He looks choked up. My chest squeezes. “Hey,” he smiles. “Keep these videos comin’. When I’m out, who knows … we might turn them into a movie. Comedy, for sure.” He smirks. “Oh, hey, Alex. Dominic. What’s crackin’, bros? Hope you’re keeping these youngsters in line. If that’s possible.” We all laugh at that. “Ok. I gotta get back. Love you guys.”
And there’s static again.
I wipe the corners of my eyes with a napkin I stashed in my pocket earlier.
“He’s right,” Keesh says. “By the time we get another video from him, we’ll all be out of high school.”
The room quiets again as we all mull that over.
“Who’s ready to record?” I ask.
“I say we do it Big Brother style again,” Andi chirps. “Dude, it was totally fun. Like writing in a diary. You can say anything.”
“As long as no one is peeking at the video before sending it.” Travis glares at me.
“I’m insulted.” I press my hand to my chest. “I’m gonna pack up the camera as soon as we’re done, and then Alex and I are off to the post office.”
“I’ll go first,” Steph says. “Ben is going to be the first one to know where I’m going to college.”
“Good idea. I’m gonna tell him too,” Keesh says.
“That’s what I planned to do,” I confess.
“Wow, all your secrets are gonna be right here.” Alex holds up the FlipCam.
One by one, we each take turns spilling the beans to Ben in our video confessionals. And just to be sure I don’t cheat, we take a group field trip to the post office when we’re done.
“You’re back!” I shout, when I tear through the door to Mrs. Fuller’s classroom. “I missed you!”
She holds out her arms to me and I accept her hug. “I missed you too, Meggie. But let me tell you, it was hard to leave my love bug this morning.”
“I bet. But my mom says it’s a lot harder to stay at home than it is to go to work.”
“Your mom is a wise woman. It was nice to drink a cup of coffee when I got here this morning without any interruptions. I forgot how to relax and enjoy the quiet.”
The bell rings.
“Too late to figure it out. Let the crazy begin. I’ll be at my desk.”
“Hey, don’t run away so fast. These kiddos are gonna be writing about spring break. You didn’t expect me to stand up there and talk all period on my first day back. I gotta ease into it.”
She gets the class started while I swivel back and forth in her extra teacher-chair.
When the class has their heads down, and their pens scrolling across the page, she sits back down and starts whispering.
“So tell me everything. What did I miss?”
“We went to the beach again.”
“You guys are so original,” she jokes. “Did Alex come home?”
“Yeah, but just for a few days. He has an internship that’s keeping him plenty busy.”
“Are you guys back together yet?” She studies my reaction like I might lie to her or something.
“Not yet. But we will be eventually. For some reason, I’m just holding out until graduation. Like nothing will be holding us back anymore, once I’m not some little high school kid.”
She nods. “I get it.” She pauses. “You know, I wasn’t always of fan of you guys together, but now I can’t see it any other way.”
“Me neither.”
“How about Ben? Have you heard from him?”
I explain our whole video thing.
“That’s very cool. I’m sure he loves it. Where’s he at? Is he done with training?”
“Not even,” I tell her, chuckling. “When you think of the military, you think the guys go off to boot camp and get thrown into war. But no way. He finished the first round of training. Then, he went to something called ‘School of Infantry’. Now, he’s on the east coast somewhere doing some special forces training. He was selected for a special duty providing security for the President or the White House officials. It’s pretty exciting. Just a little confusing. I’m pretty sure I messed all that up or missed something.”
“Sounds fascinating,” she says, all wide-eyed.
“Yeah, he also has to have some top security clearance in order to do that job. My parents, and Alex’s, might be interviewed as character references. It’s a big deal.”
“I’m sure he’ll have no problem with that. He’s one of the good guys.” She raises her hands, brushing them through her hair. “I’m so proud of him.”
“We all are.”
She takes a quick lap around the classroom to get her students back to work and then sits again.
“So what’s happening with the college selection? Have you made a choice yet?”
Nerves flutter through my belly. “Yup!”
“So tell me.”
“I can’t,” I mumble.
“Why not?” she squeals.
“If I told ya, I’d have to kill ya.”
She laughs. “What’s going on?”
I fill her in on the details about the big reveal, our plans to announce our college choices at Senior Awards Night. It’s crazy. I don’t know why I agreed to this. I’m going nuts wanting to tell someone. Telling Ben was such a relief but I’m really dying to tell everyone else. Especially my parents and Alex.
And … it’s killing me not knowing where Steph and Keesh have decided to go. Or Josh and Travis. I’m starting to think those too don’t have any plans at all. We should have asked to see their confirmation emails for their applications. Something fishy is happening with both of them.
Chapter 27
My phone chimes with a text. We’re in ASB so I don’t hesitate to pull it out of my pocket and take a look.
Wanna ditch? Ima lil crazy today. Need to get away.
It’s Amy.
Before I can think it through, my fingers are typing back that I’ll meet her in the parking lot.
“Hey, I’ll be back.” My friends are all knee deep in homework or listening to their iPods so they don’t bother with questions. Our teachers are all piling it on before AP tests. After taking the SATs three times, I’m not really feeling it anymore. It is what it is. If I pass, great. If I don’t, I’m over it. I’m not gonna kill myself studying like I did last year.
When I get outside, Amy is there already. Her shoulders are slumped and her eyes are red and puffy.
“What’s wrong?” I ask when I get closer.
“Just having a bad day.” Tears spill from her eyes.
I reach out to touch her shoulder. She glances up at me. “Looks like more than a bad day.”
“Will you come somewhere with me?”
My stomach cringes, and I get a bad feeling. I’ve seen how this story ends, with me holding her hand in a clinic. Then it dawns on me. I think back to last year and try to remember the day. I can’t get a grasp of the exact date, but if I’m right, it’s been a year since the abortion.
“Sure. Anywhere you want to go.”
When we pull into a cemetery, I’m speechless. I had no idea what to expect, but this isn’t it.
Amy seems to know where she’s going. She makes left and right turns in exact locations until we come to a stop along a narrow curb.
Slowly, she steps out of her car and then opens the back door, reaching in for a pile of flowers.
Finally, I peel my eyes away from her and get out of the car too.
“Come on,” she says.
I follow her down a row, walking carefully so I don’t stomp on any headstones. I’ve always been uncomfortable in this setting. Where are you supposed to step? I feel like no matter where I put my feet, I’m crushing someone.
“This is where my grandma was buried.” Gently, she places the flowers at the base of the stone as she kneels in front of it. “She’s the only one I know who’s ever died. I thought I’d come here to pay respects to her. And to my baby.” She sniffles.
Oh god. I’m going to cry. I kneel beside her, and just sit. Quietly.
Amy spends a few moments arranging the flowers. Then she moves on to brushing dirt off the stone. She trims the over grown grass around the base by ripping it from the ground. When she’s satisfied, she sits back inspecting her work.
With a deep sigh, she starts talking. “Scientifically, I know my baby wasn’t technically a baby yet. She wasn’t born. She didn’t have a brain or anything. She was barely a dot on a screen, but it doesn’t make me love her any less.”
I rest my hand on hers, and squeeze softly.
“Logically, I know I did the right thing. For her. For everyone. But I still feel bad. I’ll never forget what I did. I’ll never forget her.”
She wipes her eyes with the back of her hand. Then she pulls up the corner of her cardigan and dabs at the corners of her eyes. She looks so broken, it breaks my heart. How could I have not known how much this still weighs on her? She needs someone and I’m the only one who knows. I should be a better friend.
“Amy, you don’t have to forget. Ever.” I squeeze her hand again. “But you do need to forgive.”
A quick smile flashes on her face. “I know. It’s just hard.”
“You know I’m here whenever you need me. To talk. To come back here. You can call me. Anytime.”
She smiles again. “Mrs. Flores says there will be days where it might just creep up on me and I need to learn how to deal with it. I guess this is my way of dealing.”
“Is it working?”
“Kinda. I keep imagining my grams taking care of her. My grams died of cancer, remember. And she was really sick at the end. But when I see her with my baby, she’s heeled and they’re happy together.”
“That’s a good way to think of it. I’m sure your grandma is happy to watch over her for you.”
“Yeah, I think so too.” She leans forward on her knees, reaching for the flowers again. She moves some around until a pink rose sits on top. “Mind if we just sit here for a while?”
“No. Not at all.”
We’re in the car on the way back to school when I have a better idea.
“Hey, let’s go get lunch. No point in going back to school now.”
“Sounds good.”
I take out my phone and send a quick text to my mom. If I’ve learned anything from my past experiences, it’s that being honest will save me from coming home and having both my parents waiting for me at the kitchen table, pissed as hell and demanding an explanation.
Take all the time you need. And call me if you need anything.
I knew she’d say something like that. I got really lucky in the parents department, despite my mom’s loony love for her boy band and goofy all-purpose celebrity host.
She hasn’t embarrassed me lately. Well, she did wear a vintage New Kids shirt to the rally to support Josh, but I did talk her out of pulling her hair into a high side-ponytail to match the time period. Andi encouraged her, but I put my foot down.
When we’re sitting down at Taco Bell with a tray full of crunchy tacos in front of us, I ask, “So what’s going on with the Brodster?”
“He hasn’t said anything?” She raises a brow.
“Nope. Which is totally unlike him. He’s usually all over me with questions on how to talk to girls.”
She laughs.
“What?” I question.
“He listened to me.” She takes a bite, and takes her time chewing. “I told him to just be himself and not worry about all the right things to say. Seems to be working for him. I like him a lot.”
“And he likes you too?”
“Yeah. He does. We spend a lot of time together.”
“Are you guys together? Like a couple?”
She smiles, a twinkle of love flickering in her eyes. “Yeah. We are.” Now, she takes a sip of her drink. “He’s been the best friend I’ve had since this whole mess. He doesn’t care about the past. Doesn’t throw it back in my face. He accepts me. All the bad stuff. But, he sees good too.”
“Brody is a good guy. Total dork, but he’s great. I’m glad you guys found each other.”
“So am I.”
When I finish my tacos, I push my tray away knowing I need to run with Keesh and Andi or my body will turn to mush before the end of the year. I wish I was like my two friends who can eat a whole cow and a sack of potatoes and not gain a pound without exercising. Me? Not even close. I have to keep moving or my
baby
fat will keep coming back.
“What are you thinking about?” Amy asks. “You’re frowning like someone just took your last fry.”
“Just thinking about prom and how I need to exercise or else I’m not gonna be able to fit into a dress after stuffing my face like this.”
She smiles with a slight chuckle. “Brody asked me already. I’m really happy. He says you showed him how to dance so I can’t wait to see his moves.”
Now, I’m the one laughing. When I catch my breath, I tell her, “You’re gonna love it. He can shake his rump with the best of them.”
“How about you?”
“I don’t know yet. I’m going, I know that. Maybe Keesh and I will hijack Josh’s time again. Poor guy hasn’t gotten any action because we keep bugging him to be our date for everything.”