Don't Kiss Girls and Other Silly Stories (14 page)

I'm happy she said yes, but I hope she's joking about hating monster trucks. That could seriously damage our relationship.

We hug. She feels warm and soft.

‘One more thing,' Ashleigh says. ‘If you ever dump me again, I'll tell Matt and his friends to hurt you really, really bad. Okay?'

She's smiling and I hope she's joking, but I'm not sure if she is.

She gives me a soft, slow kiss and my doubts fade away. Who cares? I'll never want to dump her again. I'm sure of it.

*

The next day I walk to Kane's house, but it's not
Kane I've come to
see.

‘Why?' I ask Lacey when she opens the door.

‘Why what?'

‘Why did you tell Ash all that stuff?'

She shrugs.

I think I know the reason so I go ahead and say it. ‘You were feeling guilty for sending the photo to everybody, weren't you?'

Her shoulders straighten. ‘It wasn't me. Someone hacked my phone.'

It doesn't take me long to figure out the prime suspect. ‘Kane?'

She nods. ‘He denies it, of course …' She looks away, then back into my eyes. ‘I'm sorry I ever took that stupid video. When I saw the photo online, I wanted to make things right.'

‘Thanks,' I say.

‘How's things with Ashleigh now?'

‘Really good. We're going out again.'

‘That's cool.' She says. ‘Although …'

‘What?'

‘Nothing.'

‘Tell me.'

‘Aww …' She looks at her feet. ‘I was just thinking that if it didn't work out between you two then I would've …'

She stops.

‘Would've what?' I ask.

‘It doesn't matter.'

‘No, tell me, Lace. Come on, we go way back, remember?'

It's true. I used to double her on the back of my BMX bike.

‘Okay.' She bites her lip. ‘I … would've liked to try the kissing thing. With you.'

I'm shocked. This is Lacey, Kane's little sister talking! The girl I've known since she was in nappies. ‘Since when did you get so grown-up?' I ask.

‘Since ages ago. I've been waiting for you to catch up. Look, I better go before I embarrass myself any more. See you, Tone.'

‘Yeah. See ya.'

She closes the door and a strange feeling comes over me. It starts slow but builds like a wave until I can't ignore it anymore.

What if Ash isn't the right one? What if it's Lacey?

Far out!

Lunchtimes from Hell

I'm perfecting the latest skill I've learnt in SOSE class – going to sleep with my eyes open – when I'm rudely awoken.

‘Tony! Are you listening to me?' says the teacher.

‘Yes, Miss.'

‘Well, what did I just say?' She has her hands on her hips and a scowl on her face.

‘Ummm … You said, “Tony, are you listening to me?”'

Kids chuckle. Miss Mason sucks air through her nose. But before she can turn it into nasty words, the bell rings.

I run out the door as she yells something about history homework, but it's already history to me.

It's handball time.

On my way to the courts, I pull a sandwich from my bag. You can't play good handball on an empty stomach. I wonder what topping Mum has slapped on this time. Peeling back the bread I can hardly believe what I see. Vegemite and banana!

Cool. For once, Mum gave me what I asked for.

Gavin Fox falls into step beside me.

‘Heard what happened to Kane?' he says.

‘What?'

‘He got detention.'

Yes! I think. Without Kane I'm a shoo-in to become King. Sucker!

‘What'd he do?' I ask.

If anyone would know, it's Gavin. He spends so much time with his ear to the ground it's got grass stains.

‘He got caught inside the girls' toilets.'

I prick up my ears. Kane may be one of my best mates, but gossip like this is gold. It means I can use it against him when I really need to.

‘How do you know?' I ask.

‘Kristin told me. She heard it from Belinda, who got it off Damien Parton. He heard it from Kane's own mouth.'

I take a bite of my sandwich. ‘What was he doing in there?'

‘Writing on the toilet doors.'

‘What was he writing?'

‘Dunno.'

‘Probably his own phone number,' I say.

We chuckle.

We're close enough to the courts to hear the sweet thud of ball against cement when Ashleigh Simpkin steps in front of me.

‘Tony, we need to talk.'

Normally, a girl wanting to talk to me would be a good thing. Especially as she's cute, nice, and a good kisser – not to mention my girlfriend. But having received four Instagram photos, three instant messages, two notes and one email from this same girl in the past 24 hours, I hesitate. I never thought I'd say this, but I think I'd rather play handball.

‘Tony. Now. In private, please.'

I shrug to Gavin and
he keeps walking. It may be my imagination but I reckon he
speeds up. Without me or Kane, he's got his
best chance ever of becoming King.

‘What is it?' I ask.

‘Well, I've done something really cool.' She puts her hand on my arm and goosebumps pop up like toast. I must admit, it feels good.

‘Yeah? What?' I'm thinking it's two tickets to see MegaKiller, or even better, two tickets for the next monster truck show that's coming to town. The last one was wicked.

‘Well, you know how we agreed that we need more quality time together?'

‘Ummm … yep.' I remember no such thing, although I'd better not tell her that. Not if she just spent twenty bucks on me.

‘Well, I've signed us up for those lunchtime cultural enrichment activities.'

‘You did what?'

‘Yeah, it'll be really fun. Today is reading and writing group, tomorrow's public speaking, then environment, and then social justice.'

I'm speechless.

‘I thought we could have Fridays off to do our own thing,' she adds.

‘Gee, thanks.' My voice drips with sarcasticness.

She mustn't notice because she beams. ‘No problem.'

Yes, there is. This is not what I had in mind when it came to the whole girlfriend/boyfriend thing. I imagined us hanging out once a week – kissing in the back row of the movies on a Friday night. If she still needed more time with me then I'd let her watch me play handball.

Hey, I
am
good.

But spending my precious lunchtimes
with the geeks – reading books and going to meetings about
how to make the world a better place – is the craziest
thing I've ever heard. I'm about to tell her this when
I get a better idea.

‘I gotta go to the can,' I say.

‘Hurry up, Tone. The meeting starts in, like, five minutes. I'll meet you in the library.'

‘Yep. See you there.'

Even as I say these words, I don't really believe them. It's not that I don't like Ash, it's just that going to the library at lunchtime is against my religion. The Rossy-thinks-lunch-is-for-resting-your-brain religion.

On my way to the toilet I walk past Lacey, Kane's little sister. She's hanging out with a group of girls from the younger grade. They giggle as I approach, probably because they think I'm hot.

I stop for a quick chat. ‘Lace.'

‘Hey, Rossy. Whatcha doing?'

Lacey and I go way back so I can tell her the truth. ‘Trying to escape from the GF. She wants me to go with her to book club.'

Lacey pretends to stick two fingers down her throat. My thoughts exactly.

‘One thing I know about you,' she says, ‘is that you're no nerd.'

‘You got that right.'

‘Ashleigh'd know that too
…
'
Lacey's baby-blue eyes stare into mine. ‘
…
if she
was the right person for you, that is.'

My stomach starts krump dancing. It's been happening a lot lately and I don't know why.

One of her friends giggles. ‘Look, he's staring!'

‘Am not,' I say, dragging my eyes away.

By the time I reach the toilet my decision is made. I'm gonna have to break up with Ashleigh. I unzip in front of the trough, trying to think of what excuse to use. I'm leaning towards …
It's not you or me, it's
just the way things have to be
… when a hand grabs my shoulder from behind. It makes me jump, which affects my aim.

‘Hey!' I yell. My shoe just got wet.

‘Scare ya, mate?'

I can't see the face but I know the voice. It's Devo, Ashleigh's ex. He's older, bigger and richer than me, and everyone says he's still got a thing for Ash. She dumped him to go out with a real man. Not that I'll be telling him that while he's got his hand on my back and I'm facing the urinal.

‘Been looking for ya,' he says.

‘I'm a bit busy, mate. Can we talk later?'

‘We'll talk right now,' he says, squeezing my shoulder.

It hurts. ‘Fair enough.'

‘I can't believe Ashleigh chose you. She's smart, pretty and cool, and you're not.'

I'd like to argue but it's hard to feel tough when your fly's down.

He continues. ‘Now, I could be bitter about losing Ash and just beat you up. Or, even better, I could
threaten
to beat you up unless you break up with her.'

Yes! I might just be the luckiest bloke alive. Talk about a good excuse for dumping Ashleigh.

‘But I won't do that,' he says.

Darn! ‘Why not?' I ask.

‘Because I value her, man. Even though the best man lost, I'm going to respect her wishes and make sure she gets everything she wants.'

‘Oh.' My stomach
sinks. Why did I have to get th
e ex-boyfriend with a bleeding heart? Talk about a ri
p-off.

‘So, here's the deal.' He squeezes my shoulder again. This time it doesn't hurt. It kills. ‘If you hurt her, I'll hurt you.
Comprende
?'

I don't know what ‘
comprende
' means but I understand him perfectly. And I don't like it. ‘Yeah, yeah, I get it, Devo. Let go, will ya?'

‘Treat her right, or else.' He pushes me towards the trough and I reach out to stop myself from falling. Now my hands are all wet and slimy, too. Gross!

He leaves and I zip up my pants. Time for a change of plan.

*

Ash has saved me a seat so I slip into it and glance around the room. There are about ten girls and only two other boys.

One is super-nerd Kevin ‘Brains' McMahon. His idea of fun is a Friday night in front of an open book.

The other boy is … Kane!

What's he doing here? Last time I checked this wasn't the detention room. I should know, the detention room is practically my second home.

I make a face at him. He returns the favour. The librarian gets the ball rolling.

‘Welcome to the reading and writing group. I'm Mrs Randall and it's great to see some new faces in here today. Let's make them feel welcome.'

Everyone claps.

I smile, Ashleigh goes bright red, and Kane stands and bows. Typical.

‘We always like to ask our new members to tell us what their favourite books or authors are. Would you start please, Ashleigh?'

‘Ummm … My favourite author
is Isobelle Carmody, and I love The Hunger Games books
and
Chinese Cinderella.
'

She may as well have been speaking Chinese to me, but the other girls must know what she's on about because they murmur their approval.

‘Kane?'

This should be interesting.

‘Well, I like a lot of books,' he says. ‘But you probably wouldn't have heard of them.'

‘Why don't you try me? I am a librarian so I know a lot about literature,' she says, giving her shoulders a cocky little waggle.

‘Okay,'
he says. ‘I'd have to
say Ben Dover, Drew Blood
and Joe King are my all-time favourite authors. They're awesome.'

I snigger.

Mrs Randall looks puzzled. ‘Hmmm. You're right. I haven't heard of any of those writers.'

She looks at me. ‘And you, young man … What's your name again?'

‘Tony,' I answer.

‘Sorry. It's just that I can't remember seeing you in the library.'

She's right. I avoid the library as much as possible. Too many books.

‘Favourite authors?'

‘Yeah, well …' I pause. ‘For me, the best book writers are Holden Yabutt, Harry Beard, Paige Turner and Ivana Killya.'

The librarian shakes her head. ‘Gee whiz. I'll have to brush up on my reading. There are obviously lots of writers for teenage boys that I don't know about.'

Kane and I smirk at each other and I let him know the score with my fingers. I beat him four funny names to three.

‘All right, let's get started,' says Mrs Randall. ‘I have some very exciting news.'

A ripple goes around the room.

I wonder what it is? Perhaps we're going to have a bonfire party in the library.

She continues. ‘Today we're launching … the school poetry competition!'

A couple of girls say, ‘Coooool!' and Brains pumps his fist like he's Lleyton Hewitt.

‘This year's theme is “denial” and you can choose to write in any form.'

I didn't know poetry had form. Sounds like a football team.

‘We also have a well-known poet coming in to run a workshop with you, which means this group will have an advantage over the other students.'

A hand shoots up. ‘Who is it?'

‘Well – and this is very exciting – our guest poet is going to be Christine Bateson!'

‘Aww, excellent!' someone says.

A few other kids clap.

I whisper to Ashleigh, ‘Christine who?'

She shakes her head at me. ‘She's a well-known author who's won the Children's Book Award.'

‘Oh, right.' I didn't even know there
was
a children's book award.

‘All right,' says Mrs Randall. ‘I know you're all excited but quieten down, please.'

I'm excited all right. Even though I can't see it, I can smell pizza.

‘To get us
in the mood,' the librarian continues, ‘I'm going to read one of
the most famous poems in the world. Hopefully, it will inspi
re your own writing.'

No.

‘But first, courtesy of last term's fundraiser, we're going to have a free lunch.'

Yes!

A library monitor comes through the door carrying six boxes of pizza.

Mrs Randall looks at me. ‘One of the perks of being in this group is that we're allowed to eat in the library. Just try not to make a mess.'

I don't try. It comes naturally. There's supreme, Hawaiian and meatlovers. I decide to go with all three. While I eat as much as I can as fast I can, I get the low-down from Kane.

‘Thought you were on detention for writing in the girls' toilets?' I say.

‘Just a vicious rumour,' he replies.

‘Well, what are you doing
here
?'

He leans in close. ‘Notice how many girls are in this group? And the best thing is, not one of them has gone out with me.'

I have a chuckle as I pick off the olives. So that's what he's up to.

Since Kane burst through the puberty gate like a
bull, he's been popular with the popular chicks. In fact,
he's already gone out with most of them once, and
some of them more than once. Now he wants to
date a girl who doesn't know first-hand how sneaky and sly
he really is.

It's smart thinking. But I don't think it's going to work.

‘They're nerds, Kane. They're not interested in blokes. Not ones like me and you, anyway.'

He raises his eyebrows. ‘Speak for yourself, Rossy. Sometimes nerds are the wildest ones. You've just got to get them to take off their glasses.'

I wonder if he's right.

A grin jumps onto my face as I realise something. ‘Hey, you spread that detention rumour yourself, didn't you? So people wouldn't know you're hanging out in the library.'