Entangled (10 page)

“I am picking up my keys for my apartment. I signed a year lease.”

“Oh, nice. That’s exciting.” And scary.

“Here Maddy.” James walks out of his office, handing her the new mail key. He then hands me my keys as well. “Thank you, James.” I say, he nods before walking away. I glance at Maddy, at her smile. “Wanna see my apartment?” She shakes her head, still smiling.

She follows me outside. We walk to the opposite side of her apartment, like hers mine is also on the first floor. “So how’ve you been?” I ask without thinking.

“Good, I guess. You?”

“Great.” Yeah, I really suck at this. I should find a hole, crawl inside and die there. It’ll be less humiliating than my stupidity. I unlock the door and open it. Maddy steps through. It’s hot as sin. I find a switch for some light.

“It’s like my floor plan. Nice.” The kitchen is on the right, with the living room on the left attached to the dining room. Spencer would approve of the size of living space. I already have an idea in my head of where furniture would be set up, once I got it. A door to the bed room is next to the living/dining room and bathroom. I peek my head in for a quick scan. It’s slightly smaller than my room in New York but bigger than the room at my aunt’s house. Perfect for me, this is all that matters. I hear Maddy mumbling to herself but I can’t hear what she’s saying.

The walls are white and the carpet’s a light beige. I better refrain from eating anything stainable on the carpet, like pasta of all kinds. Do people change the carpet or wall colors while they rent their apartments? Is it even allowed?

“Ugh, I need to go. Andi needs me.” I turn as she makes her way to the door. “I’m glad you got a place.” She turns the knob and stands there for a minute. “I guess I’ll see you around here.” I move to stop her from leaving but what do I say?

“Okay, sure. See ya.” Her gaze drops for a second, but then she looks back up at me and nods, leaving the door open walks out.  As soon as I shut it, I let out a “God dammit, what’s wrong with me” and look around at the empty apartment, feeling lonelier than ever. I lock up and head back to Aunt Linda’s.

Noah

“Well, that’s all of it.” Derrick sets the boxes in the corner of the living room. I hadn’t heard or seen Maddy for almost a week. It makes me sad that I may have lost the only friend I’ve really made here. Family doesn’t count.

“Thanks Dere.” He nods. I must look like a poor fuck, no furniture, barely any boxes of belongings. I set my bed room stuff in my room. “Hey you wanna go with me to look at some furniture?” I wasn’t planning on getting any yet. But I’m feeling the need to make this place up, feel a little homey. Why wait?

“Well, yeah I guess you’ll need an extra hand. Let’s go.” I wasn’t even thinking along those lines, it was more of a cousin hanging out with his cousin and getting to know him than anything. But I don’t argue.

We take my jeep and drive into town. “Thanks for helping man.”

“No problem. I said I’d help in any way I can.”

“When are you going to get your own place?”

He shifts in his seat to stretch his long legs, getting comfortable. I know how shitty it is to have long legs. We’re about the same height but he’s a little slimmer than me. I have broader shoulders than he does though. He finds the button on the side and moves the seat back a little.

“Next year. I’m off to training for the military.”

“Really?”

He nods and I can’t tell if it’s a good thing or not for him. “Yeah, I’m out of school for the summer and working a job that pays shit. I need something stable. Plus, I’d like to help take on the bastards that try to hurt our country.”

“Wow, I didn’t know you were so patriotic. Right on.” He laughs, “Fuck off. What about you?”

“I’m taking this year off but hope to finish school to get my teaching degree.”

“Awesome. What subject?”

“History.” He nods in approval. “Look, I know you think I’m a fuck up. But I’m trying to change, which is why I moved here. To start over.” His expression changes to one of shame.

“I shouldn’t have said anything. My mom just told me you were going through some stuff and moving here. I made my own assumptions. Sorry, that’s not how you treat family.” I wave my hand in the air in nonchalance.

“Well, you were right. I made a lot of mistakes. Of course, having two absentee parents doesn’t help. But I could’ve done things differently.”

“You can’t do that, Noah.” I glance at him quizzically. “The whole shoulda, coulda, woulda crap. You can’t go through life doing that. The past is in the past, move forward and learn from your mistakes.” If only he knew what I was leaving in the past and my regrets I have to live with, he’d understand. But he doesn’t need to know any of that. It’s my burden to carry.

It dawns on me that I don’t know where anything is or where I’m going. “Uh, where’s a furniture store ‘round here?” He tells me.

It takes two weeks, but I finally fill my apartment with furniture. I got a 65” TV and entertainment center from Wal Mart, a bookshelf, coffee table, and a couple light brown sofas. I bought a dining room set and for the hell of it, I bought a bean bag chair as well.

Sitting alone on my couch, I stare at the blank screen. It feels strange to be alone, no Spencer to harass me, no hot chicks to keep me company. Then I chide myself for thinking like an ass. Referring to women as “chicks” is a douche bag thing to do, but then again, a leopard doesn’t change his spots, so can I really change mine?

My right leg bounces up and down nervously. I can’t help, nor can I stop my mind from wondering to Maddy. Either she’s mad at me or has decided she doesn’t want to be friends after all, which I don’t blame her. Still, disappointment takes up residence in my chest each day she doesn’t come by to check out my new place. She knows where I live now. I suppose it’s better this way.

To order pizza or not to order pizza, that is the question.

A knock at the door has me leaping off the sofa so fast, I become dizzy. What the fuck? I unlock the door, not bothering to peek in the peephole, and open it. “Hey, we brought you dinner.” My aunt and Derrick walk through, carrying a pan and some other dishes. “Oh shit, is that-“

“Lasagna? Yes. I thought you’d like a good cooked meal to enjoy in your newly furnished apartment. It looks nice, by the way.” I smile, speechless at her kind gesture and the fact that this woman knows a way to my heart. Or stomach, in which it makes a grumbling noise in approval. She sets the food down but I quickly stop her so I can grab a towel, wet it and wipe down my new table I haven’t really used yet.

“Okay, it’s clean. I haven’t eaten at this table yet so it was probably dusty.” We set the trays of food and bottle of wine down and pull out our chairs. “Let’s dig into this delicious shit.”

We eat lasagna, salad, garlic bread with a glass of red wine. It’s the perfect meal. We shoot the shit, which isn’t much but it’s nice and it changes my whole woe-is-me mood. And before we know it, Derrick and I are cleaning up the kitchen before we settle onto the sofa for a movie. “Thanks for helping, Derrick.” I glance at my aunt, “Thanks for the meal. It was exquisite.” She pats my back affectionately.

Derrick nods in my direction and says, “Seriously, you don’t have to keep thanking me. It’s what families do and even though we don’t really know each other, we’re still family. We’re blood. We help each other out. And I’m glad you’re here.” So am I. Oh wow, I just admitted that. And it wasn’t a sarcastic or snide remark. Shit, I actually didn’t admit aloud, it was in my head. But I still meant it.

“I’m glad I’m here too. You guys have been great. I appreciate all you’ve done since I moved here. And I appreciate your no-take-shit attitude because I needed to be woken up to realize I’m not in New York anymore. I’m working on changes, but they’re not gonna happen overnight so please be patient and if I act like a dick, feel free to kick me in the nuts. That’ll wake me up.” Or piss me off, but hey, whatever works. We all laugh.

“Awwww, it’s so great to see you boys bonding.” I glare at my aunt, unsuccessfully and move to the entertainment center to find us a movie.

“Okay, I need to find my balls now.” I say sarcastically. I wonder if Spencer would like it here. Maybe when he’s in town, he’ll see it’s not so bad living here. Maybe one day, he’ll consider moving here too.

“Quit being such a guy, Noah. It’s okay to bond with your cousin and to have fun. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. Your father never taught you the important things of life and it’s really sad how much you missed out as a kid.”

“Yeah, well let’s not ruin our evening by talking about stupid nonsense. Ummm.” I pick Terminator, stick it into the DVD player and get comfortable on the couch with the remote. “Oh hey, I forgot…you don’t mind watching some Arnold ass-kicking action, do you?” Forgetting my manners, I pause the movie.

It’s pretty nice to have my own place to do what I want when I want and not answer to anyone. It’s how it’s always been for me. It’s how it’ll always be for me too. I can walk around naked, jack off to my porn or whatever my heart desires. I liked worrying about only myself, it’s uncomplicated. But if I was honest with myself, I’d know that that life is all I know, not that I like it. It just is.

Before my aunt left, I told her I’d be around to bother her, help her with her lawn. Just because I moved into my own place, doesn’t mean I’m not going to come around. I will. I’m warming up to her and Derrick. I need them. It’ll get lonely here I’m sure. Plus, being in the country wasn’t really all that bad. I kinda got used to the quiet atmosphere.

“She’s a sweet girl.”

“I’m sorry, what?” I look at my aunt, confused. We’re outside on her swing, watching the fireworks brighten the night July sky. It reminds me of being back home and having a party at Spencer’s, a bunch of us getting trashed.

“Have you heard from Maddy? Has she seen your new place?” It’d been another week that went by with no sign of her, at which point I was convinced I’d never see her again. “Not since I first signed my lease. I haven’t seen her and she hasn’t seen my newly furnished place.” I’m still confused why we’re on this subject, out of the blue. She must have her motives.

“Hmm, she’s probably just really busy. She works a lot. I’m sure she’ll come around again.” I raise my brow, but she just looks on ahead.

“Remind me why we’re talking about Maddy again.”

“No reason.” She grins, her eyes lighting up when a big lightshow goes off and the boom boom pops of the fireworks reverberate in my ears like gun shots, but my mind is more confused than ever to really enjoy them.

Maddy

I get dressed, not sure what to say but know I have to stop being such a bitch. I’ve been avoiding Noah for no good reason. I told him I wanted to be friends and yet I’ve been cold and distant. I really have no excuse, just that when I’m with him, I want to know more about him but it seems I can’t stop myself for being too nosey and asking questions that piss him off.

“Well, you’re all dressed up.” Andi says as I make it into the kitchen. I’m not really dressed up, by my standards. I just threw some jean shorts on and a black tank top with a touch of makeup. We were supposed to go out to dinner with her parents tonight but her dad was not feeling well. I’m worried about him. He’s been off and on “sick” more than he has in years. There has to be something more to it that we don’t know about.

“Can I borrow your car for the afternoon?” I ask, pouring a glass of orange juice. She smiles, crossing her arms. She looks at me suspiciously.

“You have to tell me what you’re using it for.” Oh screw it.

“Forget it, I’m going to walk. I need exercise anyway.” She places her hands on her hips as if she’s slowly figuring out what I’m up to. “As for what I’m doing, I’m attempting to have some fun.” I smile. I grab my purse, and she steps in front of me.

“Tell me, you know what you’re doing, Maddy.”

“No, I don’t. But I’m hoping I don’t make a fool of myself.”

“Why are you so fixated on this boy?”