen it all and I like going skiing and rock climbing, which we have to drive out of town to go to the indoor gym to rock climb. I guess our town isn’t that boring, but it’s definitely not hot shit either.

I’d prefer to live in a small town though. I love being under the stars, which you don’t get to see in the city. I love the quiet. I’m used to it, being alone with my thoughts. I always dreamt of visiting New York City one day. I just don’t see that happening, It’s a pipe dream or a bucket list goal. Either way, I just enjoy it on TV or movies, for now. It’s as good as I’m going to get. I’m afraid I’d get lost in such a big city, it’s overwhelming to think about.

I get in my old car, starting her up but realize there are funny noises happening from the engine. Ugh, I need a new, reliable car. Another expense to add to my list. I drive home slowly, making it but still paranoid that my engine will heat up or I’ll blow a gasket. I’m not too car savvy. I’m just glad my apartment is not too far of a drive from work.

“I’m home.” I lay my keys on the kitchen counter when I enter. The TV is turned off, which rarely happens. Andi likes to have it on all day. Heaven forbid it’s too quiet.

Since I started working at seventeen, I saved up money to move out of Andi’s parent’s house. Technically, I was still living at my house but I just stayed at theirs so I wasn’t alone. When we turned eighteen, we got an apartment with her dad, Jim as a co-signer. I needed to build up my credit since I had none, so I’d gotten a credit card. I only used it for emergencies. Andi got a job to help pay bills. Jim bought her a red Porsche. I got stuck with a used POS that I put more money into fixing than it was worth.

I plop down on our comfy beige couch and grab the remote, surfing through the channels. “Maddy?” I hear Andi call from the bathroom.

“It’s me.” A few minutes later Andi stalks into the living room wrapped in her long beach towel, her hair dripping onto our light brown carpet. “Hey.” I greet her.

“Hey, how was your day?” Andi asks, walking into our kitchen. She takes out the coffee pot and begins making it. My mouth waters. I could drink a pot by myself, I’m such an addict.

“Oh you know the usual. Except today, we had to put Angel to sleep. That sucked.”

She turns around, her blue eyes filled with sympathy. “God, I’m so sorry Maddy. How did Mrs. Wheeler take it?”

I take a seat at the small square kitchen table. Andi grabs our coffee cups and joins me, while the coffee grinds. “Better than I did. Amanda wanted to send me home.” She places her hand over mine which is comforting. She knows how hard death is on me. She also knows how much I love animals. I’ve never had one, but working with them, saving them, is the biggest accomplishment in my eyes. I know we can’t save them all, which sucks.

“I’m sorry honey. I know how much Angel meant to you.” Her voice is soothing and I smile, grateful for her.

“I don’t know Andi, there are days I question my ability to be a vet. Am I way over my head with this dream? Maybe I’m just kidding myself.”

She shakes her, “You’re human, with feelings who doesn’t like to see animals suffer or feel pain. Really, I’m sure many who are like you. It’s normal. You’ll do great. I know it.” It’s why I never owned an animal once we got our own place. I didn’t want to deal with the pain of losing them when they were sick or old. I get too attached. I watch all those animal cop shows and I watch how the Vets deal with having really sick and abandoned animals that need rescuing and I wonder how they do it. I’d go apeshit. How can someone hurt an innocent animal? I just don’t get it. I end up yelling at the TV and change the channel.

Andi walks back to the coffee pot and fills our cups. “Let me get dressed. I’ll be right back.” She pulls her towel tighter around her body. A body most girls envy and most guys drool over. She’s not toothpick thin but she’s got the curves to go with her five foot five inch frame. Along with the prettiest blue eyes and of course the silkiest, long blonde hair. I always wanted blonde hair. I also wanted a tattoo, which I almost got a couple years ago. It’s not that I’m afraid to get one, I’m still hoping to one of these days. I just don’t know what to get. A tattoo is something you need to really think about in terms of being happy with it twenty, thirty years from now. I don’t want to get something and then regret it later. It’s a permanent thing.

I get up and mix my sugar and milk with my coffee to perfection. Spaced out, I think about Angel and my mom. I’m not a religious person, but I hope there is something beyond this life where people go to reunite with their loved ones. That thought gives me hope. Maybe I’ll see my mom again.

“Okay, we’re going out tonight. It’s Friday and today has sucked for you, so go put on a hot outfit and get ready for a fun time.” Andi sits down with her cup, fully dressed in a mid-length red dress that shows her legs and enough just cleavage to keep it decent and not come off too easy. Slowly I come back to, remembering my mind being elsewhere. Yeah, I could use a drink or two. And I love to go and sing at our favorite place, where I can unwind and have fun with my friends.  Music is a big part of my life, thanks to my mother. Her influence when I was young left me dreaming of being on the stage. But I never really pursued that dream. I was too busy on making a life for myself, working and trying to find a way into the Vet dream.