Whether it was the wine or because my heart understood her actions more, I wasn’t as mad at her right then. I wrapped my arms around her. “I know, Mom.”
She hugged me back, a sob heaving in her chest. “You are my whole world. The thought of something happening to you...”
I squeezed her tighter.
We stayed like that for a while. When she pulled back, she looked directly into my eyes. “When this is all over, we will sit and talk. There is so much I need to explain and tell you—”
I didn’t let her finish. “Mom, I’m so happy to have you back. And right now all I want is my mom. We’ll worry about the rest later.”
She nodded, her eyes glistening with pride. “You amaze me every day. You have grown into such an incredible woman.”
“I take after you.”
Three out of four of us woke hung-over, sore, and completely useless. Gabby relished in this by clanging pots louder and being a lot more “peppy” than I ever thought her capable of.
Bitch
.
We soon found out that magic and hangovers didn’t work well together. With Kennedy and me out of commission, Lars took off. He was pissed, but it wasn’t the first time he left us. He would disappear sometimes. We had no idea what he was doing, or going, but it gave us a free afternoon to relax or explore.
There was something about this area besides the magic it held that drew me close. My real father had been born and raised here so maybe it was in my soul to love this land. The terrain was breathtaking and unique. Our campsite held court high on a mountain with the valley and river cutting through and around stone peaks below.
I wandered away from camp craving to be by myself and reflect. Wind tickled my face, tangling my hair around my head. Deep, burning red and orange adorned the sky as the sun left us for the other side of the world. I sat and stared at the breathtaking scenery before me. Sandstone pinnacles covered with green vegetation protruded from the landscape till they dropped off into the valley far in the distance.
Sighing happily, I reached for my backpack. I hadn’t lost the habit of toting a small drawing pad with me. I tugged it and a pencil from my bag and began to draw. My hand flew over the page. It was like coming home. It had been so long since I sketched. So much had gotten in the way of something I loved almost as much as breathing. This was therapy for me, and it helped me center myself and get prospective.
I sat there losing myself in creating and forgot everything around me except the scenery and my art pad.
“Good to see you drawing again.” Eli nipped at me ear.
“Holy shit!” I jumped, slipping forward. His hands grabbed my waist keeping me from plunging to a certain rocky death. Or at least a painful experience. “You really need to stop sneaking up. One of these times you are actually going to send me over the ledge. Literally.”
He grunted, softly kissing the curve of my neck. “The family and I are gonna go for a hunt. You want to come?”
“Nah. I’m really enjoying drawing right now.” I looked over my shoulder at him.
“Okay.” He gave me a quick kiss and stood. “I’ll be back later.” He gazed down at me.
Be prepared. You know how I get after a hunt.
“Okay, have fun.” I smiled.
Looking forward to it.
Eli slipped through the foliage and vanished. I shook off the shiver of desire going through me and returned my focus to my drawing. The oranges in the sky blended into the reds, the reds melted into dark blue-violet.
Beautiful.
So are you.
A voice spoke into my head.
I twisted and peered at him. “Eavesdropping?”
Torin stepped forward. His black shirt snuggled against the muscles in his chest. His hair hung loose and blew in the wind. He took my breath away. The man was so beautiful he rivaled the scenery before me.
“I apologize, Ember. I did not mean to intrude.”
“No, it’s okay.” I patted the spot next to me. “Join me.”
He hesitated but came toward me, sitting on the spot where my hand had been. “I mean it.
You are beautiful.”
“Torin
...” My heart burned with guilt. “Please, don’t say things like that.
“Why?” His eyes bored into me.
“Because...” I shifted my gaze, looking at the darkening sunset. “Because you are making this even more difficult.”
He sucked air through his teeth. “How am I making this hard? I am the one who has to watch you and
Dragen.”
My fingers pressed the bridge of my nose. “I hate causing you pain, and I hate that you are so nice and honorable about all this. You’re
too
good.”
Torin turned his body toward mine. “Would you prefer me to be a jerk like
Dragen? You like being treated appallingly and disrespected?”
“That’s not what I meant.”
“I am not such a man, Ember. I will only adore you. Honor you. You deserved to be cherished.”
Exactly. Like a doll or keepsake. “What about just loving me?” I responded.
He blinked. “Well, loving you goes without saying.”
“No, it really doesn’t.” I brushed my hair back away from my face. “I don’t doubt you mean every word, and the girl you end up with will be the luckiest in the world, but
...”
“But you are not that girl.”
My chest clenched. There was a part of me which wanted to say yes, I was. The bond wanted to claim it. It tugged at my gut, twisting it to act. Yet the pull did not claim my heart. It was like it had been programmed in my brain. But when I thought about it, I realized it really wasn’t what I wanted. Still not trusting myself to speak, I shook my head.
“Look at me.” I didn’t respond to his plea. Fingers came up to my chin, turning my face to his. “Every night the Queen tortured me, I thought of you. That is what got me through. Your face gave me hope to keep living. To keep fighting.” His blue eyes stared into mine with such longing and love it ripped away all my will power. I knew it was coming, but I didn’t stop it. The warmth of his lips on mine was so familiar; it was like they had been meant for me. His mouth moved against mine, his tongue parting my lips.
No!
My soul yanked on my heart and brain. “No. I can’t.” I stood and moved away.
He followed. “Why?” Something seemed to snap in him. He clenched his fists at his sides. “I have been extremely patient. I have watched and endured you degrading yourself with
Dragen over and over. A man can only take so much. You are obviously not seeing the truth fast enough. This comes to an end.” His shoulders squared off, demanding my obedience. “You are with me now.” He reached for me.
I pulled back and put more distance between us. “Excuse me? With you now? You have no say about whom I’m with. I am not someone you can control and order around, even if we were together. It is
not
who I am.” I shrieked each word with venom, anger charged through my muscles.
This change in Torin was getting harder to sympathize with. The emotional scars of being mentally, physically, sexually tortured had changed him. He was so quick to anger. I wanted to be there for him. To understand. But he was making it exceptionally difficult. I took in a shaky breath. “I care about you. I always will. But it will never be in the way you want.”
Anger flashed in his eyes. “Dragen has so much hold you on that you can’t see the truth. He will hurt you and eventually grow bored and leave. I have seen him do this to others over the years.” Torin threw his arms up. “We would be good together. I would take care of you, protect you always.”
“There it is again. Duty. Honor,” I hurled at him, rubbing at my forehead.
“And what is wrong with those things?” His breath sounded ragged, his lids narrowing. He shifted closer.
“Nothing.” I shook my head, moving away. I needed to get away from this situation and him. “But it’s not what I want. Neither of us would be truly happy in the end. I am sorry, but I don’t want to be with you.
Please
, let me go.” Not giving him a chance to answer, I whipped around and ran.
“Ember,” Torin yelled after me.
I was leaving the man whom I should probably be standing on a cliff at sunset with and heading for the man I had chosen, who was probably tearing into a bloody deer carcass at the moment. I was such a romantic.
Kennedy’s words had been right:
You have one, and the other has you.
Eli had me. Completely.
That night around the campfire, I sat between Mom and Josh.
Torin sat next to Thara across from me. I could feel his heated glare, challenging me to look at him. Eli simply watched with a curved eyebrow. He sensed something was off, but I didn’t want to talk to him until we were alone. I didn’t feel guilt but disappointment in my weakness for Torin because I kept letting it continue. Even though I wasn’t in love with Torin, my feelings weren’t cut and dry. I couldn’t just turn them off.
It wasn’t until Eli and I settled into our tent later when I came clean—or tried to.
“Eli... I...”
His eyes burned into mine, and he frowned. “Was the next part of your sentence going to be ‘made out with Torin’ by any chance?”
My eyes widened, and my mouth dropped open. His fingers reached up to click my jaw shut.
“H-ho-how did you know?” I stumbled over my words.
“I can smell him on you.” Eli put his arms behind his head, lying back on the pillow.
“Okay, I’m
gonna jump over the creep factor and get to the point.” My lids restricted, looking critically at him lying there seemingly relaxed. “So you’re okay with it?”
He shrugged. “I really don’t have a right to say anything.”
Anger pumped into me. “So you don’t give a shit who I kiss? What about who I sleep with? Does that matter at all?”
Eli opened his mouth to speak, but the train of my fury was already coasting down the tracks.
“What in the hell are we doing then? Are you going to get bored of me and toss me over for another soon? God, I’m so stupid. I am the girl who gets the bad boy and thinks she’ll be the one to change him. I thought we were in this together, you and me.” My rage only escalated as Eli covered his mouth and tried not to laugh. “What the hell are you laughing at? You think this is funny? Is watching me lose it good for your ego?”
“Honestly
... yeah, but that’s not why I’m laughing.” He sat up.
My rant was over, but the simmering rage underneath slowly rose to a boil. “Oh, please, enlighten me.”
Eli’s expression turned serious. “Believe me if I had smelled him on any other part of you besides your lips, there would be one less Fairy in the world.” He kept his eyes on the wall of the tent. “I have never let myself feel jealousy. It is one emotion that strikes my animal side, and I need to control it. It takes a lot to switch it on, but when it happens, there is no stopping me. I will kill.”
I gulped. He had my undivided attention as he continued. “I am not your warden or your mom. You can make your own decisions. I have given up ever trying to control you. I know you will do what is right for you in the end whether it’s me or Torin.”
My mouth fell open again.
“Don’t get me wrong. If it does end up Torin, I will battle him to the death. Until then
...” He lay down again. “Besides what I really mean is after the Natasha thing I figured you had a freebie.”
A half-amused, half-confused puff of air escaped my lips. “Really? You mean that?”
He scoffed, “Hell, no, Brycin. If he kisses you or even gets near you again, I will tear him apart. I’m not kidding. I still might.”
With a bemused laugh I grabbed my pillow, thumping it down on Eli.
The next morning Lars bellowed
across the campsite, breaking the early morning calm.
“You,” he roared, pointing at Kennedy. “Get over here.”
Her eyes widened for an instance as she popped off the log. She then stopped, hands going to her hips. Her chin went up. “I have a name, you know, besides girl or Druid.”
The whole camp froze. No one talked back to the Unseelie King. Well, except me, but that felt slightly different, since I was family.
Lars watched her carefully for an instant before he nodded. “I apologize. Ms. Johnson, if you could come here and assist me.”
He still wasn’t asking, nevertheless, my eyes opened wide in shock. This tiny five-foot-nothing, ninety-pound girl just put the Unseelie King in his place and won.
Holy crap!
With all that happened to Kennedy since discovering about herself, she now had a strength in her even Lars couldn’t deny.
“Ember, you, too.” He waved me over and ignored the stunned glances from the camp.
“But my breakfast...” I looked down at the plate of steamy, scrambled eggs. The coffee thermos was still within my reach.
“Now!” He practically stomped his foot with impatience. The niceties only went so far. He had been in a foul mood the moment he walked out.
I threw down my plate on a nearby tree stump. “Does he really want to deal with me before I get my coffee?” I mumbled as I walked to him.