After putting on my coat, I turned
around and hugged Shepard close to me.
I knew that I had certain thoughts about
him, but at this moment, I could not be
more thankful he was here. Perhaps Doc
knew something about him that I failed to
recognize. Shepard is a good person; I
don’t blame Doc for taking a shine to
him too.
“Thank you for being here,” I
whispered in his ear.
“I will always be here for you,
Violet.”
With that, he innocently laced his
fingers in mine, and led me to his car.
Opening the door for me, he paused.
“You will get through this; you’re
not alone.” Then he shut the door.
Arriving at the auditorium, the
Dean and the President sat at a long row
of tables on the stage. Assistants,
adjuncts, and other professors were
milling about, waiting for instructions.
Jack
was
already
waiting
and
immediately made a beeline towards
Shepard and me. His hug knocked me off
balance by force of impact.
“Vy, I am so glad to see you. I am
sorry I left. I shouldn’t have.”
His eyes misted up and his face
grew pained. His partner Adam was
behind him, rubbing his shoulders and
murmuring words of comfort.
“It’s okay, Jack. Shepard has been
helping me.” I tried to sound strong so
Jack wouldn’t feel guilty. I heard Adam
behind Jack whisper, “I bet he has…”
We both turned around and laughed,
which made Shepard blush. Apparently,
Adam was not quiet enough. A playful
moment came over me where I turned to
Shepard
and
wrapped
my
body
seductively around him, holding his chin
while facing Jack and Adam.
“Really, boys, who would turn this
down?” I then kissed his cheek before
stepping back.
My actions caused every person in
the vicinity to stop what they were doing
and look at me as if I had officially lost
my mind, except for Shepard who smiled
from ear to ear. I ignored the glances and
relished the opportunity to make
everyone laugh in such a dark moment.
The joyous feeling we stole quickly
dissipated as one of the faculty members
with a clipboard approached Jack and
me.
“We need to see you two
immediately; you are being summoned to
speak and you need to prepare your
speech.”
Her tone was clipped and overtly
authoritative for such an occasion. I
understood the importance of being
organized, but this was really too much.
I looked over to Jack who was just as
displeased. This wasn’t us – who we
were in this place. We all appreciated
the anonymity of working in a lab and
not with the public, and here we were
about to be placed under the bright lights
like some curious specimen.
“Can we just say no?” I asked the
woman.
Flustered, she stared at us from
above the frames of her glasses as she
looked down.
“You are free to do anything you
wish, but you both knew him best. Why
would you want someone else to speak
on his behalf?”
She walked away as soon as the
statement was made. She was right. Doc
would be pissed at us to know we
copped out. This is what people needed
to make sense of the tragedy. They
needed some formal way of making
peace with the questionable. He was a
vital part of the university; his work
brought in a great deal of funding and
changed so many lives. He changed our
lives. The least he deserved was a few
words of pre-written kindness.
I tilted my head towards the table
and linked arms with Jack. Adam
walked next to Shepard and joked, “I
will take care of him.”
Shepard immediately sidestepped
and looked at me fearfully, causing Jack
and me to roar up with laughter again. I
broke my link to Jack and stood in front
of Shepard. Placing my arms around his
neck, I whispered into his ear.
“He’s harmless – I promise. He
knows you’re on my team.”
I winked at Shepard and scrunched
my face at Adam.
“Play nice, boys. We will be back
soon.”
Jack and I shared one more smile
before heading down the long aisle to
the stage. People were starting to filter
in for the ceremony, although it was still
an hour away. A flurry of activity began
as soon as we approached the
President’s
table. Assistants
were
already asking us questions to write into
a short summary on our behalf. It quickly
became too much and I raised my hands
while closing my eyes.
I shouted, “Stop!”, and then opened
my eyes to a few quiet faces.
“I can do this on my own. I do not
need coaching. Please let me just speak
from my heart – not some piece of
paper.” I glanced over at the President
and Dean who were watching me
carefully.
They
both
nodded
in
agreement and I replied with a mouthed
“thank you.”
The woman who first approached
Jack and me earlier headed towards us
and simply said, “You will be the fifth
and sixth speakers, so stay here on the
stage when it begins. You will need to
be here the whole time.”
I looked out into the auditorium
towards Shepard and Adam who looked
comfortable together. Shepard leaned in
towards him as he spoke. Noticing me
looking in his direction, he smiled
brilliantly, offering me what assurance
he could. Before I could stop myself, I
kissed my fingertips. My heart started to
race at what I just did. I turned to Jack
who looked just as shocked.
“You have some explaining to do,
missy. What was that?”
Looking back to Shepard, he
seemed not bothered at all – almost as if
he failed to notice. I seriously hoped he
did. I really was losing my mind.
The entire room crowded with
bodies,
including
people
standing
against the walls. So many arrived, they
had to create an overflow room with a
screen set up. It was overwhelming to
see how many people cared about the
man who seemed so hermetic. I wonder
if he knew or even cared. He must have;
there was no way he didn’t. He was so
concerned about me being alone the last
time we talked.
Everything started to grow hazy
with vertigo setting in. I could feel
myself struggling to catch air. Jack was
grabbing my arm, shaking me gently.
“Violet, Violet, what’s wrong? Are
you sick? Talk to me!” His tone was
growing frantic.
I shook my head and put it between
my knees for a moment. He handed me a
bottle of water that I sipped slowly
while he rubbed my shoulders. I turned
to see Shepard about to bolt out of his
seat towards me. Jack must have seen
him, too, because his hand went up to
stop him and gave him a thumbs up.
No
sooner
had
I
regained
composure than, my turn was next. I
walked slowly towards the podium,
looking around at the massive yet
subdued crowd. Leaning close to the
microphone, I took a chance of being too
quiet rather than too loud and backed up
a bit. Clearing my throat, I heard the
noise echo. I held my breath deep in my
lungs before slowly exhaling. It’s hard
trying to think of the right thing to say –
what people need to hear.
Chapter 3 - The
Open Door
I felt so small in the sea of people.
Feeling their focus on me as I scanned
the flickering lights, I closed my eyes
and imagined what Doc would have
wanted.
“My name is Violet Phillips and I
am Dr. David Robertson’s lead research
assistant. Dr. Robertson was the most
intelligent man I have ever known. His
mind operated with laser precision with
no detail left unnoticed. Some may have
seen a bit of a brute as he was no
nonsense, yet no one could deny his
kindness and generosity. For the past
fifteen years, he had worked diligently to
build the genetics program here at the
University of Cincinnati into the state of
the art laboratory it had become.
Groundbreaking discoveries have taken
place on this campus, thanks to the man
we are celebrating tonight. Several of
you have personally been impacted by
his life’s work, which is why you are
here now. I know he would be humbled
by your presence. Thank you.”
I slowly turned and walked back
towards Jack who had met me halfway
to give me a hug. Shepard proudly
smiled at me and then redirected his
attention to Jack. I must have been
staring for a while because fingers
snapped behind my head, followed by
snickering.
“What?”
“Don’t what me, Vy!”
I spun around to give Jack a stern
look but couldn’t hold it with his bright
grin. I hadn’t even noticed he finished
his speech.
“I want you and Shepard to come
over for dinner after we leave here. I
want to get to know who makes you act
like this.”
I rolled my eyes, trying to play it
off. Was I really being that obvious? I
was supposed to be grieving, not
growing a crush on my neighbor’s kid.
“Something is seriously wrong with
me, Jack…” My shoulders started to
shake as I wept.
Pulling a tissue from his jacket
pocket and handing it to me, he started to
laugh quietly. “If someone has the ability
to make you glow in the darkness, they
must be remarkable. That does not mean
there is something wrong with you. It
means there is something right. Only you
would believe the worst.”
I smiled at him and then looked
back to Shepard, but he was gone.
Frantically, I looked around the aisles by
where he was sitting, but it was vacant.
“Looking for someone?” his voice
said behind me. I turned around in my
seat to see Shepard’s beautiful blue eyes
taking me in.
“You’re not supposed to be here,” I
whispered, giving a mischievous smile
when I caught the sour woman giving her
look of disapproval.
Leaning in closer to me, Shepard
replied, “Do you really want me to
leave?”
Reflexively, I grabbed his arm.
“No, stay, please.” He looked down at
my hand and then back at me, which
caused me to quickly snap it back. “I’m
sorry; I don’t know what’s wrong with
me lately.” Nervous, I pulled my lip in
between my teeth and bit down to focus,
but it didn’t work.
Shepard laced his warm fingers
through mine and pulled them into his
lap, absentmindedly stroking with his
thumb, back and forth. A rush of calm
poured over me as I concentrated on the
feeling. He was paying attention to the
next speaker as if his actions were
normal, which they were. This is what
people did to comfort one another; they
offered their presence.
We headed back to Jack’s house for
dinner after the ceremony ended.
Shepard was more than happy to accept
the invitation. Being ever the gentleman,
he stood behind me to remove my coat
and asked Jack and Adam if they needed
any help. It was nice to hear laughter
coming from the kitchen as the men got
to know each other. I closed my eyes for
a bit, feeling the warmth of the fireplace
on my skin. I lay there, slipping in and
out of an empty dream, trying to forget
my last night here.
I didn’t know how long I was out,
but a small fleece blanket was draped
over my shoulders in the now darkened
room. Quiet murmurings came from the
dining area, too low to be discerned
through the down tempo music playing.