Don't Look Back (11 page)

As the end of my shift approached, I became more nervous about the conversation I was going to have with Billi. Would she be angry with me for not telling her about my pregnancy before she hired me? In the few conversations we’d had, I had discovered that she was single and childless. Did that mean she didn’t think children were a good idea?

“Kate, I’m available now,” Billi said, motioning for me to come into her office.

I took a deep breath and followed her in. She sat in her desk chair and I sat in the extra chair.

“How do you like working here?” she asked.

I smiled. “I really like it.”

“Good. The customers seem to like you, and you’re doing a great job.”

I relaxed under her praise. “Thank you.”

“Now, what was it you wanted to talk about?”

Her face was open and friendly and I hoped my fears had been misplaced. “There was something I needed to tell you.” I paused, gathering my courage. “I’m pregnant.” I watched several different emotions play across her face. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before you hired me,” I rushed to say. “I was just so excited for the chance to work here that I didn’t even think about it.”

“When are you due?”

“Not until Christmas.”

“So you’re planning on working up until then?”

“Yeah. I’m, uh, I’m planning on going to school in the fall, but I was going to schedule afternoon classes so it wouldn’t interfere with working here.”

“I see.”

Afraid now that she would fire me, I bit my lip.

“Well, my concern is that I can count on you to be here when you’re scheduled.”

“That won’t be a problem,” I hurried to assure her.

“But it might be a problem if you can’t work during the Christmas rush.”

“I should be available at least through the middle of December though.”

“I guess we’ll just see how it goes. I usually have to hire extra staff for Christmas, so I’ll just keep your issues in mind.”

“I appreciate you hiring me, Billi.”

She smiled. “I don’t regret it. Just keep up the good work and I’m sure everything will work out.”

I thanked her and said good-bye then drove home, relieved our meeting had gone well and that I still had a job.

When I got home I played with Greta. So far she had been doing fine on her own when I was at work, which made me happy. As I threw the ball for her, my eyes strayed in the direction of Marcus’ house. No one was outside at his house. I turned my attention back to Greta and smiled. That night Marcus would be taking me to dinner.

Chapter Eighteen

At six o’clock I heard a knock at the door. Excited to be going to dinner with Marcus, I hurried to answer. He wore a button down shirt that emphasized his amazing green eyes.

“You look very nice, Kate,” he said, a smile on his face.

“Thanks.” I followed him out to his car, an older model black jeep. He opened the door for me and I climbed in. When he slid behind the wheel I said, “It doesn’t seem quite right that you’re taking
me
to dinner, when I’m the one who is supposed to be thanking you.”

He grinned at me. “Well, I’d like to think I’m a gentleman, and a gentleman takes a lady to dinner, not the other way around.”

I returned his smile. “Okay. I guess I can live with that.”

“Good.”

He turned the key in the ignition as I put on my seatbelt, then he backed down the gravel drive and pulled onto the road that ran in front of our houses. A short time later we pulled into a parking space at the restaurant.

When he turned the jeep off, I reached for the door handle.

“Hang on, Kate.”

I watched as he jumped out of the jeep and hurried around to my side of the vehicle, opening the door for me. Then he held out his hand to help me from the car.

I couldn’t help but smirk a little. “Wow. You really are a gentleman, aren’t you?”

A slow smile spread across his face. “I try to be.”

Then he held out his arm for me to take, which I did, and we went into the restaurant. We didn’t have to wait long to be seated. The server approached and asked if she could start us off with a drink or an appetizer. I noticed that Marcus just asked for water and I wondered if he drank much. I decided I would try to find out.

After we gave our orders and the server left, Marcus focused on me. “Tell me about yourself, Kate.”

“I think you already know the basics.”

He smiled. “I know that you’re from Vegas and that you moved here on a whim. I know you’re going to have a baby in December and that your husband passed away. I know that you have a dog named Greta and that you just started working at
Billi’s
and that you’re taking a self-defense class.” He paused, a twinkle in his eyes. “And I know you need more practice with the jigsaw before you take on any large projects.”

Heat raced up my face as I remembered the feeling of his arms around me when he helped me with Greta’s dog door.

As he saw my discomfort, his smile grew. “It’s okay. I didn’t mind helping.”

It felt like my cheeks reddened even more, if that was possible. I looked down at the napkin in my lap as I tried to regain my composure.

He laughed, clearly amused. “You’re cute when you blush, Kate.”

I lifted my gaze to meet his and tried to hold back a smile. “I’m glad you find it so amusing.”

“I’m sorry. I just call it like I see it.” His smile didn’t waver.

“It sounds like you know everything there is to know about me, so tell me more about you,” I said, trying to turn the focus away from myself.

The server set our water on the table and we watched her walk away.

“So?” I prompted.

“Okay. I told you before that I recently came home from Afghanistan.”

I nodded.

“I’ve been in the marines since I was eighteen, but now I’m ready to do some other things.”

“How long were you in the military?”

“Six years.”

He’s twenty-four, I thought. Three years older than me. “What made you decide to leave?”

“I’d done several tours and felt for me, it was time to move on to other things.”

“So what are your plans now?”

“College. I earned some college funds through my military service and now I want to put it to good use.”

I smiled. “That’s great! Do you know what you want to major in?”

“Electrical engineering.”

Just then the server brought our food and our conversation slowed down while we ate.

Marcus set his fork down. “So, Kate. What’s in the future for you?”

I swallowed what I’d been chewing and set my fork down as well. “I’m planning on taking some college courses this fall. I’d really like to get my Bachelor’s degree, but with the baby coming, I’m not sure when I’ll be able to get that done.”

“Wanting to get it done is the first step though.”

I nodded, glad his attitude toward education was similar to mine.

“Do you know what you want to major in?” he asked, resuming his eating.

“I enjoy working with computers, so I was thinking something in IT.”

His eyebrows went up, like he was impressed, and I felt my confidence grow.

“That’s awesome, Kate.”

“So Marcus, tell me, what do you do all day? Besides help me out, I mean.”

“I’d like to spend all day helping you out,” he said, a grin on his face. “But actually I’ve been job hunting. And I think one of the jobs I applied for might just work out. I’ll actually find out tomorrow.”

“That’s great. What kind of a job is it?”

“It’s kind of like an internship, but it would be a permanent position at an engineering firm.”

Now I was the one who was impressed. “That sounds very promising.”

“Yeah. I had some training in the marines and I really liked it.”

“I hope it works out for you.”

“Thanks.”

He lifted his water glass to his lips and took a sip. I decided if I wanted to know how he felt about drinking, I would just have to come out and ask. “So, Marcus.”

He set his drink down. “Yes?”

“I noticed that you just got water. Don’t you like to drink?”

He glanced down, then to the side, then back at me. I wondered why he seemed so uncomfortable and felt suddenly worried that he would be another Trevor.

“You know, I’m actually not a big fan of drinking,” he finally said.

That was not what I had been expecting at all and I was elated. “Really?”

He looked hesitant. “Does that bother you?”

I smiled and he seemed to relax. “Not at all. I’m curious why though.”

“I don’t know. Getting drunk and losing control never really appealed to me.”

I thought of all of the things I’d found out about him: education was important to him, he had good career prospects, he didn’t like to drink, and he was gorgeous. Of course I had already known about that last one. But as I thought about how much he filled my list of qualities I wanted in a man, I felt my heart sing.

Then my other self, Lily, forced her way into my head. You’re married, remember?

But I didn’t want to be Lily. I wanted to be Kate. And never as much as right now. Pushing those thoughts aside, I focused on Marcus, who was watching me.

“So, Kate. How do you feel about drinking?”

Pulling myself back to the moment, I almost laughed. It seemed like he was the one now who was worried that I might not measure up. “Well, the reason I asked you is because I have strong feelings on drinking. When I was little, my mother was killed by a drunk driver, so I kind of frown on drinking.”

“Oh. I’m sorry to hear about your mother. I had no idea.”

“That’s okay. I don’t really remember much about her.”

“What about your dad? What does he do?”

The elation I had been feeling moments before was swiftly replaced by sadness and I knew it showed on my face. I couldn’t help it. His question reminded me that whether I was Lily or Kate, I still had no family left in the world.

“Are you okay?” he asked, obviously noticing my distress.

I nodded, trying to control my emotions. I cleared my throat, giving myself a moment to collect myself. “He passed away last year.”

Marcus’ hand reached across the table and held mine. A jolt of electricity shot up my arm at his touch. I wondered if he felt it too or if it was just one-sided.

“Wow. You’ve really had a lot of bad luck lately.” Then a look of optimism appeared on his face. “But I have a good feeling, Kate. Good things are in store for you.”

Somehow that made me feel better and I smiled. “Thanks.”

He pulled his hand back to his side of the table and I missed the strength and warmth it had offered. The server appeared and asked if we wanted dessert. When we had both said no, she set the check down. Marcus grabbed it before I had a chance to even consider paying.

As we drove back to our neighborhood, we chatted about nothing in particular. A short time later we pulled in front of my house. Marcus walked me to the door.

“I really enjoyed having dinner with you, Kate.”

I gazed into his amazing green eyes and felt inexorably drawn to him. “Me, too. Thanks for taking me. And thanks again for all the help you’ve given me.”

He grinned. “No problem.”

“Let me know what happens with that job you were telling me about.”

“I will.”

I desperately wanted him to kiss me, but I also knew I’d feel terribly guilty if he did. Even though Trevor might choose to cheat on me with Amanda, I knew I couldn’t do the same. As long as I was married, I knew I needed to keep Marcus at arm’s length. I turned toward the door and put my key in the lock. I started to open the door, then turned back toward Marcus. “Thanks again for everything.”

“Take care, Kate.”

I couldn’t tell if he’d wanted to kiss me or not, but he seemed to understand that I wasn’t making myself available. I watched him walk to his jeep and drive away.

I went inside and found Greta there to meet me. “I can always depend on you,” I said, scratching her head.

Even though I had decided to pretend Trevor didn’t exist, I realized that if I truly wanted to get on with my life, I would need to make a clean break from him. I booted up my laptop and opened my email account. I hit Reply on his last message, the one where he claimed he wasn’t “with” Amanda.

Trevor,

You need to understand that we will never get back together. You literally made me a prisoner in my home. You stole my inheritance money. You lied to me and you lied to your parents about me. And you hurt me. You pushed me down. You didn’t know it at the time, but I was pregnant. You could have hurt your own child. I can’t be with you anymore.

Trevor, I want a divorce. Please understand that this will be in the best interest of both of us.

Lily

I pressed Send before I had a chance to dwell on the message I was sending.

Chapter Nineteen

As soon as I got home from work the next afternoon I checked my email account. Trevor had responded. With trepidation I opened the message.

Lily,

I’m sorry you feel that way because that’s not how I feel. I see a future for us. But I’ll tell you what, if you tell me where you are, and we can meet face to face, I’ll consider it.

I still love you,

Trevor

I hadn’t really expected he would agree with me, but I’d hoped he might. There was no way I would tell him where I was and I was extremely hesitant to meet with him face to face. I opened another tab in my browser and Googled divorce in California. After doing a little research I discovered that I would have to be a resident of California for at least six months before I could file for divorce. Even though it would have been good to know that before I told Trevor I wanted a divorce, at least I had made my wishes known. Maybe in another five months, when my six month residency was met, he would be willing to agree.

Then I researched getting a divorce in Nevada. It would be much easier there. Only one of us had to be a resident of Nevada. However, either I would have to live there for six weeks to qualify, or Trevor would have to be the one to file. Right now I didn’t have much hope of that happening. And it looked like the fact that I was pregnant with his child would complicate things.