“A nice guy wouldn’t be able to handle you,” Eli agreed with a smirk.
“We can’t keep going around like this. I can’t take it anymore not with everything else going on. I want one thing I can rely on.” My toe rubbed at the cracks in the wood floor. “Not that we won’t fight, be sarcastic, or drive each other mad because it’s who we are. I can’t take the hot and cold from you. I want to know you are in this
... you want this.” I motioned between us.
Eli’s chest expanded as he took in a deep breath, his arms crossing defensively. He was silent for a few moments before uttering, “I want you.”
Happiness, desire, and fear fought through my body. “If you really mean it, we can’t have secrets between us. I don’t want someone trying to be my protector; I want a partner. If we are in this together, we are in this as equals. I am no delicate little girl. I need the truth all the time. Harsh or scary as it might be.”
“Agreed. But, in all fairness, I’ve never seen you anything but as equal
... even times I didn’t want you to be.”
“Then tell me the truth now. Tell me what happened between you and my mother.”
A frown cut across his mouth, and he shook his head. “I can’t. It is the one thing I cannot talk about.”
Frustration burned up my esophagus. “Why? What happened between you? We said no more secrets. Tell me. Why do you both keep things from me?”
“I cannot tell you. You need to ask your mother.” Eli’s eyes flashed red, his jaw set. “Decide now if this changes things for you.”
I didn’t know how to respond. Silence and tension cut through the room, turning icy and volatile the longer I stayed quiet.
Finally, I whispered, “I need
something
from you. Tell me about your past. Anything. Like your clan. Why did they hate Daes so much?” I was willing to take any kind of truth or explanation right then. “Please, I need to understand.”
Eli’s hand went up to his head. With a huff of air, he sat on his bed. “My not telling you this story had nothing to do with keeping the truth from you.” His voice was low, humming tenderly in my ear. “The time haunts me. I’ve never talked about it to anyone.”
I longed to sit next to him but held my ground. He wasn’t good at dealing with emotion and being close would make things worse.
“I was around the age of ten in human years. There was a group of Daes who had escaped the Queen’s notice and had lived on Earth undetected. It was late eighteen hundreds, a time when even the slightest hint of anyone hearing or seeing unusual things put them into an asylum. Even worse was if you caused things to happen. Unfortunately, these Daes started to gain attention from wardens and fellow patients. The Queen sent in her soldiers to take care of them, but with help the Daes escaped.
“Aneira needed help tracking them down. It’s where we came in. My father and mother were the clan leaders; Cole’s parents were second in command. The Queen came to my father, paying us a hefty sum to kill the Daes.” His green eyes darted to mine. “Remember, my clan was different in the Otherworld; we protected each other fiercely. Nothing and no one else mattered to us. We were born killers, and we took it seriously.”
I nodded. I knew this, but it still was hard to hear how cold they were and how ruthlessly they killed. I squirmed, not wanting to know the truth, but I knew I needed to listen to all of it.
“We found their hideout. It was my first real mission, although I had gone out many times before. Gabby, Cooper, and I were too young to actually help with the kill, but Lorcan had been working for several years. Cooper and Gabby were still on lookout, but I got to be part of it on this night.” I saw a glimmer of the little-boy pride he must have felt being part of the group.
“We had dealt with Daes before, but this group was different. They were powerful and unstable. They had not learned to control their magic. My father’s pride and ego did not foresee how formidable Daes could be, especially when scared and with nothing to lose.
“Things went wrong immediately. An incredibly commanding woman seemed to be the leader. She and her mate killed a third of us before my father pulled back. I was young, stupid, and pumped on my first assignment and thought if I snuck around from behind, I could be the one to kill her. The newest of the clan to ever claim a kill that young...” Eli tapered off. His eyes squeezed shut as uncomfortable memories seemed to stir in him. “Her senses were more heightened than I thought. She knew I was coming and let me get close before turning her powers on me. My mother acted purely on instinct and came at her, ready to destroy the woman. I remember one of the male Daes screaming to warn the woman. Trying to protect her, he went after my mother. His power made her brain and insides burst. She died instantly, a bloody horrible death.”
Eli’s gaze was far away. “Everything went downhill from there. She crushed my leg but stopped there. I don’t know why she hesitated to kill me. It gave my father time to attack, and Cole got me out.” His limp and the scars on his face were daily reminders of what happened. “My father and most of our clan were wiped out. Only a handful survived.”
My throat closed tightly around itself. “I’m so sorry, Eli.”
“Not only had I been raised despising Daes and thinking they were abominations, but my hatred for them only grew after this. I swore revenge on them all.” He glanced at me with a sad smile hinting in his eyes. “You kind of threw my plan out the window.” He shifted on the bed.
Words detoured off my tongue leaving me mute. I was torn. There was a part of me which understood my own kind and wanted to say they were only protecting themselves. Then there was the part connected to Eli, but not through blood, which wanted to hold him and tell him it was not his fault. It would have probably ended the same.
“There’s more,” he murmured, stopping my words.
My eyebrows rose as my heart plummeted. I didn’t think I could handle much more.
“The name the man screamed
... the Dae’s name... was Brycin.”
Air halted in my lungs. “What?”
Eli’s hand went to his head again, rubbing at the new growth. “When you told me your name the first day at Silverwood, I couldn’t believe it. It felt like some sick joke fate was playing on me by bringing to the surface every wound I had tried to bury. It made me hate you more. Part of me wanted to kill you right then for it being thrown in my face. I purposely started calling you Brycin so it would remind me of what I went through and what you were to me.” Eli’s head shook as if he was trying to expel the memories. “Everything was stacked against you. I thought my intrigue was from disgust, but I grew angrier every day because my infatuation for you only increased. It went against my every instinct and desire. I told myself I was only getting to know you, to use you. Wanting to be around you was only because someday my parents would be revenged and my family would get back to the Otherworld. It would have been so simple if those things happened, but they didn’t. And I resented you for it.”
Why did I demand the truth when it only led to things I didn’t want to hear? I had no idea how to respond to his confession. It hurt to hear him say those things, even if it made his treatment of me at the beginning clearer. His feelings might be different now, but it was hard to understand at one time he dreamed of killing me out of revenge because I happened to be from a group who had been deemed outcasts and treated like vermin. It was also difficult to hear about the gruesome deaths of his family by my kind. The Daes had only been trying to save the people they cared about. Both sides thought they were right. Both sides lost.
The other thing that struck me: was it purely a coincidence my last name was Brycin? I had quickly learned in the Fae world nothing was by chance. So why was I named after this other Dae?
Eli’s gaze penetrated mine. “I know what you want to ask, and I don’t know. That’s something you will have to discuss with your mother. Fae don’t have last names; we have clan names. The Fae who live on Earth usually make them up to fit among humans. All of our names here were taken from our father’s names. Mine was known as
Dragen. I don’t know what relationship you have to Brycin, but I don’t think it is a fluke.”
I didn’t either. His eyes were on me, and I lowered my head.
“So this is how I get you to be quiet, huh?” He clasped his hands together, leaning his arms on his legs.
My own hung at my sides, watching my toes move methodically over the groves in the wood floor. “I asked for the truth. I can’t be mad you gave it to me.” I took a moment and a deep breath. The revelation felt heavy on my shoulders. “Thank you for telling me.” I may understand Eli more, but my past felt more clouded. “I need to talk to my mom.”
He responded with a nod.
I opened the door and headed for the one person who could explain and clear up the garbled
mess twisted in my gut.
As I walked out the front door, I heard my name being called. Torin sat in a chair on the porch of the infirmary cabin. Thara was by his side. There was no way to pretend I didn’t hear him even though I didn’t feel like talking to him right then. With an undisguised exhalation, I headed to him.
I nodded at them as I approached. “Have you seen my mom?”
“I think she went for a walk. She said she needed time to herself,” Thara said.
Damn
. I knew my mom. Like me, she loved to escape deep into the forest for hours. It would be pointless trying to track her down. I would have to wait to talk to her.
“So how are you feeling?” I grabbed onto the rail, looking toward him.
“Almost back to my normal self, thank you,” Torin answered. His hands nervously stroked his knees. “Are you available to talk? I would like to speak with you. Maybe a walk in the woods?”
I had my fill of talking for the day, but I nodded anyway.
With a groan Torin pushed himself out of the chair.
“Please, you need to rest.” Thara immediately jumped up to help him stand.
“I need exercise. If I stay sitting or lying one more second, I will go crazy.” He smiled and patted her arm in assurance. Thara still looked like she wanted to push him back into the chair and tie him up. “I will not go far. I promise.” He stepped down the stairs and motioned for me.
Thara watched us go, appearing to fight every impulse she had. Her fists clenched at her sides, her face tight, holding back her disapproval.
“You’d better not trip, or she will be out here dragging you back faster than you can blink,” I mused when we were out of earshot.
“Yes. Her intentions are in the right place. She is an especially faithful soldier to me. Maybe a little too dedicated at this time.”
I gave him a side glance. “You think that’s why she is faithful? Because she’s a good soldier?”
“Yes, why?”
An amused chuckle came from my throat. “Oh, Torin, you have much to learn about women.” I glanced behind us. We were out of sight from the cabin. “She’s in love with you.” His eyes grew into saucers. “Oh, come on, you can’t be that dense?”
Torin looked over his shoulder in the direction of the cabin. Realization plummeted over his features. “But
... but she can’t be.”
“Why not?”
“Because I am meant for you.” He turned back to me, his face set in a stubborn resolution.
“Yeah, about that,” I mumbled, stuffing my hands in my pockets. “Can I ask you something?”
“Anything.”
“You say we are meant for each other, we are destined. But what is it you actually like about me?”
He stepped back, his eyebrows lowering into a line. “What do you mean?”
“I mean
why
do you like me?”
“That is a silly question.” Irritation flicked at the surface of his eyes. His temper surfaced quickly again. It made me sad Torin had changed. The Queen had won in a way. She did break a piece of him, and I couldn’t help but feeling I was the one to blame.
“No, it really isn’t.” I pulled my hands out of my pockets and folded my arms over my chest. “Do you find me funny? Do I challenge you? What do you feel when you see me?”
Torin huffed. “I don’t understand what you are trying to get at. Of course, I look forward to seeing you. I take great pleasure in being with you. In kissing you.”
“Take pleasure... yeah.” A sad smile pulled at my lips. “All you’ve ever done is your duty. Have you stopped and thought if this is really what
you
want?” His forehead creased as he took in my question. “I have no doubt if I had been born a pure Fay and had grown up in the Otherworld, you and I would probably have a nice life together. But it was not our destiny. It’s certainly not mine.”
Torin’s head wrenched back and forth in refusal at hearing my words. He sounded annoyed. “Ember, you know I don’t care what you are. I will protect and love you no matter what.”
Frustration crept up my neck. “That’s the problem. I don’t need protection. I want a partner not a keeper.” I took a huge intake of breath. “Torin, you are so set on ‘duty’ and ‘honor’ you are missing the whole point. I swear, even if you felt nothing for me, you’d still be with me only because it was what you thought you should do. It is not who I am and nor what I want. I want passion and love. A best friend
and
a partner.” Seeing his face, I quickly rushed on. “There is nothing wrong with honor and duty but not when it comes to marriage or being in a relationship. I want you to honestly tell me you are in love with me. Not because you were told you should be, or it’s what you’ve always thought, but because you actually are.”