Don't Look Back (12 page)

Maybe I should hire an attorney, I thought. But I didn’t want to go that route just yet.

I shut down my computer, frustrated that my life was at this point. A year ago I could never have imagined myself in this situation. I was starting to feel sorry for myself.

“Greta, let’s go play,” I said, jumping up from the couch and walking to the back door. Greta followed eagerly behind. We went outside and played until I had pushed my troubles with Trevor to the back of my mind.

When I came back inside, I started dinner. As I was waiting for a chicken breast to bake, I heard a knock at the door. Greta immediately raced to the door, barking. Even though she was still a puppy, she had a strong bark. The sound of it made me feel safer. I walked to the door, not feeling quite as jumpy as I had in the past. After peeking through the peephole, I opened the door to see Marcus standing on my porch, a big grin on his face.

His smile was contagious and I smiled back. “What?” I asked.

“I got the job.”

“That’s great! Congratulations! Do you want to come in?” He followed me into the living room and we sat on the couch. “So when do you start?”

“Monday. And it’s a really great job.”

I could see how excited he was and I wanted to give him a hug in congratulations, but I hesitated, not wanting him to get the wrong idea.

“I knew you would get it,” I said with enthusiasm. “As soon as you told me about it, I just had a feeling.”

“Me, too. But I didn’t want to get my hopes up.” He paused. “The reason I came over, besides to tell you about the job, was to see if you’d come have dinner with my family on Sunday night. Kind of a celebration about the job.”

“Sure,” I said, without hesitation. His mother, Trish, had been kind to me and I thought it would be nice to spend an evening with his family. And I wanted to support him in his good news. After all, that’s what friends did.

“Great! We eat a little early on Sunday. About five.”

I nodded. “I’ll be there.” I paused. “Does your mom want me to bring anything?”

“No, I don’t think so.”

“Okay.”

Just then the timer went off, indicating my chicken was done. The smell coming from the kitchen left no doubt that I had been preparing dinner.

“Well, I’ll let you get to your dinner, Kate.”

I was tempted to invite him to eat with me, but I had only made enough food for me. Anyway, I told myself, you need to keep things platonic. You’re already eating dinner with Marcus and his family on Sunday. And you just had dinner with him last night. No need to overdo it.

Marcus stood and walked toward the door and I followed. “Congratulations again. I know you’ll do great.”

“Thanks, Kate,” he said, a broad smile on his face.

After he left I ate my meal, then watched television for a while. Finally, I booted up my laptop and composed a response to Trevor’s email.

Trevor,

I feel like you’re trying to blackmail me into meeting with you. That’s not going to happen. Please don’t contact me again unless you’re ready to move forward with the divorce.

Lily

I hit Send and hoped for the best.

Chapter Twenty

Billi had given me the weekend off, which was nice. Taking advantage of the free time, I drove around and checked out garage sales. I still needed a dresser and changing table for the baby. Even though I had started early, it seemed most of the good stuff was gone by the time I showed up. I did find a nice table lamp, which I was going to put on top of the baby’s dresser, once I’d found one.

Once home, I took Greta for a walk around the neighborhood and practiced some of the things we’d learned in her obedience school. She only had one lesson left before this phase of her training was done. She hadn’t had any more accidents, which I was grateful for, but she was still working on learning how to stay and how to keep from jumping on my visitors. But she kept me company and I was glad to have her.

Before I knew it, it was time to have dinner with Marcus and his parents. Even though Marcus said I didn’t need to bring anything, I had made a plate of brownies. This would be my first time meeting Marcus’ dad and I wanted to make a good impression on him and Trish. Though Marcus and I were just friends, I wanted my neighbors to think well of me.

I walked over to their house, balancing the plate in my hands, and rang the doorbell. After only a moment I heard footsteps approach and I started to feel nervous. Marcus opened the door, a big smile on his face.

“Hey, Kate. Come in.”

He opened the door wider and I walked in. Glancing around, I noticed that it was nicely decorated, in a subdued way.

“Where would you like these?” I asked, holding out the brownies.

“You didn’t need to bring anything.”

“I know, but I wanted to.”

He took them from me.

“Hi, Kate,” Trish said, coming to greet me.

A tall man that looked like an older version of Marcus followed behind her.

“This is my husband, Jeff,” Trish said. “And this is Kate,” she added, talking to her husband.

We greeted each other, then Trish invited me to come out to the backyard, where they were grilling salmon. We all chatted as we waited for the food to cook, then sat at the table to eat.

Marcus’ family was really nice and I enjoyed their company. Their kindness reminded me of Trevor’s parents and I felt guilt wash over me at the thought that his parents probably didn’t know anything about what was going on between Trevor and me. I seriously doubted he would have told them. I hoped I would be able to include them in my baby’s life though.

“I understand you’re from Vegas,” Jeff was saying to me.

I nodded, not quite able to verbalize the lie, especially when they were being so friendly to me.

“How do you like it here so far?”

I smiled, glad I could be completely honest in my answer. “I love it. Everyone I’ve met has been so friendly and I’m really enjoying my little place.” I glanced at Marcus. “And your son has been kind enough to help me with a few projects. I’ve really appreciated all he’s done.”

I noticed Marcus’ parents glance at him with a knowing smile. I wondered what secret they were keeping, but knew I had enough secrets of my own to keep me busy.

Jeff turned back to me. “Marcus has always been handy to have around.”

After dessert we played board games. I had not done that since before Dad developed his dementia. Playing games with Marcus’ family brought back all kinds of good memories. Finally it was time to go home. I thanked Jeff and Trish for having me over.

When it became clear that I was leaving, Marcus offered to walk me home. Even though I felt perfectly safe walking home alone, I didn’t want to hurt his feelings by saying no. Besides, if I was honest with myself, I had to admit that I enjoyed being with him. Maybe a bit too much.

“Your family’s really nice,” I said as we walked side by side down the street that ran in front of our houses.

“Yeah, most of the time.”

I looked at him, surprised by his response. “What do you mean?”

“You know how it is with parents. We don’t always agree on everything.”

I didn’t know what he meant. I’d been without parents for a year now and before that, while Dad suffered through his dementia, he hadn’t been himself and actually I’d been the adult in our relationship during that time. And before he’d become sick, he’d been too busy putting food on the table to watch my every move and argue with me. Of course I’d been too busy going to high school and running our household to have a chance to get into trouble.

“I guess,” I finally said.

Marcus glanced at me and I could tell he’d just realized the faux pas he’d committed, talking about parents like that when I didn’t have any.

“I’m so sorry, Kate. That was really insensitive of me.”

“It’s okay,” I quickly assured him. “You don’t need to walk on eggshells around me. Life is what it is. There’s no need to not talk about your parents just because mine happen to no longer be around.”

We had reached the gravel drive that led to my house. Marcus stopped and turned toward me. “Kate, there’s something really special about you.”

I smiled, suffused with warmth at his words. “Thanks.”

Then he took my hand and continued walking. Powerful waves of attraction rolled up my arm and spread throughout my body. When we reached my porch, he turned toward me, one of my hands still in his. Then he reached out and took my other hand as well. As I gazed into his amazing green eyes, I felt myself nearly sway in his direction. He held my gaze with his and I wondered what he was thinking. Was he going to kiss me? What was stopping him? What would I do if he did kiss me? Or if he didn’t? The tension in waiting to see what he would do was agonizing.

Finally he smiled and blinked, then said, “Thanks for having dinner with my family.”

He relaxed his grip on my hands, letting them slide out of his. Evidently there would be no kiss tonight. The Lily in me felt relief, but the Kate in me was completely disappointed.

With my hands now free, I reached into my pocket and extracted the key. I could hear Greta moving around on the other side of the door. I unlocked the door and opened it, letting Greta bound out. First she greeted me by trying to jump on me. I pushed her down with my knee against her chest and said “Down” in a commanding voice, just as I’d been shown. Then she turned to Marcus and tried the same thing. “You need to push your knee against her chest to show her that she shouldn’t do that.”

He looked at me with a question in his eyes. “I don’t want to hurt her though.”

“Just do it gently. She’ll get the message eventually.”

As she continued trying to jump on him, he tried to do as I’d instructed, but he was too tall and his knee was too high to touch her chest. We both laughed at his attempt.

“Never mind,” I laughed.

“Maybe when she’s bigger,” he said, smiling.

“Well hopefully by then she’ll know better than to jump on people.”

“Yeah, I guess it would be a lot worse if she was doing that when she’s bigger.”

We stood there for a moment, watching Greta. Finally I said, “Thanks for dinner. I had fun.”

He smiled. “Take care, Kate.”

I watched as he turned and started walking back down the gravel drive. “Good luck at work tomorrow,” I called out.

He stopped and looked at me. “Thanks.” Then he continued on.

Chapter Twenty-One

The next afternoon, after I’d been home from work for a while, Trish stopped by.

“You forgot this,” she said, holding the plate I’d used for the brownies.

“Oh, thank you.” I took the plate from her, then asked if she wanted to come in.

“Yes,” she said. “There’s actually something I want to talk to you about.”

“Okay.” I led her to the couch, then took the plate into the kitchen and set it on the counter before coming back into the living room. Greta was being her usual friendly self.  I pulled her away from Trish and got her to settle down on her pet bed, then I sat on the other end of the couch.

“She’s gotten bigger since I saw her last,” Trish said.

“Yeah. I guess she has. It’s harder for me to notice since I see her all the time.”

Trish nodded. “Kate, the reason I wanted to talk to you, is to, well, to ask you kind of a favor.”

“Okay.”

“I know it’s really not my place to get involved in my son’s relationships.”

“There is no relationship between Marcus and me,” I interrupted. “We’re just friends.”

“I see.”

The way she said it made me wonder exactly what she saw. Had Marcus told her something else? Was I dealing with another Trevor? Someone who would lie to his parents about me? I didn’t want to depend on someone else to clear up misconceptions about me, like I had with Trevor and his mother, so I decided to make sure Trish and I were on the same page. “I don’t know what Marcus has told you about our friendship, but that’s all it is. We’re just friends. Nothing more.”

Trish seemed taken aback by my statement. “Marcus hasn’t actually told me anything.”

I was glad to hear that, but it made me wonder why Trish had wanted to talk to me.

“It’s just that I know Marcus very well,” she continued. “And it’s clear to me that he’s developing a crush on you.”

I couldn’t suppress the smile that spread across my face. Trish obviously saw my expression, but interestingly, she didn’t seem pleased. I would have thought she’d be glad that if Marcus had a crush on me, that I might feel the same. Then I realized why she must be unhappy. Here I was, widowed (at least as far as she knew) and pregnant. Why would she want her son, who held so much promise, saddled with me and my problems? Problems that were actually a lot bigger than she imagined.

The smile on my face faded as it became clear to me just how unattractive I would look to Trish as a potential girlfriend to her son.

Trish had watched without comment as the emotions played across my face.

“You must be wondering why I’m getting involved,” she finally said.

I didn’t respond, shocked by the deep disappointment I felt, now that I realized Trish was going to tell me to discourage Marcus’ interest.

“First let me say that my concern is not only for Marcus. Kate, you have a lot on your plate right now. I’m keeping you in mind as well.”

I nodded, pretending to believe that my welfare played into her concerns at all.

“Let me be perfectly honest with you, Kate. Marcus has had some serious heartbreak in the past. Watching him suffer broke my heart as well. I just don’t want to see him hurt like that again.”

I had absolutely no idea how to respond. Didn’t she know that heartbreak was a part of life and that no one was immune? I felt like I’d had more than my share, but I didn’t think that would keep me from taking chances in the future.

Then I thought, why does she think getting involved with me would lead to heartbreak? But when I thought about it, I knew she was right. How could there be any other outcome except heartbreak? A relationship with me was a dead-end. I was already married. And the likelihood of Trevor agreeing to a divorce was remote. “I understand,” I said softly.