Domination & Submission: The BDSM Relationship Handbook (47 page)

We should reiterate something here, which may or may
not be obvious to the casual reader, and that is simply that in this era,
husbands were expected to be Dominants, and wives were expected to be
submissives.  It was not then, nor is it now, a
value judgment of any
sort.
  It was simply a
fact of life.

In his letter to the Hebrews, Paul expounds upon the
subject of obedience:

Obey them that have the rule
over you, and submit yourselves: for they watch for your souls, as they that
must give account, that they may do it with joy, and not with grief: for that
is unprofitable for you.  (Hebrews 13:17)

Not only does Paul again encourage us to
submit,
but he goes into some detail on
why
we should do so in a fashion that
facilitates “those who have rule” over us.  First, they are held
accountable for what we do and second, if we make it a miserable experience for
them
, it always ends up hurting
us
in the long run.  In his
epistle to the Colossians, Paul expounds on the subject even further:

Wives, submit yourselves
unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.  Husbands, love your
wives, and be not bitter against them.  Children, obey your parents in all
things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord.  Fathers, provoke not
your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.  Servants, obey in all
things your masters according to the flesh; not with eyeservice,  as
menpleasers; but in singleness of heart, fearing God: And whatsoever ye do, do
it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men. (Colossians 3:18-23)

Finally, Paul admonishes the Masters, or heads of
households with servants, of Colossae to deal fairly with those who are under
their charge, and leaves them with a friendly reminder:

Masters, give unto your
servants that which is just and equal; knowing that ye also have a Master in
heaven. (Colossians 4:1)

Obviously, there is
no
shortage of passages
from the Old and New Testaments to support a religious foundation for a D/s
lifestyle.  The Bible
clearly
teaches that
submission to one
another
teaches us how to be submissive to God, and therefore should be
considered
a good thing.
It also teaches that husbands and masters are
expected to be just and fair, to honor those over whom they have charge, and
that they will be held accountable for their welfare.  That advice is just
as valuable today as it was two-thousand years ago.

D/s
Advice From the Master

The third authoritative resource that we should
consider in our examination of Christian doctrines as they pertain to a D/s
lifestyle should be the teachings and life of the
Master
himself,
Jesus
of Nazareth
.  Jesus was considered something of a
radical
in
his time for teaching doctrines that were considered heretical by the
established religious authorities.  A prime example would be the way Jesus
took existing religious doctrines, precepts as simple as
“Love thy neighbor
as thyself”
(Leviticus 19:18), and turned them on their heads to confound
the religious establishment.  Jesus taught, instead:

Ye have heard that it hath
been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy. But I say unto
you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate
you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you.  (Matthew
5: 43-44)

Jesus understood the power of
love
in
teaching, guiding, and overcoming obstacles to submission, such as pride or
arrogance.  British author Mary Cowden Clarke once wrote, “Fear may induce
the show of submission; but love only can truly subjugate a haughty
spirit.”  Among those whom Jesus taught were the twelve disciples, some of
whom were initially skeptical and headstrong.  Our modern usage of the
term
“doubting Thomas”
is a biblical reference to the Apostle Thomas, to
whom the divinity of Jesus had to be
proven
before he would believe
it.  Even so, Jesus won them over with
love
and so, too, will any
D/s relationship depend upon liberal helpings of it.

Another of Jesus’ unconventional doctrines concerned
his confrontational approach to the religious hypocrisy of the established
order, and resisting the temptation to share liberally with them the details of
a philosophy and lifestyle that they would never be able to understand. 
Though his
intent
was clearly focused upon the sharing of the
gospel
with
those who are incapable of appreciating it, his advice is probably just as
applicable
today
to those in the D/s culture who may be tempted to share
just a little too much of their lifestyle with their vanilla friends:

Give not that which is holy
unto the dogs, neither cast ye your pearls before swine, lest they trample them
under their feet, and turn again and rend you.  (Matthew 7:6)

Just as the Christian faith
isn’t for everyone
,
neither is the D/s lifestyle.  There will always be those who are simply
not
suited for it
, regardless of their religious affiliations or beliefs, or
even their professed devotion to the principles and tenets of a D/s
philosophy.  Not everyone who embarks upon a voyage of self-discovery into
the worlds of domination/submission or BDSM will find fulfillment or meaning
there.  Not everyone you encounter in the lifestyle will be as equally
committed to the same underlying philosophy or ethical constraints that you may
be.  In this lifestyle, as in
any
lifestyle, there will always be
pretenders and predators in seek of prey.  Even so, the
Master
explains how you can easily spot them:

Enter ye in at the strait gate: for wide is the gate, and
broad is the way, that leadeth to destruction, and many there be which go in
there at:  Because strait is the gate, and narrow is the way, which
leadeth unto life, and few there be that find it.  Beware of false
prophets, which come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravening
wolves. Ye shall know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes of thorns, or
figs of thistles? Even so, every good tree bringeth forth good fruit; but a
corrupt tree bringeth forth evil fruit.  (Matthew 7:13-17)

I shall leave it to your imagination and, of course,
to your particular life-circumstances to determine what those “fruits” -
be
they good or evil
- might
be.
  It should suffice to say that
there are usually some very good reasons why certain individuals are
shunned
or ignored
by others in the lifestyle.  When evaluating someone as a
potential D/s relationship partner, you would be well served to take note of
the fruits of their labors and the outcomes of their previous relationships.

Skepticism and reason should certainly be your
companions on any voyage of discovery towards a life of Domination/submission,
but one should never
underestimate the critical role of
faith
in
this journey.  By faith, I am not referring to
religious faith,
despite
the fact that it happens to be the subject of this chapter.  No, in this
instance, I mean
faith in the process, faith in your partner, and faith in
yourself.
   Jesus proved the critical importance of faith to his
disciples when he demonstrated to them that
he wasn’t the only one who could
perform miracles:

But the ship was now in the midst of the sea, tossed with
waves:  for the wind was contrary.  And in the fourth watch of the
night Jesus went unto them, walking on the sea.  And when the disciples
saw him walking on the sea, they were troubled, saying, It is a spirit; and
they cried out for fear.

But straightway Jesus spake unto them, saying, Be of good
cheer; it is I; be not afraid.  And Peter answered him and said, Lord, if
it be thou, bid me come unto thee on the water.

And he said, Come.  And
when Peter was come down out of the ship, he walked on the water, to go to
Jesus.  But when he saw the wind boisterous, he was afraid; and beginning
to sink,  he cried, saying, Lord, save me.  And immediately Jesus
stretched forth his hand, and caught him, and said unto him, O thou of little
faith, wherefore didst thou doubt?  (Matthew 14:24-31)

Many Christians are inexplicably
unaware
that
Jesus’ disciples were able to perform miracles in much the same fashion as
their Master.  This retelling of how Peter walked on water is just one of
many
examples chronicled in the scriptures. 

Because of his faith, not
just
in Jesus,
but
also his faith in himself
, Peter was able to walk upon the surface of the
sea just like Jesus.  When he became distracted and frightened by the wind
and the waves, his faith waned,
and he sank like a stone. 
What
miracles might
you
be able to accomplish through
your
faith as
you explore a relationship in this lifestyle?

I wrote this chapter hoping to fill a
void
for those of you who may have been concerned about potential conflicts between
your deeply held religious beliefs and your interest in a D/s or BDSM
lifestyle.  I chose the six most prevalent religions in America, and gave
you an admittedly
cursory
glimpse at their theologies in general before
attempting to
extrapolate
from that their perspectives on D/s and BDSM
in particular. 

I fully understand that writing on such matters is
an undertaking that is virtually guaranteed to satisfy
no one
and, in
fact, may even upset or
enrage
some readers.  If you happen to be
one who has been offended or outraged by my characterization of your religious
beliefs or by my conclusions, I would like to sincerely
apologize.
 
I am, after all,
not a theologian,
and no one can ever
truly
know
your religious beliefs and convictions like
you
do.  I can only
hope that what I have written on this particular topic has helped someone who
may have been praying for answers to some difficult questions.  At the
very least, I hope it will encourage others to ponder this lifestyle from a novel
perspective. 

I leave it to
you
to judge whether I have
succeeded in either endeavor.

“There
is no happiness where there is no wisdom;  No wisdom but in submission to
the gods.  Big words are always punished, and proud men in old age learn
to be wise.”

-
- Sophocles (497 BC - 406 BC)

I have never felt that there was, nor should there
be, any conflict between a person’s D/s lifestyle and his or her deeply held
religious beliefs and, for me, there never
has
been.  I’ve always
just assumed that this was probably because I’ve always been really
bad
at anything having to do with
guilt
, and have always been pretty
good
at compartmentalizing things in my own head, even if they happen to be
competing or contradictory notions. 

I subscribe to the idea that simultaneously
entertaining completely contradictory beliefs is a great way to give your brain
a good
workout
.  Blaise Pascal once said, “Contradiction is not a
sign of falsity, nor the lack of contradiction a sign of truth,” and I agree.

On the
other
hand, I have recently had an
epiphany which leads me to think that there may be
another
reason why
I’ve never been cognizant of any real divide that separates D/s and
religion.  The more I think about it, the more credible and profound the
notion becomes, at least in my own head.  Or, it could just be the
tequila
. 

Wherever
it came from,
this
was my epiphany:  Maybe, just
maybe
... 
D/s
is
my religion.

If that boggles
your
mind, just try being in
my
head sometime. 
Boggled
is pretty much my normal state.  Just
once, I’d like to know what it’s like to be
unboggled
. 
That
would be
cool
. 

If God exists, he’s
got
to be a Dom. 

If he
wasn’t
, he probably wouldn’t even have
been considered for the position.  The help-wanted ad probably read
something like:  “Seeking self-motivated self-starter with unparalleled
project management skills and who can work well without supervision.  Must
be willing to provide guidance and supervision to billions of
subordinates.  Limited opportunities for advancement, but plenty of perks
and recognition. 
Subbies need not apply.”

That last part
stings
, I know, and probably
violates all kinds of cosmic equal opportunity laws.  I’m guessing the
universe has a really
crappy
H.R. Director, but
hey
, that’s
not
my circus; not my monkey.

I think religion in general has unfairly gotten a
pretty bad rap.  Many people, when they see the word
religion
,
think
church. 
And let’s face it: There are a lot of crazy-ass
churches out there.  But the existence of stupid churches doesn’t make
religion
wrong any more than the existence of stupid algebra students makes
mathematics
wrong.

Let’s stop blaming God for
our
own
stupidity.

When we think of religion, we should think of the
unique
relationship
between us and God, and also between us and our
fellow human beings.  If God is a Dom, that makes him a teacher, guide,
and example.  Perhaps we are simply meant to
emulate
him, explore
that relationship that exists between us and him, and then try to
apply
those principles in our relationships with our fellow human beings. 

Monkey
see
, monkey
do
.  And, yes,
I realize that’s three
monkey
references in the last five minutes. 
I blame the
tequila
.

Perhaps D/s really is my religion.  It has but
one commandment, which is a slightly modified version of the Golden Rule: 

Dom unto others as you would have God Dom unto
you.