Doctors of Philosophy (2 page)

CATHERINE.
She rang and invited herself last night. Mrs. S., would you mind clearing away?

MRS. S
. Well, you’ll have to keep your eye on Charlie. Need I elaborate on the subject?

CATHERINE.
I’m not in a sociable mood this morning, Mrs. S., if you don’t mind.

MRS. S
. Have a fag.

She helps herself to a cigarette
.

Annie hasn’t got her Ph.D. like you and Leonora, has she?

CATHERINE
(examines a parcel which lies on a table)
. What’s this parcel?

MRS. S
. Annie hasn’t got her Ph.D. and that’s enough for me. Charlie wants watching with women that haven’t got their Ph.D’s. They go to his head.

CATHERINE.
What’s this parcel? It’s got ‘For Catherine’ written on it.

MRS. S
. Go on, open it. It’s Leonora’s birthday present. You made a mistake, Mrs. D., getting your Ph.D. as a girl and then getting married to another Ph.D. Go on, open it. It’s like what they do unnatural among families, the appropriate term escapes me.

CATHERINE.
Incest.

Puts the parcel on top of high book-shelf.

MRS. S.
Yes, shocking. And to put the lid on it you send young Daphne away to get done.

LEONORA
comes in.

With a house full of them, you better watch out for Charlie when Annie comes. He never feels out of pocket with Annie.

LEONORA.
Good morning, Catherine.

CATHERINE.
Good morning, Leonora.

LEONORA.
Good morning, Mrs. S.

MRS. S
. To continue the subject. I wouldn’t trust an eleven-plus never mind a Ph.D. Good morning, Leonora. Go and get some coffee while I finish settling the throw-outs with Mrs. D. It’s warming up on the stove.

LEONORA
goes out.

CATHERINE.
Well, let’s have a look, Mrs. S. Let’s just take our time.

MRS. S
. Perhaps as you say we’re in a bit of a hurry this morning. I’ll leave it for now and go and see what she’s doing with the coffee. She might bring it to a boil. Fatal.

CATHERINE.
No, stay here. Don’t go.

MRS. S
. takes the parcel down from the book-case and puts it back on the table
.

M
RS.
S. You don’t want to hurt Leonora’s feelings. Go on, open it.

CATHERINE.
No, I’m too busy just now.

M
RS.
S. I suppose it’s a bed-jacket. It doesn’t look like a book, I say it doesn’t feel like a book, Mrs. D., it feels like a frilly ladies’ bed-jacket, or a nightdress. It might be a quilted nylon—

LEONORA
returns with the coffee on a tray.

MRS. S
. There was iced coffee if you wanted it, but you didn’t say. Go on, Mrs. D., open it.

CATHERINE.
I’m too busy just now. I’ll open it this afternoon when I have my birthday. Did you sleep well, Leonora?

L
EONORA.
Yes, what’s the matter?

LEONORA
puts the parcel back on the book-case.

MRS. S
. I’ll take this lot out of the way.

CATHERINE.
No, Mrs. S., I always like to make time for you during the holidays and show consideration. Leonora, Mrs. S. and I have been having a deep chat. Daphne will be here before lunch. Annie’s coming today, did I tell you Annie was coming, Leonora? Charlie had to rush off for some reason. Mrs. S. has discovered a delightful vest amongst these old clothes.

MRS. S
.
places the carton aside.

MRS. S
. Oh no, Mrs. D., oh no. If you’re going to come to a climax, this is no place for me. After six years going on seven in an academic household I’ve learned to preserve my detachment and scholarly calm on the other side of the door.

She goes out.

LEONORA.
Want some?

CATHERINE.
Yes, if it’s hot.

LEONORA
gives
CATHERINE
her coffee and opens the newspaper.

Of course, Leonora, the news is vitally absorbing today. I’ve only had time to look at the headlines myself, but they look too exciting for words — ‘Three Turkish Leaders Arrested’, ‘I Withdraw Ban, says Bishop’, ‘Car Crash Death Toll’, ‘Warning to West’. Whatever shall we be hearing next?

L
EONORA.
What’s wrong?

CATHERINE.
Nothing. I feel a bit intense because it’s my birthday. Shifting it from last week to this was a great mistake. L
EONORA.
There’s a little something from me in that parcel up there.

CATHERINE.
I’m going to open it later, Leonora, when I’ve more time to enjoy the surprise. I thought it would be nice when Daphne comes and we can cut the cake. Annie’s coming too. Did you know Annie was coming?

LEONORA.
Yes, I took the telephone call last night.

CATHERINE.
So you did. We’ll be quite a family, Leonora. Did you happen to hear a noise in the night by any chance?

LEONORA.
No, why? Have you been burgled?

CATHERINE.
Oh, I forgot actually to thank you for your present, Leonora. I mean, of course I intend to thank you properly when I open it. But thank you now, in advance. Thank you very much indeed, it’s sweet of you to remember. Charlie had to rush off, what a pity.

LEONORA.
Pull yourself together, Catherine.

CATHERINE.
I think I’m more together than you are. Were you disturbed by anything at ten past one this morning? Did you get up for any reason?

LEONORA.
No. Why?

CATHERINE.
Charlie fell asleep at his work. He had a peculiar dream, a dream.

L
EONORA.
What makes you think I would be disturbed by Charlie’s dreams? Did he call out?

CATHERINE.
No, he didn’t. That’s what I can’t make out, because you entered into his dream.

L
EONORA.
I’m not responsible for Charlie’s dreams.

CATHERINE.
He was accosted. I thought perhaps it might not have been a dream. But I see now that it was a dream. I apologise.

L
EONORA.
I accept your apology.

CATHERINE.
It seems odd that you should accept an apology for an offence of which you don’t know the nature or the details.

LEONORA.
I can imagine the nature and the details.

CATHERINE.
It must console you in the absence of the reality.

LEONORA.
Catherine, do you think I’ve never had an opportunity to sleep with a man?

CATHERINE.
Not for a long time.

L
EONORA.
Why do you think so?

CATHERINE.
Because of your manner and expression.

L
EONORA.
You’re in no position to judge on that point. Obviously, my manner and expression would be very different if I were about to sleep with a man from what they are sitting here drinking warmed-up coffee with you.

CATHERINE.
A woman of opportunities wears a certain manner and expression all the time, Leonora. I don’t say you look your age, it’s just the manner and—

L
EONORA.
I’m not yet old enough to look my age. I could still bear a child.

CATHERINE
. I see.

L
EONORA.
If I should wish to do so.

CATHERINE.
You need more than the wish.

L
EONORA.
I’m speaking theoretically.

CATHERINE.
So am I, because you would need the man. Or a test-tube if you didn’t want to change your manner and expression.

L
EONORA.
I think you’re absolutely vile.

MRS. S
. comes in to remove the tray.

MRS. S
. Flowers for Annie. How long’s Annie going to stop for? My feet won’t stand it. I hope this is the last lot that comes to the door.

CATHERINE.
A fortnight I expect.

MRS.
S. She’ll be out on the canal with Charlie, wait and see. Dressed in her clothes. He’ll linger out there with her all afternoon, showing a bad example.

CATHERINE.
He can linger all night with her if he likes.

MRS. S
. How long’s Leonora going to stop for?

LEONORA.
I’m leaving right away, Mrs. S.

CATHERINE.
No, Leonora, you are not leaving right away. I’m upset.

MRS. S
. Let me know when you’ve worked it out because of the lunch.

Goes out.

CATHERINE.
You mustn’t leave, Leonora. I apologise.

L
EONORA.
I reject your apology.

CATHERINE.
Did you come down here in the night and ask Charlie to give you a child?

L
EONORA.
No.

CATHERINE.
He says you did.

L
EONORA.
He must have had a dream. It’s very sensational. I crave to hear more.

CATHERINE.
Leonora, sometimes you bring out the very worst in me.

L
EONORA.
I think you must be right.

CATHERINE.
Charlie is convinced that it happened. He thinks you must be suffering from a nervous disorder. It was embarrassing for Charlie.

L
EONORA.
It’s embarrassing for me.

MRS. S.
puts her head round the door.

MRS. S
. Daphne’s boy friend on the ’phone. Coming this afternoon.

CATHERINE.
Did he want to speak to me?

MRS. S
. No, he wanted not to speak to you.

(Withdraws.)

CATHERINE.
Daphne’s boy friend is rather shy. He’s called Charlie and we call him young Charlie to distinguish him from Charlie.

LEONORA.
What does he do?

CATHERINE.
Nuclear physics. He’s just finished his postgraduate course and got a job, it’s very hush-hush.

L
EONORA.
Is it a serious affair?

CATHERINE.
I incline to think so. There have been several. But of course she must wait till she’s got her degree.

L
EONORA.
That would be a pity. She ought to get married soon.

CATHERINE.
You spoke very differently when I got married to Charlie. You opposed it.

L
EONORA.
You were a first-rate scholar. Daphne is no scholar at all. If she’s in love with the man, she’ll have a settled married life. She might take a job in a grammar school. There will be no conflict, as there is in your case.

CATHERINE.
I have a satisfactory married life as married lives go. You know nothing of married life.

L
EONORA.
What about your intellectual life?

CATHERINE.
It’s satisfied by teaching at the Grammar School.

L
EONORA.
I don’t believe it.

CATHERINE.
Why not?

L
EONORA.
When you come up to visit me in college you have a hankering look. I feel sorry for you at those times. I think perhaps it stabs you — the knowledge that you had it in you to become a distinguished scholar — and have become merely the mother of an average student and the wife of a second-class scholar.

CATHERINE.
You needn’t feel sorry for me. Charlie’s one of the best economists in the country.

L
EONORA.
That doesn’t prove him to be a first-class one.

CATHERINE.
Your standards were always too high, Leonora. Reality forces one to lower one’s standards. In your remote life you know nothing of reality.

L
EONORA.
I think you hanker after my remote life. I think you desire a form of reality where your standards can be high without discomfort.

CATHERINE.
I might return to scholarship one day.

L
EONORA.
After all these years? A scholar needs continuity, Catherine.

CATHERINE.
I haven’t been entirely idle for all these years. I could pick up the threads if I should wish.

L
EONORA.
You need more than the wish, you need the capacity.

CATHERINE.
What makes you think I haven’t got the capacity?

L
EONORA.
Your manner and expression.

CATHERINE.
If I sat down to study a subject, Leonora, I would have a studious look. Naturally I don’t look the scholar when I’m running the house and running Charlie and correcting the fourth-form homework.

L
EONORA.
A woman of intellectual capacity has a certain manner and expression all the time. They are the manner and expression of detachment, and you can’t pick them up overnight.

CATHERINE.
I wouldn’t want to pick them up at all. I like to please men. Do you think it pleases a man when he looks into a woman’s eyes and sees a reflection of the British Museum Reading Room? I don’t envy your expression and your manner.

LEONORA.
I think you do. Sometimes you look at me like a jealous woman.